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Old 08-20-2007, 07:16 PM   #41
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It's big. Texas.
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Old 08-20-2007, 10:50 PM   #42
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Uh oh...is this turning into another 3 word thread?
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Old 08-21-2007, 09:49 AM   #43
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Here is some more data from a "recent" Texan (11 years here, transplanted from the midwest).

Scorpions: At 5AM this morning, a scorpion fell from the ceiling, bounced off my head, and proceeded to crawl around the bed. If that isn't bad enough, the same thing happened to DW a few days ago. I had JUST managed to calm her down by convincing her that the first time was a fluke and unlikely to happen again. Today I am going to war with a caulking gun and DW has decided she needs a canopy over our bed (an umbrella for raining scorpions, if you will).

Chiggers: They are attracted to dark colors. You can test for chigger infestations by placing a square of black cardboard on the ground, and then picking it up later to count the chiggers on it. Or, you can be like me, and wear black socks & sneakers. Each year I avoid the yard for most of the spring and summer, but somehow I still pick up a good 40-50 chigger bites from the driveway. This year, I broke down and bought white shoes and socks for the first time in 25 years. It helped a little, but not much. There is a product called ChigaRid which is the ONLY thing I've found that helps these bites, and I've tried several.

REW forgot to mention tornadoes. Sure, other parts of the country get tornadoes too, but around here, NONE OF THE HOUSES HAVE BASEMENTS. It's funny, the houses don't cost any less because of this.

If you'd told me 11 years ago that I'd be waking up to scorpions falling on my head, scratching my legs until they bleed, and wondering if the next storm will carry me into the next county - and that I would still choose to call this place home - I'd say you were nuts. Although, re-reading that, it sounds more plausible that I'm the nutty one here.
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Old 08-21-2007, 10:00 AM   #44
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Youse Texans! You're all hat chigger and no cowboy rattlesnake.
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Old 08-21-2007, 10:01 AM   #45
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Quote:
Originally Posted by SC View Post
REW forgot to mention tornadoes.
See if I've included everything now:

"scorpions, rattlesnakes, fire ants, cockroaches on steroids, killer bees, mosquitoes, ticks, chiggers, tarantulas, brown recluse spiders, copperheads, cottonmouths, rabid skunks, wild hogs, alligators, alligator gars, oppressive heat & humidity, bleak desolate scenery, rocky infertile soil, dirty beaches, polluted air, drought, wildfires, water shortages, recurring floods, tornadoes, hurricanes, rednecks, huge piles of flaming mulch, spontaneously combusting playgrounds, ebola virus outbreaks, flesh eating bacteria, low real estate appreciation and unbelievably high property taxes"
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Old 08-21-2007, 10:09 AM   #46
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Taking out my list of places to visit, crossing Texas OFF the list. Eeeww scorpions falling into the bed? Noooo thank you!!!
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Old 08-21-2007, 10:19 AM   #47
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Quote:
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See if I've included everything now:

"scorpions, rattlesnakes, fire ants, cockroaches on steroids, killer bees, mosquitoes, ticks, chiggers, tarantulas, brown recluse spiders, copperheads, cottonmouths, rabid skunks, wild hogs, alligators, alligator gars, oppressive heat & humidity, bleak desolate scenery, rocky infertile soil, dirty beaches, polluted air, drought, wildfires, water shortages, recurring floods, tornadoes, hurricanes, rednecks, huge piles of flaming mulch, spontaneously combusting playgrounds, ebola virus outbreaks, flesh eating bacteria, low real estate appreciation and unbelievably high property taxes"
You forgot the smells.

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Old 08-21-2007, 10:33 AM   #48
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OK, how about I add "the stench of natural and unnatural gasses - and money"?
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Old 08-21-2007, 10:45 AM   #49
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See if I've included everything now
This may be reaching, but there's also amebic meningoencephalitis, which is not at all common but nonetheless very disturbing and almost always fatal:

Quote:
“You get this disease by the amoebae going in through the nose and getting into the brain and the spinal fluid,” said Dr. Madrigal. “The amoebae are everywhere, in all lake water that's over 80 degrees, particularly the stagnant water; however, for somebody to actually contract this disease is very, very, very rare.”
When I first moved here, co-workers warned me about swimming or splashing in the shallows where the water is warmer. (This is where children usually play, so it's usually a child that gets it.)
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Old 08-21-2007, 10:52 AM   #50
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This may be reaching, but there's also amebic meningoencephalitis, which is not at all common but nonetheless very disturbing and almost always fatal:
It would be unforgivable and potentially litigious to omit any known hazard. It's in there.
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Old 08-21-2007, 10:55 AM   #51
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I almost forgot, Rick "Governor Goodhair" Perry and the state's congress.

