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Political-Economic Philosophies
Old 08-03-2003, 05:49 AM   #1
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Political-Economic Philosophies

For my 100th post (for which I will contribute my reward to charity when I receive it) I offer the following overview of political-economic philosophies. The author is unknown and probably prefers to keep it that way. (Smilies added by me.)

DEMOCRAT

You have two cows.

Your neighbor has none.

You feel guilty for being successful.

You vote people into office that put a tax on your cows, forcing you to sell one to raise money to pay the tax.
The people you voted for then take the tax money, buy a cow and give it to your neighbor.

You feel righteous.

Barbra Streisand sings for you.


SOCIALIST

You have two cows.

The government takes one and gives it to your neighbor.

You form a cooperative to tell him how to manage his cow.


REPUBLICAN

You have two cows.

Your neighbor has none.

So? 8)


COMMUNIST

You have two cows.

The government seizes both and provides you with milk.

You wait in line for hours to get it. It is expensive and sour. :P


CAPITALISM, AMERICAN STYLE


You have two cows.

You sell one, buy a bull, and build a herd of cows.


DEMOCRACY, AMERICAN STYLE

You have two cows.

The government taxes you to the point you have to sell both to support a man in a foreign country who has only one cow, which was a gift from your government.


BUREAUCRACY, AMERICAN STYLE

You have two cows.

The government takes them both, shoots one, milks the other, pays you for the milk, and then pours the milk down the drain.


TEAMSTERS

You have two cows.

Every other member has two cows.

Leadership has 1,000 cows.

You got a problem with that?

(Factual note: The Teamsters recently endorsed Richard Gephardt for President.)


AMERICAN CORPORATION


You have two cows.

You sell one, lease it back to yourself and do an IPO on the 2nd one.

You force the 2 cows to produce the milk of four cows.

You are surprised when one cow drops dead.

You spin an announcement to the analysts stating you have downsized and are reducing expenses.

Your stock goes up. 8)


FRENCH CORPORATION

You have two cows.

You go on strike because you want three cows.

You go to lunch.

Life is good. 8)


JAPANESE CORPORATION

You have two cows.

You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk.

They learn to travel on unbelievably crowded trains.

Most are at the top of their class at cow school.


GERMAN CORPORATION


You have two cows.

You engineer them so they are all blond, drink lots of beer, give excellent quality milk, and run a hundred miles an hour.

Unfortunately they also demand 13 weeks of vacation per year.


ITALIAN CORPORATION

You have two cows but you don't know where they are.

While ambling around, you see a beautiful woman.

You break for lunch.

Life is good. 8)


RUSSIAN CORPORATION

You have two cows.

You count them and learn you have five cows.

You have some more vodka.

You count them again and learn you have 42 cows.

You count them again and learn you have 12 cows.

You stop counting cows and open another bottle of vodka.

You produce your 10th, 5-year plan in the last 3 months.

The Mafia shows up and takes over however many cows you really have.


TALIBAN CORPORATION

You have all the cows in Afghanistan, which are two.

You don't milk them because you cannot touch any creature's private parts.

Then you kill them and claim a US bomb blew them up while they were in the hospital.


FLORIDA CORPORATION

You have a black cow and a brown cow.

Everyone votes for the best looking one.

Some of the people who like the brown one best vote for the black one.

Some people vote for both. Some people vote for neither. Some people can't figure out how to vote at all.

Finally, a bunch of guys from out-of-state tell you which is the best-looking one.


NEW YORK CORPORATION

You have fifteen million cows.

You have to choose which one will be the leader of the herd, so you pick some cow from Arkansas. :
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Re: Political-Economic Philosophies
Old 08-03-2003, 05:54 AM   #2
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Re: Political-Economic Philosophies

Hey Ted, whatever the award is (I'm still waiting for mine) you deserve it. I truely did LOL.
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Re: Political-Economic Philosophies
Old 08-03-2003, 06:13 AM   #3
 
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Re: Political-Economic Philosophies

Ted,

Let me guess - Your a republican.
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Re: Political-Economic Philosophies
Old 08-03-2003, 08:46 AM   #4
 
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Re: Political-Economic Philosophies

Quote:
Cut-Throat
Let me guess -- you want the 'cow' from arkansas to lead the U.S. herd?! *:
Better than the Bum Steer from Texas, that actually lost the election.
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Re: Political-Economic Philosophies
Old 08-03-2003, 09:45 AM   #5
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Re: Political-Economic Philosophies

As I posted on July 18, "I am a moderate Republican. That is essentially like a Democrat who understands economics."

Being in the middle politically allows a person to criticize and laugh at the extremists on both sides. It also subjects you to criticism from both sides, but most of it (by definition) is extremist.

I'd love to see a centrist third party formed by people like Senators John McCain (R Arizona) and Zell Miller (D Georgia).

I actually agree with the Clintons on most policy issues, but regard Bill as a rapist and Hillary as an untrustworthy opportunist. (Bill's relationship with Monica Lewinsky should have been a matter between him and her and Hillary -- certainly none of the official business of Congress. His apparent rape of Juanita Broderick was a felony that should have disqualified him from holding office, long before he ran for President)
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Today's Non Sequitur
Old 08-03-2003, 11:38 AM   #6
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Today's Non Sequitur

Today's Non Sequitur seems appropriate here.
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Re: Political-Economic Philosophies
Old 08-03-2003, 02:55 PM   #7
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Re: Political-Economic Philosophies

I am tempted to write an essay here but will restrain myself (I detect a happy collective sigh of relief). I have
dropped out politically (no longer vote), but reserve
the right to comment on idiots and their ideas, especially when they impact my life. I find them
especially numerous in politics. I am not anywhere near the
"center". I am off the chart to the right and proud of it. To
some one with my political beliefs, the Clintons are the
lowest lifeform on the planet.
Let me put it this way. Compared to me, Rush Limbaugh
is a wimpy liberal. I'm not kidding.
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Re: Political-Economic Philosophies
Old 08-03-2003, 04:55 PM   #8
 
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Re: Political-Economic Philosophies

Well, *I see protecting the environment and people's rights and freedoms foremost.

