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Old 01-05-2008, 12:06 PM   #41
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You aren't married op. Get the hell out of that relationship ASAP. Why stay in that relationship when you do not get the sex you need and you two have way different spending ideals. Life is way too short to compromise.
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Old 01-05-2008, 12:46 PM   #42
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Originally Posted by lazygood4nothinbum View Post
my mother taught me to do what you enjoy that you can make some money. still, there is just something about some professions whereby being in it for the money is a total turn off to me. perhaps money can motivate someone to do just as excellent a job as someone who is in it for love, like a whore, and i am not saying that there is anything wrong with that, but the best, for example, doctors i found don't work for money at all. they do it because they love it. even if a doc was extremely well motivated by money, i'd put my money on the guy who does it for love every time.

there is something about a judge in it for the money that just turns my stomach. i'm not saying that you will be on the take as you seem at first glance honest enough. but i would rather not come before a judge who has his mind more on retirement than the case at hand. i think this sentiment exemplified well in the supreme court of the u.s., where judges are appointed for life, rather than being appointed until early retirement. they are not called your honor for nothing. this is a position that is supposed to be an honor to hold. this is the main course. not a snack to hold you until dinner.

on the other hand, i suppose there are all levels of healthcare & of judges.

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my hope is that you will not pass your test too quickly, as smart as you might be, but rather that life might smack you around a little more first, that you might have some time to age & mature before given opportunity to pass judgment on others. it would be ashamed to have, say, a financial dispute ruled upon by a judge who thinks it is ok to take money from their parents, not for living requirements, but to take that money from his parent's retirement fund and place it in the bank to save for his own early retirement. sorry if i seem a bit judgmental, it just strikes me as bad judgment.
azygood4nothinbum, thanks for the post. Let me clarify some things:

1- Of course I'm NOT going to be a judge for the money. If I wanted I could be already working as a lawyer and probably earning more than a judge in the long run. I want it because of everything that a judge represents. Being independent, able to truly deliver justice is something just magic and a releif in a unjust country like mine.

2- About the money from my parents, let me say that THEY WANTED ME TO SAVE THE MONEY INSTEAD OF SPENDING IT. I remember clearly my mom saying to me "So Leo, what you're going to do with the money?" I said "I think I'll save it for any big emergencies in the future". She said that was great and that she was proud that I was doing the right thing saving some money. My dad also said later that this was the right thing to do. Also, I don't know exactly the finances of my parents, but I guarantee that the money they gave to me (+-400/month) is NOTHING compared to what they earn. To end this topic, they tried numerous times increase the amount of money they gave to me and I refused it again and again.
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Old 01-05-2008, 12:53 PM   #43
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You two aren't married. He isn't your father-in-law. She wasn't your mother-in-law. It wasn't your net worth, it was hers - or would have been hers, had the house title changed and her father transferred the money to her.

So her NW went from what you thought was $300k to less than 3% of that and now YOU want to leave? Doesn't look like she's the gold-digger to me.

Get some sleep (you posted you were up 47 out of 48 hours). Humans are not likely to think clearly with that lack of sleep.


Looking back at your original post, you have:
  • Different money stlyes
  • Different personalities
  • Different sexual drives
  • Different religions
None of those are necessarily deal-breakers. Neither does that mean you two should stay together. But it looks to me like there's a lot more going on here than was in your original post. Sit down and talk with each other when you two are both more rested and calmer.
When I gave that "300k net-worth post" I just saw us together forever, without the possibility of we breaking up. Just too much naive for something just some months ago.

Ticktock, I can guarantee there's absolutely NO correlation about the net-worth loss and our separation. Even if she was unemployed and in debt but if we had more similarities I'd stay with her forever because I think I can make enough money to retire early without any help from inheritance, etc.

I'm rested now and will talk to her later today. However, until now my mind is clear: the best thing in the long run for both of us is the separation.
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Old 01-05-2008, 01:17 PM   #44
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That makes two of us. Partner A lets Partner B earn the majority of the money while he goes to college, then bails out when her inheritance goes away and she won't spend her earnings the way he sees fit.

What's more, if he really expects to make 4 or 5 times what she makes in the near future, then there will be plenty of money to save and STILL let her have a few nice things after 7 years of supporting him. Instead of thinking how he might do somthing wonderful for her after all her hard work, he monitors and criticizes her spending.

On the one hand, two people must be financially and otherwise compatible in order to make a go of it. They must agree on the overall strategic goals and plans.

On the other hand, if I'm making the majority of the money, PLUS holding up my end or more of the common expenses, PLUS making the most savings (forced or not, it's a part of her compensation), then I'll cut my personal spending money into little pieces and flush it down the toilet, and nobody's going to tell me I can't.

What I meant, OP, is that you want to control her, and she doesn't want to be controlled.

