Retired Husband and Working Wife

[later]

My husband will retire in 2 years and I will work for an additional 8 years. Has anyone had this experience? Does anyone have any advice?

 

[FIRE'd@51]

This seems to be quite common on this forum. My guess is that the biggest benefit is when the working spouse gets employer-provided health insurance for the family.

 

[travelover]

I've been retired for 1 1/2 years and my wife needs to work 8 more years to get health care in retirement. Fortunately, she likes her job teaching school, so the envy of my freedom has not become an issue. I do nearly all of the cooking on weekdays throughout the school year and most of the housework, as well as all of the shopping, bill paying and errands. I find that she is very appreciative of not having to deal with these tasks, so her working life is much less stressful. I also help her with grading papers and school projects during the school year.

I think the key is dealing with the envy thing and generating a feeling of shared responsibility, whatever that may be for you.

 

[Rambler]

DW has been a stay-at-home mom for the last 17 years. Our youngest will graduate HS next June. She took care of the kids and did the housework most of that time, so I know she was a "working mom", even if not paid. But, in yhe past 4 years, and especially in the last 2 years, she has had lots of time to explore her own interests, have lunches out with friends, etc. I don't mind that, and I am actually happy for her. But, if I need to ask a favor, such as take care of this or that at city hall, and she says she can't because she's going to lunch with so and so, or someone is coming to do quilting, etc, so please do it myself, I'm not so happy (putting it off for a day or two is OK, can't do it for the next two weeks because of thing like this is upsetting). This is because very little of my waking hours are spent on my interests, most are spent making money so we can have the luxuries and niceties we have, such as time for her to pursue her hobbies, so I expect that she will give me a hand.

So, LATER, I suggest you talk to your DH (nicely, of course) about sharing the burdens of everyday life while he is retired and you are working. You may want to add that spending time with him on shared interests is important to you, and that his help with certain things will allow you to spend more quality time with him.

FWIW,

R

 

[kumquat]

Or, just call him a kept man, everyone else will.

 

[FIREd]

I have been working part time for a few years now while my wife works full time and makes the big bucks (I explained the reasons in previous posts, so I am not going to list them again). This arrangement works for both of us BUT we have had to make some adjustments. I have taken over most of the household work (cooking, grocery shopping, cleaning, doing the laundry, taking care of our finances, running errands, etc...) so that my wife doesn't feel like I am sitting at home watching TV while she is working. I do everything I can so that she has absolutely nothing to take care of when she comes home. She can relax, enjoy her hobbies and free time, and we can spend quality time together.

But I also had to get used to people's snarky comments about this "unorthodox" situation.

 

[ladypatriot]

My DH is retired and I'm still working part-time (20 hours/week). We've had this arrangement since DH retired 3 years ago (at age 55), and we're very, very pleased with it. Our typical daily life hasn't changed all that much. DH does a little more housework than he used to, but I've learned to be a more active participant in his various building/remodeling/turning-trash-into treasure projects. I've learned to love power tools. I'm even thinking of getting my own tool belt.

DH and I enjoy each other's company. We each have our individual interests, but we share common interests, too. I really think the success of the retirement arrangement, whatever it is, depends on the couple's willingness to compromise and be honest with each other. My husband honestly told me he didn't like to cook, but he honestly didn't mind cleaning bathrooms, so a deal was struck!

 

[donheff]

I retired 3 1/2 years ago and DW still works - she cur down to half time this year and will pull the plug in January or one year later depending on offers at work. We both could have afforded to retire when I went and she chose to put a few more years in. I have always been the cook and now I usually give her a ride to work and pick her up. So things have worked out quite well.

 

[Sarah in SC]

I plan to work for several years longer than DH, he is 8 yrs older than me. I can't wait for him to be working for me fulltime!

 

[chinaco]

DW ERd last year at 51... I will work another 4 years before I ER. Its great to see a guy get to be a house husband.

 

[haha]

Congratulations to all the househusbands. I confess to being a little confused about where the fun is found in this situation, but obviously it is a lack of imagination on my part rather than any deficiency in the lifestyle.

Ha

 

[Khan]

Congratulations to all the househusbands. I confess to being a little confused about where the fun is found in this situation, but obviously it is a lack of imagination on my part rather than any deficiency in the lifestyle.

Ha

A man who does housework is very sexy.

 

[harley]

A man who does housework is very sexy.

