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View Poll Results: What do you think about life-long monogamy?
I'm a man, and it's a Good Thing. 19 29.23%
I'm a man, and it's nuts. 9 13.85%
I'm a man, and I don't see an easy way out. 8 12.31%
I'm a woman, and it's a Good Thing. 16 24.62%
I'm a woman, and it's nuts. 3 4.62%
I'm a woman, and I don't see an easy way out. 2 3.08%
I'm a man, so I have to ask my wife about this. 8 12.31%
Voters: 65. You may not vote on this poll

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Re: Poll: Is Monogamy Right or Wrong?
Old 03-01-2006, 07:29 AM   #21
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Re: Poll: Is Monogamy Right or Wrong?

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Statistically, women 'stray' just as often as men. Might be 'worse' than that, since men might tend towards bragging about it while women might tend towards keeping it to themselves when surveyed...
Actually, they statistically stray a little less, but probably more than most realize. Ive seen at least 3 different data sets on the subject, and in all 3, women polled showed a lower percentage of straying.
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Re: Poll: Is Monogamy Right or Wrong?
Old 03-01-2006, 08:24 AM   #22
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Re: Poll: Is Monogamy Right or Wrong?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Jiggles
Call my cynical, but monogamy is not realistic. If it were, there wouldn't be such a demand for hookers. Aside from the illicit affair, there's a whole other world that exists where a lot of married men often tread. Check out Eros Guide or the erotic section on Craigslist.
Here, here! So uh, you wanna go grab some dinner with me?

I wonder if the (slight) variation on cheating is biological? After all, a woman knows it's her kid (and her genes), a guy can't be sure so maybe he sows his seeds across multiple fields?

I won't lie, I've been tempted, but I'm not a good liar, and I like my life/love my wife. Perhaps that's more pragmatic than a spouse would like to hear. I just never bought into the, "Since I've been with her I don't even look at other women!" bs some of my friends try to sell.

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Re: Poll: Is Monogamy Right or Wrong?
Old 03-01-2006, 09:00 AM   #23
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Re: Poll: Is Monogamy Right or Wrong?

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Originally Posted by azanon
Actually, they statistically stray a little less, but probably more than most realize. Ive seen at least 3 different data sets on the subject, and in all 3, women polled showed a lower percentage of straying.
Then you looked at three incorrect polls.

Decent ones with a reasonable study size, normalized for variances, note that women may cheat MORE than men.

But i'm okay with a fair shake 'just equal' status...I'm more interested in getting away from cheating being a "man problem".

If you prarie dog it, most affairs involve a man and a woman. If we're talking about infidelity, one is married or in a long term relationship. Are you seriously going to contend that in a majority of cases, one of those partners is unattached?

The biggest problems among some of these polls are the questions asked, and who gets asked.
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Re: Poll: Is Monogamy Right or Wrong?
Old 03-01-2006, 09:46 AM   #24
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Re: Poll: Is Monogamy Right or Wrong?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Laurence
I wonder if the (slight) variation on cheating is biological? After all, a woman knows it's her kid (and her genes), a guy can't be sure so maybe he sows his seeds across multiple fields?
I saw some nature show on orangutans or similar ape, and their hierarchy is an alpha male that mates with all the females and chases off other adult males, but the females sneak out and get with stray males periodically even though they seem to know there is a danger of repercussions if caught. The presumption was that the female was compelled to provide diversity in her offspring's DNA.

I'm not convinced that women cheat less than men. I think women are more sly about it--to others and even to themselves.

Quote:
I won't lie, I've been tempted, but I'm not a good liar, and I like my life/love my wife. Perhaps that's more pragmatic than a spouse would like to hear. I just never bought into the, "Since I've been with her I don't even look at other women!" bs some of my friends try to sell.
I've always thought acknowledging your potential for something is a better guard than denying the possibility. Sure I may think I'm "better" than that (whatever "that" is), but I figure somewhere inside me I'm capable of doing just about anything any other human has done. The "I don't even look at other women" is denial.
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Re: Poll: Is Monogamy Right or Wrong?
Old 03-01-2006, 10:05 AM   #25
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Re: Poll: Is Monogamy Right or Wrong?

