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Should I call or wait?
Old 03-30-2012, 06:58 AM   #1
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Should I call or wait?

Normally I wouldn't ask about this, I'd call but there is a twist to this.

Yesterday at the post office I met, or I should say she me me, a lady. We chatted for 10 minutes outside and hit it off, we have similar views on politics and society. She gave me her phone number and asked that I call her today. I thought that was a bit forward but I'm an extreme introvert and she seems to be more extroverted.

She seems nice but here's the issue. She told me that that today she has to put her 20 year old cat to sleep and she started to get teary eyed and almost lost it. I fully understand this and that's the problem.

I think today may not be the best day for her to get together just to get to know each other after such an emotionally draining event. But maybe she needs someone to talk to, to be with, the loss of a pet can be devastating.

I feel bad for her but I may not be emotionally able to handle this. I never told anyone here but in mid January I had to put my dog to sleep. She was almost 18 years old and such a major part of my life especially since 2002 when my ex and I split up that it is hard to explain. I'm ok now but I don't know how I'll be being exposed to her grief. On the other hand she may need someone to be with and talk to.

I don't know what to do. Should I wait a few days or call today? I'll check back later to see what you think.

Thanks.
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Old 03-30-2012, 07:40 AM   #2
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Why not call her and offer to meet at a local coffee shop, or better yet a bagel shop with tables (no waiter service so you can high-tail it out of there if it doesn't work out). Start off by pointedly saying you need to have a quick lunch/breakfast as you have an appointment.
If things go well, you can always meet again. If meeting her was a mistake, you have the ready-made excuse to leave early and not call her again. One caveat - once you call her, she'll no doubt have your # thru called ID.
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Old 03-30-2012, 07:44 AM   #3
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Calling doesn't commit you to fully sharing the grief. You can say you understand how she probably feels, and that this is difficult for you to talk about because of your recent loss. I think that would give you a way to excuse yourself if you're not comfortable talking with her. If you don't call today and she's expecting it, I wouldn't expect it to go well in a few days.
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Old 03-30-2012, 08:24 AM   #4
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She gave me her phone number and asked that I call her today.
Call her. Today.

It will never be a perfect time with no possible emotional issues for either of you. Now is as good a time as any. If you want to have any hope of connecting as more than simultaneous post office customers, you should follow up and call as you discussed.
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Old 03-30-2012, 08:45 AM   #5
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I'd say give her a call, especially if you gave her any indication you would do so. Life is too short to agonize over a small decision like this one.

Hope it works out and you two hit it off.
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Old 03-30-2012, 08:45 AM   #6
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I'm so sorry about your dog, V. You must miss her so much.

I say call today. She might just need a little compassion on the telephone and to continue the Post Office conversation, and nothing else. Anything else might develop, might not, but why not do as she asked?
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Old 03-30-2012, 08:54 AM   #7
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I think it would be impolite to not call.
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Old 03-30-2012, 08:54 AM   #8
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I would agree with others, call her today...

But I would not try to console her on her cat... hopefully she has some close friends that will do that... I would hate for a 'stranger' to try and put themselves in that place.... I say stranger because you only know each other for 10 minutes... who knows what traits that will surface (from both sides) that the other might not like...


Now, if she brings it up, I would offer my sympathy and then you could say how you felt when you had to put down your dog...

YMMV...
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Old 03-30-2012, 09:24 AM   #9
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I agree, call, but don't bring up the cat. And you can say that you experienced the loss of a pet recently and it is just too soon to be able to talk about it.
I still cry, years later, at the thought of my old pets and their passing.
You have my sincere sympathies.
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Old 03-30-2012, 09:46 AM   #10
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Sorry about your pet ! I would call her and just see where it goes .
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Old 03-30-2012, 09:54 AM   #11
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+1 Call her today since that is what you said you would do.

She may want/need a shoulder to cry on and it might be therapeutic to you in your grief over losing your dog.

Scary, yes - but most good things have some risk associated with them. That's life.

Good luck.
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Old 03-30-2012, 10:04 AM   #12
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Originally Posted by Sarah in SC View Post
I agree, call, but don't bring up the cat. And you can say that you experienced the loss of a pet recently and it is just too soon to be able to talk about it.
I still cry, years later, at the thought of my old pets and their passing.
You have my sincere sympathies.
Yes, she may actually want to talk to someone outside of her close circle to distract her a bit at this time. We all grieve over these things, but sometimes you want to do it slowly, over time, and not be 'fully immersed' in grief 24/7. Life does go on, bit by bit.

I suggest you play it very carefully. I think you need to offer up the chance for her to talk about it, but also leave an elegant way out if she really does just want a break from it. Maybe relate that you went through this yourself, and that there are times you needed to talk, and there were times you need to talk about other things, and let her take the lead on that, and then follow.

She is vulnerable, proceed very, very carefully. If she turns out to be a nice person, and you two are compatible, she will really, really appreciate your kindness. Take your time (but call today!).

-ERD50
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Old 03-30-2012, 10:50 AM   #13
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I'd call her today and ask, "Is this an OK time to talk". If so, I'd ask how she is doing and listen. then, with a sympathetic approach ask about next time to talk or get together. Overall, call and let her define the conversation.
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Old 03-30-2012, 11:34 AM   #14
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R U a dude?
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Old 03-30-2012, 11:37 AM   #15
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R U a dude?
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Old 03-30-2012, 12:26 PM   #16
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R U a dude?
Yes, why?

Thanks all, everyone seems to say follow through so I will. If I was 1 day from putting my dog to sleep I never would have asked a stranger to call nor would I have even spoken to a stranger but that's me and I'm very withdrawn even in the best of times.

I'll give her a call and let you know how it went.
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Old 03-30-2012, 12:48 PM   #17
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Originally Posted by veremchuka View Post
Yes, why?
Seriously, I didn't know, and it brings an entirely different dynamic to the situation.

Quote:
I'll give her a call and let you know how it went.
Can you record it?

C'mon, Just a joke!
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Old 03-30-2012, 02:03 PM   #18
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Well?...have you called her yet?
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Old 03-31-2012, 03:57 AM   #19
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Call her.
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Old 03-31-2012, 04:41 AM   #20
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I hope you called her.
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