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Old 06-07-2008, 08:31 AM   #21
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hey, were you holding that in your pocket for just the right moment? Are you harboring some issues toward me? Should we talk about it?

It's still considered communication, just using his thumbs, not his mouth - which in his case is not that bad because he's a mumbler...
Holding it - no pockets - Like most I'm usually in my underwear in the morning while I'm reading the boards.

I'm trying to help you avoid the now typical TV news report from outside your son's house 15 years from now with the neighbors saying "He was such a normal person." He was always so respectful." "I never would have guessed." as the bodies of 16 women (who look a bit like you) with their tounges cut out are carried out of the house.

You son is crying out for some structure, guidance and less talk (he is becoming a man after all) in his life. The next time he begins texting at the dinner table tell him if he doesn't stop you will take it away, break it and not get him another one. When he does start; take it away, get a hammer, go outside and smash it. No talking, no drama, no more discussion. Do this with all his bad behaviors. Clothes on the floor - they go to charity. He'll yell and not talk to you but how is that different than now. You will have the satisfaction in knowing that you saved 16 lives.

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Old 06-07-2008, 09:26 AM   #22
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Old 06-07-2008, 09:30 AM   #23
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Like most I'm usually in my underwear in the morning while I'm reading the boards.
Really?

Wow, if only I had known. I have never happened to read the board while wearing only my underwear, but I guess I could have been doing that all this time and truly joined this brotherhood/sisterhood of half nekkid posters.
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Old 06-07-2008, 09:58 AM   #24
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Well, I'll try to veer back on topic despite the thread's turn toward homicidal teenagers and scantily clad posting.

Two teenage boys - both of whom got cell phones in high school because of the need to be flexible in arranging transportation to and from after school events. The phones were for the convenience of the parental units.

Seeing the adults and kids who meander around stores with a cell phone permanently attached to their ear, babbling about nonsense, and observing the texting phenomenon, when we got the first kid a phone I was prepared to be the enforcer of usage limits. It was a non-event.

Second kid is even more sparse in his usage. Conversations with him are frustrating because he's like the family in the cell phone commercials who are desperately trying to save on minutes by talking like auctioneers: "Hi,it'sme.Practiceisover,andyoucancomepickusupnow Bye." We've had a few conversations about telephone etiquette.

We're on the lowest minute plan and there are still tons of minutes rolling over every month into a pool that has a 1-year life. I've taken to encouraging cell phone usage just because I hate to see the minutes go to waste.

Time to go put on some clothes.
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Old 06-07-2008, 10:08 AM   #25
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Perhaps my daughter is not the norm but: She's had a cell phone since she was 11 (13 now) & I'm glad to let her have it for only $10 month extra on the family plan.

She's not allowed to text (& surprisingly has little interest), really doesn't like to just "gab" on the phone a lot, and is a responsible straight-A AP student.

Of primary importance to me is that, as a girl and starting to go to some social functions, school trips, church trips, & other people's houses on her own, we have discussed & she well knows that if she is ever in a situation that is starting to feel uncomfortable & she thinks she wants to leave for whatever, she can just make an excuse to go to the bathroom or somewhere, give us a quiet ring & we'll come get her anytime/anyplace with an excuse that won't let the hosts or other folks at the event know the real reason she is leaving.

Some may criticize me for this, but as an added bonus I think is that she also gets a certain amount of pride in being one of the many kids nowadays that has her own phone - in the socially self-conscious world of pre-teen & teen girls where everybody is concerned about numerous things about themselves or their families that they fear others might perceive as shortcomings, once again I'm glad to give her for such a cheap price one less thing to be self-consicous about.

I've also let her know that this privilege is part of her reward from us for being as responsible person and good student as she is.

I've always tried to instill in her (especially as she gets older) that the more mature & responsible she acts, the more we will treat her as a mature & responsible adult, but when she behaves immature & irresponsible the more we as parents must step in and treat her as a child.


