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Old 06-03-2008, 09:46 AM   #21
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Eh, leave it alone and those boys will be partying together in a few years. Seriously, the first thing I would do is ask my 13-year-old son what HE wants me to do after he thinks about it.
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Old 06-03-2008, 09:48 AM   #22
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my brother had a similar problem with his eldest who took after neither his father nor his uncle in social skills (we don't know where we went wrong). basically, he tried to become friends with the wrong crowd who didn't want him. so instead of making friends, all he did was draw attention to himself. his new-found bully's father was a cop who didn't care what that kid did. sil tried to defend her kid and confronted the bully which resulted in her having her mail box blown up. brother fixed it simply by letting it all come to a rest and getting his kid to stop playing with fire.

retaliation is not peace.
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Old 06-03-2008, 09:55 AM   #23
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Think about the ramifications on your kid of a lawsuit . Will everyone treat him the same at school if his parents sued another parent for a couple hundred bucks? I doubt it. I also would go through the school for appropriate disciplinary action, and not contact the other parents directly. Most parents of "bad" kids are not reasonable mediators.
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Old 06-03-2008, 12:31 PM   #24
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If it was just a one-on-one fight then you would be doing your son a big disservice by getting involved. Kids have to learn how to take as well as dish out, the world is not one big kumbaya hug. When parents start trying to settle their kid's disputes it stunts the growth of the kid's ability to handle social situations.
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Old 06-03-2008, 02:35 PM   #25
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Update:

Principal suspended the other child for the remainder of the school year (2 days). He's going to convene a meeting with both sides at the beginning of next school year in August to get it off to a good start in this regard.

I am a little amused at the responders who read into my original post that I was looking for revenge, that I wanted to sue the parents or throw the kid in jail. If you re-read it, my attitude was calm and all I was asking for was whether I should request the other side to reimburse for costs and maybe a little pain and suffering.

Haven't decided how, or if, to proceed on that front.
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Old 06-03-2008, 02:37 PM   #26
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gindie, sounds like the principal is taking this seriously. Up to you if you want to reach out to the other parents, but if it were me I would probably eat the costs and get on with life.
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Old 06-03-2008, 02:38 PM   #27
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You know, if it had been two dogs - and the other dog bit your dog, the other owner would be liable for the costs of the health care...

But guess it gets more heated with kids involved!
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Old 06-03-2008, 02:52 PM   #28
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But now all of our local schools have a full-time police officer on-site.
Please tell me you're joking!?
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Old 06-03-2008, 02:52 PM   #29
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gindie, sounds like the principal is taking this seriously. Up to you if you want to reach out to the other parents, but if it were me I would probably eat the costs and get on with life.
Agreed. Of course, if it were my kid that had injured a classmate like this, I'd pro-actively offer to cover the medical expenses of the other child (and would make my child work off that debt). The fact that his parents haven't done that is probably partly indicative of the type of people you're dealing with.
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Old 06-03-2008, 02:56 PM   #30
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gindie, sounds like the principal is taking this seriously. Up to you if you want to reach out to the other parents, but if it were me I would probably eat the costs and get on with life.
Get on with life... until next time when your kid is hurt worse because nothing was done the first time. I'd let the money issue go (probably) but there has to be some disipline for the kid or he'll do it again and probably worse. All he got was an early start to summer vacation. Maybe next year he'll do it a week earlier.
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Old 06-03-2008, 03:23 PM   #31
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Hopefully, the school administration will deal fairly and effectively with it. Also, hopefully, the parents of the other child will deal with their son. If you have the chance to discuss it with them perhaps you can mention the results of their kid's behavior and they will step up to make it somewhat right with you. Sorry for you and your child. Unfortunately, working in schools, I see this is not uncommon.
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Old 06-03-2008, 03:32 PM   #32
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Perhaps the best way to sort this out is to remove the juvenile and school elements that create a lot of distraction.

If you had a disagreement with someone at work, and they stuck a leg out in the hallway and tripped you and you broke your collarbone, what do you think would happen?

The other guy would probably get fired and you'd probably sue him for a fair chunk of change.

I remember being 13. I knew what would and wouldnt hurt someone. I did stupid and impulsive things. When I got in serious trouble for doing those things, I quit doing them.