I personally am vacuuming two rooms while I type this. Roombas are like lingerie for househusbands.

 

[Sarah in SC]

Congratulations to all the househusbands. I confess to being a little confused about where the fun is found in this situation, but obviously it is a lack of imagination on my part rather than any deficiency in the lifestyle.

Ha

I assure you, DH lives in constant fear for the day he stops collecting a paycheck and reports to work for me full time. There is not a single person who knows us that I can recall who has not expressed deep sympathy for my DH at some time or another for putting up with me all these years.

 

[Amethyst]

"Later," I wouldn't worry--If the marriage is strong, the rest will all sort of even out, because spouses naturally want to lighten each other's burdens. My husband doesn't love housework, but I'm not there during the week to do it, and we don't want to pay someone else to do it. I do my share on the weekends: cooking, doing the household accounts, working in the yard. Once I retire, I'll do much more in the house, I know.

When my husband is called a "kept man" to his face, he gets a sweet little self-satisfied smile, and thanks the person for the compliment. He's also been told he's a very lucky guy and that other men wish they had his gig :grin:

Amethyst

 

[calmloki]

A tune that i've only two lines from, by Brendan Behan: "Would you live on woman's earnings, would you give up work for good..." - anyone have the rest of the song/poem?

 

[Khan]

"Later," I wouldn't worry--If the marriage is strong, the rest will all sort of even out, because spouses naturally want to lighten each other's burdens. My husband doesn't love housework, but I'm not there during the week to do it, and we don't want to pay someone else to do it. I do my share on the weekends: cooking, doing the household accounts, working in the yard. Once I retire, I'll do much more in the house, I know.

When my husband is called a "kept man" to his face, he gets a sweet little self-satisfied smile, and thanks the person for the compliment. He's also been told he's a very lucky guy and that other men wish they had his gig :grin:

Amethyst

I 'kept' a man for a year or so (not married to). He lost his job when a business closed. He did 'wife work' and 'husband work' and sometimes I still miss him.

 

[FurBall]

DH retired 10 years ago. Until 2 years ago I worked full time and now work part time. For us it works out perfectly. I have inherited from my grandmother and mother the complete and total inability to do any cooking, cleaning, laundry. DH does all those things and more. He's much happier than when he worked for money and I'm spoiled rotten.

 

[Purron]

I retired just about a year ago and my DH will join me later this year. We got married young and both had full careers. In our early days, we supported each other while we obtained our college degrees. Since he is still working, I spoil him in many ways like taking care of the household chores and finances. He is much less stressed since we used to share these duties. I look forward to the day he joins me in retirement. Since I went into retirement first, I have learned much about how to deal with letting go of work and will help him when he finally lets go. We have always been a team.

 

[bbbamI]

I guess later has figured it out since she hasn't been back.....

 

[Purron]

I guess later has figured it out since she hasn't been back.....

Well hey, it's her first post. She hasn't had a chance to get hooked on the forum like many of us are

 

[bbbamI]

'tis true......

 

[Moemg]

My late husband retired before me and the only problem was I had to let go of some of my standards . He would do the laundry but not fold it and that would drive me crazy . He also did not cook but would get take out . I am now retired and my SO still works part time . When I retired he stopped cooking ( He used to do a third of the cooking ) and at first i tried to stall him out to see who would cook . Now I just accept that I am the cook except when I go on strike .

 

[haha]

My late husband retired before me and the only problem was I had to let go of some of my standards . He would do the laundry but not fold it and that would drive me crazy . He also did not cook but would get take out . I am now retired and my SO still works part time . When I retired he stopped cooking ( He used to do a third of the cooking ) and at first i tried to stall him out to see who would cook . Now I just accept that I am the cook except when I go on strike .

I love this. Most men and women won't admit to these little games. When we were both young, my ex would sometimes try to stall me out on sex, to get me to do some chore or other. She hated that she would usually cave first because she had a more driving need than I.

Yikes! Tales from a broken love.

Ha

 

[Khan]

I love this. Most men and women won't admit to these little games. When we were both young, my ex would sometimes try to stall me out on sex, to get me to do some chore or other. She hated that she would usually cave first because she had a more driving need than I.

Yikes! Tales from a broken love.

Ha

Tales from another broken love:

EX decided that once we were married, I would become a good wife (and do housework).

Thing was, I had a higher tolerance for squalor.

I have recently rehired a housekeeper.