Join Early Retirement Today
Reply
 
Thread Tools Search this Thread Display Modes
self-manipulation
Old 01-06-2008, 12:38 PM   #1
Thinks s/he gets paid by the post
lazygood4nothinbum's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2006
Posts: 3,895
self-manipulation

ok, this isn't what you thought it might be.

this
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mary_From_Georgia View Post
I really believe making this purchase (aside from the potential, which I am not banking on) can really make me more focused afterwards. I've heard people say that having kids had a similar effect on them.
from another thread got me thinking about how do we get ourselves to take action.


i've always wanted to see the world but i could never get myself to leave home. and so i have put myself in a situation whereby i sort of need to downsize to sustain the early retirement i have in mind, extended travel by land or sea. hadn't i done this, i likely would have slowly & comfortably rotted away here having never seen the world at all. but now i am forcing myself into a life of adventure which i know i am going to just love.

i'm lazy. i don't feel motivated to live an adventuous life. my inclination is simply to watch it all on pbs with remote control at hand. so i have to manipulate myself, hopefully without fooling myself because in order to manipulate i have to know myself, all the while knowing that i am more manipulated than motivated.
__________________

__________________
"off with their heads"~~dr. joseph-ignace guillotin

"life should begin with age and its privileges and accumulations, and end with youth and its capacity to splendidly enjoy such advantages."~~mark twain - letter to edward kimmitt 1901
lazygood4nothinbum is offline   Reply With Quote
Join the #1 Early Retirement and Financial Independence Forum Today - It's Totally Free!

Are you planning to be financially independent as early as possible so you can live life on your own terms? Discuss successful investing strategies, asset allocation models, tax strategies and other related topics in our online forum community. Our members range from young folks just starting their journey to financial independence, military retirees and even multimillionaires. No matter where you fit in you'll find that Early-Retirement.org is a great community to join. Best of all it's totally FREE!

You are currently viewing our boards as a guest so you have limited access to our community. Please take the time to register and you will gain a lot of great new features including; the ability to participate in discussions, network with our members, see fewer ads, upload photographs, create a retirement blog, send private messages and so much, much more!

Old 01-06-2008, 02:21 PM   #2
Administrator
W2R's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2007
Location: New Orleans
Posts: 38,826
Quote:
Originally Posted by lazygood4nothinbum View Post
ok, this isn't what you thought it might be.

this from another thread got me thinking about how do we get ourselves to take action.

i've always wanted to see the world but i could never get myself to leave home. and so i have put myself in a situation whereby i sort of need to downsize to sustain the early retirement i have in mind, extended travel by land or sea. hadn't i done this, i likely would have slowly & comfortably rotted away here having never seen the world at all. but now i am forcing myself into a life of adventure which i know i am going to just love.

i'm lazy. i don't feel motivated to live an adventuous life. my inclination is simply to watch it all on pbs with remote control at hand. so i have to manipulate myself, hopefully without fooling myself because in order to manipulate i have to know myself, all the while knowing that i am more manipulated than motivated.
LGNB, there's nothing wrong with not traveling and not leading an adventurous life, but watching it on PBS instead! OK, well, at least if you get some exercise in, and if this makes you happy, then there is nothing wrong with it. Are you so sure that you are just going to love all this travel and adventure? Maybe what you really want is to be a homebody. Could it be? If so, it's not like your life would be less worthwhile if you did what you want, instead of what you think is good for you.

Some people (such as me) have ZERO desire to travel abroad.
__________________

__________________
Already we are boldly launched upon the deep; but soon we shall be lost in its unshored, harbourless immensities.

