Story about homeless Ph.D.

[haha]

Not if they lived in Quebec.

I don't understand. Can you give me the background?

Ha

 

[mickeyd]

I have been serving at a local homeless shelter for 5+ years and am often saddened by what I see and hear on a regular basis. I can not understand what they are going through. I can often only listen to their story and offer my meager advice...and pray for them.

 

[Meadbh]

I don't understand. Can you give me the background?

Ha

It's illegal.

What's in a name? No sharing in Quebec

 

[MRG]

Back at the last sawmill(late 70s) we had a bunch of homeless guys do temporary general labor. Some were on my crew, they just stacked lumber I'd inspected so there was time to talk.

Interesting guys some definitely mentally ill, some others homeless by choice, some kinda like that guy, no PHDs, but stuff happens. Sometimes people get knocked down and don't get back up. Sure maybe they should have seen it coming but I didn't walk in their shoes. Hope I never do.

The ones that ran away to be homeless interested me probably as the thought was foreign to my way of thinking. They seemed to know the rules of each shelter and try to stay where they least minded the obligations. I recall one man, Cliff, probably the most relaxed guy I'd ever met. Wasn't lazy he worked hard, he ran away from a bad marriage. Least that was his story.


I'd seen one guy actually get his crap together got hired full time at the mill and get his own place started a new life. It's not easy when you don't have an address or transport to get hired.

 

[photoguy]

It's illegal.

Despite being canadian, I've never heard of this before. I'lll file this in my head with all the other weird laws in quebec.

 

[Senator]

If GF had any self respect, I'm sure they didn't make it to year 16.

Why would you say this? Because they are not married according to the Governments definition?

That quote is actually self-demeaning for women. As if they cannot exist in a relationship without being married.

A true equal rights advocate would be proud her staying independent.

 

[redduck]

It's illegal.

What's in a name? No sharing in Quebec

According to the article, a woman married in Quebec can't take her husband's name even if she wants to. The article also states that this law was enacted to further equality between men and women (by taking away a woman's right to decide on her married name) The article doesn't say whether a man can take his wife's name.

 

[travelover]

Thread drift

 

[Meadbh]

Why would you say this? Because they are not married according to the Governments definition?

That quote is actually self-demeaning for women. As if they cannot exist in a relationship without being married.

A true equal rights advocate would be proud her staying independent.

You completely misunderstood me. As a feminist, I would have little respect for anyone who disrespected and forgot my name, unless of course he had dementia. Being labeled as "the woman" would be my exit ticket from that relationship. I refuse to be any man's chattel. I am a self sufficient single woman. I am damn proud of my name, and even if I were to marry, I would keep it.

 

[haha]

According to the article, a woman married in Quebec can't take her husband's name even if she wants to. The article also states that this law was enacted to further equality between men and women (by taking away a woman's right to decide on her married name) The article doesn't say whether a man can take his wife's name.

If I ever get married a gain, I'll call myself Mr. Certified Insane.

 

[braumeister]

The article doesn't say whether a man can take his wife's name.

I used to w*rk with a guy who took his wife's name when they married. He just liked hers better than his original name. He said the authorities didn't even blink when he brought it up, so it must be at least somewhat common.

 

[Meadbh]

If I ever get married a gain, I'll call myself Mr. Certified Insane.

Haha, I think we are all aware of your distaste for marriage. Once bitten, twice shy, eh?

Statistics show that marriage, on a population basis, is good for men and bad for women. I have never been able to understand why so many people feel obligated to do it.

 

[redduck]

"Laziness" is to "mental illness" as "obesity" is to "health problem", and they have the same cure.

Not if they lived in Quebec.

According to the article, a woman married in Quebec can't take her husband's name even if she wants to....

Thread drift

Yes, maybe we should get back to discussing the cure for laziness, mental illness, obesity and health problem(s).

 

[haha]

Statistics show that marriage, on a population basis, is good for men and bad for women. I have never been able to understand why so many people feel obligated to do it.

If men, perhaps they are misogynists?

Actually, regarding my own marriage, I think my wife was at least as good as I was. (Possibly faint praise!) My issue is just that one gives up a lot of autonomy in exchange for dubious benefits.

Ha

 

[Meadbh]

According to the article, a woman married in Quebec can't take her husband's name even if she wants to. The article also states that this law was enacted to further equality between men and women (by taking away a woman's right to decide on her married name) The article doesn't say whether a man can take his wife's name.

I don't think anybody can change names on marriage in Quebec. It's a relic of the French Code Civil. You can change your name, but it has to be a separate procedure.

