Texas....Love it or Whatever!

[SC]

I almost forgot, Rick "Governor Goodhair" Perry and the state's congress.

If you think the Texans in Washington DC are bad, imagine the ones that didn't make the cut!

 

[REWahoo]

I almost forgot, Rick "Governor Goodhair" Perry and the state's congress.

If you think the Texans in Washington DC are bad, imagine the ones that didn't make the cut!

Whoa there!! This is where I draw the line.

If I include these hazards to public health, then I'll be forced to list other state politicians and the list will never end. I'll be doing nothing else for days. Folks may start thinking I've crossed over from providing a public service and slipped into pure Texas bashing.

Nope, no thank you, not going there. Besides, I've already included rattlesnakes, cottonmouths and copperheads, so I think I've got Rick & company covered...

 

[SC]

You're right, and I over-generalized there. There are some fine Texans in Washington DC, just not in positions of real power - IMHO of course.

I usually think of our state's government as bi-annual cicadas - they show up every other year, make a lot of noise, chew up some trees (paper), then suddenly they all go away.

You've got a fine list there. Go with it.

 

[Orchidflower]

Houston/Pasadena: Leonidas did not mention that everyone in Houston refers to the Pasadena, Texas, that he was talking about as: Stink-a-dena! It was that way the entire 22 years I lived in Houston. It stinks....bad...too many chemical and oil plants there. Smells like money, yes...but smells bad.
Between the Texans hating Yankees (or anyone not born and bred in Texas), the huge amount of driving you do there because the city is just spread out too much with too many stretches of unused land (I am talking inner-city, by the way), and all the floods that cause havoc--we lost a Camaro that was new and a room in our house before we moved--well, I wish anyone luck to moves to Houston...or San Antonio.
Cheap cost of living for a REASON, folks.

 

[REWahoo]

--well, I wish anyone luck to moves to Houston...or San Antonio.
Cheap cost of living for a REASON, folks.

The list of satisfied customers continues to grow...

 

[me_no_boss]

Was told by a Texan "friend" that the reason they wear cowboy boots in Houston was to corral the cockroaches and whack them in the wall corner with the pointy toe.

 

[Leonidas]

Was told by a Texan "friend" that the reason they wear cowboy boots in Houston was to corral the cockroaches and whack them in the wall corner with the pointy toe.

Well, Hell yeah! Your Texan friend was telling you the truth - but of course no lie would ever pass betwixt a Texan's lips.

They're called "Roach Killers", and we even make them for ladies!

Shoot - with those heels and toes combined, I reckon you can kill roaches coming and going!

Boots come in handy for all sorts of events and chores. Most of us have some old boots to wear around the animals and such - we call 'em "Mis Botas Mierdas"!

 

[2soon2tell]

We should warn all visitors to Texas that all the natives are packing heat so its probably not a good idea to tell them they are no. 1 on the freeway.

2soon
Not a native but I got here as soon as I could

 

[Leonidas]

We should warn all visitors to Texas that all the natives are packing heat so its probably not a good idea to tell them they are no. 1 on the freeway.

Not just the natives - we also allow travelers to carry firearms (the definition of traveling is a complex legal one) and have mutual reciprocal handgun licensing with Kansas, Alabama, New Mexico, South Dakota, Missouri and Michigan. Plus - we gave unilateral reciprocity to licensed residents from just about every other state in the union.

 

[Orchidflower]

Has anyone told the non-Texans about the tree roaches here? The first time you see them (as a Yankee who had never seen them before), you will scream. I don't care how big, brave and macho you think you are, when you see a bunch of 1-1/2 to 3 INCH cockroaches THAT FLY, too, you will scream!!! I am not exaggerating the size of tree roaches either, in case you think I am joking...not.
They can get into the best and cleanest of homes. You do get used to them...eventually...but they are scary as hell the first few times you see them.
My cat used to kill them at night, and I would wake up to them on their backs, kicking their little legs still...so I put on shoes and stepped on them, killer that I am.
I disagree with alot of fine Texans in D.C. NOT in positions of power statement, tho. What about Liz Carpenter, both George Bush's, etc. etc. If it wasn't 1:39 A.M., I would be sharper and think of more...but Texans have not done badly...the movies/tv are loaded with Dallas people.
One positive thing about Texans is: they really DO think big, and they have signs all over Houston that say "Drive Friendly," but I think that is to remind drivers not to pull out that gun and shoot in a road rage, personally. Is Texas the only State with signs like that, I wonder?
The two best things I got out of 22 years in Hell...I mean, Houston...was truly believing in my right to carry a gun and let's do an express lane to Old Sparky for truly violent offenders. Yup...my only two right winged opinions, too. Makes it hard for me to know whether to vote Democrat or Republican in the upcoming election now, too, as I am much more liberal on other issues.

