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Our friend daughter’s wedding last night ...
Old 06-24-2018, 07:09 AM   #1
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Our friend daughter’s wedding last night ...

The Deacon said the church, a five minute drive away from home, was the oldest here in Pa. It wasn’t fancy by any means: large stained glass windows simple white plaster walls and a beautiful altar. The Deacon a tall friendly fellow was a bit chatty and read some touching lyrics from a 50s song and the ceremony was very nice, albeit a bit long for a few of us. (I get antsy after 15 minutes sitting do anything other than programming which can make the hours slip away so I am no gauge). The dress, for those who care, met the RayinPenn standard, not too crazy but, it did have its share of pearl beads. The Mrs informed me that those were all hand sown thus making the dress expensive “that isn’t a $1,000 dress”. Which left me wondering well then just how much did it cost? I am not apologetic in that I have no sense of fashion and am perpetually in comfortable shorts or jeans and a Tee shirt. The sports jacket I wore was purchased more than a decade ago.

The reception was in a beautiful building in a very ritzy nearby town a with lots of windows that showed off the grounds green space and the water features. There was a DJ spinning music of us ‘oldsters’ Frank Sinatra, and 60, 70s stuff and I loved it. Later it became the music of the married couples generation that extolled the virtues of a woman with a big butt. Im sure the brides Dad had a hand in the beginning music “if i am paying Ill hear some stuff I enjoy”. The food was superb and my 2 glasses of red merlot excellent. All in a great night oh and the Mrs got to dance... whooppee. Yeah you may appropriately call me a fuddy duddy.

I recognize that It isn’t my business but I estimate the cost of the shindig to be easily $40,000. Flowers, 200 people @ 125 a plate, Bus to carry the bridal party to a fro, wedding dress, dress for Mom, tux for dad, photographer etc. I am pondering all this because my daughter and her long term boyfriend are out of college a year and successfully pursuing two reasonably lucrative careers. So my time grows near. Ive told the daughter Ill give you $x (its a large sum) use it on a house, wedding whatever but after you get that we are done. Well at least for a while.

A starter home within reasonable commuting range to their respective works will be minimum $350,000. It will be interesting how they decide to spend the money. $45,000 for five hours I just dont know.
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Old 06-24-2018, 09:15 AM   #2
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Hey Ray
It is a once in a lifetime event (one hopes). $45k for a lifetime of happiness.

We have good friends who spent $50k. So far so good. Me I had two sons. We did contribute to both picking up the bar tab. It would have been cheaper if all the guests were like you...
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Old 06-24-2018, 09:54 AM   #3
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Also, a big chunk of the money is transferred back to the newlyweds in the form of gifts. DW and I just attended a wedding that was probably similar cost. We gave $150 worth of gifts. If everybody did that at the wedding the OP attended, that's $15K going back to the couple.
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Old 06-24-2018, 09:55 AM   #4
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To each, his/her own. It's a matter of how one chooses to spend their $$. OTH, if pricey weddings correlated with happy marriages, the divorce rate should be much lower than it is.

Personally, I don't believe that parents are at all obligated to fund their sons/daughters nuptials and that we only owe our kids a decent upbringing and a start in life.
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Old 06-24-2018, 10:00 AM   #5
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I've heard of no correlation between success of marriage and price of the wedding day. Personally, I think that a couple that got married by the JotP is just as likely to be happily married later as the couple that spends a million on their wedding day. My sister's wedding day cost less than $5k (14 years ago anyway). A friend's second wedding cost ~$30k. Bride and groom at both seemed just as happy to me.

To each their own though. If I ever had kids, I hope they'd know that I wouldn't fund an extravagant wedding for them though.
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Old 06-24-2018, 10:04 AM   #6
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To each, his/her own. It's a matter of how one chooses to spend their $$. OTH, if pricey weddings correlated with happy marriages, the divorce rate should be much lower than it is.

Personally, I don't believe that parents are at all obligated to fund their sons/daughters nuptials and that we only owe our kids a decent upbringing and a start in life.

