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Texas~Disney Style?
Old 04-02-2007, 04:38 PM   #1
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Texas~Disney Style?

Disney Plans Texas History Theme Park

Texas Assoc. of Museums has learned that on April 1 the Disney Corporation will announce plans to build a new Texas History and Museum Theme Park to be located between Fort Davis and Marfa. Planned to be the largest of the Disney theme parks, the THMTP is expected to attract over 2.5 million visitors a year to this remote part of Texas.
Over the past several months officials of the Disney Corporation have negotiated the purchase of the historic 65,000-acre Buford Ranch sited in the most scenic area of Jeff Davis County. Disney spokesman Donald Canard declined to reveal the purchase price, simply stating that the Buford family will be “set for life.” Based on the preliminary plans, the THMTP’s family entertainment park will include:

o an Alamo Village featuring life-sized holographic figures of not only Crockett, Travis, Bowie, and other heroes, but also Santa Anna and his generals. Concessions and restaurants in this part of the park will feature strolling mariachi bands dressed as Mexican soldiers.

o a Presidential Trail that will include replicas of the furnished Oval Offices of LBJ and both Bushes. Visitors will be greeted at the entrance by a talking “Cactus Jack” Garner (Vice-President under FDR) who will be “larger than Big Tex at the State Fair of Texas.”

o the “Texas Art Museum”, 40,000 square feet of galleries containing replicas of “every major work of art in every art museum in Texas”, a total of over 2,000 objects according to Disney. Thanks to nanotechnology “cloning” techniques and galleries taking full advantage of abundant natural light in West Texas, Disney expects the art objects to look “better than the originals.”

o An exact replica of the San Jacinto Monument. Standing at 15 feet taller than the Washington Monument, the view from the Disney’s monument will allow our patrons to see “all the way to Mexico.” Disney added that the view from the clear air of West Texas will be much better than the murky view of the Houston Ship Channel.

o Texas “Fantasy Land” that includes well-endowed, managed, and maintained museums that any community would want in their town. Museums in this part of the theme park will have state of the art climate control for their replica objects and “Disney-cheerful” docents leading tours. The parks will also be well funded and maintained.

Overall Disney maintains that this theme park will tell the history of Texas that visitors believe in and expect, whether it is true or not. Spokesman Canard said it will be “a museum-quality ersatz experience.” Disney has hired internationally-known French theme park architect, Daphne de Mallard, to design the Texas History and Museum Theme Park.

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Re: Texas~Disney Style?
Old 04-02-2007, 04:47 PM   #2
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Re: Texas~Disney Style?

Originally Posted by mickeyd
Overall Disney maintains that this theme park will tell the history of Texas that visitors believe in and expect, whether it is true or not. Spokesman Canard said it will be “a museum-quality ersatz experience.”

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Re: Texas~Disney Style?
Old 04-02-2007, 05:55 PM   #3
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Re: Texas~Disney Style?

Excuse me while I puke.

That location is way, way, way out of the way. West Texas will love it and I can see a major international airport going in somewhere. I can't see there being a strong rush to go to a historical park out in the middle of nowhere.

It does eliminate a decent part of Texas for retirement living. The climate arount Ft Davis is very nice -- except for the scorpions and tornados.
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Re: Texas~Disney Style?
Old 04-02-2007, 07:44 PM   #4
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Re: Texas~Disney Style?

I am a fifth generation Texan and you couldn't get me to this place on a bet. The big bend area is wonderful for the nature lovers, but I can't see mom, pop, and their 2.5 kids taking the SUV out there for a three night stay at Disney Over the Bend. It's a long way from no where. And there REALLY ARE A LOT OF RATTLESNAKES, SCORPIANS and other undesireable creatures. This has got to be an April Fool, just a little to late.
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Re: Texas~Disney Style?
Old 04-02-2007, 08:29 PM   #5
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Re: Texas~Disney Style?

Originally Posted by mickeyd
Disney spokesman Donald Canard
internationally-known French theme park architect Daphne de Mallard
Quack, quack, I mean Happy April Fools, guys.

Although Mallard & Canard sounds like an excellent name for a high-end Dallas law firm...

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