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View Poll Results: About this joke ...
I don't get it. 2 5.26%
I get it. It's not funny. You shouldn't include it. 14 36.84%
I get it. It's funny. You shouldn't include it. 4 10.53%
I get it. It's funny, You should include it. 13 34.21%
I get it. It's not funny. You should include it. 5 13.16%
Voters: 38. You may not vote on this poll

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Please Approve This Joke
Old 06-04-2015, 02:36 PM   #1
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Please Approve This Joke

I'm on the fence about including this joke in my new book. Please give me your opinion.

In this scene, the hero, Jake, is reporting to his fiftyish friend in the FBI concerning what he found. The joke is shown in bold.
"... I didnít learn how they do it, but their weapon requires at least a week to recharge. Thatís the word they use, Ďrecharge.í So they shoot at the satellite and then they canít shoot again for a week. Just like you, old man."

"Very funny, Jake. I guess your injuries aren't too bad, since you're back to making your dumb jokes."
Thanks!
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Old 06-04-2015, 03:41 PM   #2
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Having seen your sense of humor on display here in years past, you can do much better...
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Old 06-04-2015, 03:59 PM   #3
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Perhaps the other guy could ask if the recharge time depends on the target.
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Old 06-04-2015, 04:01 PM   #4
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I like it-but does it fit the character? Based on the joke I picture an overly cocky young man who is, maybe, a bit of an ass...
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Old 06-04-2015, 04:08 PM   #5
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The joke is pretty innocuous. Does it fit the characters and style of the book? (Didn't vote, cuz it all depends.)
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Old 06-04-2015, 04:16 PM   #6
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Perhaps the other guy could ask if the recharge time depends on the target.
Al, the joke is an old one, but, if you top it off with Nemo2's suggestion, you have much more interesting dialogue.
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Old 06-04-2015, 04:55 PM   #7
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Sounded a little limp to me.
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Old 06-04-2015, 05:01 PM   #8
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Well, the split is pretty even, so far.

It does fit the character perfectly. He's always making jokes, even when they are inappropriate.

This is how the book starts:
It was the word I least wanted to hear: “Freeze.” Actually, two words, “Freeze, dumb-ass.” I’m not sure what the second word was for. It was pretty clear who she was talking to—I was the only dumb-ass lurking around the terrorists’ Oregon compound at 3 a.m.

Without turning around, I asked, “Who, me?”

My smart reply apparently wasn’t appreciated. It got me a few hours of unconsciousness followed by a throbbing headache. I’ve heard it so many times: “That Jake Corby can’t keep his mouth shut.” You’d think at age thirty-six I’d have learned to keep it under control.
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Perhaps the other guy could ask if the recharge time depends on the target.
That's a great idea. Nice.
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Old 06-04-2015, 05:07 PM   #9
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Sounded a little limp to me.
+1

But if it fits the character it would work.
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Old 06-04-2015, 05:26 PM   #10
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I haven't decided whether to keep it, but here's its current state, thanks to Nemo (Jake is recovering from a beating):
I closed my eyes. “Let me tell you what I’ve got before I pass out again. I was able to eavesdrop on conversations and break in and read some notes. They are indeed involved in the satellite destruction along with a network of other militia-slash-terrorist groups. I didn’t learn how they do it, but their weapon requires at least a week to recharge. That’s the word they use, ‘recharge.’ So they shoot at the satellite and then they can’t shoot again for a week … kinda like you, old man.”

“Yeah, funny, Jake. I guess you’ve recovered enough to make your childish jokes. And I suppose the recharge time depends on the attractiveness of the target?”

“Right. But seriously, it’s a big weapon, and I’m not sure whether it’s mobile.”
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Old 06-04-2015, 05:36 PM   #11
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itís a big weapon, and Iím not sure whether itís mobile.Ē
"Plus, it's sensitive technology....."

OK, I've done enough damage for one session.
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Old 06-04-2015, 05:44 PM   #12
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I'm with others here - I like the joke, but does it fit the characters?
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Old 06-04-2015, 05:46 PM   #13
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Perhaps the other guy could ask if the recharge time depends on the target.
+1
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Old 06-04-2015, 07:02 PM   #14
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Please Approve This Joke
As requested, I approve this joke.

Ha
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Old 06-07-2015, 08:57 AM   #15
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I decided it didn't feel right and I took it out of the book. Thanks for the help.
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Old 06-07-2015, 07:10 PM   #16
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I decided it didn't feel right and I took it out of the book. Thanks for the help.

Yeah - if you find yourself questioning it, it should probably be cut.


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Old 06-07-2015, 07:15 PM   #17
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I decided it didn't feel right and I took it out of the book. Thanks for the help.
But..but....I bought a whole pack of ballpoint pens in anticipation of the book signings!
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Old 06-08-2015, 01:37 PM   #18
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But..but....I bought a whole pack of ballpoint pens in anticipation of the book signings!
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