- - H. Melville, 1851
W2R is online now   Reply With Quote
Old 01-06-2008, 02:43 PM   #3
Thinks s/he gets paid by the post
JPatrick's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2005
Posts: 2,494
Quote:
Originally Posted by lazygood4nothinbum View Post
ok, this isn't what you thought it might be.

i sort of need to downsize to sustain the early retirement i have in mind,
OK, now that I see what this thread really is, do you want to sell that cool Mustang of yours.
__________________
JPatrick is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 01-06-2008, 03:23 PM   #4
Thinks s/he gets paid by the post
lazygood4nothinbum's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2006
Posts: 3,895
Quote:
Originally Posted by Want2retire View Post
LGNB, there's nothing wrong with not traveling and not leading an adventurous life, but watching it on PBS instead! OK, well, at least if you get some exercise in, and if this makes you happy, then there is nothing wrong with it. Are you so sure that you are just going to love all this travel and adventure? Maybe what you really want is to be a homebody. Could it be? If so, it's not like your life would be less worthwhile if you did what you want, instead of what you think is good for you.

Some people (such as me) have ZERO desire to travel abroad.
outside of east coast, caribbean and bahamas boating with parents, i've never been anywhere. and i know precisely why i've been a homebody all this time. it is because i have been living in fear, afraid to shoot craps, remaining in the safety of my comfort zone.

why even exercise if you are comfortable being a couch potato watching the world go by on pbs? yet you do exercise because you know that it is good for you. and so there is something not of your natural inclination that gets you off your butt & out to the gym. that is upon which i hoped this thread would focus.

travel scares me. but what scares me more is vegetating on a couch watching the world go by. i see most clearly when i look foward looking back. when i look in a mirror, looking back into a mirror. so when i look at myself into the future, and imagine myself reminiscing on my life, do i want to see myself having watched the world go by or having experienced it. which will enrich me more?

you are absolutely correct in that i am without a doubt a homebody. but being comfortable, does not necessarily make me a better person or any happier. the last thing in the world that i want to do today is go to the gym, but i know that i'll be sorry tomorrow if i don't.

so how do you manipulate yourself to do what you might not be motivated to do otherwise?

Quote:
OK, now that I see what this thread really is, do you want to sell that cool Mustang of yours.
ya, there's that. i've already calculated my stupid dollar loss were i to sell early. actually not too bad considering the thrill it's been as the only other way would have been a lease which would have been very expensive. will take me at least a year or three of selling these houses and preparing myself for a life offshore so that loss will be reduced & further mitigated with a few fun road trips between now and then.

by the way, i raced a vette the other day only he didn't realize we were racing until it was too late so i won one. fun fun fun.

ps. and no, just in case you were wondering. no decals still.
__________________
"off with their heads"~~dr. joseph-ignace guillotin

"life should begin with age and its privileges and accumulations, and end with youth and its capacity to splendidly enjoy such advantages."~~mark twain - letter to edward kimmitt 1901
lazygood4nothinbum is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 01-06-2008, 04:19 PM   #5
Thinks s/he gets paid by the post
JPatrick's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2005
Posts: 2,494
Actually, I know many who would qualify for homebody status. Most have configured their homes in such a way that they find themselves asking--who wants to leave? Swimming pools, home theatres, exercise rooms, etc.
Not all of them all that expensive either.
I did some of that when we escaped the Texas scorpions and snakes, but we also picked an area that had abundant recreation within a 30 minute drive. We can travel and still be home bodies.

And STILL no stripes on the stang?
No desire to travel--no stripes on hot mustang---do you see a possible correlation?
__________________
JPatrick is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 01-06-2008, 05:21 PM   #6
Give me a museum and I'll fill it. (Picasso)
Give me a forum ...
RunningBum's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2007
Posts: 5,164
My dad had a major heart attack in his 50s. That got him to quit smoking and start exercising, and he retired at 62 after realizing they could live comfortably enough and reducing the stress was the major goal. 20 years after the heart attack he's in great shape.

Mom & Dad also take some interesting trips, mostly with their 55+ club. Many of them are bus tours so that aren't terribly expensive. Maybe you could join a group you have something in common with and take trips that might interest you with them. Aren't there gay tours and cruises? (Please pardon me if I've mixed you up with someone else.) There's no way to tell if you'll get along with the group but if you have something in common at least you have a better chance than with a random group.