If you think the Texans in Washington DC are bad, imagine the ones that didn't make the cut!
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Old 08-21-2007, 11:08 AM   #52
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I almost forgot, Rick "Governor Goodhair" Perry and the state's congress.

If you think the Texans in Washington DC are bad, imagine the ones that didn't make the cut!
Whoa there!! This is where I draw the line.

If I include these hazards to public health, then I'll be forced to list other state politicians and the list will never end. I'll be doing nothing else for days. Folks may start thinking I've crossed over from providing a public service and slipped into pure Texas bashing.

Nope, no thank you, not going there. Besides, I've already included rattlesnakes, cottonmouths and copperheads, so I think I've got Rick & company covered...
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Old 08-21-2007, 11:20 AM   #53
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You're right, and I over-generalized there. There are some fine Texans in Washington DC, just not in positions of real power - IMHO of course.

I usually think of our state's government as bi-annual cicadas - they show up every other year, make a lot of noise, chew up some trees (paper), then suddenly they all go away.

You've got a fine list there. Go with it.
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Old 08-21-2007, 12:33 PM   #54
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Houston/Pasadena: Leonidas did not mention that everyone in Houston refers to the Pasadena, Texas, that he was talking about as: Stink-a-dena! It was that way the entire 22 years I lived in Houston. It stinks....bad...too many chemical and oil plants there. Smells like money, yes...but smells bad.
Between the Texans hating Yankees (or anyone not born and bred in Texas), the huge amount of driving you do there because the city is just spread out too much with too many stretches of unused land (I am talking inner-city, by the way), and all the floods that cause havoc--we lost a Camaro that was new and a room in our house before we moved--well, I wish anyone luck to moves to Houston...or San Antonio.
Cheap cost of living for a REASON, folks.
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Old 08-21-2007, 12:39 PM   #55
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--well, I wish anyone luck to moves to Houston...or San Antonio.
Cheap cost of living for a REASON, folks.
The list of satisfied customers continues to grow...
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Old 08-21-2007, 12:52 PM   #56
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Was told by a Texan "friend" that the reason they wear cowboy boots in Houston was to corral the cockroaches and whack them in the wall corner with the pointy toe.
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Old 08-21-2007, 01:33 PM   #57
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Was told by a Texan "friend" that the reason they wear cowboy boots in Houston was to corral the cockroaches and whack them in the wall corner with the pointy toe.
Well, Hell yeah! Your Texan friend was telling you the truth - but of course no lie would ever pass betwixt a Texan's lips.

They're called "Roach Killers", and we even make them for ladies!



Shoot - with those heels and toes combined, I reckon you can kill roaches coming and going!

Boots come in handy for all sorts of events and chores. Most of us have some old boots to wear around the animals and such - we call 'em "Mis Botas Mierdas"!
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Old 08-21-2007, 01:50 PM   #58
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We should warn all visitors to Texas that all the natives are packing heat so its probably not a good idea to tell them they are no. 1 on the freeway.

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Old 08-21-2007, 06:34 PM   #59
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We should warn all visitors to Texas that all the natives are packing heat so its probably not a good idea to tell them they are no. 1 on the freeway.
Not just the natives - we also allow travelers to carry firearms (the definition of traveling is a complex legal one) and have mutual reciprocal handgun licensing with Kansas, Alabama, New Mexico, South Dakota, Missouri and Michigan. Plus - we gave unilateral reciprocity to licensed residents from just about every other state in the union.
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Old 08-22-2007, 01:35 AM   #60
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Has anyone told the non-Texans about the tree roaches here? The first time you see them (as a Yankee who had never seen them before), you will scream. I don't care how big, brave and macho you think you are, when you see a bunch of 1-1/2 to 3 INCH cockroaches THAT FLY, too, you will scream!!! I am not exaggerating the size of tree roaches either, in case you think I am joking...not.
They can get into the best and cleanest of homes. You do get used to them...eventually...but they are scary as hell the first few times you see them.
My cat used to kill them at night, and I would wake up to them on their backs, kicking their little legs still...so I put on shoes and stepped on them, killer that I am.
I disagree with alot of fine Texans in D.C. NOT in positions of power statement, tho. What about Liz Carpenter, both George Bush's, etc. etc. If it wasn't 1:39 A.M., I would be sharper and think of more...but Texans have not done badly...the movies/tv are loaded with Dallas people.
One positive thing about Texans is: they really DO think big, and they have signs all over Houston that say "Drive Friendly," but I think that is to remind drivers not to pull out that gun and shoot in a road rage, personally. Is Texas the only State with signs like that, I wonder?
The two best things I got out of 22 years in Hell...I mean, Houston...was truly believing in my right to carry a gun and let's do an express lane to Old Sparky for truly violent offenders. Yup...my only two right winged opinions, too. Makes it hard for me to know whether to vote Democrat or Republican in the upcoming election now, too, as I am much more liberal on other issues.
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