(OK - enough braggin on my kid now )
I agree completely with all of this. It seems that many of us are willing to spend plenty on things "for our children" that reflect well on us-like 4 years at Harvard-but not much at all on things for their safety, comfort or social success.

I say first be sure your child is physically safe, second socially comfortable and happy, and third whatever all the other stuff that we are sure they should have, like prestigious schooling.

This was my general approach with my 2 kids, and they are grown-up, successful young men now. They also appreciate that their goals for themselves became my goals for them, rather than me trying to force it the other way around.

Ha
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Old 06-07-2008, 10:56 AM   #26
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Really?

Wow, if only I had known. I have never happened to read the board while wearing only my underwear, but I guess I could have been doing that all this time and truly joined this brotherhood/sisterhood of half nekkid posters.

LOL..... well, I am surprised.... as I am sitting here in my undies.... reading away... a bit later than 'morning', but it is not noon year and I was up very late visiting with my sister who came into town late last night.... more family stuff later.. so soon I will be going to the shower.... but hey, when you start reading in your undies... send us a picture
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Old 06-07-2008, 11:45 AM   #27
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Time to go put on some clothes.
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LOL..... well, I am surprised.... as I am sitting here in my undies.... reading away... a bit later than 'morning', but it is not noon year and I was up very late visiting with my sister who came into town late last night.... more family stuff later.. so soon I will be going to the shower.... but hey, when you start reading in your undies... send us a picture
Who needs Sex and the City when I can read posts like these in the ER Forum!
I do sometimes read while wearing short shorts and a t-shirt without a certain item of above-the-waist underwear early in the morning on weekends, but that's as risque as I get around here.
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Old 06-07-2008, 12:35 PM   #28
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Right now my desktop computer is downstairs where there are windows; I'm planning on moving it upstairs into the bedroom, then I won't have to worry about what I wear.
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Old 06-07-2008, 01:21 PM   #29
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Really?

Wow, if only I had known. I have never happened to read the board while wearing only my underwear, but I guess I could have been doing that all this time and truly joined this brotherhood/sisterhood of half nekkid posters.
I'll try to join you in that tomorrow! Like in "Gone with the Wind," "I'll think about that tomorrow." Today, I'm in my most upscale jammies only because the stuff I prefer is in the wash.

My real reason for posting on this thread is to express my pride that there are so many great parents here trying to do the best they can. Bravo! Not just one hand clapping.
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Old 06-07-2008, 01:59 PM   #30
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As a teenager now you're desperate for a cell phone, you fight with your parents for one and have it glued to your head all day. But somehow, when you get a job and they hand you a cell phone for free, you can't wait to get rid of it. Weird.
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Old 06-07-2008, 02:07 PM   #31
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As a teenager now you're desperate for a cell phone, you fight with your parents for one and have it glued to your head all day. But somehow, when you get a job and they hand you a cell phone for free, you can't wait to get rid of it. Weird.
Remember the '80s when they called beepers, "electronic leashes"?
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Old 06-07-2008, 02:31 PM   #32
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I've met too many people who work at hospitals where they're still attached to their electronic leashes. It's like stepping back in time. I want to buy a rotary phone and watch people try to dial on it. Personally, my cell's getting ran over the day I'm free from work.
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Old 06-07-2008, 02:31 PM   #33
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I remember some of my wealthier (as in wealthier parents) teenage friends getting their own number/phone (often a Princess phone) back in the day (late sixties, early seventies). It was a bit of a status symbol, but not that big a deal. Those of us who didn't have their own phone/line survived. Those that did enjoyed it, but no one really thought twice about the implications of having one or not.

Was life just easier back then? Or is that just nostalgia talking?
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Old 06-07-2008, 06:25 PM   #34
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Dex!
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Old 06-07-2008, 09:14 PM   #35
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Holding it - no pockets - Like most I'm usually in my underwear in the morning while I'm reading the boards.