My sister, definitely a homebody, recently had a stroke at 40 (maybe--there is some disagreement among her doctors) and is starting to exercise more and quit smoking. Hopefully she'll keep it up. This definitely scared her into action.

I've always been active, but even if I wasn't I think these family events would prompt me to do something before a (near-)catastrophic medical event happened to me.
__________________
RunningBum is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 01-06-2008, 05:32 PM   #7
Administrator
W2R's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2007
Location: New Orleans
Posts: 38,826
Well, here's how I get myself to go to the gym when I don't feel like it.

I tell myself, "I won't work out, but I will just put my gym bag in the car and drive to the gym. I won't get out, and then I'll drive home. At least then I'll know that it wasn't just the traffic keeping me away."

Once I get to the gym, I park and sit in the car. I tell myself, "I won't work out, but I will just go inside and watch people for a minute, and maybe take a turn around the indoor track, and then leave".

Once I walk inside, it's like I am on autopilot. Before I know it, I'm working hard on my routine and enjoying it tremendously.

So, I'd say that for me, taking things in little steps and telling myself I can quit after each tiny step is a way to persuade myself to do something.
__________________
Already we are boldly launched upon the deep; but soon we shall be lost in its unshored, harbourless immensities.

- - H. Melville, 1851
W2R is online now   Reply With Quote
Old 01-06-2008, 05:43 PM   #8
Thinks s/he gets paid by the post
lazygood4nothinbum's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2006
Posts: 3,895
Quote:
Originally Posted by RunningBum View Post
Aren't there gay tours and cruises? (Please pardon me if I've mixed you up with someone else.)
nope, i be he. as to gay tours, i might do very little of that but from what i hear from people i know who go they are mostly populated with old rich out of shape guys. you know, the guys who can afford it. no thank you. i'm pretty sure i'll have a lot more fun playing with the guys in buenos aires, rio de jeneiro and bangkok as i struggle through early retirement. this is gonna be fun.
__________________
"off with their heads"~~dr. joseph-ignace guillotin

"life should begin with age and its privileges and accumulations, and end with youth and its capacity to splendidly enjoy such advantages."~~mark twain - letter to edward kimmitt 1901
lazygood4nothinbum is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 01-06-2008, 10:20 PM   #9
Thinks s/he gets paid by the post
 
Join Date: Apr 2007
Posts: 1,304
I have always loved traveling, ever since I was in the AF and was able to take 'hops' around the world. I have been fortunate enough to travel the world in my megacorp j*b. Since retirement we have been traveling extensively.
Funny, but DW and I are 'private type, home bodies' too. I also love the PBS and Travel Channel travel-logs. However I have found that even though I've seen 'the world' on these shows, there is nothing like seeing it in person. Seeing the local culture and the hustle bustle of everyday life is an entirely different experience.

Take it in baby steps. Check out the travelzoo.com website for some extremely good last minute sales to Europe and book one.
Safe travels.
__________________
Life is GREAT!
megacorp-firee is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 01-06-2008, 10:27 PM   #10
Thinks s/he gets paid by the post
 
Join Date: Apr 2007
Posts: 1,304
Quote:
Originally Posted by lazygood4nothinbum View Post
by the way, i raced a vette the other day only he didn't realize we were racing until it was too late so i won one. fun fun fun.
? what do you have in that mustang of yours?
__________________
Life is GREAT!
megacorp-firee is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 01-06-2008, 10:43 PM   #11
Thinks s/he gets paid by the post
 
Join Date: Nov 2005
Posts: 2,119
LGFN my wife is just like you. She wants nothing but the comfort of our home. Has all kinds of issues when away from home. the airports and planes really give her the willies these days. I sure do a lot of driving because of this.
__________________
newguy88 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 01-06-2008, 11:47 PM   #12
Thinks s/he gets paid by the post
JPatrick's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2005
Posts: 2,494
Quote:
Originally Posted by newguy888 View Post
the airports and planes really give her the willies these days.
Considering the state of the airlines of America, I'd say her feelings are quite justified.
__________________
JPatrick is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 01-07-2008, 08:44 AM   #13
Give me a museum and I'll fill it. (Picasso)
Give me a forum ...
Moemg's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2007
Location: Sarasota,fl.
Posts: 10,031
Quote:
Originally Posted by lazygood4nothinbum View Post
travel scares me. but what scares me more is vegetating on a couch watching the world go by.

