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Old 12-06-2013, 10:35 AM   #41
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I find that even what I thought was a clear, well thought out post often is misinterpreted. Or perhaps,just perhaps, the post was not as well written as I thought. :-)
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Old 12-06-2013, 11:07 AM   #42
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Sometimes it is hard to recognize the difference between therapy and communication, especially re: an issue on which one has very strong feelings. Those who recognize their rant was merely therapeutic and does not move the ball down the field have a better chance of deleting an ill-considered post before sending.

I try, especially online, to actively assume good intentions on the part of other posters. (But it does seem some people get their jollies from being online jerks. Fortunately, this forum seems to have less of that behavior than so many others.)

I truly appreciate the wisdom shared on this site. And to all those who are able to respectfully discuss topics with those who have very different perspectives, kudos.
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Old 12-06-2013, 02:04 PM   #43
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The main reasons I've self-censored myself (whether with deleting a reply I was working on or deleting an original post) are (1) I decided I wasn't adding anything to what was already said in that or another thread (this is usually the reason I self censor), (2) I thought anything I could say might hurt someone's feelings, (3) I felt that there wasn't anyway to say what I wanted to say without revealing too much personal information, and (4) I felt what I was going to post was going to create something too contentious.
Very similar to my reasons for deleting before posting, especially #3.

(Remainder of post self-censored )
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Old 12-06-2013, 02:10 PM   #44
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In between wisecracks and quips, I sometimes post something serious...

But I try to keep that to a minimum.
Life's too short to be too serious.
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Old 12-06-2013, 07:42 PM   #45
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This forum strikes a balance between every other special interest forum - where people attack other posters and basically get away with it - and a needlework forum, populated (apparently) entirely by women, which I left because of members' passive-aggressive behavior. That forum had an owner/moderator, who had nothing to do: no one ever used any dirty words, said mean things, or made any political comments.

The needlework forum was supposed to be about learning from one another's work. In actual practice, it went like this: you indicated whether you liked other members by lavishly praising photos of their work, even if it was poor quality. If the members decided they didn't like a member, they would simply fail to leave any compliments on her photos. It ended up with the silliest women receiving all the compliments, and the smarter ones getting none.

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Old 12-06-2013, 08:40 PM   #46
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Ouch, that sounds painful Amethsyt. And here I thought all those ladies seem to get along better then the guys that just stick to themselves.

Strange dynamics in groups of more then one.
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Old 12-07-2013, 01:12 AM   #47
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Lsbcal,

Mixed-sex groups tend to get along best, in my experience (real life as well as on-line interest forums). I've always been happier in a mixed-sex workplace, for example, than in one that was either all-female, or where I was the only female (which happened a few times, when I was starting out).

I'm not sure how to phrase it, but it's almost as if the women and men keep tabs on each other and try not to offend each other. Whereas, a mostly single-sex group tends to demonstrate the worst social aspects of that sex, and even gangs up on members.

Again, I'm not sure if I've put this correctly, and it doesn't hold true for the "open Internet," such as the comments you see after newspaper articles, where the commenters are probably mixed-sex and commit all sorts of horrid personal attacks on each another. And they sure don't seem to self-censor!

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Ouch, that sounds painful Amethsyt. And here I thought all those ladies seem to get along better then the guys that just stick to themselves.

Strange dynamics in groups of more then one.
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Old 12-07-2013, 05:41 AM   #48
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I'm not sure how to phrase it, but it's almost as if the women and men keep tabs on each other and try not to offend each other. Whereas, a mostly single-sex group tends to demonstrate the worst social aspects of that sex, and even gangs up on members.
The young wife is a high school teacher. Her area is child development and early childhood education, so she usually has all-girl classes. She has told me that on the rare occasions when she has had boys, her classes behave better. Even if there is only one boy and 24 girls, the girls are calmer and nicer to each other than when she has 25 girls.
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Old 12-07-2013, 08:06 AM   #49
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Mixed-sex groups tend to get along best, in my experience (real life as well as on-line interest forums). I've always been happier in a mixed-sex workplace, for example, than in one that was either all-female, or where I was the only female (which happened a few times, when I was starting out).
+1. My experience as well, all females or all males can be insufferable. It is interesting to see how the group dynamic changes for the better when both sexes are represented.
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Old 12-07-2013, 08:18 AM   #50
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This forum strikes a balance between every other special interest forum - where people attack other posters and basically get away with it ..........Amethyst
Agreed. I've seen both extremes - where moderators just deleted posts right and left without even the courtesy of notifying the poster, and other forums where vicious personal, political and religious attacks were commonplace with no moderation in sight.
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Old 12-07-2013, 10:35 AM   #51
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Lsbcal,