I'm trying to help you avoid the now typical TV news report from outside your son's house 15 years from now with the neighbors saying "He was such a normal person." He was always so respectful." "I never would have guessed." as the bodies of 16 women (who look a bit like you) with their tounges cut out are carried out of the house.

You son is crying out for some structure, guidance and less talk (he is becoming a man after all) in his life. The next time he begins texting at the dinner table tell him if he doesn't stop you will take it away, break it and not get him another one. When he does start; take it away, get a hammer, go outside and smash it. No talking, no drama, no more discussion. Do this with all his bad behaviors. Clothes on the floor - they go to charity. He'll yell and not talk to you but how is that different than now. You will have the satisfaction in knowing that you saved 16 lives.


too... much... information!

What does texting too much have to do w/ serial killing? he's an extrovert not introvert - so very little likelihood we'll have mysterious fresh dirt spots in the backyard. the texting thing does get very annoying, but it's one area we haven't put too many rules around. if he's in the car or we're at a restaurant i ask him to put it away. his room is the neatest in the house and other than mumbling, has no signs of other social problems, other than having too many friends...
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Old 06-07-2008, 09:31 PM   #36
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Since you wrote about it... I will comment... don't take my head off for this...

But, you are saying that she is taking pride that she is 'better' than someone else because she has a phone that cost $10 per month? I am replacing your word of pride with what I see it as being... And she has this pride in an object that she does nothing to pay for.... just a gift from mom and dad... just curious about what you are trying to teach her...
I'll try not to take your head off here Tex, but I think you are trying to read too much into what I said in the use of the word "pride". Perhaps there is a better word I should have used than "pride" but it's the closest I could come on the fly to the concept I was trying to express.

Aside from that - what's wrong with a kid having a little pride in themselves, in their abilities, their home, their families, their backgrounds, and to a degree - their possessions?

I had things I was proud of when I was a kid? Didn't you? Was it wrong? Did it make you feel superior to others that you had this or that possession when many other kids had one too? No - it just made you feel like you "fit in" a little better.

Note I said absolutely nothing about my daughter being prideful because she thinks she's "better" than anyone else cause she has a phone. Those are your words (I also don't think you should have put 'better' in quotation marks since the word is not in my post)

(Besides - you're not really better than anyone else in the 7th grade in terms of cell-phone chic unless you have a BlackBerry, I-Phone, or whatever the latest coolest is - & that's not what my kid has - although it does have an MP3 & camera)

Note also that I DID say she can take pride in having a cell phone school just like most of the other kids in her grade - it's those who don't have phones who are the oddballs & she doesn't attend any kind of privileged school - just an average medium sized Texas middle school.

She takes pride in her cell phone in the same way she takes pride in her converse sneakers (not expensive - but kind of de rigueur at the moment in the world of 13 year old girls) or another clothing item.

I suggest you may not understand the pressures of a 13 y/o girl. Trying to do well at school, sports, music, etc - and at the same time wanting to just "fit-in".

I can afford it, it's not much, so why not?
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Old 06-08-2008, 12:29 AM   #37
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Nords - how does her cell work for text messages?
I'm told that texting is 25 cents a message on her pay-as-you-go agreement. Hey, she's paying the bills, I don't have to know!

Considering how little infrastructure/bandwidth is required for texting vice voice, I think this pricing reflects how much more popular texting has become.

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Does DD lurk here? If so, you might get a "Gee, I'm thinking that my cell phone is too expensive -- wanna chip in some?"
Yeah, I've been casting a suspicious eye on some of those newbie Young Dreamers. But then I remember that the last thing she wants to do is to discover more ways to interact with her parents.

Judging from the prefilled text blocks on our local newspaper's website, she's been commenting publicly on their articles. So it's only a matter of time till the discussion board addiction asserts itself.

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Aren't you the person who believes we all should talk out our problems/issues. Maybe we should wait until you can get your teen to talk before we follow.
Those of you who think a texting teen is "rude" or "inconsiderate" have yet to achieve the depth of experience necessary to understand that it's barely a temblor on the "Rude Teen Richter Scale".

