Join Early Retirement Today
Reply
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
Retired Husband and Working Wife
Old 09-05-2008, 04:23 PM   #1
Confused about dryer sheets
 
Join Date: Sep 2008
Posts: 1
Retired Husband and Working Wife

My husband will retire in 2 years and I will work for an additional 8 years. Has anyone had this experience? Does anyone have any advice?:confused:
later is offline   Reply With Quote
Join the #1 Early Retirement and Financial Independence Forum Today - It's Totally Free!

Are you planning to be financially independent as early as possible so you can live life on your own terms? Discuss successful investing strategies, asset allocation models, tax strategies and other related topics in our online forum community. Our members range from young folks just starting their journey to financial independence, military retirees and even multimillionaires. No matter where you fit in you'll find that Early-Retirement.org is a great community to join. Best of all it's totally FREE!

You are currently viewing our boards as a guest so you have limited access to our community. Please take the time to register and you will gain a lot of great new features including; the ability to participate in discussions, network with our members, see fewer ads, upload photographs, create a retirement blog, send private messages and so much, much more!

Old 09-05-2008, 05:00 PM   #2
Thinks s/he gets paid by the post
FIRE'd@51's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2006
Posts: 2,433
This seems to be quite common on this forum. My guess is that the biggest benefit is when the working spouse gets employer-provided health insurance for the family.
FIRE'd@51 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 09-05-2008, 05:33 PM   #3
Give me a museum and I'll fill it. (Picasso)
Give me a forum ...
travelover's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2007
Posts: 14,328
I've been retired for 1 1/2 years and my wife needs to work 8 more years to get health care in retirement. Fortunately, she likes her job teaching school, so the envy of my freedom has not become an issue. I do nearly all of the cooking on weekdays throughout the school year and most of the housework, as well as all of the shopping, bill paying and errands. I find that she is very appreciative of not having to deal with these tasks, so her working life is much less stressful. I also help her with grading papers and school projects during the school year.

I think the key is dealing with the envy thing and generating a feeling of shared responsibility, whatever that may be for you.
travelover is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 09-05-2008, 07:35 PM   #4
Thinks s/he gets paid by the post
Rambler's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2007
Posts: 2,487
DW has been a stay-at-home mom for the last 17 years. Our youngest will graduate HS next June. She took care of the kids and did the housework most of that time, so I know she was a "working mom", even if not paid. But, in yhe past 4 years, and especially in the last 2 years, she has had lots of time to explore her own interests, have lunches out with friends, etc. I don't mind that, and I am actually happy for her. But, if I need to ask a favor, such as take care of this or that at city hall, and she says she can't because she's going to lunch with so and so, or someone is coming to do quilting, etc, so please do it myself, I'm not so happy (putting it off for a day or two is OK, can't do it for the next two weeks because of thing like this is upsetting). This is because very little of my waking hours are spent on my interests, most are spent making money so we can have the luxuries and niceties we have, such as time for her to pursue her hobbies, so I expect that she will give me a hand.

So, LATER, I suggest you talk to your DH (nicely, of course) about sharing the burdens of everyday life while he is retired and you are working. You may want to add that spending time with him on shared interests is important to you, and that his help with certain things will allow you to spend more quality time with him.

FWIW,

R
Rambler is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 09-05-2008, 11:44 PM   #5
Thinks s/he gets paid by the post
 
Join Date: Nov 2005
Location: North of Montana
Posts: 2,769
Or, just call him a kept man, everyone else will.
__________________
There are two kinds of people in the world: those who can extrapolate conclusions from insufficient data and ..
kumquat is online now   Reply With Quote
Old 09-06-2008, 12:19 AM   #6
Moderator Emeritus
 
Join Date: May 2007
Posts: 12,894
I have been working part time for a few years now while my wife works full time and makes the big bucks (I explained the reasons in previous posts, so I am not going to list them again). This arrangement works for both of us BUT we have had to make some adjustments. I have taken over most of the household work (cooking, grocery shopping, cleaning, doing the laundry, taking care of our finances, running errands, etc...) so that my wife doesn't feel like I am sitting at home watching TV while she is working. I do everything I can so that she has absolutely nothing to take care of when she comes home. She can relax, enjoy her hobbies and free time, and we can spend quality time together.

