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the answer of what do you do
Old 05-21-2015, 07:47 AM   #1
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the answer of what do you do

So I'm 43, retired in February and since then I find that I almost don't want to tell people I'm retired because the discussion of where it goes from there is just awkward and almost annoying.. anyone else have this issue? How do you handle it?

For instance, you say I'm retired and you get everything from flippant remarks of "must be nice to have inherited money", or " ok, so your unemployed, so have you looked xyz for a job", or " You'll find something eventually" or "your husband must have a great job".

I've started telling people I'm writing (which I am as a hobby), just because its not worth the discussion.. but at times you need to list "employment" and so you have to answer the question. Maybe I'm over sensitive because I'm a woman and often wonder if I was a guy if you get the same crap. Obviously its not worth discussing money, but I feel like the time I went into the BMW dealer, pony tail, sweats, to buy a car on my day off and they told me to come back when I could afford it.. seriously they refused to let me test drive the car because by my "looks" I clearly didn't have the money..so took my cash, went down the street and bought an Audi.
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Old 05-21-2015, 07:57 AM   #2
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Old 05-21-2015, 07:59 AM   #3
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Like many of us here, I retired from my "other" job, to become a full time personal money manager.
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Old 05-21-2015, 08:08 AM   #4
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Smile and say that your investments did well. If they don't believe you, tell them how sorry you are that they still have to w*rk, and offer to find them the name of a good financial advisor.
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Old 05-21-2015, 08:10 AM   #5
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"Obviously its not worth discussing money, but I feel like the time I went into the BMW dealer, pony tail, sweats, to buy a car on my day off and they told me to come back when I could afford it.. seriously they refused to let me test drive the car because by my "looks" I clearly didn't have the money..so took my cash, went down the street and bought an Audi."

This is not unique to women. I walked into a Lexus dealer, on a somewhat sour of the moment, wearing a T shirt and unshaven for a few days. Granted, I did get the test drive but when it came time to discussing purchase, at least 3 different times it was apparent they assumed I was either leasing or financing.
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Old 05-21-2015, 08:40 AM   #6
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I call myself an "independent investor", which usually elicits positive responses.
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Old 05-21-2015, 08:44 AM   #7
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I'm 40 and in a very similar situation. DW and I moved to a new area and are trying to meet people with similar likes/hobbies. I'm afraid to say we're retired since I'm worried that it could derail or distract from the relationship I'm trying start. Especially with people in the 38-50 demographic.

I have about three different answers but none of them come out real smoothly yet. My best one is a white lie that I'm "working from home" and we escaped our big city jobs to live off the land and I'm planning to do engineering consulting on the side. (I'm not really planning to do engineering consulting on the side).

Just saying that I'm working from home seems to satisfy half the folks that ask. At least those folks who don't really care and are just making small talk.
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Old 05-21-2015, 08:52 AM   #8
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When I tell people I'm retired, the usual response is "but you're too young to be retired!" My response to that is "not if you marry the right sugar daddy". That typically gets a chuckle and ends that line of questioning.
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Old 05-21-2015, 08:54 AM   #9
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My last career was in a commission-based business. I ran into an old colleague and mentioned in passing that I had retired. He looked at me odd, then said, 'agents don't retire, they work and then die'. Thanks for the 'job' ideas.

I had a similar yet different situation regarding a car purchase. I ordered the car from a 2nd dealership and took delivery in record time. I had the opportunity to park the new car in front of the 1st dealer. As the dealership owner came out to check where I purchased the car, the look was priceless. Dealer #1 went under shortly after that.
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Old 05-21-2015, 09:02 AM   #10
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When you have the financial resources to not work, you're automatically on every mailing list of every company that wants your money. It's a part time job just throwing away incoming mail.

And tending to investment portfolios is another part time job.