Ehhh...eventually.
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Old 06-03-2008, 03:34 PM   #33
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If I were you, I'd go with what the principal has proposed... and leave it at that. Asking for a couple hundred $$ would just make me look and feel petty. I would ask to participate in the meeting next fall, and ask that the other parents' also be there in order to try to see that they are taking it seriously. I would also have the other kid feel the lump where the bones have healed so that he understands what it is that his petty act accomplished.
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Old 06-03-2008, 04:14 PM   #34
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Please tell me you're joking!?
Milton,

Unfortunately, they aren't. I was shocked when I took a tour of my newly expanded high school during my 25th reunion and saw an office for the resident police officer.

A lot of people will say that things are no worse now than when they were kids, but I sure didn't have a cop at my school when I was going there!

It's pretty much the norm these days.
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Old 06-03-2008, 05:59 PM   #35
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a lot of schools have cops because of the numerous incidents of violence - i've seen them at elementary schools.

and some have them because now if something happens, they are mandated to file an official police report.

school safety is a huge issue in many areas and obviously controversial in terms of solutions...
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Old 06-03-2008, 06:20 PM   #36
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Ditto, in college I was a high school security guard working for the "police department" on campus - two on foot with a patrolling car. This was L.A., though.
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Old 06-03-2008, 06:36 PM   #37
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Come on Laurence, fill in the details. I see a nice outline for a buddy/cop movie...
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Old 06-03-2008, 08:01 PM   #38
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I also would go through the school for appropriate disciplinary action, and not contact the other parents directly. Most parents of "bad" kids are not reasonable mediators.
I think you hit the nail on the head....after seeing this exact same case over and over on Judge Judy...it always ends up with the other parent thinking they dont owe anything and a power struggle with the other kid's parent... Then the parent with the hurt kid complains about pain and suffering and Judge calls her kid dumb...

The other case is the the couple living together and splitting up and wanting every thing that they ever spent as a couple back
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Old 06-03-2008, 08:41 PM   #39
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You don't mention if the police were notified by the school. If nothing else, I would want a written report of what happened just in case this is not the last time something like this occurs.
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Old 06-03-2008, 11:35 PM   #40
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Please tell me you're joking!?
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....Unfortunately, they aren't. I was shocked when I took a tour of my newly expanded high school during my 25th reunion and saw an office for the resident police officer.

A lot of people will say that things are no worse now than when they were kids, but I sure didn't have a cop at my school when I was going there!

It's pretty much the norm these days.
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a lot of schools have cops because of the numerous incidents of violence - i've seen them at elementary schools.

and some have them because now if something happens, they are mandated to file an official police report.

school safety is a huge issue in many areas and obviously controversial in terms of solutions...
Nope, not kidding at all! They have reserved parking spaces for their squad cars, and their own offices in the schools. They roam the halls, occasionally drop into the classrooms to remind the kids of their presence, and they wander the grounds and parking lots......everyday that school is in session.....even during summer school. A few years ago our HS got the wonderful nickname of "Heroin High", due to the high rate of drug use there. They've even busted kids in 4th and 5th grade peddling dope to their classmates. Very sad, but sadly true. Many of the young offenders are 2nd and 3rd generation dope users/peddlers......like a chip off the old block.

A guy that I went to school with was convicted last week of dealing heroin and cocaine. When we were growing up, his parents were users and dealers. His daughter was sent to prison last year, for the 3rd time, for dealing. She spent the second semester of her senior year of HS in state prison. It's become a family affair. This same guy, who has not had a legitimate job in several years, posted over $100K bail for 4 drug dealers in the past 6 months. Two, a mother and daughter, violated terms of their release, were re-arrested, eventually convicted, and are now being supplied with 3 hots & a cot by our state. Two of the mother's sons are in prison for dealing, and 2 more in custody awaiting trial for dealing......ages 17 through mid-20's. Of the $100K bail money, $70K has been forfeited so far. For a normal working stiff, that would be a tough loss.....but for a family of dope dealers, it's just the cost of running the family business and not a big deal.

Fortunately, our judges are taking a hard line against the problem, and are handing down stiff sentences. First offenders are normally getting about 50% of max sentence, and repeat offenders are being blessed with the max! The HS has finally overcome the "Heroin High" moniker, and the police and administration are making a huge difference with the kids.

That's why we have cops in the classrooms, and occasional drug dog visits to sniff lockers in the halls and cars in the school parking lot. Most of the kids are actually starting to appreciate the presence of the officers and the security they offer.
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