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Speaking of bad news....
Old 10-11-2011, 04:13 PM   #1
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Speaking of bad news....

Just got a call from my sister. My BIL's pancreatic and liver tumors have stopped responding to chemo. He has, at best, 3 to 6 months to live.

He is one of the reasons I'm contemplating ER. He retired at age 50, but my sister is still working. She has taken time off and they are now trying to cram as much "life" into his remaining time as possible. I feel so sorry for the poor guy.
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Old 10-11-2011, 04:46 PM   #2
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Sorry to hear about this... sad all around.

I agree that they need to do as much as they can right away.... I would suggest that she see if she can get time off without pay and do a few things they both want to do... if he only has 6 months, then in reality he has about 3 before he will not want to do anything... I had a co-worker who passed with the same problem and her last few months were in a wheel chair...
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Old 10-11-2011, 06:26 PM   #3
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So sorry for your BIL and sister. Agree with Texas Proud, if your sister can afford to take that time off, and if it won't lose her job for her (and anybody who would let her go in such circumstances, doesn't deserve to have employees).

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Old 10-11-2011, 06:37 PM   #4
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She works for the federal gvt. and has 13 weeks of sick leave banked as well as 5 weeks of vacation time, so she'll be ok for awhile. Fortunately, she's got pretty good job security.

She actually sounds worse than BIL. He seems to have accepted things and all she can do is see a pretty empty future without him.

It's just very sad.
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Old 10-11-2011, 06:59 PM   #5
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Nuiloa, I am so sorry to hear of your BIL's tumors and prognosis. This really reinforces the notion that I have, that while retirement can be a risk, there are real risks to not retiring as well.

We never know what life will bring from year to year. Each year that we don't retire, those of us who wish to retire are making a high stakes bet.
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Old 10-11-2011, 07:03 PM   #6
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So sorry to hear this. I truly can't imagine how they must feel. We all know that we are going to die, but I always tend to think that it is far off in the future.

I hope that they enjoy the time he has left and I hope that your sister learns to cope with being a widow.
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Old 10-11-2011, 07:14 PM   #7
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I am also very sad to hear such news. One of my friends was also recently told that his tumor had stopped responding to treatment. It is a very difficult and sad time, and I feel so very helpless in such situations.

Hope they will enjoy each other well in the time he has left.
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Old 10-11-2011, 08:04 PM   #8
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I am very sorry to hear this. It is a lot like my parents retirement. Mom has been without Dad for eighteen years now in retirement. She is in several clubs and has a good network of friends. This has really help her. DW and I are careful to maintain a support network also.
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Old 10-11-2011, 08:26 PM   #9
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I am very sorry for you and your family. Your thread made me pause and reflect. I am almost 50 years old and have never ever had to deal with cancer and it's impact in anyway from my friends or family. I cannot imagine the stress and emotions that one has to deal with in this sad circumstance.
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Old 10-11-2011, 08:46 PM   #10
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Wow, that is heartbreaking. I'm so sorry for your brother-in-law and sister. I hope your sister goes on leave without pay and just enjoys the time she has left with BIL.
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Old 10-11-2011, 08:50 PM   #11
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Amethyst View Post
So sorry for your BIL and sister. Agree with Texas Proud, if your sister can afford to take that time off, and if it won't lose her job for her (and anybody who would let her go in such circumstances, doesn't deserve to have employees).

Amethyst
If she has been at her job for more than a year, her job likely qualifies for the protection Amethyst describes above under FMLA (Family and Medical Leave Act). It may be unpaid, but the time off likely has to be granted and she should be guaranteed a spot when she comes back. I think it is up to 12 weeks per year, IIRC. I'm sure OP can google the details.

Nuiloa, my condolences to you and your sister's family.

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Old 10-11-2011, 09:26 PM   #12
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So sorry to hear this. He is too young. Pancreatic cancer is one of the toughest. If SIL is in Canada, she should be eligible for compassionate leave.

Employment Insurance (EI) Compassionate Care Benefits
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Old 10-12-2011, 02:32 AM   #13
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Sorry to read this. Take care.
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Old 10-12-2011, 03:29 AM   #14
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I am so sorry to hear about that. I have seen colleagues with that condition. Both lived longer than predicted, but then they had to go.
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Old 10-12-2011, 08:53 AM   #15
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Sorry for the news. Seems like you hear of a lot of pancreatic cancer now days. An older buddy of mine just found out he has it. He should have known something was up long ago as he has been losing weight. A real interesting guy too. He played bass guitar for Willie Nelson years ago.
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Old 10-12-2011, 09:07 AM   #16
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So very sorry about your BIL's condition Nuiloa. Such sad news. There seems to be more than enough going around lately. Either that or we are all getting to be the age where it is inevitable. We don't get out of this life easy...that is for sure.
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Old 10-12-2011, 10:53 AM   #17
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She works for the federal gvt. and has 13 weeks of sick leave banked as well as 5 weeks of vacation time, so she'll be ok for awhile. Fortunately, she's got pretty good job security.

She actually sounds worse than BIL. He seems to have accepted things and all she can do is see a pretty empty future without him.

It's just very sad.

Yes, it was very unusual with the lady who worked for me.... she accepted her fate much more easily than her DH and children...


I would also suggest that your sister find a support group... when my BIL died, my sister went to a church with a support group and she said that it made a world of difference talking to others who had gone through the same thing... it took over a year before my sister got past the worst part, but she did not show it to the world... she did tell me later that it would have been much worse without the group...

Now she is super busy with retirement and different organizations...
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