However, German husbands have been able to adopt their wife's last name on marriage since 1977.

https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Maiden_and_married_names

In royal families, male consorts often adopt their wife's last name. Examples include Prince Philip (UK) who became a Windsor, and Prince Daniel (Sweden) who became a Bernadotte.

 

[6miths]

What? Woman can't take her new husband's name?! Total disregard for tradition. Next thing you know they'll ban wearing hijabs!

Actually I had dinner with a Quebecois in Mexico a couple of weeks ago and he proudly pointed out this law. (The one concerning names that is. Though he gave the impression that he would be really happy with the hijab law too)

 

[6miths]

And yes the story of Debi Thomas was very sad. And I too am very eager to know the common cure for laziness, mental illness, obesity and whatever that other ailment was.

 

[braumeister]

In royal families, male consorts often adopt their wife's last name. Examples include Prince Philip (UK) who became a Windsor, and Prince Daniel (Sweden) who became a Bernadotte.

I know a woman who was the last of a family that owned a fairly large brewery. She wanted to get married, and her father (who still ran it) said he would consent only if her prospective husband changed his name to hers, in order to keep the family name on it for more generations. Otherwise, he would sell the brewery, which was still quite profitable. The prospective groom agreed, and it has worked out fine.

 

[daylatedollarshort]

And yes the story of Debi Thomas was very sad. And I too am very eager to know the common cure for laziness, mental illness, obesity and whatever that other ailment was.

Not sure about the others, but for obesity maybe it is gut bacteria?
How Gut Bacteria Help Make Us Fat and Thin - Scientific American

Since medication can bring on compulsive gambling and a diving accident can make someone a musical prodigy, perhaps there is more to many mental conditions (good and bad) than simply choice and free will.

Laziness can be caused by a lack of vitamin B12, a lack of sleep, anemia or any one of hundreds of other conditions not linked specifically to simply personal choice and free will.

 

[ERD50]

The Washington Post recently had a similar story about Debi Thomas, former U.S. and world figure skating champion, and Olympic medalist. Graduated from Stanford and went on to become an orthopedic surgeon. Now bankrupt and living in a trailer.

https://www.washingtonpost.com/loca...91972c-ce99-11e5-abc9-ea152f0b9561_story.html

Oh no! Debi Thomas was one of my heroines. This is so sad. Clearly she has bipolar disorder.

Very sad. DW is the one who follows figure skating, so I see some of it. I certainly recall Debi Thomas (was it that long ago!?) - I recall being impressed by her quiet confidence. Being an Afro-American in figure skating made her stand out in that crowd too. And I do recall now being aware at the time that she was at Stanford, and going for an MD (or engineering degree?). Smart, pretty, Olympic level achievement? Amazing!

Holy cow, full time at Stanford, medical degree, AND Olympic contender at the same time? Incredible!

It really makes you wonder - did a bi-polar disorder (it says she has fought against that diagnosis) allow her to have these periods of achievement, followed by a downfall? Or was it that the constant pursuit of perfection, no failure allowed, was so ingrained in her, that getting by in the 'normal' world, where you realistically need to say "this is good enough" and move on, just clashed, and she could not adapt, and had to 'tune out'?

And on to NorthWestern (not far from here), and a practice in Champaign (family members went to school there) makes it all seem a bit 'closer to home'.

Stories like this make me feel pretty satisfied about being mediocre. Though, I guess it's better to be famous and burn out, than to just burn out. But sad that all that capability couldn't come together for her.

-ERD50

 

[NW-Bound]

Both stories are fascinating, the OP's about the chemist, and the one about Debi Thomas.

About the chemist, he had some unidentified problems and just dropped out of work.

By 2004, he said, he was unhappy in his job and living on the East Side of Manhattan. When his mother, who was living in Arizona, had a stroke that year, he said, he took a three-month leave of absence, and never went back. Why not? Perhaps, he speculated, the trauma of 9/11 had affected him. And, he said, he had been unable to find a position close to his old rank. “They wanted someone cheap,” he said. “They weren’t going to pay $115,000 for a bench chemist.”

He moved to Brooklyn and took a job with Barnes & Noble in Park Slope that paid about $10 an hour. He also managed to run up $40,000 in credit card debt. How?

“Going out, eating,” he said. “Like I was still making $115,000.”

And the story about Debi Thomas is even stranger.

I guess neither of them was good at managing money. To be burned out at work is really not that unusual. How many of us quit our job when we were on top of our career, commanding the highest salary we ever made? But we had a plan before we quit. Some people just throw in the towel, while having no safety flotation devices. It's sad to see an achiever like Debi Thomas being so destitute. She's only 48 now, so not that old.

Yes, people who are homeless or in financial destitution usually have a mental problem. I have seen plenty of immigrants from 3rd-world countries who do not do badly, and they are still not fluent in English.