Spot on !
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Old 06-24-2018, 10:09 AM   #7
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Old 06-24-2018, 10:17 AM   #8
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It's a transfer of wealth, I believe. Our wedding 30 years ago cost less than $2500. I think F-i-l was very grateful. We became very close for many reasons beyond a wedding.
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Old 06-24-2018, 11:19 AM   #9
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It is a memory. Our daughter always wanted a destination wedding at a high end resort. They had been living together for six years and had a 2 year old son. We specifically told the guests that wedding gifts were not expected. The JP came to their home and did the legal ceremony at their kitchen table. They had a second, more formal, ceremony overlooking the beach.

So that is what she/they got. We picked up the tab. It was certainly less than it would have been had they been married at home.
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Old 06-24-2018, 11:27 AM   #10
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DD's wedding this last April in a rented venue with 100+ people, catered BBQ buffet, open beer and wine bar, DJ, etc, etc cost right at $20K. The new couple spent $5K on the honeymoon. We, and family and friends, had a great time.

She's a great young woman and I'm a proud Dad. Plus, she landed a great hubby! Glad she waited 38 years to marry.
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Old 06-24-2018, 11:29 AM   #11
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I'd be more inclined to say "To each their own" if the Wedding Industrial Complex (tm) wasn't such a rip-off.

It's just one day, and people seem to focus on the wedding, and not the marriage. After 21 years DH and I have thousands of memories that count for a lot more.
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Old 06-24-2018, 11:33 AM   #12
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As far as I can tell, our upcoming wedding with 30 to 40 guests should be around 12 grand.
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Old 06-24-2018, 11:43 AM   #13
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As far as I can tell, our upcoming wedding with 30 to 40 guests should be around 12 grand.
It can be as much as you want to spend (LOL)
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Old 06-24-2018, 11:55 AM   #14
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Yeah Baby!
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Old 06-24-2018, 12:07 PM   #15
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Been married 33 years this August. We had a great wedding, 200 people, but wholesale liquor, food and my mom cooked a bunch. Had the hall cheap because my brother was a caterer. He got everything for a fraction of the real cost. I consider ourselves lucky.

If I was given the choice today, say my parents were well to do and they offered me $50,000 wedding or $50,000 cash, WOW no question there! I'd take the cash and run. I'd send a social type message to all loved ones with a picture of me and my DH on a beach holding champagne glasses..."Guess what we did, got married!" Take that money and put a nice downpayment on a house, or pay off debts. Done!
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Old 06-24-2018, 12:32 PM   #16
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I remember my niece's wedding being the social occasion of the year in a city of 1 million people. She married into a fine family of car dealers. Her husband was a University of Virginia/Vanderbilt kind of guy.

Now we find that she would have backed out of the wedding had so much money both been shelled out. After 10 years of mental manipulation, she divorced the gentleman--only to be mentally tortured for years over 2 children and no child support. People can be so different behind closed doors.

After many years of being alone, and finally ran into a high school buddy that has been a single dad raising a son solo from 3 months to 20 years old.

At least my sister didn't shell out $125k on a wedding like a friend of Lebanese descent--with 100 first cousins.
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Old 06-24-2018, 01:54 PM   #17
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She's a great young woman and I'm a proud Dad. Plus, she landed a great hubby! Glad she waited 38 years to marry.

Good to hear! wish I heard more often.
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Old 06-24-2018, 02:03 PM   #18
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My brother gave his son and daughter each $x amount of money and was hands off after that. I thought that was an excellent way to handle it. Plus he gave to both equally.
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Old 06-24-2018, 02:06 PM   #19
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As far as I can tell, our upcoming wedding with 30 to 40 guests should be around 12 grand.
Yeah, but mommy and daddy ain't payin' for it!
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Old 06-24-2018, 02:28 PM   #20
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I have always thought that fancy weddings are a big waste of money. We gave my son and our stepson a set amount to put towards the weddings and it was not large by the standards that I see in these posts.
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