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Old 05-21-2009, 04:33 PM   #41
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I think a single 55+ man or woman in the USA should give á contemplated marriage some careful thought, as many of the active candidates either need marriage financially or to give them a reason to live. Either one of these things can be a heavy load to carry.
MIL has been dating on and off for 2 years and all she finds are freshly divorced or widowed guys in their 50's, 60's and 70's who have only one thing on their mind: finding another wife ASAP. According to her, the "rush" seems to be motivated by the fact that they need someone to take care of them at one level or another. For some, it's for health reasons, for some financial reasons, for some emotional reasons and and for some practical reasons. But, at this point, she has no interest in becoming someone else's nurse, sugar mama, counselor or maid...
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Old 05-21-2009, 05:46 PM   #42
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I guess I'm one of those in SO dom . If this ended I would have zero interest in dating . I like the companionship and ease of a long time relationship but it takes a few years to break them in and then there is the get naked part . I can only hold in my stomach for so long and lets face it at our ages getting naked is usually not pretty ,anyone who has mirrors on their ceiling is a Masochist . Plus their is the baggage, when I was dating in my 30's after being divorced the baggage was a carry on . Dating in my 50's after being widowed the baggage was steamer trunks and u hauls . So hopefully my SO will stay around for awhile because he is my last boyfriend . I 've used my quota and a few other peoples quota .
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Old 05-21-2009, 06:18 PM   #43
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I guess I'm one of those in SO dom . If this ended I would have zero interest in dating . I like the companionship and ease of a long time relationship but it takes a few years to break them in and then their is the get naked part . I can only hold in my stomach for so long and lets face it at our ages getting naked is usually not pretty .Anyone who has mirrors on their ceiling is a Masochist . Plus their is the baggage, when I was dating in my 30's after being divorced the baggage was a carry on . Dating in my 50's after being widowed the baggage was steamer trunks and u hauls . So hopefully my SO will stay around for awhile because he is my last boyfriend . I 've used my quota and a few other peoples quota .
Moemg that is a very sweet post. I hope you both have the best of times and continuing good fortune.


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Old 05-21-2009, 07:48 PM   #44
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Originally Posted by FIREdreamer View Post
MIL has been dating on and off for 2 years and all she finds are freshly divorced or widowed guys in their 50's, 60's and 70's who have only one thing on their mind: finding another wife ASAP. According to her, the "rush" seems to be motivated by the fact that they need someone to take care of them at one level or another. For some, it's for health reasons, for some financial reasons, for some emotional reasons and and for some practical reasons. But, at this point, she has no interest in becoming someone else's nurse, sugar mama, counselor or maid...
That does seem to be the case.
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Old 05-21-2009, 07:56 PM   #45
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Mine has red hair - when I hooked him on this chain in back of the pickup - the women would be petting him and ignoring me.

heh heh heh - even with my W.E. Schmidt Overalls on. .
That could be part of the problem. I love the red haired retrievers. Might have to get one when this one passes on to doggie heaven.
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Old 05-21-2009, 08:00 PM   #46
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At this point in my life, if I became single, I believe I would want a SO. I am unsure if I would get married again.

I was 18 when I started dating my DH. We dated for a year, then we got married when I was 19. Next month we'll be married for 32 years. I went from my parent's home to my own home.

I feel like I've been married all of my life.
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Old 05-21-2009, 09:32 PM   #47
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A man or woman who has been with a spouse or lover for 20 or more years in reasonable happiness doesn't really look at todays mate. He or she also sees the young, energetic, physically appealing ánd perhaps idealistic person of years before.
Ha--that is so true!

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I guess I'm one of those in SO dom . If this ended I would have zero interest in dating . I like the companionship and ease of a long time relationship but it takes a few years to break them in and then their is the get naked part . I can only hold in my stomach for so long and lets face it at our ages getting naked is usually not pretty .Anyone who has mirrors on their ceiling is a Masochist . Plus their is the baggage, when I was dating in my 30's after being divorced the baggage was a carry on . Dating in my 50's after being widowed the baggage was steamer trunks and u hauls . So hopefully my SO will stay around for awhile because he is my last boyfriend . I 've used my quota and a few other peoples quota .
Moemg--I love this post and I am totally in sync with what you say. If anything were to happen to my hubby, there will never be another for me. I'd rather have a dog and a good book than to start over with a new relationship in my 50's.
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Old 05-21-2009, 10:24 PM   #48
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Haven't yet solved the problem of how to find that someone with whom I would like to have a relationship. I think my ideas of LBYM is a definite turn-off to most women, and the desire for expensive travel and high class living is a definite turn-off for me. What I need to find is a board like this one with a dating forum. (Hmmm note to moderators....) My experience with online matching sites seems like all the women list exotic first class foreign travel - even when they list their income as under 20K. Don't know how much they might have done to develop such a taste for it.
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Old 05-22-2009, 07:56 AM   #49
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Haven't yet solved the problem of how to find that someone with whom I would like to have a relationship. I think my ideas of LBYM is a definite turn-off to most women, and the desire for expensive travel and high class living is a definite turn-off for me. What I need to find is a board like this one with a dating forum. (Hmmm note to moderators....) My experience with online matching sites seems like all the women list exotic first class foreign travel - even when they list their income as under 20K. Don't know how much they might have done to develop such a taste for it.
The analogy would be a single woman trying to find a match on a dating website who is unmarried and sincerely interested in a relationship that goes beyond sex. Finding the right match on a dating website takes some time and patience.

