Social Situation: What Would You Do?

[Gardnr]

Did you say "friend?" With friends like that...

 

[Payin-the-Toll]

As Johnny Carson used to say: "Tough Crowd!!!!"

 

[SkisALot]

Unplug the cable before they pick it up.

My thought exactly. Doing anything other is reinforcing bad behavior. And we have enough of this going around in both society and government.

 

[TromboneAl]

Banana in the tailpipe?

Car's tailpipe?

 

[Achiever51]

DH had a similar situation in our last house. We had a lawn tractor but did not have a cart for it. A neighbor saw us moving around mulch with a wheelbarrow and said he had a cart in his garage that he no longer needed as he got rid of his lawn tractor. We offered to pay for it but he refused to accept.

Over the next three or four years, we used the tractor and cart and even helped this neighbor move garden stuff with our tractor and the cart.

Fast forward nearly five years after neighbor gave us the cart. His wife comes over one day, mad as hell, and demands the cart back, saying that she wanted to give it to her brother -- and "oh, by the way, when we loaned it to you it was in excellent shape and now I see it's all scratched up."

DH decided that (1) he was glad that he wasn't married to that woman; (2) the neighbor was probably mortified that his wife demanded the damn trailer back; and (3) DH would be the better neighbor in this case. So, rather than returning the now well-used trailer, he went to Tractor Supply and bought a brand new one and delivered it to the neighbor, complete with a huge bow on it.

After that, every time we ran into neighbor woman, her discomfort was obvious and priceless. (And her husband thanked us more times than I can count!) Glad DH handled it the way it did.

 

[dex]

Problem is, it is not one of Al's friends but a very good friend of his wife. If refusing to return it is going to upset his wife, then give it back. (could loosen a few screws - ideally it will break shortly after it is returned).

OK - the wife should read this thread also and help with making the "friend" feel uncomfortable about asking back for the machine.

2 Years - come on now - how many years would it take for it for the machine to be Al's?

 

[dex]

I wonder what the "friend's" reaction would have been if Al decided he didn't want the machine any more 1 year ago and got rid of it. Would the friend expected he buy her a new one?

 

[thefed]

DH had a similar situation in our last house. We had a lawn tractor but did not have a cart for it. A neighbor saw us moving around mulch with a wheelbarrow and said he had a cart in his garage that he no longer needed as he got rid of his lawn tractor. We offered to pay for it but he refused to accept.

Over the next three or four years, we used the tractor and cart and even helped this neighbor move garden stuff with our tractor and the cart.

Fast forward nearly five years after neighbor gave us the cart. His wife comes over one day, mad as hell, and demands the cart back, saying that she wanted to give it to her brother -- and "oh, by the way, when we loaned it to you it was in excellent shape and now I see it's all scratched up."

DH decided that (1) he was glad that he wasn't married to that woman; (2) the neighbor was probably mortified that his wife demanded the damn trailer back; and (3) DH would be the better neighbor in this case. So, rather than returning the now well-used trailer, he went to Tractor Supply and bought a brand new one and delivered it to the neighbor, complete with a huge bow on it.

After that, every time we ran into neighbor woman, her discomfort was obvious and priceless. (And her husband thanked us more times than I can count!) Glad DH handled it the way it did.

wow. that's an interesting way to handle it.


and she was worried about scratches on a garden trailer....why?? lol

 

[Achiever51]

wow. that's an interesting way to handle it.


and she was worried about scratches on a garden trailer....why?? lol

DH said that if he had bought one in the first place, it would have cost about the same amount as he ended up paying for the one for the neighbor, so it was pretty much a wash. (He felt bad for the neighbor too.)

As for the neighbor's wife and her comments about the cart, well, you'd just have to take my word for it...she was weird! Once she made her husband get up on the garage roof WITH THE SNOWBLOWER!!!! to remove the snow off the roof because she didn't want the risk of snow sliding off the roof onto her car. Nevermind that her husband had a bad back & was in his late 60s at the time...like I said, weird!!

 

[Goonie]

Banana in the tailpipe?

We used to use potatoes.....ka-bloooey!

 

[toofrugalformycat]

I say give it back without a peep. Do not gossip. Memories are faulty and humans make mistakes.
Don't sweat the small stuff.
Unless of course this treadmill is necessary for your life and health and cannot be replaced, but you've indicated that this is not the case.

 

[calmloki]

DH had a similar situation in our last house. We had a lawn tractor but did not have a cart for it. A neighbor saw us moving around mulch with a wheelbarrow and said he had a cart in his garage that he no longer needed as he got rid of his lawn tractor. We offered to pay for it but he refused to accept.

Over the next three or four years, we used the tractor and cart and even helped this neighbor move garden stuff with our tractor and the cart.

Fast forward nearly five years after neighbor gave us the cart. His wife comes over one day, mad as hell, and demands the cart back, saying that she wanted to give it to her brother -- and "oh, by the way, when we loaned it to you it was in excellent shape and now I see it's all scratched up."

DH decided that (1) he was glad that he wasn't married to that woman; (2) the neighbor was probably mortified that his wife demanded the damn trailer back; and (3) DH would be the better neighbor in this case. So, rather than returning the now well-used trailer, he went to Tractor Supply and bought a brand new one and delivered it to the neighbor, complete with a huge bow on it.

After that, every time we ran into neighbor woman, her discomfort was obvious and priceless. (And her husband thanked us more times than I can count!) Glad DH handled it the way it did.

Your husband is a class act.

