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thank goodness for my children....
Old 10-15-2009, 04:10 PM   #1
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thank goodness for my children....

If it weren't for them, i dont know what path I'd be on. i seem to have emotional 'cycles' (male pms? i dunno) that range from being content and happy with life to stressed out beyond belief to depressed for no apparent reason. each stage seems to last from a couple weeks to a couple months....

lately ive been depressed....overworked, little to show for it (lots of long term investments in real estate), strained relationship with my wife, enjoying the bar and guys-night-out a bit TOO much, etc....


no matter how i feel, seeing my 2 sons (4 and 18 mo) become their own person always puts a smile on my face. lately, the youngest has been pulling most of the weight because he is at such a great age for change and development. my oldest it testing me, which is something i never saw coming....and i'm enjoying teaching him principles and concepts that were passed on to me from my father.

no matter the mood, the time of day, or anything else, they are awesome and i'm so happy to have them around!
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Old 10-15-2009, 08:14 PM   #2
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no matter the mood, the time of day, or anything else, they are awesome and i'm so happy to have them around!
I'm glad you feel that way. Life has its ups and downs, but one thing is certain...they will always be your children.
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Old 10-15-2009, 08:30 PM   #3
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Hey whatever makes you stick one foot in front of the other.
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Old 10-15-2009, 10:30 PM   #4
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I remember 4 being a very hard age for both my children, so my advice is to go easy on your son. You will be amazed at how young 4 is when your youngest child is that age. And you know you're one of my favorites here, so I can tell you my unsolicited advice is also not to put the burden of making your life complete (or incomplete) on your children--that is a heavy cross for them to bear.

Find out what you can do for yourself to make your life more happily consistent. Maybe you need to go to counseling with your wife to figure some things out? Talk about depression with your doctor? Also, mayb you can focus on your most profitable of your business ventures and let the others go part time?
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Old 10-16-2009, 02:18 AM   #5
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i can confirm the existence of male pms... from experience w/ my SO.

My kids are my joy - i adore them and they bring me so many moments of happiness. I think if we took more time to see the world as they do you will find much more happiness! My girls can make anything fun, interesting or silly.

I'm surprised you were surprised your 4 yr old is testing you - perhaps you don't know much about yourself at that age?

As someone who has parented babies, toddlers and teens, i can tell you that is the yin to the happy yang! nothing is light without the dark right? They are not here to solely bring you joy - they come thru you - so now as a baby or a toddler they need your support, guidance, advice, boundaries...etc. probably testing his independence, skills etc...

I think generally it seems everyone is feeling really stressed, tired and cloudy these days. I've found that with coworkers, family, friends, etc.

However, in some strange way, after having a pity party for myself, I've found myself coming out on the other end more grateful. Lots of deep breaths and enjoying the moments, appreciating what you do have - has helped me lately.
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Old 10-16-2009, 10:43 AM   #6
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Can assure you that kids pick up all the character traits of parents and peers. One day you'll reach an age where you're not considered one of the guys. You'll look at 20-year old shirts and expanding "wasteline" and wonder why you weren't invited to the NIN concert with the guys.

That's when you'll recognize the benefit and need of renewal-type vacations with wife, and often with the kids. You can establish that groundwork now, or ...

I'm 56, both kids are out of house. Daughter is coming home this afternoon from college (2nd year). Son is in SF working for megacorp. We fly there next week. The tugging I feel on my heart is way too much at times, but I can assure you that I spent a ton of quality time with them, and know that I filled my role as father in a MAX way. 4-hour drives and giving up many weekends for soccer tournament? No problem, LOL! I would do it all over the exact same way.
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it just gets even better
Old 10-16-2009, 02:16 PM   #7
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it just gets even better

My kids are much older than yours. 2 in college and one in 8th grade. But I still feel exaclty as you do. I get down and the depression of Megacorp work can beset. But watching my kids is the most restorative thing I can do. Seeing them grow up and experience new things. HAving their daily struggles and successes. It is great. My single greatest thing I will ever do without a doubt.

They are the direct factor delaying my desires for ER right now. But as much as I want that...I'm just fine waiting. It's really not even a close debate in mind.
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Old 10-16-2009, 02:33 PM   #8
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It gets a refresher when you have grandchildren too.

My DIL has a living great grandmother (100 yrs old) who has something over 50 direct descendents- children, grandchildren, great grandchildren and even some great-great grandchildren. I would love something like this, but you have to lay an early and broad base.

Ha
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Old 10-16-2009, 02:40 PM   #9
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I would love something like this, but you have to lay an early and broad base.
Pun intended?
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Old 10-16-2009, 02:46 PM   #10
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Pun intended?
Hey, it's raining cats and dogs and I don't have my usual entertainment of wandering around the city, so please excuse!

ha
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Old 10-16-2009, 05:23 PM   #11
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I remember 4 being a very hard age for both my children, so my advice is to go easy on your son. You will be amazed at how young 4 is when your youngest child is that age. And you know you're one of my favorites here, so I can tell you my unsolicited advice is also not to put the burden of making your life complete (or incomplete) on your children--that is a heavy cross for them to bear.

Find out what you can do for yourself to make your life more happily consistent. Maybe you need to go to counseling with your wife to figure some things out? Talk about depression with your doctor? Also, mayb you can focus on your most profitable of your business ventures and let the others go part time?
Thanks for the input. I wouldnt ever put that burden on the kids...i am actually just now re-discovering the light they shine on my gloomy days... and i love it!

Your mention of the businesses brings up an idea i contemplated while showering today... i analyzed my mood/attitude swings and it seems to go like this:

Whenever I have an excess amount of money in the bank, usually from a flurry of small jobs or a big one, I am almost always happy. When I am broke, i am almost always on edge. This is pretty logical, right?

I am one-track minded kind of guy, believer it or not (with 4 or 5 small businesses, who woulda guessed). But, I also have a short attention span for things that are commonplace to me. I am also selfish. It's like...ummm...tunnel vision with ADD. When I get a hobby....I think/eat/breathe that activity until it's mastered. But, before I master it, I'm often trying to latch onto something else. Same with the businesses....when one becomes too time consuming, my attention and energy is drawn almost totally in a different direction. Often I am drawn to NEW and exciting things. I got the biggest blast out of 'flipping houses' because it was glamourized on TV. I get wrapped up in my 500 hp camaro for weeks at a time because of that RUSH when I mash the peddle. Same with the 4-wheeling hobby I picked up last year....and the pellet gun hobby....etc. I like the bar scene with buddies because it is loud, exciting, and reminds me of my teenage years. i think the bars/nightlife (only 1-2x a week for football with the buds) are a replacement for my fast paced, exciting drug-infested lifestyle I used to enjoy.

Now, when I immerse my mind body and soul into a project, it is literally a chore to spend GOOD quality time with the family....I'm not proud but that's how i'm programmed. Not a chore in the sense that I dislike it...a chore in the sense that I have to consciously plan and act on those intentions...it doesnt come naturally...which sucks! makes me feel like a bad dad/husband.


Not sure where im going with this, just rambling. ER froum can be my temporary shrink...eh? Been doing a lot of thinking.
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