Sensitive Conversations

[Major Tom]

Not true!

Yes it is!

 

[6miths]

Yes it is!

No way that is right!

 

[RobbieB]

If you want an argument you have to pay first.

 

[Amethyst]

I am curious about something. We like to think we grow wiser with age, and often this does appear true in life (though not always). Since everyone in your community is old, do you notice that the oldest ones are also the wisest? Is someone who's 100, noticeably wiser than someone who's 80?

I am not trying to be funny with this question. I really am curious.

I


Today, with most of our neighbors and friends in the early seventies up to those who are older than 100, age has leveled the playing field, and almost no one is willing to take on hot issues.

 

[Nemo2]

If you want an argument you have to pay first.

"I already paid..."

 

[eytonxav]

Not true!

Ah, the master arguer does not disappoint. Now if you could just stop all those invaders coming to Texas.

 

[Major Tom]

No way that is right!

This is not an argument - this is contradiction. I paid for an argument!

 

[Nemo2]

This is not an argument - this is contradiction. I paid for an argument!

"I'm sorry, the five minutes is up."

 

[imoldernu]

I am curious about something. We like to think we grow wiser with age, and often this does appear true in life (though not always). Since everyone in your community is old, do you notice that the oldest ones are also the wisest? Is someone who's 100, noticeably wiser than someone who's 80?

I am not trying to be funny with this question. I really am curious.

Amethyst... Not sure about the 80/100 part, but yes... wiser. Wiser doesn't equal smarter, but almost to a person more stable, better able to handle controversy and supportive of one another. Definitely "live and let live", except for today's politics, where every conversation ends with humor and good will.

You would be delighted to meet most of the residents.. laid back, but with amazing breadth of people-sense and willingness to listen and share.

The three or four curmudgeons who delight in grumpiness, have accepted their place in the retirement scheme and wear their reputations as badges of honor.

The ladies usually have more to say, but I'd characterize the majority of men
as "sweet"... in the finest sense of the word.
And, you're right... I didn't expect this at all, but now am part of the society, and love it.

 

[Amethyst]

I imagine I would like them a lot, if they have as many things to talk about as you do. I am wiser than I used to be, but have a lot to learn still.

I know some curmudgeons who act like it makes them someone special. They are only in their 40's! I would expect a much higher level of curmudgeonry from someone twice that age. Like the 70-ish man at the gym the other day who told me his granddaughter just got a "little kick-dog." I laughed out loud, even though I like dogs, wouldn't dream of kicking one and would have nothing to do with anyone who really would kick one (he wouldn't). It was just the perfect description, completely free of artificial sweetening.

You would be delighted to meet most of the residents.. laid back, but with amazing breadth of people-sense and willingness to listen and share.

t.

 

[latexman]

I've always been different . . . from my family. This has led to several delicate and not-so-delicate conversations.


I was the only one to go to college. I was the only one to move away from the home town . . .and then I moved out of state . . . and then I moved out of the country . . . and then I moved to the opposite side of the earth!


We had a grand child that met with family approval . . . then we became foster parents . . . and adopted several children who did not resemble the family at all (this was a source of not-so-delicate conversations, even lawsuits were threatened).


How did we persevere? With our heads held high and a calm demeanor! Things are much better now. Even our kids, all of them, are loved and hugged. It was a rough journey, it really was, but it was well worth it.

 

[MRG]

We moved halfway across the country to get away from some insanity mostly family. FIL was bipolar, nice guy for the most part till he wasn't. We never knew for sure when he'd come off a manic and turn, he was not capable of being a good person then. My DF, I'm not sure I'm was his kid! Couldn't be any different if I'd been raised by wolves. At least my FIL had an illness.

I no longer debate crap. Social media I keep my viewpoints private. Learned I could still follow family but tell FB not to show me stuff from this site. After a while I've gotten rid of 95% of the posts.

That's a question for those on FB. Why do those who are clueless have such strong opinions that they need to push on others?

 

[HadEnuff]

I was very outspoken in my 20s, arguing with anyone who would take me on. Age has tempered that a lot, and I tend to be more live-and-let-live these days. I can say that I now avoid most of the blowhards we know, figuring that life is too short to listen to their vitriol. This has the unfortunate effect of keeping me in a bit more of a bubble, wherein I spend most of my time with people who "think like me", which isn't ideal.

