Join Early Retirement Today
Reply
 
Thread Tools Search this Thread Display Modes
Suggestions on how to avoid Family Thanksgiving dinner
Old 09-27-2010, 09:55 PM   #1
Recycles dryer sheets
fisherman's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2007
Posts: 461
Suggestions on how to avoid Family Thanksgiving dinner

The disconnecting with a dysfunctional family thread gave me the idea to pose this questions as I suspect many other are or have dealt with this reoccurring torture.

Thanksgiving is about two months away but I am already dreading it. We live in the same town as my in laws and my Mom. My Dad died 17 years ago.

My sister has done me a great favor in that she and her family no longer come to my Moms for Thanksgiving dinner. This keeps one problem BIl out of the picture along with one overly emotional sister.

The above lead my MIL to decided to invite my Mom to their Thanksgiving dinner a couple of years ago. The first year it really help improve the situation as everyone tried to behave better with a stranger there. Last year that did not last and FIL, BIL, etc would not get off of politics no matter what. They are of the type that when GOD said let their be light they flipped the switch! Needless to say we do not share all the same opinions although the differences are more in approach and compassion than political parties.

I do not want to hurt DW and she was miserable last year also. The kids of course were oblivious. I have been trying to think of a way to avoid and not deal with it. IE Plan a trip get sick, etc.

I could use some sage advise!
__________________

__________________
Worked the plan and now living the Dream!
fisherman is offline   Reply With Quote
Join the #1 Early Retirement and Financial Independence Forum Today - It's Totally Free!

Are you planning to be financially independent as early as possible so you can live life on your own terms? Discuss successful investing strategies, asset allocation models, tax strategies and other related topics in our online forum community. Our members range from young folks just starting their journey to financial independence, military retirees and even multimillionaires. No matter where you fit in you'll find that Early-Retirement.org is a great community to join. Best of all it's totally FREE!

You are currently viewing our boards as a guest so you have limited access to our community. Please take the time to register and you will gain a lot of great new features including; the ability to participate in discussions, network with our members, see fewer ads, upload photographs, create a retirement blog, send private messages and so much, much more!

Old 09-27-2010, 10:04 PM   #2
Thinks s/he gets paid by the post
powerplay's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2008
Posts: 1,067
Make a plan, maybe you, DW, and kids could take your mom out for turkey day dinner. Or you could plan to be out of town and just express your regrets to the inlaws.
__________________

__________________
powerplay is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 09-27-2010, 10:18 PM   #3
Moderator Emeritus
Bestwifeever's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2007
Posts: 13,689
Ask Dawg about what meds he recommends
__________________
Anything can happen. Anything happens all the time.
Bestwifeever is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 09-27-2010, 10:22 PM   #4
Give me a museum and I'll fill it. (Picasso)
Give me a forum ...
bbbamI's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Dallas 'burb
Posts: 8,782
Sit at the kiddie table perhaps?

Yeah, I know it can be tough...been there, done that.

Maybe you could take your mom out for Thanksgiving dinner, then go by your in-laws for dessert. Eating pie doesn't take very long...
__________________
There's no need to complicate, our time is short..
bbbamI is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 09-27-2010, 11:47 PM   #5
Thinks s/he gets paid by the post
kyounge1956's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2008
Posts: 2,172
Taking a trip sounds like a good idea to me if it won't bust the budget. Just make sure you go somewhere the weather will be nice. Once during my childhood my parents decided it would be fun to spend Thanksgiving at the cabin we used to rent in the summertime. It rained non-stop! That was the first and last Thanksgiving trip to Kip Cottage!

This year I have the opposite problem. My parents are the ones taking the trip in November and I have to decide whether to invite some friends to my house, angle for an invite to someone else's dinner or volunteer at the homeless shelter. And you're right—T-day will be here in no time.
__________________
kyounge1956 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 09-28-2010, 04:51 AM   #6
Administrator
Gumby's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2006
Posts: 7,653
Fake a communicable disease?
__________________
They are not long, the days of wine and roses
Out of a misty dream
Our path emerges for a while, then closes
Within a dream.