Why don't you start with easy trips ? Since you 've done the east coast do the west coast .There is lots to see and it's an easy trip by yourself .Then go to England .No language difficulty and lots to do. When I became a widow I really hadn't travelled much by myself so I was scared of the unknown .I started slowly and got more at ease with it . Now I can travel anywhere and enjoy it .
__________________
Moemg is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 01-07-2008, 10:18 AM   #14
Thinks s/he gets paid by the post
happy2bretired's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: Nebraska
Posts: 1,339
Quote:
Originally Posted by lazygood4nothinbum View Post
nope, i be he. as to gay tours, i might do very little of that but from what i hear from people i know who go they are mostly populated with old rich out of shape guys. you know, the guys who can afford it. no thank you. i'm pretty sure i'll have a lot more fun playing with the guys in buenos aires, rio de jeneiro and bangkok as i struggle through early retirement. this is gonna be fun.
Lazy on our first cruise, leaving from SF to Vancouver, we had lunch with a table of strangers. One couple (guy guys) were doing that short cruise and then going on a gay cruise from Vancouver to Alaska. They certainly were not old...they were pretty cool and NOT out of shape at all. I believe they used Atlantis to make their travel plans. I'd say, try the west coast too.
__________________
happy2bretired is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 01-07-2008, 10:49 AM   #15
Recycles dryer sheets
template's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2005
Posts: 175
Quote:
Originally Posted by lazygood4nothinbum View Post
...got me thinking about how do we get ourselves to take action....

Can't help on getting one's self to travel -- I have the same problem-- I don't enjoy travel.

Someone claimed that if you do the same thing for a certain number of times in a row, it will become a habit. That's what I did. I forced myself to exercise daily until it became a habit. Now, I look forward to it every day. The endorphins your body produces after exercise make you feel great mentally.

I've never been to a gym, but walk, bicycle, or (rarely) lift weights instead -- every day, rain/shine/snow since 2001.

Make exercise a compulsion. Reward yourself with a daily walk around the neighborhood or elsewhere.
__________________
Retired in 2001 at age 49.
template is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 01-07-2008, 12:45 PM   #16
Thinks s/he gets paid by the post
lazygood4nothinbum's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2006
Posts: 3,895
Quote:
Originally Posted by template View Post
Can't help on getting one's self to travel -- I have the same problem-- I don't enjoy travel....

Someone claimed that if you do the same thing for a certain number of times in a row, it will become a habit. That's what I did. I forced myself to exercise daily until it became a habit.
i actually do enjoy travel; i just don't enjoy leaving the house.

in retrospect, i manipulated myself similarly in regard to eating better. over the many years, i'd become so hooked on meat that it was difficult to change. now i actually like the tastes & textures of all the fake meat products i consume. i don't know if they became my habit but i see your point. i like to think i altered my lifestyle but maybe that just helps me from dropping this good habit.

Quote:
...One couple (guy guys) were doing that short cruise and then going on a gay cruise from Vancouver to Alaska. They certainly were not old...they were pretty cool and NOT out of shape at all. I believe they used Atlantis to make their travel plans.
thanx happy, glad to hear. do you happen to know if they were looking for a third? i actually do plan to do some of these cruises if only to hopefully meet someone who might be able to afford long-term travel. i guess as i'll soon be 51, mostly it is guys in their 50s who are all that's left for me. this is too depressing. i could kill my past partner for dying on me. what nerve! sure, he'd be in his 50s too. but at least i knew him when he was hot.