In my opinion dating websites are fairly slimy places, and you see the lowest motivations sometimes and "the underbelly of humanity", so to speak. But then, a great variety of people frequent these websites, and you can meet surprisingly reasonable people there too. If you are monogamous you only need to find one person, the right person for you. Frank and I met that way back in 2000.
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Old 05-22-2009, 09:04 AM   #50
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Moemg: Your post had me laughing my head off. I remember on "The Golden Girls" when Dorothy (the gray headed one) had Blanche (the slutty one) look in a mirror with the mirror held down at her waist. Then her facial skin fell forward and Blanche freaked out...hysterical. Blanche swore to always have sex on her back after that. Only an older woman would see the humor in that, because it's so true...sad...but true. Funny stuff!
You know, I was really paranoid when I first got in a swimsuit for the pool, because I wasn't "perfect." Then I remembered what some old woman told me once: "They (meaning men) don't look so hot either." She was right I concluded and lost my anxiety about it totally figuring I look okay for an old broad.
The great thing about being an older woman is that older men actually focus alot on our personality more now (I think?). Maybe they don't want us focusing on their Dunlaps (as in their belly Dun-lapped over their belt) and their lack of hair. They have their hang-ups, too...thank God it isn't just us old babes who get insecure over our looks.
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Old 05-22-2009, 09:05 AM   #51
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I think we should have a dating forum here for us lbym/er single folks. It's hard to find men who are not spending money on their silly cars, saving nothing for tomorrow, don't even have a 401K (some don't even know what they are), and just partying from one paycheck to another.
As for not having the will to go through it again.....jeez...I feel like that at 34, but 50 I'll probably barricade myself in a hermit shack!
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Old 05-22-2009, 09:12 AM   #52
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Ireland has become very materialistic, very wealth obsessed. We didn't used to be! Cheap credit changed us.

I find myself frequently sitting across from Dates who respond somewhat shocked, that unlike them (the mainstream), I'm not also up to my neck in career drive, crazy hours, high debt-- struggling to find tenants for my surplus overpriced properties.

For some, ER clearly goes against the grain of the man being the provider etc. Hence the 'what do you do' question frequently scuttering dates. . . So maybe I need to lie, embellish the truth, say I am an oceanographer, at least until they get to know me better.

However being ER'd and as a consequence LBYM, means I can't go too crazy taking dates on expensive 'rip-off-republic' dinners / holidays etc, and this is hurting me, as Ireland is still quite traditional , (the man should pay for everything).

If there was an ER/PT/LBYM dating website in Ireland, that would help. It might even capture the materialistic backlash to the global downturn. . .

Being in Ireland might have something to do with it... the Irish people I have met all wanted to get out of there... I have never been there, but the pics that I see seem to make NZ a bustling place....
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Old 05-22-2009, 09:53 AM   #53
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I was 18 when I started dating my DH. We dated for a year, then we got married when I was 19. Next month we'll be married for 32 years. I went from my parent's home to my own home.

I feel like I've been married all of my life.

You and me both, sister! Athough it has only been 20 years we've been together (almost 16 yrs married).

We began dating when I was 18, still living with my parents, although I did live on my own for a time before we got married a few years later.

I'd not want to be someone's caretaker in my dotage if something happens to DH, that is for sure.
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Old 05-22-2009, 11:22 AM   #54
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Ha, I meant the whole appearance thing, the "package," the hair, the makeup, the figure, the clothes, etc., etc., even the dating personality.
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Old 05-22-2009, 11:50 AM   #55
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So, if it is a Golden Retriever, you have blonde willing to do anything to please you. Isn't that the single man's dream girl?
What do you call a smart blonde?

...Golden Retriever

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Old 05-22-2009, 12:43 PM   #56
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Ha, I meant the whole appearance thing, the "package," the hair, the makeup, the figure, the clothes, etc., etc., even the dating personality.
I see, thank you.

I think to some extent anyway men are captives of our biology.

Ha
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Old 05-22-2009, 02:19 PM   #57
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And, yes, ha...thank goodness for that! Who would tape and float my walls? And unscrew caps on jars that are hard to open?
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Old 05-22-2009, 02:39 PM   #58
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And, yes, ha...thank goodness for that! Who would tape and float my walls? And unscrew caps on jars that are hard to open?
This reminds me of an Appalachian song.

"And who will shoe your foot my love,
And who will glove your hand
And who will kiss your ruby lips
When I am in that far-off land..."

Ha
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Old 05-22-2009, 07:09 PM   #59
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Many of you who are single or conjecturing about being single have stated you would have no desire to remarry, have an SO or date. Several have made great cases for their point of view. I agree with all of your points concerning the attendant hassles of dating, the lack of desire to be responsible for another, the attraction of independence, not wanting to be an ATM, the diminished attractiveness of the 50 or 60 YO body,etc. I think being alone during these years can be a heady experience. But, to be blunt, here's the rub: what about those of us who still have significantly strong libidos? What if sexuality is still an important factor? If one doesn't date and has no SO, is that part of our being just left to wither and die?
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Old 05-22-2009, 07:23 PM   #60
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Being in Ireland might have something to do with it... the Irish people I have met all wanted to get out of there... I have never been there, but the pics that I see seem to make NZ a bustling place....
Disclaimer: I've never been to NZ. Certainly, there are some tranquil places in Ireland, but visiting its cities makes me claustrophobic.

TP, if you have never been to Ireland, then all the Irish people you have met who wanted to get out must have got their wishes, right? In fairness, your sample should include people who live there.
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