Mixed-sex groups tend to get along best, in my experience (real life as well as on-line interest forums).
I went to an all male university, after attending a normal co-ed high school. I saw very little bad behavior in the university, although there was plenty drinking. I don't remember ever seeing a fight between students is the 4 years of my attendance.

OTOH, I saw plenty fights in high school, usually because of a dispute over some girl which one of the students thought was "his girl", while she apparently took a more outgoing view and easily recruited a male partner to be her counterpart. In fact, depending on the social class of the students, I have noticed plenty girls plotting to instigate fights over some aspect of a hapless guy differently interpreting the meaning of her possibly misleading signals.

It may be different today, because among other things, men know that they are in the line of fire if ever our behavior can possibly be seen as "sexist". Count me absent, unless I have very clear reason to think a particular woman wants me, and unless I think I can well understand the boundaries of this desire.

Remember Chuck Berry? He required a signed and witnessed statement of intentions before he would even talk to a woman.

Ha
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Old 12-07-2013, 10:55 AM   #52
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I went to an all male university, after attending a normal co-ed high school. I saw very little bad behavior in the university, although there was plenty drinking. I don't remember ever seeing a fight between students is the 4 years of my attendance. OTOH, I saw plenty fights in high school, usually because of a dispute over some girl which one of the students thought was "his girl", while she apparently took a more outgoing view and easily recruited a male partner to be her counterpart. In fact, depending on the social class of the students, I have noticed plenty girls plotting to instigate fights over some aspect of a hapless guy differently interpreting the meaning of her possibly misleading signals. It may be different today, because among other things, men know that they are in the line of fire if ever our behavior can possibly be seen as "sexist". Count me absent, unless I have very clear reason to think a particular woman wants me, and unless I think I can well understand the boundaries of this desire. Remember Chuck Berry? He required a signed and witnessed statement of intentions before he would even talk to a woman. Ha
Ha, was there a nearby all female university at the university you attended? No girls would have made it difficult for me to attend college as that was half the reason I went! .... Based on my observations in more rural schools, fighting has shifted from a male occurrence to a female one. Though not rampant in either side, I would say the ratio was 5-1 female. Of course it was 95% of the time over a male, though and exacerbated through social media comments. When a fight was brewing with males back in my earlier career you simply told them to wait and do it after school, which they would, and the problem was solved. Of course now that is not acceptable... But with junior high boys, we would just paddle them before it got going and that always took the starch and out their fight britches!
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Old 12-07-2013, 11:27 AM   #53
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Ha, was there a nearby all female university at the university you attended? No girls would have made it difficult for me to attend college as that was half the reason I went! .... Based on my observations in more rural schools, fighting has shifted from a male occurrence to a female one. Though not rampant in either side, I would say the ratio was 5-1 female. Of course it was 95% of the time over a male, though and exacerbated through social media comments. When a fight was brewing with males back in my earlier career you simply told them to wait and do it after school, which they would, and the problem was solved. Of course now that is not acceptable... But with junior high boys, we would just paddle them before it got going and that always took the starch and out their fight britches!
Wow, as the world turns. I have never seen girls or women in a physical fight, or hair pulling contest. Must be ugly.

There was no "sister school", though this was a medium size city, and the university had a hospital with nurses and nursing students, and of course graduate students. Plenty of young working women in the city too. Though the 4 year rhythm of school graduations offers a convenient sell by date on comfortable but not necessarily the best relationships. With working women, this is not available unless one is ok with being misleading. Also, there was a steady stream of camel coated blond girls getting off trains on Friday afternoons, and leaving again on Sunday evenings. I found nurses pretty easy to like, as they seemed better grounded than many of Daddy's little darlings from off. I guess most students today are getting very regular weekday as well as weekend sex, so life would have to be more relaxed physically, if perhaps more treacherous socially.