As far as the parity of cheating, realize that most men feel that if they've touched some part of a woman thats normally covered by clothes, that "something happened". Some people, both men and women, feel that sex without any emotional attachment isnt cheating. Then of course, we get the "clinton effect" where oral sex isnt really sex, hence it isnt cheating.

I've actually heard some guys say that if they used a condom, that its not cheating because there was no direct contact.

I've heard some women talk about sleeping with three guys, but they really only cared about one of them, so the other two didnt mean anything, and therefore no cheating. I've heard a couple who were having sex with a guy who was paying them money afterwards...get mad because the guy never took them out for dinner or drinks. One said "Considering the stuff the guy does to me, you'd think he'd get me a little drunk first". When I asked why she continued seeing him she said "I need his gifts, he's very generous".

She was totally a ho, and she didnt even realize it. He was just a boyfriend who paid her and didnt take her anywhere, and only showed up for sex and left afterwards. Right.

Now are we starting to get a little bit of an idea why surveys/polls, especially involving sex, tend to be a little bit problematic?
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Re: Poll: Is Monogamy Right or Wrong?
Old 03-01-2006, 12:31 PM   #26
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Re: Poll: Is Monogamy Right or Wrong?

I think women probably cheat as much as men. But there is more of a social stigma for them to admit it, so if they're going to cheat on their spouse they probably figure they might as well lie on a survey too.

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Re: Poll: Is Monogamy Right or Wrong?
Old 03-01-2006, 12:35 PM   #27
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Re: Poll: Is Monogamy Right or Wrong?

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Originally Posted by Sheryl
I think women probably cheat as much as men. But there is more of a social stigma for them to admit it, so if they're going to cheat on their spouse they probably figure they might as well lie on a survey too.
Good point. There's always the stud/slut dichotomy. In our culture men are revered for getting around, women are scorned. Go figure.
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Re: Poll: Is Monogamy Right or Wrong?
Old 03-01-2006, 12:36 PM   #28
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Re: Poll: Is Monogamy Right or Wrong?

Would either of you have a list of these 'scorned' women?
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Re: Poll: Is Monogamy Right or Wrong?
Old 03-01-2006, 12:38 PM   #29
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Re: Poll: Is Monogamy Right or Wrong?

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Originally Posted by Cute n' Fuzzy Bunny
Would either of you have a list of these 'scorned' women?
Not yet. That's why I keep having to conduct phone surveys asking women if they cheat.
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Re: Poll: Is Monogamy Right or Wrong?
Old 03-01-2006, 01:04 PM   #30
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Re: Poll: Is Monogamy Right or Wrong?

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Then you looked at three incorrect polls.

Decent ones with a reasonable study size, normalized for variances, note that women may cheat MORE than men.
Link just one valid one showing this. Good Luck.
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Re: Poll: Is Monogamy Right or Wrong?
Old 03-01-2006, 01:08 PM   #31
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Re: Poll: Is Monogamy Right or Wrong?

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I think women probably cheat as much as men.* But there is more of a social stigma for them to admit it, so if they're going to cheat on their spouse they probably figure they might as well lie on a survey too.
The only motive I can think of to lie on an anonymous survey, besides just intentionally trying to skew the end numbers, would be ignorance.
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Re: Poll: Is Monogamy Right or Wrong?
Old 03-01-2006, 02:16 PM   #32
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Re: Poll: Is Monogamy Right or Wrong?

Well there you go. Many people are ignorant.

And in fact, the 'ignorant' counter just chachinged off another one.

Can i link to another post where you're also a jerk and dont know a damn thing about what you're talking about? You're right, that'd be easier.
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Re: Poll: Is Monogamy Right or Wrong?
Old 03-02-2006, 03:56 AM   #33
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Re: Poll: Is Monogamy Right or Wrong?

