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Old 04-14-2011, 02:49 AM   #61
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My SIL has been married 3 times. Buried all three of them. Who wants to be next?

DW & I have been married for, let's see 2011-1977=34 (can't be, I don't feel that old) years. If something was to happen to DW, I might consider cohabiting with another female, marriage or not. However, here in the Frozen North, if you live with her a year, the gobmint says you are/were married for all financial purposes. One way or another, a guy is screwed.
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Old 04-14-2011, 06:36 AM   #62
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So many people cheat or start a new relationship thinking life will be good as long as they find "the right person". Yet when the initial hormone high wears off and the daily drudgery takes its toll, their new relationship often becomes unsatisfactory too.
I have seen this many times as well

Funny story, we were with two other couples, all of us married over 35 years. Another of our friends had recently gotten divorced and both were in new "head over heels" relationships. I casually mentioned how I could not imagine being intimate with another man after 40 years in a monogamous relationship. The women seemed to totally understand, but the men, they had this look on their face, like are you crazy?
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Old 04-14-2011, 08:16 AM   #63
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However, here in the Frozen North, if you live with her a year, the gobmint says you are/were married for all financial purposes. One way or another, a guy is screwed.
Not just the guy. The gal is screwed also.
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Old 04-14-2011, 09:03 AM   #64
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Right, and this is as likely as a snowstorm in Miami on July 4!

My tango partner was telling me today that another woman friend of hers landed a tango partner, but "she isn't satisfied because he doesn't have that classic Argentine style." This is really funny because her friend looks about like Ma Kettle. If anybody is willing to dance with her she should light some candles in his honor. All I can say for a lot of these gals is they owe their comfort to whoever invented the vibrator.

Ha

Ha,

Bizarre thinking is not uncommon, even in men. This reminds me of a conversation at a dance the other night.

A guy who's trim, very fit, and a great dancer, used to date/hang out with a gal (who's also trim, very fit, and a great dancer). They are both in their early 50s. She used to be in the Olympics for bicycling. She has maintained her trimness and fitness, as she still rides, roller blades, skis, works out, etc. The two of them were longtime buddies, as they shared a multitude of activities and interests. After a long time of dating, he stated that she wasn't tall enough for him, so they could not possibly get married...so he broke off the relationship. (For the record, he's 6' tall and she's 5'6".) WTF?

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Old 04-14-2011, 09:37 AM   #65
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The two of them were longtime buddies, as they shared a multitude of activities and interests. After a long time of dating, he stated that she wasn't tall enough for him, so they could not possibly get married...so he broke off the relationship. (For the record, he's 6' tall and she's 5'6".) WTF?

omni
That sounds like he was just looking for an excuse to get out of the relationship. Or he's really, really shallow.

I have a friend who is mid 30's and single. She'd love to find someone but her first criteria is that he be at least 6' since she is 5'10". Right there she's eliminated a large chunk of the male population.
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Old 04-14-2011, 10:23 AM   #66
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A few comments on all the newer posts....


You do NOT have to get remarried... there is living together... or even not living together and being together as a couple... many varieties of relationships...

The problem comes when one wants marriage and the other just FWB... or even a few FWB...


I am surprised that you are considered married if you live together for one year in the frozen North.... here, you have to present yourself as 'married'... IOW, if you keep everything separate etc. etc. and do not tell people you are married... then you are not... if you act married, and tell everybody you are... then you are according to the law... it does not take a years time.... you could do it quickly....
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Old 04-14-2011, 10:36 AM   #67
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Married once for 20 years after a 5 year engagement. Widowed.

Lived together and engaged (his idea, a serial marrier) 3.5 years in a 4.5 year relationship. My mistake was to be that serious with the wrong person, with me on a widow's rebound. A very good lesson learned for me. C'est la vie.

Living together now with occasional discussion of marriage in a very casual manner, i.e. way down the road. No rush on either part. We are both happy with the current arrangement.
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Old 04-14-2011, 11:38 AM   #68
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Ha,

Bizarre thinking is not uncommon, even in men. This reminds me of a conversation at a dance the other night.

A guy who's trim, very fit, and a great dancer, used to date/hang out with a gal (who's also trim, very fit, and a great dancer). They are both in their early 50s. She used to be in the Olympics for bicycling. She has maintained her trimness and fitness, as she still rides, roller blades, skis, works out, etc. The two of them were longtime buddies, as they shared a multitude of activities and interests. After a long time of dating, he stated that she wasn't tall enough for him, so they could not possibly get married...so he broke off the relationship. (For the record, he's 6' tall and she's 5'6".) WTF?

omni
Agree-WTF. Maybe he somehow thought that this was a more easily accepted excuse than whatever was really on his mind- like maybe he had never had any intention of considering marriage, and he just didn't want her to realize that she had been strung along all the time.

But I do realize that many men, perhaps especially men in dance comunities, think that they are demi-gods. A lot of delusion out there on both sides of the room!

Ha
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Old 04-14-2011, 12:28 PM   #69
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Living together now with occasional discussion of marriage in a very casual manner, i.e. way down the road. No rush on either part. We are both happy with the current arrangement.
Most men would be ok with your arrangement.......... I tried to, but couldn't talk my girlfriend at the time (now DW) into it..........
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Old 04-14-2011, 01:22 PM   #70
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After a long time of dating, he stated that she wasn't tall enough for him, so they could not possibly get married...so he broke off the relationship. (For the record, he's 6' tall and she's 5'6".) WTF?
WTF indeed.

There is of course the possibility that he has a fetish for tall girls.