But I also had to get used to people's snarky comments about this "unorthodox" situation.
FIREd is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 09-06-2008, 05:15 AM   #7
Recycles dryer sheets
ladypatriot's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2008
Posts: 121
My DH is retired and I'm still working part-time (20 hours/week). We've had this arrangement since DH retired 3 years ago (at age 55), and we're very, very pleased with it. Our typical daily life hasn't changed all that much. DH does a little more housework than he used to, but I've learned to be a more active participant in his various building/remodeling/turning-trash-into treasure projects. I've learned to love power tools. I'm even thinking of getting my own tool belt.

DH and I enjoy each other's company. We each have our individual interests, but we share common interests, too. I really think the success of the retirement arrangement, whatever it is, depends on the couple's willingness to compromise and be honest with each other. My husband honestly told me he didn't like to cook, but he honestly didn't mind cleaning bathrooms, so a deal was struck!
ladypatriot is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 09-06-2008, 06:05 AM   #8
Give me a museum and I'll fill it. (Picasso)
Give me a forum ...
donheff's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2006
Location: Washington, DC
Posts: 11,317
I retired 3 1/2 years ago and DW still works - she cur down to half time this year and will pull the plug in January or one year later depending on offers at work. We both could have afforded to retire when I went and she chose to put a few more years in. I have always been the cook and now I usually give her a ride to work and pick her up. So things have worked out quite well.
__________________
Idleness is fatal only to the mediocre -- Albert Camus
donheff is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 09-06-2008, 09:08 AM   #9
Give me a museum and I'll fill it. (Picasso)
Give me a forum ...
Sarah in SC's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2005
Location: Charleston, SC
Posts: 13,566
I plan to work for several years longer than DH, he is 8 yrs older than me. I can't wait for him to be working for me fulltime!
__________________
“One day your life will flash before your eyes. Make sure it's worth watching.”
Gerard Arthur Way

Sarah in SC is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 09-06-2008, 10:56 AM   #10
Give me a museum and I'll fill it. (Picasso)
Give me a forum ...
 
Join Date: Feb 2007
Posts: 5,072
DW ERd last year at 51... I will work another 4 years before I ER. Its great to see a guy get to be a house husband.
chinaco is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 09-06-2008, 12:26 PM   #11
Give me a museum and I'll fill it. (Picasso)
Give me a forum ...
haha's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2003
Location: Hooverville
Posts: 22,983
Congratulations to all the househusbands. I confess to being a little confused about where the fun is found in this situation, but obviously it is a lack of imagination on my part rather than any deficiency in the lifestyle.

Ha
__________________
"As a general rule, the more dangerous or inappropriate a conversation, the more interesting it is."-Scott Adams
haha is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 09-06-2008, 12:45 PM   #12
Gone but not forgotten
Khan's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2006
Posts: 6,924
Send a message via AIM to Khan
Quote:
Originally Posted by haha View Post
Congratulations to all the househusbands. I confess to being a little confused about where the fun is found in this situation, but obviously it is a lack of imagination on my part rather than any deficiency in the lifestyle.

Ha
A man who does housework is very sexy.
__________________
"Knowin' no one nowhere's gonna miss us when we're gone..."
Khan is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 09-06-2008, 01:01 PM   #13
Give me a museum and I'll fill it. (Picasso)
Give me a forum ...
harley's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2008
Location: No fixed abode
Posts: 8,764
Quote:
Originally Posted by Khan View Post
A man who does housework is very sexy.
I personally am vacuuming two rooms while I type this. Roombas are like lingerie for househusbands.
__________________
"Good judgment comes from experience. Experience comes from bad judgement." - Anonymous (not Will Rogers or Sam Clemens)
DW and I - FIREd at 50 (7/06), living off assets
harley is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 09-06-2008, 10:24 PM   #14
Give me a museum and I'll fill it. (Picasso)
Give me a forum ...
Sarah in SC's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2005
Location: Charleston, SC
Posts: 13,566
Quote:
Originally Posted by haha View Post
Congratulations to all the househusbands. I confess to being a little confused about where the fun is found in this situation, but obviously it is a lack of imagination on my part rather than any deficiency in the lifestyle.

