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Power of Attorney
Old 06-05-2008, 12:51 PM   #1
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Power of Attorney

I am in the process of updating my will , my power of attorney and my health care surrogacy and I was wondering who the single forum members have for their power of attorney & health care . One of their children ( how do you pick ?) ,all of your children , your So or someone else . I have my daughter as my health care surrogacy and power of attorney but maybe I should also have my SO . We've been together eight years so maybe it's time to add him . Okay forum members what do you think ?
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Old 06-05-2008, 01:11 PM   #2
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I am in the process of updating my will , my power of attorney and my health care surrogacy and I was wondering who the single forum members have for their power of attorney & health care . One of their children ( how do you pick ?) ,all of your children , your So or someone else . I have my daughter as my health care surrogacy and power of attorney but maybe I should also have my SO . We've been together eight years so maybe it's time to add him . Okay forum members what do you think ?
I've been thinking about this myself. I have 2 kids close by, but they are pretty much consumed by job and their own families. My ex is around and trustworthy, but not the easiest person for me to talk to. So really I have no real good choices right now.

If you are mutually and stably committed with your SO and he is right there on the spot, I would think that you might want to consider him, or at least consider adding him. (Isnít that nice boat his? ) Does he get along well with your daughter? Does she trust him and vice versa?

My Mom and Dad choose the son they felt closest to, but he has alcohol problems and IMO they should have at least included my sister who also lives in their city.

Sometimes I see forum members discussing what to do when their "inevitable inheritances" come along and it creeps me out. No one wants to be thought of as a source of funds. Especially when it involves oneís death.

Ha
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Old 06-05-2008, 01:35 PM   #3
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It is certainly easier to have one person, especially for Health Care POA, as that is who the doctors will be dealing with in case of your incapacity. Likewise POA for financial affairs, it is a pain to go through all the different paperwork different banks require.

However, if Daughter and SO are friendly, on the same page as to your wishes, and you think it reasonable, put them both down. If you think it might be contentious, whew, I don't know what to say--either way there will be problems.

I am guardian for sister's kids in her and her DH's wills, I found it interesting that it is me only, and not my spouse, but it really makes sense, in case we were to split later. This is the only thing that maybe gives me pause about your SO and DD together. What if you split from SO and then don't get around to changing the forms?

Gotta love estate planning--full of the worst variety of what-ifs you can imagine!
Likewise Ha, it is wee bit distasteful when a friend of ours mentions he doesn't have to save for retirement, it is all taken care of when parents and grandparents go. ughh!
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Old 06-05-2008, 01:40 PM   #4
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Moe,

If you have the right players in your life, there is some advantage to having your POA-HC be different from your generic POA just in case there emerges a conflict of interest as to your health and your money. Unlikely though it sounds, you may not want a decision about a dangerous but life-saving intervention contaminated subconsciously by how or when it would affect your heirs financially.

Only a spouse (in a good relationship) or highly trusted loved one who knows you very, very well would be the only one I would entrust both sides to.
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Old 06-05-2008, 01:49 PM   #5
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Unlikely though it sounds, you may not want a decision about a dangerous but life-saving intervention contaminated subconsciously by how or when it would affect your heirs financially.
A thought that might have been hard for you to commit to the forum pages. Bravo; I agree 100%.

Can we put this thread in the permanent archives (Best Of) when it has been completed?

Ha
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Old 06-05-2008, 02:06 PM   #6
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Keep in mind a SO really wouldn't have much say in a legal matter, so be careful there.
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Old 06-05-2008, 02:07 PM   #7
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I trust my daughter completely with my healthcare decisions but she gets real squeamish in hospitals and around medical machines . I feel my So should have some power over the money aspects since the household bills will still be there while I'm lingering in ICU . I trust both of them to not want to hasten my demise for money so that's not a factor . Boy these are tough decisions .
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Old 06-05-2008, 02:11 PM   #8
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Originally Posted by haha;665611

[SIZE=3
If you are mutually and stably committed with your SO and he is right there on the spot, I would think that you might want to consider him, or at least consider adding him. (Isnít that nice boat his? ) Does he get along well with your daughter? Does she trust him and vice versa?[/SIZE]

We are mutally committed but after losing my husband I can never fully commit again . It's a mental block . Maybe I'm afraid if I commit totally I'll lose again so I keep a safe distance . He & my daughter do get along and that nice boat is his but that's my dock .
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Old 06-05-2008, 03:18 PM   #9
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...and that nice boat is his but that's my dock .
Yes M'am. As Blind Lemon Jefferson is reported to have said to another street musician, "I like your note."

