Staying in contact

[imoldernu]

Not as simple as it sounds.

First... what we've decided. It has a lot to do with time left, but also the difficulties involved with staying in contact the different people that we know.

Basically, our children, their wives and their children. Secondarily, with neighbors with whom we interact on a regular basis. No facebook, twitter or other chat-type accounts. Emails, on a need to know basis. In our case, older friends from our Florida senior retirement community. Mostly for ilnesses, deaths, or major life changes.

Between the early childhood neighborhood friends... (like 15 years of our lives) college buddies (hundreds), and neighbors and friends accumulated in the 22 major moves we've mad... co-workers from 30 years of different jobs in different locations, and of course the members of our extended families (thousands of miles and 15 years away).

Do we care? Of course... and the early years meant hundreds, maybe thousands of cards and letters, and untold number of phone calls. Running a community website added many many more emails.

About four years ago, we made a concerted effort to take back our privacy and our lives by limiting or delaying responses to messages. It has worked, and we're back into living our own lives, with the ones closest to us.

It's not that we don't care. It's more like we're in to living our own lives... limited obligations, and doing exactly what we want. Breaking away from a very active social life has not been easy, and certainly we've stepped on some toes of once-close friends. A calculated plan.

With all that, now, at age 80.. the days go by really fast. Hardly time enough for the basic things we want to do (and have to do). Being part of the lives of others, and having them in ours isn't necessary for them or for us. Having said that, we still interact with several hundred people... just not the ones who will share our remaining days.

Many of the folks in our CCRC have retracted their social circle, even further,,, while there are some who actually DO spend their days on their phones or corresponding on the internet. A matter of choice.

Have you stopped to consider how many people with whom you remain in regular contact?

No right or wrong. Just curiousity about how other retirees spend time in the social connection part of their lives.

[W2R]

Quote:

[...]we still interact with several hundred people[...]Have you stopped to consider how many people with whom you remain in regular contact?

I think you are much more of an extrovert than I am, Imoldernu! I don't see how you do it without going nuts.

[Dawg52]

[...]we still interact with several hundred people[...]Have you stopped to consider how many people with whom you remain in regular contact?

Quote:

Originally Posted by W2R I think you are much more of an extrovert than I am, Imoldernu! I don't see how you do it without going nuts.

Me either. I live under a rock in comparison.

[RobbieB]

I don't keep up with many people. I go and see my buddies back in Michigan about once a year and I stopped by and said hi to the guys at my old company once also.

But I've been retired 2 years now.

Family is all dead, just lost my last aunt.

[Fedup]

We have less than 20 people we send Xmas cards to and less than that is the number we come into contact regularly.

[Meadbh]

I gave up on Christmas cards many years ago. My friends get electronic greetings, except for two elderly relatives who are not Internet savvy and would be disappointed if the card didn't arrive.

As a single person, I do make efforts to keep in touch with friends, both locally and at a distance. I find Facebook very helpful for this. For example, I have been able to reconnect with my now adult godchildren, all of whom live abroad, leading to visits and meaningful involvement in their lives. I recently spent 4 days in my home country and managed to meet up with 16 friends and relatives, including two school friends whom I had not seen for over 40 years.

OTOH, I have dropped regular communication with former coworkers, unless we had developed mature friendships. I find I have little patience with shop talk!

[kcowan]

We sent out a final xmas card the first year we moved to Mexico at xmas. So we send out a letter and card then and share pictures at big events. Like now just getting floating engineered wood on all our floors, replacing carpet. Each of these stimulates some conversation.

Our groups has gotten larger as we make friends in Mexico. Fortunately we have not yet lost too many friends to illness. And our friends range in age from 85 to 55.

[Sunset]

We keep in touch with family, the closer ones we visit more often as they are older and frankly it's easier.
We are not on FB,twit, etc. so it's just email or phone.
I try to have lunch with old work buddies a few times per year, but I'm thinking some of them are losing interest as lives are so dis-similar.

I don't really like phoning, I keep thinking it's intrusive.

On the other hand I have a few friends that I lost contact with over time, and have renewed talking, visiting them now that we have time.

Our total contact might number in the dozens, certainly not the hundreds.

[Ronstar]

DW is an extrovert who stays in contact with everyone. Aside from my limited contact with friends, relatives and few HOA dealings, I have hardly any contact. My total contact amounts to a few texts a day and maybe 1 get together a month.

[Juliajones54]

Interesting topic for me right now. We are moving after 25 years in our town. Several close friends moved before us to the city we are relocating to, plus grandchildren live there. I'm on FB, husband isn't. I'll stay in touch through technology. Otherwise, we don't send Christmas cards or letters, but I do text and email. I don't enjoy talking on the phone. Friends I had from before technology in my younger days have faded away, just too difficult to stay in touch with. But it makes me sad to think that I would lose 25 years of current friendships so I'm glad for technology!

[samclem]

I'm a poor correspondent, and I'm not proud of that. I've lost touch with so many of even my closest friends due to frequent moves and also I just didn't take time to write. After a few years, it's awkward to just pop back in, also so many things have happened to each of us that we're not the same people anymore.
Feeling guilty about not keeping in touch is a burden of its own.
People are the problem. I'm ready for robot friends.

[Bamaman]

I keep up with childhood friends on Facebook--as a group from my hometown more than as "friends." I do have a small group of carefully chosen friends on Facebook.

After 36 years at Megacompany, no one has contact with each other very often.

My daughter and I decided to block each other on Facebook as we get along better in person. (I don't care for her friends.)

I now dropped my cell phone, and it was a waste of money for me. I really choose to live a quiet, simple life. My wife does enough communicating for my whole family.

[kcowan]

Quote:

Originally Posted by kcowan Our groups has gotten larger as we make friends in Mexico. Fortunately we have not yet lost too many friends to illness. And our friends range in age from 85 to 55.

This past weekend, we lost 2 friends in Mexico, one to an unexpected heart attack in his sleep, and the other to unchecked rampant infection during his operation in Guadalajara.

RIP Luis and David! One from California and the other from Michigan.

Glad we stayed in touch while we could. Currently we have a friend in the hospital awaiting a heart valve replacement here in Vancouver. Hopefully they will control infection better!