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Old 04-21-2010, 07:09 AM   #21
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As far as she knows, nothing.

She has been noticing that her fellow employee, (let's call her Jane) says and makes herself look good in front of her boss. When they go to lunch together Jane waits until her boss orders first then orders the exact same meal every time. Whenever DW may have made a mistake Jane brings it to her boss's attention only for DW to correct her and say it wasn't a mistake. DW has caught her in many lies trying to make her out to be someone she's not.

DW can't seem to kiss up to her boss and she doesn't want to, yet she's found her boss seems to enjoy it when Jane does it. There was a time her boss was in a meeting across the hall and upper management paid DW a very nice compliment stating she's lucky to have an employee like DW and her boss replies, "well Jane is a great employee also". DW over hearing the conversation thought to herself, why couldn't her boss just accept what was being said and not feel as though she needed to add such a comment.

In conclusion, I believe DW will have to let it go and accept the mark on her performance appraisal since she can't suck up to her boss and knows if she has it cleared it will only come back two fold, not only in retribution, but in a cold working environment.

Thanks everyone for the replies as it seems there is no clear way of resolving this issue.
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Old 04-21-2010, 10:31 AM   #22
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I would hope she can at least have a note from herself put into her file explaining the situation. If she really is not "guilty" of the error, or if others share in the guilt, she is not helping herself at all by accepting the blame. She will never later be able to explain it away--people will always say, well, you didn't speak up at the time when you could have, so you must have been wrong.
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Old 04-21-2010, 11:07 AM   #23
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I would hope she can at least have a note from herself put into her file explaining the situation. If she really is not "guilty" of the error, or if others share in the guilt, she is not helping herself at all by accepting the blame. She will never later be able to explain it away--people will always say, well, you didn't speak up at the time when you could have, so you must have been wrong.
I'd be careful about that Bestwife. I didn't like to see bickering notes and memo's in performance reviews. Those types of attached documents were frequently written by folks who stuggled to accept constructive criticism, always needed to get the last word in and were unlikely to be the team players and solid contributors I was looking for.

Rather than a whining note complaining of being "wronged," she might simply say that she enjoyed filling in for the higher level person and, thanks to that experience, now understands any discrepancies and is ready to perform at that higher level (be promoted) whenever the opportunity arises.
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Old 04-21-2010, 11:49 AM   #24
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I understand exactly where you're comming from youbet, I've known fellow bosses that did not liked to be questioned. When I discussed it over a coffee on equal terms, I was told, "you manage your crew the way you want and I'll do the same". There are some that feel they can do no wrong, are given the position based on years of experience and feel there word is without contestation. If you try to go over there head, they will make sure it's the last time you'll ever do so and in the end, you'll wish you didn't. Unless there boss knows the history which is not the case here, then you have nothing to fall back on.

Thanks again.
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Old 04-21-2010, 11:57 AM   #25
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In conclusion, I believe DW will have to let it go and accept the mark on her performance appraisal since she can't suck up to her boss and knows if she has it cleared it will only come back two fold, not only in retribution, but in a cold working environment.
If it's best for your DW not to say anything due to retribution, then that is what she should do in my opinion.

If the boss likes people to suck up to her, then she has low self esteem issues....and probably other issues as well.

Meanwhile your DW has integrity, gets paid and comes home to a loving family. Clearly, your DW is the winner.
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Old 04-21-2010, 01:07 PM   #26
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I'm still working on my suck-up skills. I have none and am too blunt. At my current gig, suck-up skills are what gets you promoted. I have yet to see education and professional certifications counted at all.

This sort of thing made me leave federal civil service the first time. Now that I'm back, I adjusted my attitude. I'm much happier, but still not promoted.
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Old 04-21-2010, 01:13 PM   #27
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Is there a big age difference between your wife and your boss? I've been dealing with that one (I'm almost 62, she's 34).

I hate those formalized reviews. They say nothing and document nothing. Where I work, they shred the evidence used to review us. But since I'm retiring.....
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Old 04-21-2010, 05:22 PM   #28
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Is there a big age difference between your wife and your boss?
Approximately 15 years and 30 years between Jane and said boss.
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Old 04-22-2010, 12:35 PM   #29
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Approximately 15 years and 30 years between Jane and said boss.
Yeah, I meant Jane and HER boss - okay, anyhow generation gap warnings are sounding in my ears.

I read recently (and please, if anyone is very young, sorry!) that gen Y is very goal-oriented and likes to follow rules. This is antithesis to boomers. I think that's why my boss doesn't "get" me.
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