In the 50's, a family needed one income. In the 70's, a family needed two incomes. Now, I am hearing that, today, a family needs four incomes. Two workers with two jobs each makes no sense when you could have five workers with one job each. (The extra worker is to feed the extra adults.) To keep the number of children from mushrooming, I think this should be one woman and five men or some combination of gay and non-gay partners. If you took it to six or seven, you might be able to carve out a stay home mom/dad.
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Re: Poll: Is Monogamy Right or Wrong?
Old 03-02-2006, 08:33 AM   #34
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Re: Poll: Is Monogamy Right or Wrong?

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Originally Posted by Tadpole
In the 50's, a family needed one income. In the 70's, a family needed two incomes. Now, I am hearing that, today, a family needs four incomes. Two workers with two jobs each makes no sense when you could have five workers with one job each. (The extra worker is to feed the extra adults.) To keep the number of children from mushrooming, I think this should be one woman and five men or some combination of gay and non-gay partners. If you took it to six or seven, you might be able to carve out a stay home mom/dad.
I keep telling DW that a junior wife would make things a lot easier on the childcare end of things, but strangely she hasn't come around to the idea yet...
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Re: Poll: Is Monogamy Right or Wrong?
Old 03-02-2006, 09:04 AM   #35
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Re: Poll: Is Monogamy Right or Wrong?

Say it like a New Yoahker and you'll see the joke:

Monagamy is a very expensive (word) wood.

Actually, I am guessing that monogamy is the low-budget option -- the people I know on their second and third wives are still working and shockingly asset-poor given their income levels.

So ERs can hoist the flag of monogamy as being good for the wallet and good for you, too? The long-term mortality rate stats also confirm this, btw. Still, Sheryl's post puts it in perspective -- not everyone is lucky enough to have monogamy 'work' for them.
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Re: Poll: Is Monogamy Right or Wrong?
Old 03-02-2006, 10:19 AM   #36
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Re: Poll: Is Monogamy Right or Wrong?

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Originally Posted by ESRBob


Actually, I am guessing that monogamy is the low-budget option -- the people I know on their second and third wives are still working and shockingly asset-poor given their income levels.
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Re: Poll: Is Monogamy Right or Wrong?
Old 03-02-2006, 10:49 AM   #37
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Re: Poll: Is Monogamy Right or Wrong?

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Originally Posted by Jarhead*
Yep.

(Once that trust issue is violated, things are never the same again).* A couple years later, he "fell off the wagon" again.

Trust is something that's very hard to fix once it's broken, I could never do that, tried but my memory wouldn't let me.

As for falling off the wagon, I learned the hard way that it doesn't happen just once and even if they land on their head falling off the wagon they don't learn. It's hard to change a lepards spots.
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Re: Poll: Is Monogamy Right or Wrong?
Old 03-02-2006, 11:11 AM   #38
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Re: Poll: Is Monogamy Right or Wrong?

My wife agreed once that if I became a billionaire that I could bring anna nicole smiths grandaughter on as a junior wife when i'm in my 90's.

I havent asked her lately if that deal still stands. But I better get my investing track shoes on...
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Re: Poll: Is Monogamy Right or Wrong?
Old 03-02-2006, 11:28 AM   #39
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Re: Poll: Is Monogamy Right or Wrong?

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And in fact, the 'ignorant' counter just chachinged off another one.

Can i link to another post where you're also a jerk and dont know a damn thing about what you're talking about? You're right, that'd be easier.
I doubt you're even in my league, by any measure (pick one).
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Re: Poll: Is Monogamy Right or Wrong?
Old 03-02-2006, 11:33 AM   #40
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Re: Poll: Is Monogamy Right or Wrong?

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Yep.

My youngest brother, (Idiot) found this out the hard way.

After being caught playing Polygamy Roulette the first time, his wife agreed to counseling, and
made every effort to soldier on. (Once that trust issue is violated, things are never the same again). A couple years later, he "fell off the wagon" again.

They had 3 young children, and even though it was tough on her, she decided (understandibly) that it wasn't worth it.
I guess this is a problem, when the sum total of cheating + everything else = best move is divorce/leaving the person. I think the trick is to be so valuable, that nothing would change even in a worse case scenario.

The people that need to worry about cheating are those that are already "on the bubble" in the first place (bad job, average or worse looks/health, treats spouse bad, doesnt do chores, etc etc.).
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