 

[ERD50]

You completely misunderstood me. As a feminist, I would have little respect for anyone who disrespected and forgot my name, unless of course he had dementia. Being labeled as "the woman" would be my exit ticket from that relationship. I refuse to be any man's chattel. I am a self sufficient single woman. I am damn proud of my name, and even if I were to marry, I would keep it.

But aren't there other cases of temporary amnesia? I seem to recall (if I can trust my own memory!) of a case just recently (maybe on this forum?) - the person was just 'out of it' for a day, couldn't remember much of anything. And then they got over it - no long term affect, apparently.

edit/add: This is what I was thinking of:

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Transient_global_amnesia


And most of us have the occasional 'brain phart'. Sometimes it is super awkward, so you say something to fill in the gap, like 'little woman', 'the wife', etc. Yes, they sound terrible, but we have probably heard them spoken by a previous generation, so when you draw a blank, you fill in with the first thing that pops in your mind. I think you should have a little pity on the poor guy, he may have been embarrassed by all this. Or, he's a jerk!

A few years ago, we were out to dinner with a group of couples, and DW was sitting at the far end of the table, with all the wives, and the husbands were all on the other end. I was calling out to her to get her attention, and they were all looking at me weird (-er than usual!). Without realizing it, I kept repeating our daughter's name (they rhyme), louder each time, and wondering why she isn't responding. Aaaaawwwwwkkkkk-ward!


-ERD50

 

[Meadbh]

I know a woman who was the last of a family that owned a fairly large brewery. She wanted to get married, and her father (who still ran it) said he would consent only if her prospective husband changed his name to hers, in order to keep the family name on it for more generations. Otherwise, he would sell the brewery, which was still quite profitable. The prospective groom agreed, and it has worked out fine.

Your example (and royal families) demonstrate that the owner of the chosen name is in a position of power over the other spouse. And that is why I strongly believe that a woman should keep her own last name on marriage. I realize she may have inherited it from her father, but at least she has had it all her life. I cringe when I see young brides enthusiastically changing their names on marriage. I feel like yelling at them: "There's a 50% chance this won't last! Be your own woman!"

On a practical note, it's very difficult to find old school friends who have changed their names. As for myself, I use the name I was given at birth, but I started a consulting company some years ago, and named it for both my parents.

 

[ERD50]

... I cringe when I see young brides enthusiastically changing their names on marriage. I feel like yelling at them: "There's a 50% chance this won't last! Be your own woman!" ...

But if they choose to take their husband's name, aren't they being their own woman? Off hand, I'd say it is pretty common these days to not change the name, so I don't think it is peer pressure anymore (it was at one time).

I was a little surprised that both my DIL and my own DD took their husband's name at marriage. But it was their choice, so I had nothing to say (and no opinion) on the matter. I say 'surprised', only because I thought they would keep their own name, not that I thought they should.

-ERD50

 

[MRG]

But aren't there other cases of temporary amnesia? I seem to recall (if I can trust my own memory!) of a case just recently (maybe on this forum?) - the person was just 'out of it' for a day, couldn't remember much of anything. And then they got over it - no long term affect, apparently.

edit/add: This is what I was thinking of:

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Transient_global_amnesia


And most of us have the occasional 'brain phart'. Sometimes it is super awkward, so you say something to fill in the gap, like 'little woman', 'the wife', etc. Yes, they sound terrible, but we have probably heard them spoken by a previous generation, so when you draw a blank, you fill in with the first thing that pops in your mind. I think you should have a little pity on the poor guy, he may have been embarrassed by all this. Or, he's a jerk!

A few years ago, we were out to dinner with a group of couples, and DW was sitting at the far end of the table, with all the wives, and the husbands were all on the other end. I was calling out to her to get her attention, and they were all looking at me weird (-er than usual!). Without realizing it, I kept repeating our daughter's name (they rhyme), louder each time, and wondering why she isn't responding. Aaaaawwwwwkkkkk-ward!


-ERD50

Haha

It was here. I recall responding to the thread as I had a TGA. You cannot compare a brain phart with a TGA.

A brain phart is just that you know I blew it(again). A TGA is like waking up in a strange restaurant full of diners. They're all speaking a different language, you're in Spain! As you become aware what a restaurant is for and embrace the concept of having someone make food for you... looking around you become aware of the other diners. They're strangers, no that one over there seems familiar. Huh who are these people? OH, Hi mom, hi dad, hi uncle Billy. Ah it's my life welcome back. A 6 hour mystery crammed into a much shorter time of extreme terror mixed with an incredible calmness.

They're very different things.