Our air is and water is cleaner today than it was 25 years ago. The people that champion these causes get my vote.

As far as economics go. The borrow and spend philosphy that we have today makes no economic sense to me now or during the early 80's. I don't care if we have a tax cut - let's just make sure we cut spending somewhere to pay for it.

Socially liberal and fiscally conservative - Just like Clinton and Gore!
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Re: Political-Economic Philosophies
Old 08-11-2003, 04:34 PM   #9
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Re: Political-Economic Philosophies

Quote:
I would prefer NO political parties. Theoretically decisions could be made on the merits of the individual or idea without ALL the political nonsense labels, etc. That's NOT likely to happen.
Well, with the increased use of the internet to mount independent campaigns based on ideas, at minor cost, it may come about. It is a generally accepted principle of political science that the electronic media have substantially reduced the power of political parties, although it can be argued that the cost of TV advertising has increased the influence of "big money" from business and organized labor interests.

Quote:
I guess we are all in the 'center' in our own eyes and everyone else is an extremist by 'definition'. "Centrist" is a myth or at least a moving target.
Quote:
I am not anywhere near the
"center". I am off the chart to the right and proud of it. To
some one with my political beliefs, the Clintons are the
lowest lifeform on the planet.
Let me put it this way. Compared to me, Rush Limbaugh
is a wimpy liberal. I'm not kidding.
There most certainly is such a thing as the "center," and JohnGalt is smart enough to recognize it even if he doesn't like it.

Being in the political center doesn't prove that a person is "correct" in their opinions -- just that they are not "nuts" as perceived by the majority. Some people perceived as "nuts" in the past turned out to be regarded as geniuses, and some to be regarded as villains. So departing from the center is a high risk endeavor. I do it myself on certain issues, but with about equal frequency to the left or to the right.

Quote:
Well, *I see protecting the environment and people's rights and freedoms foremost.

As far as economics go. The borrow and spend philosphy that we have today makes no economic sense to me now or during the early 80's. I don't care if we have a tax cut - let's just make sure we cut spending somewhere to pay for it.
I basically agree with this. As to the economic comments, they used to be the position of the Republican Party and since the Reagan administration have become the position of the Democrats.

The problem with the Democrats is that they are too dependent on the votes of uneducated people who live from hand to mouth and therefore will support any policy that promises short-term relief for their poverty, even though it practically guarantees that poverty and environmental degradation will be worse in the future.
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Re: Political-Economic Philosophies
Old 08-11-2003, 05:42 PM   #10
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Re: Political-Economic Philosophies

Ted, you are right on. I am aware that I am on the"lunatic fringe" politically in many people's minds.
That's okay. I have always made my own rules (no respect for authority whatsoever) and
never really conformed to others expectations. My
politics were honed over my 59 years on the planet.
And.............I came up with them by deep introspection and life experience.
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Re: Political-Economic Philosophies
Old 08-13-2003, 09:48 AM   #11
 
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Re: Political-Economic Philosophies

Quote:
The problem with the Democrats is that they are too dependent on the votes of uneducated people who live from hand to mouth and therefore will support any policy that promises short-term relief for their poverty, even though it practically guarantees that poverty and environmental degradation will be worse in the future.
The problem that the Democrats have is that they mostly garner the highly educated and elite of America! Just look at how the States vote for President. New York and the whole North East for the Democrats and Mississippi and the Deep South for the Republicans.

No The Democrats have lost the 'Joe Six Pack' vote and the common American Laborer. With the demise of labor unions. The uneducated 'Joe Six Pack' is a simple minded voter and is concerned today about the gun issue. If this economy really gets sour (and I think it will), and Joe Six Pack is living in a Hooverville, He'll be siding with the Democrats. Just as my Grand Parents did with FDR.
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Re: Political-Economic Philosophies
Old 08-14-2003, 06:13 AM   #12
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Re: Political-Economic Philosophies

Quote:

The problem that the Democrats have is that they mostly garner the highly educated and elite of America! Just look at how the States vote for President. New York and the whole North East for the Democrats and Mississippi and the Deep South for the Republicans.
It's probably true that the "intellectuals" who are the most prominent in "prestige" universities, and in the news media (other than talk radio) tend to be Democrats. But every objective study in every location indicates that Republicans, on average, have more education and higher incomes.

There are an increasing number of Republicans -- especially in the South -- who could be called "Joe Six-Packs," but a lot of them are religious fundamentalists who (at least officially) claim to be against alchohol. The movement of these people from the Democratic Party to the Republican Party (along with the increase in people's wealth and their movement to the suburbs) has been the major reason for the resurgence of the Republican Party. Whether or not this is "good" is a matter of personal values, but I think that virtually anyone who follows politics would agree with the facts of it.

Being from Texas, Cut-Throat must be aware that a lot of Democratic politicians also court the gun nuts. (I own some guns myself, but haven't made it my life's passion to maintain the skill at killing people that I learned in the Army.)

I voted (unenthusiastically) for Gore myself, and believe that he would have won if his supporters in Florida had been sufficiently intelligent to follow the simple directions on a ballot. That is anecdotal evidence of what I said about Democrats being dependent on the votes of people who aren't very well educated (and who thus don't read ballots very well).
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