Quote:
Why don't you start with easy trips ? Since you 've done the east coast do the west coast .There is lots to see and it's an easy trip by yourself .Then go to England .No language difficulty and lots to do.
very much in line, moemg, with my thinking. to get myself to change i already started with small trips. my first one to the blue ridge mountain saw me running home after about four days. but then i did a few weeks in tennessee and then i did my roadtrip to jersey and back. next i want to try a few months in toronto.

i hoped for that this summer but if the house still hasn't sold i will be reluctant to unnecessarily spend so canada might be delayed by a year. the summer after whenever that happens i was planning to check out the west coast, maybe do a month or three in seattle or further north. or if i become more comfortable between now & then with being away from home, just take off overseas already.

i know i can do this. when i had my partner, he was such a crazy bastid that i did a lot of things i wouldn't have normally done on my own. but i had a totally great time. so now i have to get myself to do those things on my own that i know will make me happy, if i could just get out the front door.

Quote:
LGFN my wife is just like you. She wants nothing but the comfort of our home.
actually, newguy, similar but different. while i do enjoy the comforts of home, i do not want to be trapped by them. because i can see the riches of living in fort lauderdale holding me back from living an even richer life. so i have to fight my natural inclination to live a relatively safer & more comfortable and sedentary existance.

i think that to allow myself to fall into my natural pattern would be to squander an incredible opportunity & i do not want to one day look back at that. early retirement has brought me to quite the crossroads. i am unemcumbered, i've the funding & i've still youth enough to physically enjoy the trip and to mentally take upon the challenge. this is a huge change for me; now to see if i've the courage.

Quote:
? what do you have in that mustang of yours?
mega, was just sort of kidding. i'm pretty sure most new vettes beat the stang. all depends though on who's driving, doesn't it? most of the new vettes here are driven rather conservatively. i'm one of the few nut cases still out there. under the hood is just a stock v8 in a gt vertible, but it's pretty quick. i don't know why people pay so much for a day at disney. i have that much fun just going to the store.

runningbum and want2retire bring up two interesting points about self-manipulation when they discuss:

Quote:
My dad had a major heart attack in his 50s. That got him to quit smoking and start exercising, and he retired at 62 after realizing they could live comfortably enough and reducing the stress was the major goal. 20 years after the heart attack he's in great shape.
&
Quote:
So, I'd say that for me, taking things in little steps and telling myself I can quit after each tiny step is a way to persuade myself to do something.
because in reading both passages, i realize that self-manipulation can be both a conscious action or one of default. just like i'm being involved in getting myself to travel, want2 remains involved about getting herself to the gym.

my ol'man, however, manipulated himself similar to runningbum's dad. he didn't give up smoking and drinking until after his second open heart surgery (and all that with mom posting on the wall pictures of his operation scars). he was never motivated to care for his own health until his hand was forced.

and so self-manipulation can be active or passive. like want2 talking herself into working out, self-manipulation can be accomplished with due consideration. or like when we let life take control, self-manipulation can be, um, hand-forced.
__________________
"off with their heads"~~dr. joseph-ignace guillotin

"life should begin with age and its privileges and accumulations, and end with youth and its capacity to splendidly enjoy such advantages."~~mark twain - letter to edward kimmitt 1901
lazygood4nothinbum is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 01-07-2008, 01:06 PM   #17
Give me a museum and I'll fill it. (Picasso)
Give me a forum ...
haha's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2003
Location: Hooverville
Posts: 22,380
Quote:
Originally Posted by Want2retire View Post
Some people (such as me) have ZERO desire to travel abroad.
I agree, though there are specific things I would like to do again. But they don't involve what one would normally call travel- more like moving for 6 months or so to another place.

Last night i was watching something on PBS about some lions who live in an absolute desert- I think it was in Namibia. Suddenly a couple of Land Rovers started surfing down a sand dune above the lions, with a tourist couple riding on a rooftop compartment. Yuck! I thought, they have likely paid $10,000 for this! It takes no skill, no conditioning, no social awareness, no intelligence. Just cash or a credit card with some space on it. Why not just head on down to Wal-Mart and buy a DVD and leave $9,990 in the bank?