– Ernest Dowson, from "Vitae Summa Brevis" (1896).
Gumby is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 09-28-2010, 06:34 AM   #7
Give me a museum and I'll fill it. (Picasso)
Give me a forum ...
travelover's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2007
Posts: 6,006
The best Thanksgiving I ever spent was at Tikal. Almost no one there.
__________________
Feral Engineer - Idle Dandy
travelover is online now   Reply With Quote
Old 09-28-2010, 06:46 AM   #8
Thinks s/he gets paid by the post
Rambler's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2007
Posts: 2,070
What does your DW want to do? Would it break her heart for you and her and the kids to have your own TG'g dinner or to go away for a few days? Might wanna talk it over with her if you haven't.

R
__________________
Find Joy in the Journey...
Rambler is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 09-28-2010, 07:15 AM   #9
Give me a museum and I'll fill it. (Picasso)
Give me a forum ...
Purron's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2007
Posts: 5,583
It is a problem that your mom is now included since she'll be stuck with them if you and DW don't make it.

Perhaps you could take your mom out for Thanksgiving dinner then swing by and say "hi" on your way home. Usually it takes people a while to wind up and become obnoxious, so a shorter visit might avoid that.

Whatever you decide, don't feel pressured to give a big explanation. Just inform them of your plans and let it be.
__________________
I purr therefore I am.
Purron is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 09-28-2010, 07:31 AM   #10
Administrator
W2R's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2007
Location: New Orleans
Posts: 28,584
We often schedule a trip to Springfield over Thanksgiving.
__________________
“Knowing others is intelligence; knowing yourself is true wisdom. Mastering others is strength; mastering yourself is true power. If you realize that you have enough, you are truly rich.”
- - Lao-tzu
W2R is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 09-28-2010, 07:49 AM   #11
Give me a museum and I'll fill it. (Picasso)
Give me a forum ...
Moemg's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2007
Location: Sarasota,fl.
Posts: 8,863
Ignore the political discussions and immerse yourself in watching the games .
__________________
Moemg is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 09-28-2010, 07:56 AM   #12
Thinks s/he gets paid by the post
 
Join Date: Feb 2007
Posts: 1,015
Make your own plans, whether it's a trip or a dinner out for your family only, and let the person planning the unwanted event know as soon as possible. I learned this trick years ago...the key is not delaying in announcing your plan. I would say something like "I know you're planning dinner for Thanksgiving, but family and I will be unable to join you as we've been invited to ________. I wanted to let you know now so you don't have to change your plans at the last minute."
__________________
Achiever51 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 09-28-2010, 08:23 AM   #13
Recycles dryer sheets
 
Join Date: Jun 2004
Posts: 229
Stay home, cook, and make your own family traditions. And you can tell the rest of them exactly what you're doing!
__________________
Glo is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 09-28-2010, 09:08 AM   #14
Full time employment: Posting here.
 
Join Date: Apr 2006
Posts: 651
+1 on travel:

I used to do this myself.

Our Thanksgiving isn't holiday season in Mexico or Central America; so, everything is open. Yet, there aren't many tourists from the US. So, it is a great time (good deals, not crowded, etc.).

It is actually a pretty good time to travel within the US as well since you can get good deals at most hotels. (I was surprised to find out how empty most hotels are during the Thanksgiving and Christmas holidays.)

Good luck.
__________________
If there's one thing in my life that's missing; It's the time I spend alone
Sailing on the cool and bright clear waters; There's lots of those friendly people
Showin me ways to go; And I never want to lose your inspiration
CoolChange is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 09-28-2010, 09:29 AM   #15
Thinks s/he gets paid by the post
 
Join Date: Jan 2006
Posts: 1,915
Quote:
Originally Posted by Glo View Post
Stay home, cook, and make your own family traditions. And you can tell the rest of them exactly what you're doing!
I would do the above in your situation. Me personaly, I look forward to Thanksgiving as a time to get together with family I don't get to see often. Don't talk politics or religion and everyone gets along fine. Always have.
__________________
aaronc879 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 09-28-2010, 09:51 AM   #16
Give me a museum and I'll fill it. (Picasso)
Give me a forum ...
Dawg52's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2005
Location: Mississippi
Posts: 6,435
Quote:
Originally Posted by Bestwifeever View Post
Ask Dawg about what meds he recommends
Whatever is readily available. Can't be too choosy when an emergency presents itself.

My relatives have been going to my mother's house for Thanksgiving. She is almost 93 now and simply can't handle it anymore. She hasn't had to prepare the food as everyone brings something, but just too many people in a small house. The confusion and noise drives her nuts, me too. Although med's do help.