I figure that it is incredibly hard to sway someone's opinions and beliefs, so I don't really have those conversations very much. The one exception is my boss, whose beliefs veer off to one side of mine, and who I enjoy poking with a stick every now and again to get his take on a given news item or recent research. Those conversations are civil, and usually end with us meeting in the middle.

I can identify with this. As I have [-]aged[/-]matured, I've become much more selective about what arguments I'll have, and with whom I will have them.

 

[HFWR]

My views on science, politics, and religion don't match well with most folks. And, based on my Facebook experience, many have chosen a particular point-of-view, and will stick to it, even when provided with information to the contrary. In fact, many are offended by any attempt to look at an issue from another angle.

I've hidden as many offending pages as possible, to remove the temptation to respond...

 

[Car-Guy]

I suspect some people are not happy unless they can argue about whatever.

Not true!

Yes it is!

No way that is right!

You are all wrong.

 

[AboutThere]

I work in public policy, so I have to deal with this all the time. Working with people with opposing views is a skill that is learned and refined like any other skill. It isn't accidental or simply an application of the Golden Rule.

All moderately-successful politicians acquire these skills along the way and can apply them to other areas of their lives.

Miss Manners has a great take on this. The idea is that good manners leaves open the possibility for future positive interactions, even though we disagree on the issue before us today. That is the essence of state-craft.

So, in public policy we don't take things personally, we keep options open for negotiations, we build relationships, and we never question someone else's belief system.

 

[Mulligan]

I can almost always find something that I agree with my companion of the moment on. I steer toward that and leave well enough alone.

(libertarian agnostic with admiration for judeo-christian religions (and the religious) and their overall beneficial impact on western civilization both today and historically; if I search for it, I can always find ways to antagonize, or not, just about anyone!)

Some of my friends are pretty simple....You may have to spend the first 10 minutes explaining the words "Libertarian" and "agnostic" before you could even begin the debate.


Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk

 

[HFWR]

Some of my friends are pretty simple....You may have to spend the first 10 minutes explaining the words "Libertarian" and "agnostic" before you could even begin the debate.


Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk

Try explaining "pastafarian"...

 

[RobbieB]

I'm on it! Gonna roll up some noodles and smoke em tonight -

 

[brewer12345]

I try hard to live by a very simple rule these days: MYOFB. I don't always succeed, but since more and more it seems like nobody even wants to have an open debate (they just want to mark their position and not listen to the other side) engaging seems like a waste of time and effort these days.

 

[Fedup]

I go online for this, no not this forum, but I admit I have a bit of fun trolling.

 

[dixonge]

With many topics, I run into this on a daily basis, both at work and with my retired friends in Mexico. I find it interesting because the wife and I have shifted our opinions on many topics 180 degrees, mainly religion and politics. It's funny to have someone speak to you as if you don't understand their side of the argument, when you actually agreed with them for many decades. I like to think it makes me much more qualified to have an honest discussion on the topic, but it rarely leads to any enlightenment.

I've completely stopped debating these topics online since I discovered that most of the time it actually causes people to become even *more* entrenched in their position. In other words, it achieves the exact opposite of the intended effect.

https://youarenotsosmart.com/2011/06/10/the-backfire-effect/

 

[Tadpole]

I felt like an outcast through much of my youth--misunderstood at home; bullied at school. I developed a strong ability to do my own thing despite opposition, and it paid off for me. I entered adulthood confident in my own skills, ability to learn, and ability to thrive at whatever I decided to do. How do I handle difference? I'm tolerant of others because I know I won't be likely to change them, certainly not by arguing. And I very often simply pull back from a person or people whose differences are so grating or so disturbing and just go about living my own life. Ultimately we are in control of who we want to associate with.

+1 Similar to me.

 

[ERD50]

I try hard to live by a very simple rule these days: MYOFB. I don't always succeed, but since more and more it seems like nobody even wants to have an open debate (they just want to mark their position and not listen to the other side) engaging seems like a waste of time and effort these days.

A few years back I started listening to a podcast called "Left, Right, and Center" ( from wiki, their intro was - "Left, Right, & Center is a weekly half-hour public radio program that provides a "civilized yet provocative antidote to the screaming talking heads that dominate political debate"").

Well, not really. In turn they each just spouted their talking points with very little actual debate or interaction. Similar to the politicians who are asked a question, and just give an unrelated 'answer' of what they wanted to talk about anyhow.

-ERD50

 

[Tadpole]

To make the world pure, there cannot be a turquoise. One neighbor insists my house is green; another says it's blue. They are dug in. Ideology must color literally everything, even an house.