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anyhow - congrats to you for holding out for so long and having such a considerate daughter! she'll sure have lots of stories to tell as she gets older..
Well, what impresses us the most about this is that she did it on her own initiative and her own money.

As for the stories... you know how the teachers say "Oh... OH, her Mom & Dad!! We've been wanting to meet you!"

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Right now my desktop computer is downstairs where there are windows; I'm planning on moving it upstairs into the bedroom, then I won't have to worry about what I wear.
If it was a laptop then you wouldn't even have to get out of bed...
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Old 06-08-2008, 01:05 AM   #38
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Who needs Sex and the City when I can read posts like these in the ER Forum!
I do sometimes read while wearing short shorts and a t-shirt without a certain item of above-the-waist underwear early in the morning on weekends, but that's as risque as I get around here.
Your no fun... unless you happened to 'spilled' a glass of water on your shirt

My days of walking around in the tighty whities is limited.... so I will enjoy my last month of being able.... heck, I might just take off my t-shirt and shorts and get ready for bed!!!
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Old 06-08-2008, 01:18 AM   #39
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I'll try not to take your head off here Tex, but I think you are trying to read too much into what I said in the use of the word "pride". Perhaps there is a better word I should have used than "pride" but it's the closest I could come on the fly to the concept I was trying to express.

Aside from that - what's wrong with a kid having a little pride in themselves, in their abilities, their home, their families, their backgrounds, and to a degree - their possessions?

I had things I was proud of when I was a kid? Didn't you? Was it wrong? Did it make you feel superior to others that you had this or that possession when many other kids had one too? No - it just made you feel like you "fit in" a little better.

Note I said absolutely nothing about my daughter being prideful because she thinks she's "better" than anyone else cause she has a phone. Those are your words (I also don't think you should have put 'better' in quotation marks since the word is not in my post)

(Besides - you're not really better than anyone else in the 7th grade in terms of cell-phone chic unless you have a BlackBerry, I-Phone, or whatever the latest coolest is - & that's not what my kid has - although it does have an MP3 & camera)

Note also that I DID say she can take pride in having a cell phone school just like most of the other kids in her grade - it's those who don't have phones who are the oddballs & she doesn't attend any kind of privileged school - just an average medium sized Texas middle school.

She takes pride in her cell phone in the same way she takes pride in her converse sneakers (not expensive - but kind of de rigueur at the moment in the world of 13 year old girls) or another clothing item.

I suggest you may not understand the pressures of a 13 y/o girl. Trying to do well at school, sports, music, etc - and at the same time wanting to just "fit-in".

I can afford it, it's not much, so why not?

I put the word in quotes as my word... it was not attributed to you... like the above is...

But even in your post you say... a cell phone to 'fit in'... and the ones who do not have one are "it's those who don't have phones who are the oddballs" (your words)... so even you are admitting that if your child did not have a cell phone she would be an oddball and would not fit in... (I know... I am REALLY stretching here... just making a point... from what I read your child is not like this at all)... so what does that tell us about her friends and such? That if you do not have one...you can not be 'in' or 'hip' or whatever other thing that is used by a teenager today...

I still say that Nords has done well, his daughter has made the financial decision and is requiring her to foot the bill... that is the way I think I am going to be going..... but I might be outvoted 1 to 0 when the time comes... (as you can see, I don't get a vote and I KNOW it )
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Old 06-08-2008, 07:33 AM   #40
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I'm told that texting is 25 cents a message on her pay-as-you-go agreement. Hey, she's paying the bills, I don't have to know!
I would be curious if she equates the cost of texting with how long she has to work for it. I used to do that.

If she nets $4.00/hr (after taxes, transportation ect) - that is only 16 text messages. An hour of work for 16 (usually) trite text messages!

Do you pay for incomming and outgoing text messages?

I had them cancel my text messaging service when I found out I had to pay for the incoming text messages.
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