Question re Bridal Shower

[CoolRich59]

Quote:

Originally Posted by pj.mask Wow - I don’t know how we are having a debate on the internet about people we don’t know with other people we don’t know instead of just calling them up and chatting with them.

Um, sorry, no debate scheduled. I was simply curious about this.

My initial thought that this approach was tacky was joined by some others here, but I thank those who felt otherwise for weighing in with their views. I appreciate everyone taking the time to respond.

[splitwdw]

Been "invited" to quite a few of these showers. Sometimes they hold these showers because family and friends are not near where the shower is being held. I don't care to attend showers of any kind. If I can get out of it, I send a gift. Almost all the time I'm invited to the wedding.
Would your wife go to the shower in Florida if she was invited? Are you invited to your nephew's wedding?

[CoolRich59]

Quote:

Originally Posted by splitwdw Would your wife go to the shower in Florida if she was invited? Are you invited to your nephew's wedding?

Wife would not go to the shower if she was invited.

She is going to the wedding with one of her sisters (I am not going).

[Philliefan33]

I agree that this is tacky, but I wouldn’t lose any sleep over it. Send a gift or not, whichever you prefer.

A number of my nieces and nephews have gotten married over the past few years, all on the West coast. Ive been invited to the showers even though they had to know that I was unlikely to attend. They were letting me know I was invited and I’m sure if I decided to fly out to attend I would’ve been welcome. Instead, I sent a gift because I love my nieces and nephews and wanted to recognize them with a gift.

My youngest daughter is organizing a “virtual” shower for her sister. Family and friends are spread all over the country so a traditional bridal shower is not feasible. Instead of gifts of things, DD2 is asking for recipes. She bought a set of matching recipe cards and sent one to each “invitee”, asking them to write out their favorite recipe to share with the bride. They will be mailed back to DD2 who will organize them in a recipe box. Not only will DD1 have family recipes, she will have a little sample of handwriting to remind her of the person who gave her the recipe.

[gayl]

PhillieFan33, I love that idea!

Quote:

She bought a set of matching recipe cards and sent one to each “invitee”, asking them to write out their favorite recipe to share with the bride. They will be mailed back to DD2 who will organize them in a recipe box.

Another nephew is getting married but they already live together so this is a nice touch I'm sharing with my sister (his mom)

[CoolRich59]

Quote:

Originally Posted by gayl PhillieFan33, I love that idea!

I agree. It's an inspired idea.

My daughter-in-law asked my wife if, instead of a Christmas present, she would make her copies of all my son's favorite recipes. My wife was very touched by the request. And, I suspect my son is pretty happy about it too.

[Aerides]

emily post would roll over in her grave.

For a wedding, they should have just done a straight up invite without mention of a gift, and your correct response would be to decline, but send a gift. Typically a shower invitee list is a smaller, more intimate group than the wedding (unless that is atypically small to begin with). No, a bride should not be inviting "groom's uncle's wife" she's never met, to her shower, geography irrelevant.

Including registry info in the invite is also a big no-no (for shower or wedding), but something the recipient of the RSVP should be able to provide upon request.

[ivinsfan]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Aerides emily post would roll over in her grave. For a wedding, they should have just done a straight up invite without mention of a gift, and your correct response would be to decline, but send a gift. Typically a shower invitee list is a smaller, more intimate group than the wedding (unless that is atypically small to begin with). No, a bride should not be inviting "groom's uncle's wife" she's never met, to her shower, geography irrelevant. Including registry info in the invite is also a big no-no (for shower or wedding), but something the recipient of the RSVP should be able to provide upon request.

I get the feeling Emily does a lot rolling nowadays!!! But in my mind just because it's old fashioned manners doesn't make it any less true.

[pj.mask]

Quote:

Originally Posted by ivinsfan Pray tell, how you would initiate this conversation? Inquiring minds want to know. The OP is asking if a virtual shower is now acceptable in general society.

I would suggest calling to congratulate the couple and ask about how they are celebrating/what events they are putting together as well as taking some time to get to know them (I would be interested in getting to know new extended family members).

If that was too outgoing for me, I would ask my wife to call her sister to get the scoop on it

Edit - this will also help eliminate any awkwardness on your part for not understanding/miscommunication.