So this year we announced we will drive to Birmingham, AL and let my sis-in-law host the get together. Much bigger house, only 2 hours from here and we can exit whenever we want, leaving the noise and mess to clean up.
__________________
Full time wuss............
Dawg52 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 09-28-2010, 10:15 AM   #17
Thinks s/he gets paid by the post
 
Join Date: Feb 2007
Posts: 1,767
We used to have Thanksgiving at my house but after my sister remarried she likes to have it at her house which is fine with me because our parents live close to her and no longer drive as far as my house.

She married a man who keeps kosher. Two of his 3 children (now grown) are vegetarians so she had a few extra requirements - no milk in the mashed potatoes, no real whipped cream, don't add chicken or turkey broth of drippings to some items, etc. Then there was her husband's brother's family from out of town who were ultra kosher. My sister's kosher home/dishes/silverware/food wasn't kosher enough so they came with their own food/silverware/plates. Really, really odd.......

Her elderly in-laws have since died but there was the time her father-in-law overate, vomited in the dining room and then passed out. Paramedics were called and he was taken to the hospital before dessert was served.

Luckily, we are a family who long ago learned not to discuss politics and no one is a big drinker so there are none of the typical arguments. Everyone knows that whoever sits next to my Mom is in charge of monitoring that she doesn't eat off the serving utensils and then put them back in the food.

The koshers and the ultra-koshers talk about all their activities which includes their temples, etc. but religion is never discussed. Maybe it's because they know we are atheists.

We all know our parts to play. We get along just fine.
__________________
Married, both 59. DH retired June, 2010. I have a pleasant little part time job.
Sue J is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 09-28-2010, 10:33 AM   #18
Give me a museum and I'll fill it. (Picasso)
Give me a forum ...
haha's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2003
Location: Hooverville
Posts: 20,424
I confess that I would feel stricken to be alone on Thanksgiving. Unless someone goes bonkers and started shooting I am OK. What difference can it possibly make if they have opinions different from one's own?

Anyway, I tend to find it much easier to agree with my family all the way out to 2nd cousins than I do with others. Almost everyone I know here in the city has political opinions more or less opposite to mine, so I am good at letting that slide by. As far as religion is concerned, we were all old style religious, but nothing one might argue about. There are more important areas for that, like football for example.

Anyway, hard as it might be for those who know me on this board to believe, I am not very argumentive.

Ha
__________________
Insanity in individuals is something rare-but in groups, parties, nations and epochs, it is the rule-Friederich Nietzsche
haha is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 09-28-2010, 10:42 AM   #19
Moderator
Sarah in SC's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2005
Location: Charleston, SC
Posts: 11,175
I like the idea of a vacation, as long as it doesn't strand your mom, who seems to be the innocent party. What about a special meal (lunch) with her and a short visit to the in-laws later, as others have suggested.

I'll be eating with my MIL and SIL this year, because DH's high school reunion is that weekend in their hometown. Meh, whatever. Their food is good and I don't have to do anything.
__________________
“One day your life will flash before your eyes. Make sure it's worth watching.”
Gerard Arthur Way

Sarah in SC is online now   Reply With Quote
Old 09-28-2010, 10:55 AM   #20
Full time employment: Posting here.
Birdie Num Nums's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2010
Location: Seattle-ish
Posts: 546
Is it too simple and easy to just be completely honest about it all, and say that you do NOT enjoy these Thanksgiving Dinners, and don't want to attend ever again? Or at least not this year.
__________________

__________________
Birdie Num Nums is offline   Reply With Quote
Reply


Currently Active Users Viewing This Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
 
Thread Tools Search this Thread
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are Off
Pingbacks are Off
Refbacks are Off


Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
Dinner/investments Stevewc Other topics 68 08-10-2010 02:06 PM
Thanksgiving Dinner: Any "unusual" foods at your table? Orchidflower Other topics 51 11-28-2009 09:39 AM
Sunday Dinner and Supper Danny Other topics 33 02-18-2009 07:01 PM
New Year's dinner Khan Other topics 26 01-02-2009 02:10 PM
charitable family foundations--family first! astromeria Other topics 4 09-25-2006 09:49 PM

 

 
All times are GMT -6. The time now is 07:26 AM.
 
Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.8 Beta 1
Copyright ©2000 - 2014, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.

Early Retirement News right to your Email!

Stay up-to-date with all the latest news to your inbox!

unsusbcribe at anytime with one click

Close [X]