Ha
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Old 06-05-2008, 03:25 PM   #10
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brother & i held duel poa/guardianship for mom per her instructions and carried out, we think, her will to the very best of our combined abilities, keeping foremost in mind mom's safety and comfort. hardly influenced by pending inheritance, i've no doubt we spent more of mom's money on her than she ever would have spent on herself. she really did get the best of the best of care and neither of us would have had it any other way.

dual guardianship worked out very well, especially considering that brother & i fought like cats and dogs beforehand. it not only brought us together and bound us as friends for what will likely be the rest of our lives, but it gave us mutual support and a wall to bounce ideas off. it kept us on excellent track in rocky times. for instance, there were times when i'd have a good idea which would be emotionally hard for us to implement but we'd know it was the right thing to do. things like take the car away, move to nursing home or even life and death decisions like stopping certain medications which might entail bloodwork which can be very upsetting to an alzheimer's patient. stopping mammograms. then the next day i might have second thoughts but my brother would pull me back to center using the very arguments i had used on him the day before. even while involved, it was curious to step back and watch the process of how we kept each other in balance.

for now my brother will act as my poa but i wonder what happens if i see him come down with alzheimer's. should i survive that and he succumb, i don't know what i'm going to do. no children, no other siblings. i've a few cousins i trust but would rather not burden and they'll be aging right alongside me.

it's scary enough for me going through the rest of life without my parents. i do not want to be subject to the whim of strangers. i really have no idea how i'm going to handle this and so the escape from this, in my mind, is to just end my life when i can no longer live in good health. that solves that.
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Old 06-05-2008, 05:29 PM   #11
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Lazy , I hope you get the same kind of care you gave your Mother ! You deserve it !
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Old 06-05-2008, 06:20 PM   #12
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I have no spouse or kids, so I've given my sister POA. She's only 18 months younger than me, so eventually I'll need to do something else.

The physical POA is with my lawyer -- my sister knows to get it from him if she needs it. He made it clear that he'll trust her judgment as to when she needs it, but by the same token he's a friend too and he'll at least call me if she asks for it

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Old 06-05-2008, 07:19 PM   #13
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My daughter is mine. She is only 21 years old so I also have my BIL (late husband's brother) listed as the alternate. The alternate is in case she is "unable or unwilling" to take the responsibility. I believe that she would have to work with her uncle no matter who was appointed since she is so young.
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Old 06-05-2008, 08:17 PM   #14
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IMHO - On your SO... if you are not married, don't do it. If you are not willing to marry him or vice versa (have that level of commitment), why would you? No offense. Just seems a bit of a contradiction.

Choose the most capable child and the one who is least likely to avoid the difficult task... It will be difficult unless you die quickly.

You should also talk the them about it before you select them and make sure they are up for it. Just because you select them does not mean they will do it.

I would suggest that you state your wishes before you become ill. For example, if you want in-home health care instead of a nursing home... you had better make that known.
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Old 06-05-2008, 08:22 PM   #15
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*Sigh* one of the advantages of being the most responsible/successful sibling is that you get lots of the responsibility but don't necessarily have people to turn to. So I am my parents' executor, financial advisor, etc. yet we have a network of who does what for us and it probably needs to be redone.

I suppose the upside is that my parents, siblings and in-laws all know that they can have me do this stuff and expect me to be competent and adhere strictly to their wishes. There is some quid pro quo since my SIL is almost finished becoming a doctor and I generally trust her judement.
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Old 06-05-2008, 08:32 PM   #16
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IMHO - On your SO... if you are not married, don't do it. If you are not willing to marry him or vice versa (have that level of commitment), why would you? No offense. Just seems a bit of a contradiction.

Choose the most capable child and the one who is least likely to avoid the difficult task... It will be difficult unless you die quickly.

You should also talk the them about it before you select them and make sure they are up for it. Just because you select them does not mean they will do it.

I would suggest that you state your wishes before you become ill. For example, if you want in-home health care instead of a nursing home... you had better make that known.

Some real good points . My daughter is my only living child so she gets to do it . Excellent points about discussing things before it is time . My husband and I had luckily discussed things when we were making new wills and POA'S and I knew his wishes when the time came .
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Old 06-06-2008, 03:14 AM   #17
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our neighbors mom just lost touch with reality last week and had to be put in a home. our neighbor had no power of attorney signed. now its to late. she first has to spend a ton of money for a lawyer to have the courts get her guardianship as even courts cant give poa after the fact.
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Old 06-06-2008, 07:54 AM   #18
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our neighbors mom just lost touch with reality last week and had to be put in a home. our neighbor had no power of attorney signed. now its to late. she first has to spend a ton of money for a lawyer to have the courts get her guardianship as even courts cant give poa after the fact.

It seems like most married people have this covered but we singles sometimes let it slide especially if we don't have children . I been thru the Poa and health care surrogacy once so I know how extremely important it is .
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Old 06-06-2008, 08:51 AM   #19
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I am sure you know this, but POAs end at death, so make sure you have your will and/or trust up to date. My sister died without a will, and had no POA, so her estate was quite the mess. "Luckily", it was a small estate so I was able to get things handled fairly quickly..........
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