[spncity]

Yes, it is a "thing" with the current generation. I understand how it comes across. I felt the same way when I first encountered the "virtual" shower. But you might want to figure out the preferred end game and help shape that outcome.

For example: Instead of sending the suggested gift card, it won't hurt to send a little gift of your own choosing. Maybe a set of cheese serving utensils, or a salad serving set (spoon/fork), or something like a serving tray, a sugar/creamer set, a nice wooden bowl, or a beautiful vase. These are things newlyweds tend to keep and use and associate with the gift giver. Write a nice note about how happy you are for them. Invite them to stop in for dinner if ever they plan to be in your part of the country.

I loved having my aunts and uncles find little ways to send their love. Sometimes it was a letter, or even a visit, though they lived far away. Just after we were married, my aunt sent me a set of handwritten recipe cards. She is now gone, but I thought of her as I made one of the recipes last week.

Eventually, they weren't traveling much and our aunts and uncles loved having us visit from time to time - and occasionally we helped them with a household repair or changing a light bulb in an out-of-reach fixture. It made us feel connected to our extended family.

I can only hope that our nephews and nieces will want to find a way to visit us someday when we're no longer traveling.

[gayl]

It may be a 'thing' but no one has to participate in the funding request unless they want to. If I ever get a request like that, I'd send a nice ecard only.

[GravitySucks]

I recently received an invitation to a baby shower 3200 miles away.
They knew I wouldn't come but would send a little gift. Sure they wanted a present as I don't do baby showers even if it's in the same town. Being invited I had no qualms on sending a ptesent. The invite the OP received would have been responded to with a nice card from the dollar store.
Also, someone set up a web cam so out of towners could have participated from a distance. I thought that was nice even though I didn't bother to participate.

[Meadbh]

I grew up in Ireland where baby showers were unheard of (at least at that time). I first attended a baby shower when I lived in the US in the late 1980s. I thought it was weird but of course I didn’t say so. I kept wondering what would happen if the baby died.

When I attended my first wedding shower I thought all this pinkness and silly games was a bit infantile, TBH. Maybe I was just at the wrong shower!

These days such invitations are infrequent but I usually pass, and I do not send a gift. I will try to attend weddings if the bride or groom are close family members or friends, and they will get a generous gift. But since this usually involves long distance travel, I cannot accept every invitation.

[redduck]

I would send a gift card, be happy that I wasn't going to the baby shower and get on with my life (or, someone else's as my life isn't all that interesting). I figure spending $25 (?) is money well spent to keep peace with the family. Essentially, it's throwing money at a potential problem.

[Teacher Terry]

Tacky and I would not send a gift.

[ivinsfan]

Quote:

Originally Posted by pj.mask I would suggest calling to congratulate the couple and ask about how they are celebrating/what events they are putting together as well as taking some time to get to know them (I would be interested in getting to know new extended family members). If that was too outgoing for me, I would ask my wife to call her sister to get the scoop on it Edit - this will also help eliminate any awkwardness on your part for not understanding/miscommunication.

So I always thought it was the duty of the host/hostess to let the invite know what was going on. Keep in mind the bride is not giving the shower and might not even know exactly how things were planned

[Moemg]

I am always getting invitations to showers, Bar Mitzvah's , graduations all far away . I have no problem sending a gift . It is a lot cheaper than flying to all these celebrations.My SO's daughter -in-law to be has a registry that includes asking for money. They are both 36 year old Professionals making good money . That I think is tacky !

[Walt34]

Quote:

Originally Posted by ivinsfan I get the feeling Emily does a lot rolling nowadays!!!

Oh, is that the one they call "Pinwheel Emily"?

[swakyaby]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Teacher Terry Tacky and I would not send a gift.

Same here. I wouldn't want to encourage this kind of "invitation."

[kgtest]

Quote:

Originally Posted by gayl And oh by the way, showers are now for both parties. The ones that are a lot of fun are the baby showers for the dad. That's where everybody just brings a package of diapers as the gift and then get around to give that poor guy, in this case my son, a bunch of harrowing stories about their fatherhood missteps

They took mine a step further and wrote fun little reminders on the diaper bottoms...

like "What's that smell?" and "International Tax Harvester" and smiley faces and one drew a nuclear sign. It didn't make changing them anymore entertaining FWIW.