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Old 02-14-2011, 10:47 PM   #21
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Since I am now retired and she is still working I've happily taken on the extra housework. DW workmates are jealous because their retired husbands aren't doing all the cooking. Tonight I cooked a Valentines Day dinner. I still have plenty of time during the week to have fun. We have always been "splitters". Retirement has just adjusted the balance. I've been practicing spousonomics for 30 years.
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Old 02-15-2011, 10:30 AM   #22
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There are no secrets to a happy marriage. All possibilities are well know but not always followed.
Some marriages are and will always be a mystery to me. I suppose it it about each being able to meet the other's expectations, whatever those are. DW's brother is (apparently) happily married to someone who, as I said to DW "If she and I were living in the same house we'd be at each other's throats in three days".

Or as one of DW's sisters put it: "Everyone has faults. The trick is finding someone who's faults don't matter to you."
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Old 02-15-2011, 11:11 AM   #23
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Or as one of DW's sisters put it: "Everyone has faults. The trick is finding someone who's faults don't matter to you."
Wise, wise woman!
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Old 02-15-2011, 11:14 AM   #24
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"Hey, for every ten dollars, that's another hour that I have to be in the work place. That's an hour of my life. And my life is a very finite thing. I have only 'x' number of hours left before I'm dead. So how do I want to use these hours of my life? Do I want to use them just spending it on more crap and more stuff, or do I want to start getting a handle on it and using my life more intelligently?" -- Joe Dominguez (1938 - 1997)

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Old 02-15-2011, 11:22 AM   #25
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Three words: "You're right, dear."
I think it was supposed to be a HAPPY marriage.

I haven't figured out the secret to a happy marriage, which is why I'm ever-so-happily divorced.
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Old 02-15-2011, 11:25 AM   #26
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I haven't figured out the secret to a happy marriage, which is why I'm ever-so-happily divorced.
And "re-partnered," if there was such a word!
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"Hey, for every ten dollars, that's another hour that I have to be in the work place. That's an hour of my life. And my life is a very finite thing. I have only 'x' number of hours left before I'm dead. So how do I want to use these hours of my life? Do I want to use them just spending it on more crap and more stuff, or do I want to start getting a handle on it and using my life more intelligently?" -- Joe Dominguez (1938 - 1997)

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Old 02-15-2011, 11:33 AM   #27
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I think it was supposed to be a HAPPY marriage.

I haven't figured out the secret to a happy marriage, which is why I'm ever-so-happily divorced.
Well said. I think I could be happy with many different women, as long as they go home fairly often, and almost all of our relations are consensual- ie no one has coercive or state-backed power over anyone else. Remember college when your date came in on a train, then left on a train a few days later? Que bueno!

I was happily married for a long time, until I discovered the downside of that particular arrangment. Not that particular woman, who was as good as most and better than many; just that particular arrangment.

And to make it clear, if marriage were mandatory, I would rather be married to almost any woman that I have ever known well than to anyone who resembled me very closely.

Ha
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Old 02-15-2011, 11:40 AM   #28
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And "re-partnered," if there was such a word!
Yes, happily "re-partnered". I was never a child to eat the middle of the bread and leave the crust, but this must be what it feels like.
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Old 02-15-2011, 11:47 AM   #29
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Well said. I think I could be happy with many different women, as long as they go home fairly often, and almost all of our relations are consensual- ie no one has coercive or state-backed power over anyone else.
I love that aspect of my present relationship. We can always just go home, and do every day at some point. We don't have to engage in power struggles related to money or home, because we each have our own money and our own homes.

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Remember college when your date came in on a train, then left on a train a few days later? Que bueno!

I was happily married for a long time, until I discovered the downside of that particular arrangment. Not that particular woman, who was as good as most and better than many; just that particular arrangment.
I feel the same way. Marriage is fine for many but I am just not well suited to it at this stage in my life.

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And to make it clear, if marriage were mandatory, I would rather be married to almost any woman that I have ever known well than to anyone who resembled me very closely.

