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View Poll Results: Marital Status
MenÖIíve never been married and donít plan to marry 18 10.11%
MenÖIíve been married and donít plan to marry again 12 6.74%
MenÖIím married now, but if I became single I donít plan to marry again 47 26.40%
MenÖIíve never been married but may marry someday 10 5.62%
MenÖIíve been married but may marry again someday 2 1.12%
MenÖIím married now, but if I became single I may marry again 26 14.61%
WomenÖIíve never been married and donít plan to marry 6 3.37%
WomenÖIíve been married and donít plan to marry again 18 10.11%
WomenÖIím married now, but if I became single I donít plan to marry again 25 14.04%
WomenÖIíve never been married but may marry someday 1 0.56%
WomenÖIíve been married but may marry again someday 7 3.93%
WomenÖIím married now, but if I became single I may marry again 6 3.37%
Voters: 178. You may not vote on this poll

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Old 06-21-2010, 04:38 PM   #161
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Just ran across an interesting article in Newsweek... The Case Against Marriage - Newsweek omni
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Old 06-21-2010, 07:02 PM   #162
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Interesting article, thanks......perhaps I'm not as bbb as I thought....
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Old 06-21-2010, 07:04 PM   #163
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Ahhhh, the certainty of youth.
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Old 06-21-2010, 08:48 PM   #164
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Quote:
Originally Posted by omni550 View Post
Just ran across an interesting article in Newsweek... The Case Against Marriage - Newsweek omni
From the article, "... as many as 60 percent of men and half of women will have sex with somebody other than their spouse during their marriage."

Wow! Sixty percent of men and fifty percent of the women. I know I belong to the 40% of men who do not cheat, and I have every reason to believe my wife belongs to the nice 50% of females.

How do they get this statistics anyway?
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Old 06-21-2010, 09:00 PM   #165
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How do they get this statistics anyway?
Maybe they take a poll like this one....

Have you ever cheated on a partner?
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Old 06-21-2010, 09:02 PM   #166
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Thanks for pointing that out. It must have been during my hiatus. So, I just voted.
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Old 06-21-2010, 09:17 PM   #167
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Originally Posted by bbbamI View Post
Maybe they take a poll like this one....

Have you ever cheated on a partner?
I can't remember.

Quote:
Wow! Sixty percent of men and fifty percent of the women. I know I belong to the 40% of men who do not cheat, and I have every reason to believe my wife belongs to the nice 50% of females.
There is a fallacy in this statement. Just because a person has had sex with someone other than her/his partner, does not mean s/he has cheated. Partners many have an agreement, may have a distance and time rule (if one of us is more than an x hour flight away for y time, ok to have sex), or if one of us is ill for an extended time it's Ok to have sex, or couples may have many different ways of dealing with desire either implicitly or explicitly expressed. Of course I will admit that likely the most common rule is always deny, unless caught red-handed, and then quickly get really, really contrite.

And although I am sure this has nothing to do with your wife's status, it is quite possible that a woman who has had some extramarital partners is also very "nice". There are many reasons for extramarital sex other than being "not nice", whatever that is supposed to mean.

Ha
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Old 06-21-2010, 09:17 PM   #168
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It's pretty shocking to me, too, NW-Bound. I never cheated on my ex during our 23 year marriage, and I am absolutely certain he never cheated on me either. But I think we were in the minority on that.

Besides, have you ever seen the Jerry Springer Show?
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Old 06-21-2010, 09:18 PM   #169
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I can't remember.
Ha
Good answer! No risk of perjury that way!
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Old 06-21-2010, 09:23 PM   #170
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Besides, have you ever seen the Jerry Springer Show?
I have heard his name, and I might have stumbled across his show while channel surfing, but did not watch for long.

I watch less and less TV nowadays, not even my favorite cooking shows with Alton Brown (Good Eats) and Tony Bourdain travel shows (No Reservations).
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Old 06-21-2010, 09:32 PM   #171
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...it is quite possible that a woman who has had some extramarital partners is also very "nice"...
I used the word "nice" in describing the half of the women who do not have extramarital sex because I made my post in a hurry.

I am sure there are cheating women who are very, very "nice" , in a different meaning of course.
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Old 06-21-2010, 09:47 PM   #172
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I am sure there are cheating women who are very, very "nice" , in a different meaning of course.
Likewise, there are plenty of women who have not had extramarital sex (I don't wish to use your preferred term "cheating" ) who are complete harridans, and far from being nice to be around.


Also, I would like to say that being "sure" that a spouse has not had sex outside of marriage is like being sure that one's teenager has never smoked pot. Unless you shadowing them 24/7, how could one be "sure".