 

[me_no_boss]

...They can get into the best and cleanest of homes.

Right, whatever.

 

[REWahoo]

I don't care how big, brave and macho you think you are, when you see a bunch of 1-1/2 to 3 INCH cockroaches THAT FLY, too, you will scream!!! I am not exaggerating the size of tree roaches either, in case you think I am joking...not.

I'm just happy our large population of "four legged fire ants" can't fly, at least not yet. When they do, I'll welcome ya'll to come live in TX...and sell you my place - cheap!

" Long a gnarly problem for farmers and ranchers, snorting packs of feral hogs are increasingly creating headaches for urbanites.

Just ask Carol Hobbs, an executive assistant who lived harmoniously in a wooded, West San Antonio neighborhood for 23 years until the bristly intruders started plowing yards and creating general uneasiness two months ago.

"They told us to put up a fence, but feral hogs don't care. They'll tear up fences," said Hobbs, who has fought back by trapping 15 of the wild pigs and by pressuring the city for a long-term solution.

... feral hogs [are] "four-legged fire ants" that have marched rapidly across almost all of Texas' 254 counties and into 39 states. Texas has the largest wild hog population at nearly 2 million, or about half of the estimated national population, and it is growing."

MySA.com: Business

 

[Martha]

The bug stories are grossing me out. Stop it.

 

[Telly]

The bug stories are grossing me out. Stop it.

I'm sorry, Martha.

It's just that all the insects in Texas suffer from Restless Leg Syndrome. And @ 6 per, that's a lotta legs!

Would it be OK to talk about Geckos and Skinks? Do you have lizards in your house too? The geckos are so cute (they are not green, nor do they sell insurance) and are usually up to some antics.

 

[Martha]

Cute little lizards are fine.

As long as they don't drop on your head like the scorpions. I think I would have a heart attack if a scorpion fell on my head. Ish!

 

[Orchidflower]

me_no_boss: You aren't from Texas, are you? Otherwise, you would know that flying giant tree roaches do and can fly into any place they darn well want to...including your home.
Sorry you are grossed out by all the bug talk, but in southern Texas, it is a reality. Nobody warned me before I got there....unfortunately.

 

[Rich_by_the_Bay]

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Florida has no pests to speak of.

 

[greg]

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Florida has no pests to speak of.

And you have no message board varmints from Florida either?

As I remember things, Florida has a seasonal visiting of the swarms of little black bugs (I can't remember the name). Maybe love bugs? They land on everything, get your windshield gooey when driving, etc., etc.

Here in Minnesota we have the army worm cycle. Every three to five years (?) the dang little things rise up from somewhere (spontaneous generation?) and swarm the ground, covering huge tracks of deciduous greenery, munching their way to gluttony and, I suspect, an orgy of bug sex and egg laying at the end. Sometimes, while on the move you can't see the ground. It just undulates in waves of little lite green thingies marching toward more trees. I once was riding around a corner on my bicycle on a little one lane paved road as a full division of them were crossing to get to the other side, and my wheels went out from under me. I slid about six-eight feet. The dang little worms built up a little one inch mound on my leading edge as I went across the teflon like surface. What a greasy mess and fun ride home.

But I'm sure it's worse in Texas?

 

[REWahoo]

But I'm sure it's worse in Texas?

Dang straight.

We don't have army worms but we do have several varieties of what are commonly referred to as 'worms of mass destruction'. They don't attack kids on bicycles, preferring large groups of Harley riders instead.

Now there's a greasy mess and fun ride home for ya'.

 

[Nords]

... feral hogs [are] "four-legged fire ants" that have marched rapidly across almost all of Texas' 254 counties and into 39 states. Texas has the largest wild hog population at nearly 2 million, or about half of the estimated national population, and it is growing."

Gosh, I don't understand. Texas has a large & active community of Hawaii expats who'd be delighted to invite some of those feral piggies to preside at their next luau... mmmmm... kalua pork...

If they're not able to handle the backlog then I know a few guys in Kipahulu who might be interested!