Ha
I assure you, DH lives in constant fear for the day he stops collecting a paycheck and reports to work for me full time. There is not a single person who knows us that I can recall who has not expressed deep sympathy for my DH at some time or another for putting up with me all these years.
__________________
“One day your life will flash before your eyes. Make sure it's worth watching.”
Gerard Arthur Way

Sarah in SC is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 01-24-2009, 03:06 PM   #15
Give me a museum and I'll fill it. (Picasso)
Give me a forum ...
Amethyst's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2008
Posts: 12,597
"Later," I wouldn't worry--If the marriage is strong, the rest will all sort of even out, because spouses naturally want to lighten each other's burdens. My husband doesn't love housework, but I'm not there during the week to do it, and we don't want to pay someone else to do it. I do my share on the weekends: cooking, doing the household accounts, working in the yard. Once I retire, I'll do much more in the house, I know.

When my husband is called a "kept man" to his face, he gets a sweet little self-satisfied smile, and thanks the person for the compliment. He's also been told he's a very lucky guy and that other men wish they had his gig :grin:

Amethyst
Amethyst is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 01-24-2009, 03:55 PM   #16
Give me a museum and I'll fill it. (Picasso)
Give me a forum ...
calmloki's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2007
Location: Independence
Posts: 7,280
A tune that i've only two lines from, by Brendan Behan: "Would you live on woman's earnings, would you give up work for good..." - anyone have the rest of the song/poem?
calmloki is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 01-24-2009, 03:58 PM   #17
Gone but not forgotten
Khan's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2006
Posts: 6,924
Send a message via AIM to Khan
Quote:
Originally Posted by Amethyst View Post
"Later," I wouldn't worry--If the marriage is strong, the rest will all sort of even out, because spouses naturally want to lighten each other's burdens. My husband doesn't love housework, but I'm not there during the week to do it, and we don't want to pay someone else to do it. I do my share on the weekends: cooking, doing the household accounts, working in the yard. Once I retire, I'll do much more in the house, I know.

When my husband is called a "kept man" to his face, he gets a sweet little self-satisfied smile, and thanks the person for the compliment.
He's also been told he's a very lucky guy and that other men wish they had his gig :grin:

Amethyst
I 'kept' a man for a year or so (not married to). He lost his job when a business closed. He did 'wife work' and 'husband work' and sometimes I still miss him.
__________________
"Knowin' no one nowhere's gonna miss us when we're gone..."
Khan is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 01-24-2009, 04:34 PM   #18
Recycles dryer sheets
 
Join Date: Aug 2008
Posts: 155
DH retired 10 years ago. Until 2 years ago I worked full time and now work part time. For us it works out perfectly. I have inherited from my grandmother and mother the complete and total inability to do any cooking, cleaning, laundry. DH does all those things and more. He's much happier than when he worked for money and I'm spoiled rotten.
FurBall is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 01-24-2009, 04:46 PM   #19
Give me a museum and I'll fill it. (Picasso)
Give me a forum ...
Purron's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2007
Posts: 5,596
I retired just about a year ago and my DH will join me later this year. We got married young and both had full careers. In our early days, we supported each other while we obtained our college degrees. Since he is still working, I spoil him in many ways like taking care of the household chores and finances. He is much less stressed since we used to share these duties. I look forward to the day he joins me in retirement. Since I went into retirement first, I have learned much about how to deal with letting go of work and will help him when he finally lets go. We have always been a team.
__________________
I purr therefore I am.
Purron is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 01-24-2009, 04:48 PM   #20
Give me a museum and I'll fill it. (Picasso)
Give me a forum ...
bbbamI's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Collin County, TX
Posts: 9,294
I guess later has figured it out since she hasn't been back.....
__________________
There's no need to complicate, our time is short..
bbbamI is offline   Reply With Quote
Reply


Currently Active Users Viewing This Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
 
Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are Off
Pingbacks are Off
Refbacks are Off


Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
Guidance for 2nd Wife Whose Husband Never Saved TiredinTX Hi, I am... 29 02-07-2008 08:52 AM
Husband, Wife, BF, GF, SO or What? haha Other topics 22 12-13-2006 06:52 AM
Can a housewife claim that she is retired by making her husband a houseman? Chan Hi, I am... 3 05-05-2006 01:56 AM
ER with a working wife? dog_leg Hi, I am... 27 12-12-2005 02:38 PM
Retired Husband Syndrome MasterBlaster Other topics 18 11-10-2005 08:26 AM

» Quick Links

 
All times are GMT -6. The time now is 08:45 AM.
 
Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.8 Beta 1
Copyright ©2000 - 2024, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.