End of story.
I had a big post and pressed ctrl+w instead of ctrl+e. Arghh. Let me be objective:

-She never supported me in college. My parents did (plus the college itself was free).

-Yes I could probably support her in the future, but that's not the point. We have different objectives. I want someone to help me achieving them, not holding my back.

-The problem wasn't that she was spending her $400/month "fun money" wirh frivolous things. If she wants to literally burn that money it's not my business. That problem is that she was overspending A LOT that fun money + other budgets areas. Why the hell I'm making a budget if she never follows it?

-I'm monitoring our finances because SHE said she couldn't handle dealing with this, so we agreed that I make the budget and show to her for approval.

-I don't have the last word in our finances. I always said that we should save at least 10% of our regular salaries and she always said no, that we didn't have the money. However in 1 year her "fun money" went from $150/month to $400/month. Besides, can you guess how much my "fun money" was? $0/month. She spent nearly $700 with christimas presents FOR HERSELF. I spent $50 on a new pair of shoes to me and $50 with a present to her.
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Old 01-05-2008, 01:23 PM   #45
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The answer is so obvious yet it is hard for you to make that final break, and I have been there also at times. But--and this is from an older woman with quite a bit of life experience--with her immaturity, high impulsivity and all the differences in styles--run so fast as you can from her. Just man-up (as we say in America) and cut the ties totally.
And I agree with a previous poster: She comes back for sex and whining and crying for you--if you do weaken--wear a condom. You definitely do not want to get stuck marrying this woman.
You need to break this relationship off fast!
Thanks for the post. Interesting that you're the third person saying me to use condom if I weaken. I'm so paranoid right now that there's no chance of we doing sex even with condom, as I know that they're only 90% effective and to me right now anything higher than 0,00% is too much of a risk for me to take.

I'm already packing my clothes.
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Old 01-05-2008, 01:31 PM   #46
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You are 24 .If I had married the person I was with at 24 it would have been a disaster .Wait ,I did and it was ! You are too young for marriage . Have fun and play the field for awhile .
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Old 01-05-2008, 01:48 PM   #47
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Run like the wind! Don't look back!

You're young, there are too many incompatibilities on too many levels, and now is the best time to start the rest of your life! Set goals that are important to you, and then strive to achieve them. In my experience, things that are meant to be fall into place, and things that aren't meant to be fall by the wayside.

The first time I was engaged, we were very much in love. However, we were young, and our dreams and aspirations were worlds apart. Because of our love it was very hard to do, but we finally parted ways. She has a career and a happy family, and she's totally content with her life! Had we stayed together we would have been miserable, and most likely divorced.

Twenty years later, I got engaged again, and discovered, in the nick of time, that we were definitely not compatible. We were both in our early 40's, had enjoyed our individual lives up to that point, but she had far different ideas and views on money. I liked to save and invest some money for the future, but she liked to spend it like there was no tomorrow. I was by no means "cheap" or a "tight-wad", I've always enjoyed nice restaurants and nice clothes & 'stuff'. But for or her, saving money meant dropping her lose change into the ashtray on the counter! There were many more incompatibilities than just that, but that was the 'biggy'. She's still living 'paycheck to paycheck', and on those 'paycheck cash-advance' outfits.....and she's eternally indentured to 'Rent-A-Center' for her furniture, appliances, and other 'stuff'. Sorry, but I could NEVER live like that! :confused:

I'm living the FIRE'd life spending some, saving some, and living happy, free, and wild!

In my own experience and in the experiences of many of those that I've talked with, in a relationship if the 2 people aren't on the same page when it comes to money, it ain't gonna be pretty! A couple of things I've gleaned over the years: #1 - If you're not married to your partner....don't intermingle your money....keep it separate....share expenses, but not 'bank accounts'! #2 - Pre-nuptials.....because then everything is in 'black & white' and there will be far less room for misunderstanding!

Just my opinions....YMMV!
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Old 01-05-2008, 02:06 PM   #48
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After reading all of the posts, my "judgement" is to end the relationship as cleanly and quickly as possible.

I considered the different incomes and assets and feel they are not meaningful to you in making this decision. I also think that these shouldn't be meaningful in developing a long term, loving relationship. There are substantial differences in incomes in most relationships and the lower earning partners always have a big part in the spending decisions if the relationship is going to be successful

Your different sex drives would be a thorn to deal with for the rest of your relationship. My very limited experience is that a woman's sex drive slows up a little with age. A man want more but can't. Most relationships have differences and it's not alway the woman wanting less. (I dated one woman where I though she was going to kill me in bed.) Accomodation and compromise is needed but the differences you have would be very difficult. I've also never met a 24 year old woman happy with sex twice a month. That difference surprised. Is it possible she "gave" at the office without you knowing?