I'm somewhat afflicted with the opposite: as a tall person, I find tiny women particularly adorable.
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Old 04-14-2011, 07:38 PM   #71
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Most men would be ok with your arrangement..........
I tried to, but couldn't talk my girlfriend at the time (now DW) into it..........
Funny thing is...I'm the foot-dragger when it comes to matrimony. Hell I was engaged for 5 years for my first and only marriage. But my husband stuck it out and waited until I was ready for the wedding march at age 25. He was 30.

Mr B will be 60 in August and I will be 53 in September. He relishes the kudos the guys give him for "robbing the cradle". I prefer older men, i.e. I don't like to babysit. <dodges a rotten tomato>

I am past giving a damn about what people think. As if I ever did...
But I think he wants to get married more than I want to. I have to admit that I like that. However, I am off limits until I turn 55 due to federal survivor benefits rules. Heeheee...
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Old 04-14-2011, 07:43 PM   #72
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WTF indeed.

There is of course the possibility that he has a fetish for tall girls.

I'm somewhat afflicted with the opposite: as a tall person, I find tiny women particularly adorable.
Regardless of his possible fetish for tall girls, etc. My contention is...her height was obvious from the get-go (and didn't change)...unlike some other characteristics which may not initially be obvious or may change over time.

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Old 04-14-2011, 07:49 PM   #73
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What goes through my mind with this thread...I don't think many men could afford a couple divorces and expect to ER or retire at all, (unless financially independant already...and then maybe not). I have seen this in some of my friends and would not want to be in their shoes. Women can have a few divorces under their belt since the legal system is still set up in their favor.

I don't have a clue why people, (mainly men), would marry over and over other than love is blinding and all logic goes out the door.

Financial independance and divorces do not correlate unless it is amongst movie stars and CEO's.
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Old 04-14-2011, 08:01 PM   #74
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Funny thing is...I'm the foot-dragger when it comes to matrimony. Hell I was engaged for 5 years for my first and only marriage. But my husband stuck it out and waited until I was ready for the wedding march at age 25. He was 30.

Mr B will be 60 in August and I will be 53 in September. He relishes the kudos the guys give him for "robbing the cradle". I prefer older men, i.e. I don't like to babysit. <dodges a rotten tomato>

I am past giving a damn about what people think. As if I ever did...
But I think he wants to get married more than I want to. I have to admit that I like that. However, I am off limits until I turn 55 due to federal survivor benefits rules. Heeheee...
I was the foot-dragger on getting married, finally agreed because I had no insurance as a grad student.

I tend to like them younger.

Guess I could be 'a catch' as I have great med insurance & a decent pension.
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Old 04-14-2011, 08:17 PM   #75
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I have never been married and intend to stay that way. I have no idea why some people marry over and over.
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Anyone here want to venture an opinion--or have you found some actual data--on why some people marry over and over again? I'm talking like 5 times or more.
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Old 04-14-2011, 08:26 PM   #76
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My SIL has been married 3 times. Buried all three of them. Who wants to be next?

DW & I have been married for, let's see 2011-1977=34 (can't be, I don't feel that old) years. If something was to happen to DW, I might consider cohabiting with another female, marriage or not. However, here in the Frozen North, if you live with her a year, the gobmint says you are/were married for all financial purposes. One way or another, a guy is screwed.
Is she rich? I would mind dying of a rich man.

I've been married and divorced twice and I don't believe that third times will be charm. Only way I'm gonna married again is to a woman who has ton of money, much younger than me, and who worships me as though I couldn't do no wrong.
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Old 04-14-2011, 08:32 PM   #77
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What goes through my mind with this thread...I don't think many men could afford a couple divorces and expect to ER or retire at all, (unless financially independant already...and then maybe not). I have seen this in some of my friends and would not want to be in their shoes. Women can have a few divorces under their belt since the legal system is still set up in their favor.

I don't have a clue why people, (mainly men), would marry over and over other than love is blinding and all logic goes out the door.

Financial independance and divorces do not correlate unless it is amongst movie stars and CEO's.
Have we met? For the first time, I got married to my college sweetheart but we grew apart. And the second time was out of loneliness which was a big mistake. During the marriage, I wished I was alone. Anyhow, I kept pushing my ER back at least 5 to 7 years with each divorce. If I get married again other than to a rich woman, I won't be able to retire until I'm 86 years old.
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Old 04-14-2011, 11:00 PM   #78
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Financial independance and divorces do not correlate unless it is amongst movie stars and CEO's.
This is certainly true. Young men get crazy and want to marry the woman they have fallen in love with in hopes that this will keep her from sleeping with other men. Most men do not realize that this for the most part means they also do not sleep with other women, at least in America.

Older saner men should realize that this is hardly a worthwhile goal, as they couldn't tell one way or the other whether she had or had not, and with a little time in grade would hardly care.

People often assume, I won't be one who gets divorced, forgetting that marriage is an AND operation, but divorce is an OR.

I say if a man wants to do something that can cut his net worth by 50% or more, at least make it something that has an even better chance of doubling it.


By the way, isn't that head pounding emoticon almost too good?

Ha
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Old 04-15-2011, 10:37 AM   #79
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This is certainly true. Young men get crazy and want to marry the woman they have fallen in love with in hopes that this will keep her from sleeping with other men. Most men do not realize that this for the most part means they also do not sleep with other women, at least in America.
Ha you hit it on the head, pure genius!!!!
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Old 04-19-2011, 09:43 AM   #80
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There is an aspect of affordability. Liz Taylor, Larry King, Johnny Carson all did it multiple times partly because they could afford it. Of course the Hollywood life style tends to make fidelity harder.
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