 

[Bestwifeever]

Al, wouldn't you love to know if your DW's friend's daughter actually wanted the old treadmill, and more, if she even uses it once her parents drag it to her place? Maybe you can tell the mom you'll be happy to take it off their hands again if it doesn't get used. Or you may be able to buy it from Craigslist when the daughter sells it

 

[OAG]

I think the daughter is a fattie, and that's why her mom is desperate to get her the treadmill.

If you give it back it will be little used; maybe a week or so (may be very presumptive on my part). Tell her (DW friend) "yeah, come and get it, hope your daughter enjoys it as much as we have these past couple of years." And after she gets it back maybe your DW takes pause to assess the "friend" part of this situation.

 

[deserat]

T-Al - you're responses to this thread are killing me they are so funny - HOWEVER, I'm of the approach of a kind confrontation - call up and say that you understood it had been given to you and not 'loaned.' The fact that it is now working is beside the point - better yet, perhaps have your wife do the interaction as this is her friend. If she says it was a loan, then I would tell her that wasn't your understanding, however, I would give it back to her. This allows everyone to know where they stand....she knows you know she's passive aggressive or deceptive, your wife knows, too, and you can then decide if it's worth your time interacting with her in the future.

 

[Sam]

Two years ago, one of DW's best friends tells us: "We got a new treadmill. The old one doesn't work, but you can have it -- maybe you can fix it."

We take it home (Weslo Cadence 340), and I futz around with it, and find a cable that is loose. I plug it back in, and the treadmill works fine. I've used it regularly since then, when it's too wet to run outside.

Recently, the friend tells DW that she'd like the treadmill back to give to her daughter.

I don't plan to say anything, although I'm not going help them take it down the stairs (very heavy). I can find one that's just as good on Craigslist for about $50. But I'm curious as to what others would do.

If I were to say something, it would go something like this: "I've got good news and bad news. The good news is that I'm only charging you $58 for the repair. The bad news is that the $1/day storage charge comes to $912."

Definitely not an ideal person to deal with. But, it's your wife's best friend.

Let her have it back in its current working condition. You got some satisfaction out of fixing it, you got to use it in the last two years.

Sam

 

[brewer12345]

Car's tailpipe?

How about both?

 

[brewer12345]

Careful, I did that to a teacher once in school and caused $500 in damage to the emmissions system.

Well, if that isn't costly enough for your purposes, you could always do the jalapenos in the gas tank trick. Start driving and they rise up to the intake and choke the car. Stop for a bit and they settle so you can start driving again, until... No real way to fix it without removing the fuel tank.

 

[kcowan]

Interesting dialog. An ethical dilemma. I could even see a friend of DW pulling the same stunt. I would say:

"As you may recall, it was not working when you gave it to me. However, even with the cost and effort of repairing it, I have enjoyed its use for two years and you are welcome to come and get it. I recommend you hire a moving company as it is too heavy and bulky for you to move yourselves."

 

[samclem]

As for the neighbor's wife and her comments about the cart, well, you'd just have to take my word for it...she was weird! Once she made her husband get up on the garage roof WITH THE SNOWBLOWER!!!! to remove the snow off the roof because she didn't want the risk of snow sliding off the roof onto her car. Nevermind that her husband had a bad back & was in his late 60s at the time...like I said, weird!!

Another theory . . .maybe she didn't "make" him do it, maybe getting up there was his idea, and he hoped the slick roof and gravity would combine to put an end to the daily hell that living with her had become.

 

[ls99]

The fundamental problem with these give away/reclaim activities is, the underhanded idea getting free repairs, improvements.

If the dear friends want a free repair, they should ask for it. It is then up to the skilled friend to decide on such effort.

 

[Meadbh]

Ditto on similar sitation...I cleaned houses for extra cash when I was fresh out of college. My (now ex) MIL decided she wanted me to clean her house, too. She totally underpaid me, $20 for 8 hours work. But she did give me 2 unframed watercolor paintings she had done. They were laying around her basement art room floor with a bunch of other unframed works she had done.
I had both professionally matted and framed. They looked fabulous. When visiting, she remarked that she wanted them back now so she could enter them in an art show. Her attitude was they were loaned. I knew they were given.
I would not let her use my marriage to her son as an excuse to bully me.
I still have those paintings.

Someday you will take them to the Antiques Roadshow and they will be appraised for $10,000.

 

[shoe]

I think I'd go with "pull the cable", as well as the banana AND potato AND jalapenos in the tailpipe. People like Al's wife's friend count on OTHER people acting decently but make no such behavior THEIR priority! What nerve!

 

[Hillbilly]

T-Al:

I vote to take the high road. She probably thinks she is "special" in your eyes as much as she is in your wife's. I would not move it for them though (hurt shoulder, bad back, hernia, etc). I would remind her how my birthday, Father's Day, etc is soon and hope somebody can afford you a 'mill. Additional statement: "Maybe she can pitch in or talk to the wife about a replacement since you may never get to replace this one!"
See which option she takes will tell alot.

Hillbilly

 

[REWahoo]

She probably thinks she is "special" in your eyes as much as she is in your wife's.

I think Al's DW's best friend (that's a keyboard full) is a particular personality type who believe they retain some sort of ownership rights in any 'gift' of one of their possessions to a friend or relative.

My SIL had a brother like that. Anything he 'gave' to another family member was subject to recall at a later date. Didn't matter what the circumstances were or how much money the new 'owner' invested in repairing or improving the item. His behavior was the source of several serious family squabbles. He died a few weeks ago (age 50) so it will be interesting to see if his absence improves family harmony.