Teens & cell phones: I stand corrected.

[TromboneAl]

Quote:

If I'd realized that a cell phone was the only obstacle to our family harmony, I would've handed one out with her 8th-grade textbooks.

Does DD lurk here? If so, you might get a "Gee, I'm thinking that my cell phone is too expensive -- wanna chip in some?"

[Texarkandy]

Perhaps my daughter is not the norm but: She's had a cell phone since she was 11 (13 now) & I'm glad to let her have it for only $10 month extra on the family plan.

She's not allowed to text (& surprisingly has little interest), really doesn't like to just "gab" on the phone a lot, and is a responsible straight-A AP student.

Of primary importance to me is that, as a girl and starting to go to some social functions, school trips, church trips, & other people's houses on her own, we have discussed & she well knows that if she is ever in a situation that is starting to feel uncomfortable & she thinks she wants to leave for whatever, she can just make an excuse to go to the bathroom or somewhere, give us a quiet ring & we'll come get her anytime/anyplace with an excuse that won't let the hosts or other folks at the event know the real reason she is leaving.

Some may criticize me for this, but as an added bonus I think is that she also gets a certain amount of pride in being one of the many kids nowadays that has her own phone - in the socially self-conscious world of pre-teen & teen girls where everybody is concerned about numerous things about themselves or their families that they fear others might perceive as shortcomings, once again I'm glad to give her for such a cheap price one less thing to be self-consicous about.

I've also let her know that this privilege is part of her reward from us for being as responsible person and good student as she is.

I've always tried to instill in her (especially as she gets older) that the more mature & responsible she acts, the more we will treat her as a mature & responsible adult, but when she behaves immature & irresponsible the more we as parents must step in and treat her as a child.


(OK - enough braggin on my kid now )

[Texas Proud]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Texarkandy Some may criticize me for this, but as an added bonus I think is that she also gets a certain amount of pride in being one of the many kids nowadays that has her own phone - in the socially self-conscious world of pre-teen & teen girls where everybody is concerned about numerous things about themselves or their families that they fear others might perceive as shortcomings, once again I'm glad to give her for such a cheap price one less thing to be self-consicous about.

Since you wrote about it... I will comment... don't take my head off for this...

But, you are saying that she is taking pride that she is 'better' than someone else because she has a phone that cost $10 per month? I am replacing your word of pride with what I see it as being... And she has this pride in an object that she does nothing to pay for.... just a gift from mom and dad... just curious about what you are trying to teach her...

I have said this a long time ago.... I was in the grocery store parking lot and had a flat tire... and this Mercedes SL convertible (the $80k to $100K kind) was parked next to me.... brand new... and while I was staring at my flat tire... this high school girl came out of the pizza place and was 'showing off' her new car... not her parents which she was able to drive... but HER new car.... and she was very proud of it.... and you could tell the other girls were envious of her... I felt sorry for her... because her expectations (IMO) were going to be so out of whack that she will have trouble in a normal relationship with a normal guy who makes a normal salary... I am not saying that this is your daughter... but having a 'status symbol' to me is the start....

NOW, I had two of my sisters on my case tonight when I said my soon to be son would not be getting one at 10... and maybe not till 16 or 17... so I KNOW I am at the very fringe in my thinking... but it is the way I think... to each their own...

BTW, I am glad to hear that your daughter has not make it a part of her anatomy like so many of the kids I have seen... so I will agree with you that she does seem responsible.... good for you!!!

[Texarkandy]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Texas Proud Since you wrote about it... I will comment... don't take my head off for this... But, you are saying that she is taking pride that she is 'better' than someone else because she has a phone that cost $10 per month? I am replacing your word of pride with what I see it as being... And she has this pride in an object that she does nothing to pay for.... just a gift from mom and dad... just curious about what you are trying to teach her...

I'll try not to take your head off here Tex, but I think you are trying to read too much into what I said in the use of the word "pride". Perhaps there is a better word I should have used than "pride" but it's the closest I could come on the fly to the concept I was trying to express.

Aside from that - what's wrong with a kid having a little pride in themselves, in their abilities, their home, their families, their backgrounds, and to a degree - their possessions?

I had things I was proud of when I was a kid? Didn't you? Was it wrong? Did it make you feel superior to others that you had this or that possession when many other kids had one too? No - it just made you feel like you "fit in" a little better.

Note I said absolutely nothing about my daughter being prideful because she thinks she's "better" than anyone else cause she has a phone. Those are your words (I also don't think you should have put 'better' in quotation marks since the word is not in my post)

(Besides - you're not really better than anyone else in the 7th grade in terms of cell-phone chic unless you have a BlackBerry, I-Phone, or whatever the latest coolest is - & that's not what my kid has - although it does have an MP3 & camera)

Note also that I DID say she can take pride in having a cell phone school just like most of the other kids in her grade - it's those who don't have phones who are the oddballs & she doesn't attend any kind of privileged school - just an average medium sized Texas middle school.

She takes pride in her cell phone in the same way she takes pride in her converse sneakers (not expensive - but kind of de rigueur at the moment in the world of 13 year old girls) or another clothing item.