Ha
I'll bet that as husbands go, you were a very good one. But if a person is happier unmarried, I see no reason not to live and love happily as best we can.
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Old 02-15-2011, 01:41 PM   #30
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Well said. I think I could be happy with many different women, as long as they go home fairly often, and almost all of our relations are consensual- ie no one has coercive or state-backed power over anyone else. Remember college when your date came in on a train, then left on a train a few days later? Que bueno!


Ha

Ha , You are already going down a slippery slope . Last year you were seeing a few women now you seem to have one who you take for champagne & oysters and buy expensive perfume . If I were to place a wager it would be that you would be in a live in situation with in two years and happily .
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Old 02-15-2011, 03:43 PM   #31
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Ha , You are already going down a slippery slope . Last year you were seeing a few women now you seem to have one who you take for champagne & oysters and buy expensive perfume . If I were to place a wager it would be that you would be in a live in situation with in two years and happily .
Anything is possible, but I think I just like cute fine-smelling women who enjoy eating oysters and drinking Champagne.

Ha
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Old 02-16-2011, 07:20 PM   #32
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I rather like men, but would sell a kidney before getting married or even living with someone.
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Old 02-16-2011, 07:32 PM   #33
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I rather like men, but would sell a kidney before getting married or even living with someone.

Khan , You are already selling a kidney so you don't have to go back to work . You better hang on to the one you have left .
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Old 02-16-2011, 09:00 PM   #34
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This was not on the list...touch each other in public. Yes, PDAs.

Hand holding, an affectionate hand on the shoulder, a sneak butt grab in an empty aisle in the grocery store , an arm offered to cross the street, a light touch on the cheek, a quick back scratch...

When I look at informal pictures taken of my late husband and I, we usually had some sort of light contact going on. It is very natural to want to touch someone you love. So what if our puritanical society disapproves ? Bronx cheer.

Mr B is not yet used to this concept. However, he is my best student.
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Old 02-17-2011, 03:41 AM   #35
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Im happily married despite not being the caressing type. I think she is happy, too....and resigned to my not being prone to be tender in a physically sense
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Old 02-20-2011, 02:47 AM   #36
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Three words: "You're right, dear."
My dad told me the secret to a happy marriage: Compromise; do it her way.
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Old 02-20-2011, 07:41 AM   #37
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The book looks like the title of an article listed on the covers of magazines ranging from Cosmopolitan to the National Enquirer. Oh... and the Wall Street Journal.
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Old 02-20-2011, 08:31 AM   #38
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My dad told me the secret to a happy marriage: Compromise; do it her way.
+1. Plus we have certain agreements over money since that tends to be a big factor in divorce these days. Certain things I have the final say, certain things she does, others are "does not matter", and still others we discuss and find a common ground. Also helps that after all these years we are still deeply in love and committed, even during the times we were at each other's throats (figuratively)!
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Old 02-20-2011, 10:00 AM   #39
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Yep. Talking is very important.
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Old 02-20-2011, 10:55 AM   #40
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The key to our 41 yrs of blissful maritial harmony is learning to ignore the "marriage penalty" at income tax time.

For the first few years of married life, we dwelled on it. We both worked and frequently made similar salaries. This meant that our maritial status resulted in significantly higher fed income taxes than had we been single living together. Drove us nuts. We even consulted with an attorny to get info on how we could divorce, have DW keep my name, and put legal docs in place to put married-like protections in place. We'd tell no one, just go on as before, but paying lower taxes.

After a few years of that, we gave up and decided we just needed to live the life we'd chosen as far as taxes and gov't go. And that's what we do. No more recalculating taxes to see how big the marriage penalty is. No more even discussing it. Or even mentioning it. We're MFJ and there's nothing we can do about it so just smile and live with it.

Even the current tax increase proposal that would have a single paying the highest rate at an income of $200k but married folks paying the highest level at $125k each didn't get us into a bitch and moan session.
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