Why not drive a few miles outside one's own town and hike a wilderness trail? There you will see wildlife, but you will at least expoend some effort and skill finding it.

Why not go to Las Vegas and match wits with the linesmakers?

I think I may be polishing my curmudgeon claims. I wish it weren't so but there seems to be no cure.


Ha
__________________
"As a general rule, the more dangerous or inappropriate a conversation, the more interesting it is."-Scott Adams
haha is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 01-07-2008, 01:09 PM   #18
Give me a museum and I'll fill it. (Picasso)
Give me a forum ...
haha's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2003
Location: Hooverville
Posts: 22,380
Quote:
Originally Posted by Want2retire View Post
Well, here's how I get myself to go to the gym when I don't feel like it.

I tell myself, "I won't work out, but I will just put my gym bag in the car and drive to the gym. I won't get out, and then I'll drive home. At least then I'll know that it wasn't just the traffic keeping me away."

Once I get to the gym, I park and sit in the car. I tell myself, "I won't work out, but I will just go inside and watch people for a minute, and maybe take a turn around the indoor track, and then leave".

Once I walk inside, it's like I am on autopilot. Before I know it, I'm working hard on my routine and enjoying it tremendously.

So, I'd say that for me, taking things in little steps and telling myself I can quit after each tiny step is a way to persuade myself to do something.
This is very clever. Thanks for posting. Often all we need help with is getting past the initial inertia.

Ha
__________________
"As a general rule, the more dangerous or inappropriate a conversation, the more interesting it is."-Scott Adams
haha is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 01-07-2008, 01:46 PM   #19
Give me a museum and I'll fill it. (Picasso)
Give me a forum ...
 
Join Date: Sep 2005
Location: Northern IL
Posts: 18,261
Quote:
Originally Posted by haha View Post
I agree, though there are specific things I would like to do again. But they don't involve what one would normally call travel- more like moving for 6 months or so to another place.

Ha
I've been thinking along those lines also. I have not travelled much, but have been to a few far-off places on business and had some time to enjoy it, and mingle with the locals a bit in each case.

But the idea of spending a couple weeks touring Europe or wherever as tourists and hitting all the sites that I can see on TV doesn't interest me a lot at this point. But, spending a few months somewhere, living, eating and immersing oneself in a culture sounds like fun. Pick up and go somewhere else for a few months.

I love noticing just subtle differences in cultures, things you don't really get on a DVD. They might not seem like much, but it kind of gets you out your 'comfort zone' and you wonder - why do they do it that way here? Kind of wakes up you brain.

We are pretty much homebodies, but when the kids move out, downsizing is something we will consider. I'd just as soon put what we really want in storage, and then travel for a year or whatever before settling down again. Want to do it while I'm still in good health.

-ERD50
__________________
ERD50 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 01-07-2008, 01:51 PM   #20
Give me a museum and I'll fill it. (Picasso)
Give me a forum ...
 
Join Date: Sep 2005
Location: Northern IL
Posts: 18,261
Quote:
Originally Posted by lazygood4nothinbum View Post
i actually do enjoy travel; i just don't enjoy leaving the house.
What specifically bothers you about leaving the house? Just a comfort thing? I know that some people have a real problem with this. Understanding that might be key.

I just get nervous about it - will a pipe burst, the furnace go out, something catch on fire, a burglary? That's one reason I'd like to do an extended tour if/when I sell my house. I would feel very 'free', I think.

-ERD50
__________________

__________________
ERD50 is offline   Reply With Quote
Reply


Currently Active Users Viewing This Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
 
Thread Tools Search this Thread
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are Off
Pingbacks are Off
Refbacks are Off


Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
Advice on sibling manipulation..... OldAgePensioner Life after FIRE 54 08-18-2005 08:15 PM

 

 
All times are GMT -6. The time now is 10:55 PM.
 
Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.8 Beta 1
Copyright ©2000 - 2017, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.