I suggest you may not understand the pressures of a 13 y/o girl. Trying to do well at school, sports, music, etc - and at the same time wanting to just "fit-in".

I can afford it, it's not much, so why not?

[Nords]

Quote:

Originally Posted by bright eyed Nords - how does her cell work for text messages?

I'm told that texting is 25 cents a message on her pay-as-you-go agreement. Hey, she's paying the bills, I don't have to know!

Considering how little infrastructure/bandwidth is required for texting vice voice, I think this pricing reflects how much more popular texting has become.

Quote:

Originally Posted by TromboneAl Does DD lurk here? If so, you might get a "Gee, I'm thinking that my cell phone is too expensive -- wanna chip in some?"

Yeah, I've been casting a suspicious eye on some of those newbie Young Dreamers. But then I remember that the last thing she wants to do is to discover more ways to interact with her parents.

Judging from the prefilled text blocks on our local newspaper's website, she's been commenting publicly on their articles. So it's only a matter of time till the discussion board addiction asserts itself.

Quote:

Originally Posted by dex Aren't you the person who believes we all should talk out our problems/issues. Maybe we should wait until you can get your teen to talk before we follow.

Those of you who think a texting teen is "rude" or "inconsiderate" have yet to achieve the depth of experience necessary to understand that it's barely a temblor on the "Rude Teen Richter Scale".

Quote:

Originally Posted by bright eyed anyhow - congrats to you for holding out for so long and having such a considerate daughter! she'll sure have lots of stories to tell as she gets older..

Well, what impresses us the most about this is that she did it on her own initiative and her own money.

As for the stories... you know how the teachers say "Oh... OH, her Mom & Dad!! We've been wanting to meet you!"

Quote:

Originally Posted by Khan Right now my desktop computer is downstairs where there are windows; I'm planning on moving it upstairs into the bedroom, then I won't have to worry about what I wear.

If it was a laptop then you wouldn't even have to get out of bed...

[dex]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Nords I'm told that texting is 25 cents a message on her pay-as-you-go agreement. Hey, she's paying the bills, I don't have to know!

I would be curious if she equates the cost of texting with how long she has to work for it. I used to do that.

If she nets $4.00/hr (after taxes, transportation ect) - that is only 16 text messages. An hour of work for 16 (usually) trite text messages!

Do you pay for incomming and outgoing text messages?

I had them cancel my text messaging service when I found out I had to pay for the incoming text messages.

[Texas Proud]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Texarkandy I'll try not to take your head off here Tex, but I think you are trying to read too much into what I said in the use of the word "pride". Perhaps there is a better word I should have used than "pride" but it's the closest I could come on the fly to the concept I was trying to express. Aside from that - what's wrong with a kid having a little pride in themselves, in their abilities, their home, their families, their backgrounds, and to a degree - their possessions? I had things I was proud of when I was a kid? Didn't you? Was it wrong? Did it make you feel superior to others that you had this or that possession when many other kids had one too? No - it just made you feel like you "fit in" a little better. Note I said absolutely nothing about my daughter being prideful because she thinks she's "better" than anyone else cause she has a phone. Those are your words (I also don't think you should have put 'better' in quotation marks since the word is not in my post) (Besides - you're not really better than anyone else in the 7th grade in terms of cell-phone chic unless you have a BlackBerry, I-Phone, or whatever the latest coolest is - & that's not what my kid has - although it does have an MP3 & camera) Note also that I DID say she can take pride in having a cell phone school just like most of the other kids in her grade - it's those who don't have phones who are the oddballs & she doesn't attend any kind of privileged school - just an average medium sized Texas middle school. She takes pride in her cell phone in the same way she takes pride in her converse sneakers (not expensive - but kind of de rigueur at the moment in the world of 13 year old girls) or another clothing item. I suggest you may not understand the pressures of a 13 y/o girl. Trying to do well at school, sports, music, etc - and at the same time wanting to just "fit-in". I can afford it, it's not much, so why not?

I put the word in quotes as my word... it was not attributed to you... like the above is...

But even in your post you say... a cell phone to 'fit in'... and the ones who do not have one are "it's those who don't have phones who are the oddballs" (your words)... so even you are admitting that if your child did not have a cell phone she would be an oddball and would not fit in... (I know... I am REALLY stretching here... just making a point... from what I read your child is not like this at all)... so what does that tell us about her friends and such? That if you do not have one...you can not be 'in' or 'hip' or whatever other thing that is used by a teenager today...

I still say that Nords has done well, his daughter has made the financial decision and is requiring her to foot the bill... that is the way I think I am going to be going..... but I might be outvoted 1 to 0 when the time comes... (as you can see, I don't get a vote and I KNOW it )

[Texarkandy]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Texas Proud ..... I still say that Nords has done well, his daughter has made the financial decision and is requiring her to foot the bill... that is the way I think I am going to be going..... but I might be outvoted 1 to 0 when the time comes... (as you can see, I don't get a vote and I KNOW it )

re: financial responsibility -
mine wanted an upgraded phone over the one that came free with the plan - so she ponied up the extra $50 herself (a decision I think she now regrets, but hey, that's a lesson) - as to the monthly $10 bill, she doesn't really have a lot of money-making opportunities due to her age, where we live, etc - & we want her to have the phone for other safety related reasons as stated in my previous post.
It's also a big convenience for us as parents that she has a phone in coordinating pick-up/drop-off times/locations from various functions, being able to call her & make sure things are OK, etc.