Ha
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Old 12-07-2013, 01:15 PM   #54
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Wow, as the world turns. I have never seen girls or women in a physical fight, or hair pulling contest. Must be ugly.
It is, back in 73, witnessed 2 girls in a fistfight. One ended up with a broken nose. Don't think the winner had a very good home life. Sbe instigated the fight with a girl that was in the popular crowd.

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Old 12-07-2013, 03:55 PM   #55
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This is gonna end up off topic...

+1 on the all male school.
I cannot recall a fight... ever. It was an old school college in the 50's with deep traditions, and the main goal of turning out "the well rounded man"..."gentleman".

Learned early on as the school at the time was 90+ % Greek Letter Fraternity, and freshmen all learned gentility... or else!

Girls came from all over... Bryn Mawr, Skidmore, Westbrook Junior College, Wellesley, Mount Holyoke, Smith... etc... Party weekends were chaperoned... with the guys moving out, and the girls moving in to the fraternity houses. Bars in the basement of every Fraternity house, but closed down @ 1:30 AM, guys out. The Fraternity house mother oversaw the morality... a truly different era. The party weekends were awesome... Brubeck, Les Brown, the Glenn Miller Band, Ellington... Imagine... coming to a little school with just 800 students? Lobster feasts at Popham Beach, and Winter Weekend, with the giant snow sculptures... and Homecoming!... incredible parties... Started at 7AM with Bloody Marys...

Except for party weekends... study, study, study... no give away grades. So to tie it back to the subject... ... a time and place to learn respect for others... to be sensitive and mature... and when a slapdown happens, a conscience tweak that really hurts.
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Old 12-07-2013, 05:01 PM   #56
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Well, I went to an all woman's college. At least it was until the year before I got there. My freshman year the female/male ratio was 16:1. We didn't have any fights either. There was no pressure, if one woman didn't want to go out with you one of the other 15 did. Personally I consider attending that college to be one of the very best decisions I ever made. When I'm (hopefully) really really old and lying on my deathbed I'll be smiling as long as I still have some of those memories.
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Old 12-07-2013, 05:04 PM   #57
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Very off topic, but I was observing to Mr. A., that if we had a son (which we don't) I would advise him to be very, very careful about being alone (let alone intimate) with any woman until he knew her well and could be sure of her intentions. Same as what was drummed into me from age 13 about male human beings. The recent case of the football star, accused of rape a year after a casual sex encounter, has made it evident that it's not just girls and women who "shouldn't have been there, at that time, with that man, wearing/not wearing those clothes, you were asking for it." Nowadays, we see that men "ask for it," too.

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It may be different today, because among other things, men know that they are in the line of fire if ever our behavior can possibly be seen as "sexist". Count me absent, unless I have very clear reason to think a particular woman wants me, and unless I think I can well understand the boundaries of this desire.

Remember Chuck Berry? He required a signed and witnessed statement of intentions before he would even talk to a woman.

Ha
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Old 12-07-2013, 05:06 PM   #58
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Well, I went to an all woman's college. At least it was until the year before I got there. My freshman year the female/male ratio was 16:1.
That was one of the two big reasons I took a typing class in high school. I was one of two guys in a classroom of girls.

The other reason I took the class was that I knew they couldn't make you buy a typewriter and therefore there would be no homework for that class.

In spite of my reasons for taking it that class proved to be one of the most practical and most-used skills I picked up in HS.
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Old 12-07-2013, 07:41 PM   #59
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Well, I went to an all woman's college. At least it was until the year before I got there. My freshman year the female/male ratio was 16:1. We didn't have any fights either. There was no pressure, if one woman didn't want to go out with you one of the other 15 did. Personally I consider attending that college to be one of the very best decisions I ever made. When I'm (hopefully) really really old and lying on my deathbed I'll be smiling as long as I still have some of those memories.
Great story Harley!

But I have to say that is NOT one of the reasons I went to engineering school.

Although I have to say they were very nice men and very welcoming and I have great memories of the camaraderie. What a change from high school!
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Old 12-08-2013, 07:33 PM   #60
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Harley made a much wiser college choice than you other two old guys! No brainer! Good job, Harley!! You get a gold star for that one.

I personally hate big groups of women. Never could imagine working in a female dominated profession for that reason, like teaching or nursing. Ugh! Co-Ed life for me, all the way.
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