I don't believe this forum is all about saving money, not having kids and living a miserly life. This forum talks about spending money wisely to build for the future but also enjoying your life. The whole purpose of retiring early is to take control of your time. Time is the "coinage" of your life. The goal is for all of us to determine how we will spend it and not someone else.

If you two can't come to a simple agreement on your spending priorities, there is no way you would ever come to an agreement on the really important things. When it doubt in a relationship, walk away.
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Old 01-05-2008, 02:24 PM   #49
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....I considered the different incomes and assets and feel they are not meaningful to you in making this decision. I also think that these shouldn't be meaningful in developing a long term, loving relationship. There are substantial differences in incomes in most relationships and the lower earning partners always have a big part in the spending decisions if the relationship is going to be successful.......

I don't believe this forum is all about saving money, not having kids and living a miserly life. This forum talks about spending money wisely to build for the future but also enjoying your life.......

If you two can't come to a simple agreement on your spending priorities, there is no way you would ever come to an agreement on the really important things. When it doubt in a relationship, walk away.
Absolutely! It's not the amount of money, or how much one or the other has or earns. It's coming to the agreement of using it wisely! As was written many centuries ago, "Can two walk together except they be agreed?". The implied, and accepted answered is "NO!"

IMHO, the time is right to part ways.
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Old 01-05-2008, 02:26 PM   #50
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26 YO Brazil female

Sorry, but it must be said: this thread is meaningless without pics.
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Old 01-05-2008, 02:29 PM   #51
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Sorry, but it must be said: this thread is meaningless without pics.


+1........


really, we need to know.
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Old 01-05-2008, 02:38 PM   #52
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Sorry, but it must be said: this thread is meaningless without pics.
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This Thread is USELESS without pics.........:)
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Old 01-05-2008, 02:41 PM   #53
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Thanks everyone so much for the posts, specially Goonie and 2B. I'm very tense right now because we just talked over the phone and, well... she's not accepting the break-up. She's coming to our home right now to have the "big and last talk".

Calmloki, it's nice to see someone from Brazil here. Call me a naive, but what pics?!?
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Old 01-05-2008, 03:01 PM   #54
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Why bring his age into this to such a major extent? Age doesn't cause stupidity or immaturity. Age discrimination and bigotry goes all ways.


It's neat how people can read the same thing and form nearly opposite opinions.
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Old 01-05-2008, 03:24 PM   #55
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Calmloki, it's nice to see someone from Brazil here. Call me a naive, but what pics?!?
You want to be a judge and you can't read between the lines (heck, just READ the line )

Pics of the hot brazilian lady..
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Old 01-05-2008, 03:57 PM   #56
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Sorry, but it must be said: this thread is meaningless without pics.
TY calmloki, I so want to post a request for picture of the girlfriend but didn't have the guts. Cause a "beautiful brazilian" girl maybe worth putting up with $200 shampoo , if they look like these .

Leonardo sorry to make light of a serious issue... As I am sure you know money is the #1 source of arguments at least in the US among couples. In order to make it work you two will have to come up with some compromise, between your desire to save and her desire to enjoy life.
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Old 01-05-2008, 04:10 PM   #57
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TY calmloki, I so want to post a request for picture of the girlfriend but didn't have the guts. Cause a "beautiful brazilian" girl maybe worth putting up with $200 shampoo , if they look these .
I lack shame. Leonardo, not Brazilian, just perpetuating the view up here that Brazilian women are uniformly beautiful and worth viewing. Re: Please say I've made the right choice destroying a 8 year relationship. You two have been together since you were 16? I agree - you've made the right choice - do it for her sake.
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Old 01-05-2008, 04:45 PM   #58
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OMG I understood everything wrong ! Not wanting to brag, but my girlfriend (or ex-girlfriend) is more beautiful than any of these girls in the beach.

But seriously now, I've had a very serious talk with her and I'm shaked. She went to her knees and said please not to leave her, that she would do anything, that she would turn in everything I want, etc etc. She said she was taken by surprise and to give her a chance for the sake of our 8 year relationship. I said I needed to think more (I really do) and tomorrow morning we would talk more. Right now she is in our bed with a ultra-sexy bra but she sweared she wouldn't jump on me. Oh boy I need to resist the temptation...
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Old 01-05-2008, 04:47 PM   #59
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Not wanting to brag, but my girlfriend (or ex-girlfriend) is more beautiful than any of these girls in the beach.
Photographic evidence is required to prove you really aren't bragging...

Quote:
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I said I needed to think more (I really do) ...
Be sure you're thinking with the correct head.
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Old 01-05-2008, 05:14 PM   #60
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Yep, the small one has very little brains.

Of course, it DOES help to hear both sides of a story...

He Said, She Said -- Literally - Yahoo! News
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