 

[REWahoo]

Nords, send them on over. No sense in us hogging all the fun!

(BTW, is that the Hawaiian version of "having a monkey on your back"?)

 

[me_no_boss]

me_no_boss: You aren't from Texas, are you? Otherwise, you would know that flying giant tree roaches do and can fly into any place they darn well want to...including your home.
Sorry you are grossed out by all the bug talk, but in southern Texas, it is a reality. Nobody warned me before I got there....unfortunately.

You are correct, I am not from there.
To the best of my knowledge, no one ever escaped from Texas.
Here are two smileys to make up.

 

[Texas Proud]

Gosh, I don't understand. Texas has a large & active community of Hawaii expats who'd be delighted to invite some of those feral piggies to preside at their next luau... mmmmm... kalua pork...

If they're not able to handle the backlog then I know a few guys in Kipahulu who might be interested!

That hog doesn't even count... you can lift it.... heck, I have some hunters that work with me and they told me of a story where this guy shot a HUGE hog... they went to get it and it was still moving... the guy emptied a clip form a 45 into the hog... and it was STILL moving... weight in at 700 to 800 lbs...

 

[Texas2step]

There is the old golf joke about the guy who was playing golf when the urge struck and he got bit on....

Never mind, that one has been done to death.

Not much to joke about with Copperheads. My wife spent the day yesterday with a trio of girlfriends from her school days. She was just telling me how one of them nearly died from a Copperhead bite she got while clearing brush from her home near Argyle, Texas. She said it was so painful that on the way to the ER she was begging the paramedic to amputate her arm.

I will have to admit that REWahoo should have an easier time keeping yankees and Kaliforneeans away from SA with the bad weather there. In Houston the weather hasn't been too bad, 101 with 94% humidity - it must have been really miserable in San Antonio. Of course, they don't have anywhere near as many alligators as we do.

Argyle! That's where I live, I'm getting the hell outta Dodge. Think I will head for Florida. Funny thing though you tell people these things and they think you are exaggerating. We have a ranch in Laredo and I tell people about every day things that happen there and the look at me like I am full of, well you know. Any who even though I was born here I will be 2 steppin my way out asap.

2

 

[Orchidflower]

Yes, I agree...people DO think you are exaggerating about all the negatives in Texas. They think people who are in Texas or have lived there are keeping it all to themselves, I guess. NO, none of us are kidding. These horrors exist there. Do some internet homework and verify.
Texas public schools give...what? Something like 1 or 2 full years of a Texas history course to brainwash kids into believing they are in the Holy Land of States. No wonder native born Texans will never leave. Who would leave the "best" State in the country in their minds? There is a REASON Texans love Texas so, and it starts right in their public schools.
That was THE reason I refused to get too heavy into a romance with a Texan: I knew no Texas guy would ever leave Texas. Am I right? Or am I right, Texas folks?
In Illinois, I think we got something like 1 or 2 six WEEKS on Illinois history. Big difference, and you will not find anyone in Illinois that thinks they are in the Holy Land of States like Texans either.
Texans say: "If every State was run like Texas, America would be better run." Well, in some ways they just may be right, but they brainwash those kids in public school really early and well.
Has anyone mentioned that between Austin and San Antonio it is THE premier flash flood area of the country? You haven't lived until you hear the stories about someone getting caught in a 1-2' flooding on a street..and they find their body the next Spring in a drainage ditch. Currents are too strong.
I could go on and on like REWahoo with information, but not sure out-of-Staters would believe it. No, folks not from Texas, we are not lying here.
And I have been to Laredo many, many times, Texas2Step...I believe you, cause I know you are telling them the truth about that border town.
Granted, before 9/11 and the tightening of the borders, so many Americans from La., Ok., Tx., etc. came down there as meds are so much cheaper in Mexico (for 30 cents you just go thru a gate at the border), and it was such a blast buying things cheaper on the Mexican side. Laredo is not without it's charm, of course....but old and rundown. The WalMart was one of the better and newer buildings I saw there. Anyway, last time I was there there were hardly any Americans, and the fun was gone from Laredo. Wonder if it ever picked up? Maybe not as the last time I checked, the American government was warning Americans to stay away from the Laredo area of the border: too many gunfights on the Mexican side, called Nuevo Laredo, from drug sellers! Again, I am not lying...check on the internet. I forget how many people have been killed in that area from the drug wars since 9/11, but alot. Again, verifiable on the internet.