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Paraprosdokians
Old 02-06-2014, 12:22 PM   #1
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Paraprosdokians

Humor

Paraprosdokians are figures of speech in which the latter part of a sentence or phrase is surprising or unexpected; frequently humorous.* Winston Churchill loved them.


1. Where there's a will, I want to be in it.
2. The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it's still on my list.
3. Since light travels faster than sound, some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
4. If I agreed with you, we'd both be wrong.
5. We never really grow up, we only learn how to act in public.
6. War does not determine who is right - only who is left.
7. Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit. Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.
8. To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal from many is research.
9. I didn't say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you.
10. In filling out an application, where it says, 'In case of emergency, Notify: 'I put 'DOCTOR'.
11. Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are sexy.
12. You do not need a parachute to skydive. You only need a parachute to skydive twice.
13. I used to be indecisive. Now I'm not so sure.
14. To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first and call whatever you hit the target.
15. Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.
16. You're never too old to learn something stupid.
17. I'm supposed to respect my elders, but it's getting harder and harder for me to find one now.
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Old 02-06-2014, 12:33 PM   #2
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Funny stuff
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Old 02-06-2014, 02:17 PM   #3
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My .sig line quote from Miles Davis is one.

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Old 02-06-2014, 04:24 PM   #4
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Old 02-06-2014, 04:34 PM   #5
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Groucho:

Time flies like an arrow,
Fruit flies like a banana
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Old 02-06-2014, 04:55 PM   #6
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Pretty funny stuff, I never knew there was a name for those things.
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Old 02-06-2014, 08:03 PM   #7
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I don't have a GPS, but I got just as lost on the way here as if I had one.
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Old 02-06-2014, 08:33 PM   #8
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Originally Posted by powerplay View Post
Pretty funny stuff, I never knew there was a name for those things.
Same here and I will never remember the name, but really enjoy them.
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Old 02-06-2014, 11:28 PM   #9
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Quote:
Originally Posted by aldo View Post
Groucho:

Time flies like an arrow,
Fruit flies like a banana
I love that one (first heard it years ago), some day I'll need to try to create some of my own, There must be others that fit that pattern, with another double meaning word for 'like'.

Quote:
Originally Posted by powerplay View Post
Pretty funny stuff, I never knew there was a name for those things.
I always just heard them called Yogi-isms, after Yogi Bera:

When you come to a fork in the road, take it.

If you don't go to your friend's funeral, they won't come to yours.

If you don't know where you're going, you probably won't get there.

No one goes to that restaurant anymore, it's too crowded.


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Old 02-07-2014, 01:37 AM   #10
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Always borrow money from a pessimist. He won't expect it back.

A bad banker quickly loses interest.

All I ask is the chance to prove that money can't make me happy.

There are 10 kinds of people in the world: Those that understand binary and those that don't.

Nothing is possible, I've been doing it for years.
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Old 02-07-2014, 12:26 PM   #11
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In the film Major League, inebriated sportscaster Harry Doyle's description of Yankee slugger Clu Haywood:

Quote:
Haywood leads the league in most offensive categories, including nose hair.
Major League is not the most cerebral movie I've ever watched. I bet they didn't even know they were indulging in "paraprosdokians" when they wrote the script.
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Old 02-07-2014, 12:46 PM   #12
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My Mom bless her heart is a natural at this. The phrases just roll off her tongue without her knowing it. Like:

If this rain freezes its going to be all ice.

Or we might be driving over a bridge and she'll comment that the river looks higher on her side then my side .. which technically would have to be true ... water runs downhill.
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Old 02-07-2014, 03:22 PM   #13
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Beer, the reason I get up every afternoon.

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Old 02-07-2014, 03:27 PM   #14
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Old 02-07-2014, 03:29 PM   #15
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One of my favorites that I've only gotten to use once or twice:

We've established that you are sure, we are trying to find out if you are right.
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