She's also aware that any text charges, mp3 downloads, etc are coming out of her money - interestlingly there have been darn few of those over the last couple years (she seems to be a lot freer with our money than her own

As to the being "hip" thing - I still maintain there's nothing wrong with wanting to "fit in" when you are a 13 y/o girl - it's not a matter of trying to act like you are better than anybody. She doesn't want to go to school in overalls & brogan shoes either - & I accomodate that because I can - she doesn't get $150 Nike's, but I will buy her a $40 pair of Vans every once in a while.

"fitting in" is not the overriding rationale in our decision anyway - as I indicated it's just an added bonus for her personally - and I think that's OK.

I think some adults like us (40's, 50's) are not exactly up to date with the idea that cell phones are no big deal for kids anymore - unless of course you don't have one.

She never asked (begged/whined/whatever) for the phone - it was our idea.

I don't see a problem & think parents who can afford it and have responsible kids over the age of 10 or 12 are being bit unfair to deny them a cell phone. It's actually a small thing nowadays.

Little things like being able to let my responsible kid have her own cell phone (shared with me sometimes) or a trendy pair of shoes once in a while is one of the reasons I have slaved for 25 years & strived to make good decisons to make a financially good life for me & my family.

[haha]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Texarkandy Perhaps my daughter is not the norm but: She's had a cell phone since she was 11 (13 now) & I'm glad to let her have it for only $10 month extra on the family plan. She's not allowed to text (& surprisingly has little interest), really doesn't like to just "gab" on the phone a lot, and is a responsible straight-A AP student. Of primary importance to me is that, as a girl and starting to go to some social functions, school trips, church trips, & other people's houses on her own, we have discussed & she well knows that if she is ever in a situation that is starting to feel uncomfortable & she thinks she wants to leave for whatever, she can just make an excuse to go to the bathroom or somewhere, give us a quiet ring & we'll come get her anytime/anyplace with an excuse that won't let the hosts or other folks at the event know the real reason she is leaving. Some may criticize me for this, but as an added bonus I think is that she also gets a certain amount of pride in being one of the many kids nowadays that has her own phone - in the socially self-conscious world of pre-teen & teen girls where everybody is concerned about numerous things about themselves or their families that they fear others might perceive as shortcomings, once again I'm glad to give her for such a cheap price one less thing to be self-consicous about. I've also let her know that this privilege is part of her reward from us for being as responsible person and good student as she is. I've always tried to instill in her (especially as she gets older) that the more mature & responsible she acts, the more we will treat her as a mature & responsible adult, but when she behaves immature & irresponsible the more we as parents must step in and treat her as a child. (OK - enough braggin on my kid now )

I agree completely with all of this. It seems that many of us are willing to spend plenty on things "for our children" that reflect well on us-like 4 years at Harvard-but not much at all on things for their safety, comfort or social success.

I say first be sure your child is physically safe, second socially comfortable and happy, and third whatever all the other stuff that we are sure they should have, like prestigious schooling.

This was my general approach with my 2 kids, and they are grown-up, successful young men now. They also appreciate that their goals for themselves became my goals for them, rather than me trying to force it the other way around.

Ha

[Martha]

Dex!

[dex]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Martha Dex!

I'll take that as a vote supporting my position.

[RetiredGypsy]

As a teenager now you're desperate for a cell phone, you fight with your parents for one and have it glued to your head all day. But somehow, when you get a job and they hand you a cell phone for free, you can't wait to get rid of it. Weird.

[CuppaJoe]

Quote:

Originally Posted by RetiredGypsy As a teenager now you're desperate for a cell phone, you fight with your parents for one and have it glued to your head all day. But somehow, when you get a job and they hand you a cell phone for free, you can't wait to get rid of it. Weird.

Remember the '80s when they called beepers, "electronic leashes"?

[RetiredGypsy]

I've met too many people who work at hospitals where they're still attached to their electronic leashes. It's like stepping back in time. I want to buy a rotary phone and watch people try to dial on it. Personally, my cell's getting ran over the day I'm free from work.

[tangomonster]

I remember some of my wealthier (as in wealthier parents) teenage friends getting their own number/phone (often a Princess phone) back in the day (late sixties, early seventies). It was a bit of a status symbol, but not that big a deal. Those of us who didn't have their own phone/line survived. Those that did enjoyed it, but no one really thought twice about the implications of having one or not.

Was life just easier back then? Or is that just nostalgia talking?

[packrat44]

My daughter got a cell phone 4 years ago when she turned 24. DW and I got one less than 2 months ago and dropped our land-line (63 & 55 yo). Son got his 1 month ago (29 yo) and dropped his land-line.

When I was growing up as a kid, my friends that ran into financial problems early in life were the ones from families that spoiled them with money, cars, etc. Those that receive too much too early often have little appreciation of value which can lead to problems later when their wants exceed their purchasing ability.