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Stock Market Terms for 2008 and Beyond
Old 12-08-2008, 01:33 PM   #1
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Stock Market Terms for 2008 and Beyond

This is going around online (don't know who the original author was). Funny in a black humor way:

CEO --Chief Embezzlement Officer.

CFO-- Corporate Fraud Officer.

BULL MARKET -- A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.

BEAR MARKET -- A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex.

VALUE INVESTING -- The art of buying low and selling lower.

P/E RATIO -- The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.

BROKER -- What my broker has made me.

STANDARD & POOR -- Your life in a nutshell.

STOCK ANALYST -- Idiot who just downgraded your stock.

STOCK SPLIT -- When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves.

FINANCIAL PLANNER -- A guy whose phone has been disconnected.

MARKET CORRECTION -- The day after you buy stocks.

CASH FLOW-- The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.

YAHOO -- What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share.

WINDOWS -- What you jump out of when you're the sucker who bought Yahoo @ $240 per share.

INSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR -- Past year investor who's now locked up in a nuthouse.

PROFIT -- An archaic word no longer in use.
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Old 12-08-2008, 01:38 PM   #2
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Quote:
Originally Posted by tangomonster View Post
This is going around online ...
...and on this forum:

New stock market terms
http://www.early-retirement.org/foru...omy-39641.html
New Stock Market Terms
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Old 12-08-2008, 01:51 PM   #3
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Those other threads seem to be leaving out one definition.

LIQUIDITY: When you pee in your pants after seeing your latest brokerage statement.
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Old 12-08-2008, 02:08 PM   #4
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Are you telling me I should put on a Depend diaper prior to opening my brokerage statement?

Nah... I go paperless with all my brokers. Besides, I have a live stock screen in front of me right now, updating in real time.

It's better to take it a little at a time, down a bit everyday rather than all at once at the end of the month or the quarter. YMMV.
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Old 12-08-2008, 02:10 PM   #5
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It's better to take it a little at a time, down a bit everyday rather than all at once at the end of the month or the quarter. YMMV.
So you prefer water torture over a baseball bat to the side of the head?
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"Hey, for every ten dollars, that's another hour that I have to be in the work place. That's an hour of my life. And my life is a very finite thing. I have only 'x' number of hours left before I'm dead. So how do I want to use these hours of my life? Do I want to use them just spending it on more crap and more stuff, or do I want to start getting a handle on it and using my life more intelligently?" -- Joe Dominguez (1938 - 1997)

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Old 12-08-2008, 02:31 PM   #6
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YES! To each his own...
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Old 12-08-2008, 03:57 PM   #7
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RATIONAL MARKET -- An oxymoron

HEDGE FUND MANAGER --A professional you pay to lose your money when you can't do it fast enough on your own
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