Ha
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Old 06-21-2010, 10:04 PM   #173
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I had a bad marriage 30 years ago. Now I've been in a good relationship for almost 18 years. We own a house together and live together. I don't see any advantage to getting married - at this point - and a lot of financial hassles that we currently don't have. We DO need to get some legal work done regarding health POA and so on. Waiting until I have free time in a few weeks.

I'm not sure what I'm in is different from a marriage - except it is complicated what to call him. Boyfriend is ridiculous. Significant Other is a mouthful. Husband is often what I use. My Guy sometimes... We need a term for this when you're both over 60!
I guess the grass is always greener. I would love to be able to marry my partner, but as a gay couple we can not.

To answer the OPs question. I don't know. We've only been together 22 years, but I can't imagine life without her. I think I would die of a broken heart if I lost her.

To put it in the context of this board; I would rather work for the rest of my life and be with my partner than be retired without her.
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Old 06-21-2010, 10:23 PM   #174
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I guess the grass is always greener. I would love to be able to marry my partner, but as a gay couple we can not.

To answer the OPs question. I don't know. We've only been together 22 years, but I can't imagine life without her. I think I would die of a broken heart if I lost her.

To put it in the context of this board; I would rather work for the rest of my life and be with my partner than be retired without her.
Your post touched my heart.
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Old 06-21-2010, 11:40 PM   #175
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Likewise, there are plenty of women who have not had extramarital sex (I don't wish to use your preferred term "cheating" ) who are complete harridans, and far from being nice to be around.
No argument here!

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Also, I would like to say that being "sure" that a spouse has not had sex outside of marriage is like being sure that one's teenager has never smoked pot. Unless you shadowing them 24/7, how could one be "sure".
Ha
Then, perhaps we are indeed different than most couples. In our 30 years of marriage, fidelity has never been questioned.
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Old 06-21-2010, 11:54 PM   #176
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No argument here!



Then, perhaps we are indeed different than most couples. In our 30 years of marriage, fidelity has never been questioned.
It appears that I am being misunderstood. I am sure that your marriage is perfect and as pure as the driven snow; I thought we were discussing events in a more general way. Do you not know people, or have read about cases where a spouse suddenly wants a divorce, and it comes out during the proceedings that s/he has been carrying on an affair sometimes for years? Or of cases where a 20 or even 30 year affair only comes to light after the involved party has passed?

Everyone is not so stupid as to leave matchbook covers and sexual text messages from their lovers lying around the house, or to make ridiculous confessions, or look guilty. At least some of them are not in fact feeling guilty at all.

Also I am not saying anything about "most couples". What would I know about most couples? I only know what I know, and that includes the demonstrated fact that a great many people get totally blindsided if/when an affair on the part of their spouse comes to light. It takes a certain degree of arrogance to assume that one's spouse would under no circumstances take another lover.

Ha
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Old 06-21-2010, 11:58 PM   #177
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OK, I will retract the word "most". It is really inappropriate, given that only about half of the people who were polled admitted to extramarital affairs. It still leaves about 1/2 of the couples claiming to be pure, which is not a minuscule minority. I should have used the word "some". Is that better? :-)
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Old 06-22-2010, 12:13 AM   #178
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Arghh... Think about it, I have made a big assumption that the cheating untruthful whatever men are married to similar women. That is of course not at all true, meaning we would suspect that in many cases, one side of a marriage has no inkling that the other half has extramarital affairs. That was what Ha described.

So, the percentage of marriages where both sides are truthful may be quite a bit smaller than 40%. The latter is the percentage of men who claim to commit no adultery, but some of them might have a wife who does.
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Old 06-22-2010, 12:29 AM   #179
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From the article, "... as many as 60 percent of men and half of women will have sex with somebody other than their spouse during their marriage."

Wow! Sixty percent of men and fifty percent of the women.
I am not a sociologist, but I have a fair to middling understanding of numbers. And this quote from you suggests that out of 100 marriages, the absolute maximum number of unadulterated marriages is 40. If all women were pure, but 60% of men go walkabout, that means 60 out of 100 marriages have at least one cheating partner. If one posited minimal theoretical overlap, 100% of marriages would house at least one adulterer. However, we might guess that sometimes both the husband and the wife are naughty, so it appears that theoretically, and taking from the data in your quote, out of 100 marriages the minimum number that contain at least one adulterer is 60, and the maximum would be 100.

If this data is accurate, marriages without at least one adulterer are in the minority. How small that minority is we don’t have data to decide.

Ha
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Old 06-22-2010, 12:32 AM   #180
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We obviously cross-posted. Please see my post right above yours. Yes, marriages with both sides being truthful are in a definite minority, and difficult to quantify.
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