I just don't look to retirement as not working. I'm busy every day--doing what i want to do.
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Old 05-21-2015, 09:03 AM   #11
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What exactly would you expect them to say, retiring at 43 is very unusual? They're very surprised, so they might blurt out almost anything just trying to hold up their end of the conversation. Some will be happy for you, some envious, or anything in between. Envious is probably the more common reaction, no surprise. Evidently you have some script in mind for how others should react, it's not always going to play out as you expect.

But this is really about your reaction, not theirs. It really shouldn't matter much how others react, you should be able to take it in stride given the surprise element above.

We've all experienced it, many resort to euphemisms or changing the subject if it bothers them. If that works for you, go for it.

After the first few exchanges, it hasn't bothered me how others react. I realize others don't know what to say, and how they might react isn't very important to me...

Quote:
Originally Posted by karen1972 View Post
I feel like the time I went into the BMW dealer, pony tail, sweats, to buy a car on my day off and they told me to come back when I could afford it.. seriously they refused to let me test drive the car because by my "looks" I clearly didn't have the money..so took my cash, went down the street and bought an Audi.
You showed them, unless of course you wanted a BMW and not an Audi..."cut off your nose to spite your face."
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Old 05-21-2015, 09:04 AM   #12
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Quote:
Originally Posted by karen1972 View Post
I went into the BMW dealer, pony tail, sweats, to buy a car on my day off and they told me to come back when I could afford it.. seriously they refused to let me test drive the car because by my "looks" I clearly didn't have the money..so took my cash, went down the street and bought an Audi.
I guy who sells high end cars (Rolls, Bentley, Lambos) told me that the guy coming in in a suit and tie most often has to struggle to afford it.

"It's the person who comes in with jeans, T shirt and a baseball hat who'll plunk down $180K in cash. Most are NOT drug dealers, some are... but they look the same. After a while you can tell."

Maybe your BMW dealer needs to refresh their demographic profiling.

A guy in my town is from an extremely wealthy family (you've most likely heard of them)...trust fund baby his whole life; drives a '67 Jeep. If you saw him on the street you'd mistake him for a near homeless person.

You never know!
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Old 05-21-2015, 09:09 AM   #13
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I hate that question - most people have never heard of my profession and don't understand what I do when I explain it
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Old 05-21-2015, 09:47 AM   #14
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At various times in my life to these impertinent questions was/is always: I don't.
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Old 05-21-2015, 09:51 AM   #15
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I do as little as possible as often as I can?
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Old 05-21-2015, 10:00 AM   #16
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Manager in a family office?
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Old 05-21-2015, 10:14 AM   #17
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Be creative in your answer, like George Costanza...
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Old 05-21-2015, 10:43 AM   #18
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Quote:
Originally Posted by karen1972 View Post
Obviously its not worth discussing money, but I feel like the time I went into the BMW dealer, pony tail, sweats, to buy a car on my day off and they told me to come back when I could afford it.. seriously they refused to let me test drive the car because by my "looks" I clearly didn't have the money..so took my cash, went down the street and bought an Audi.
Much to my DW's chagrin, I often dress casually on purpose for these types of events. I wouldn't want to purchase from anyone who expects me to dress up just to give them my money. It can be a very effective tool for weeding out jerk sales people.
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the answer of what do you do
Old 05-21-2015, 10:49 AM   #19
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the answer of what do you do

Quote:
Originally Posted by Philliefan33 View Post
When I tell people I'm retired, the usual response is "but you're too young to be retired!" My response to that is "not if you marry the right sugar daddy". That typically gets a chuckle and ends that line of questioning.

I was thinking along the lines of you Phillie. Not because it is the best answer, but because it is what they really want to hear. People don't want to listen about success stories, they want to hear someone just got lucky or has the rich spouse.
Concerning the car purchase, Karen, you are way too kind. I have never been treated rudely over money, but that may have caused me to come back later in the same attire, flash the cash to the idiot and leave. I would later write a letter to the manager explaining the rude treatment while stating I have all the free time in the world to dedicate my life to letting others know what happens there.


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Old 05-21-2015, 10:53 AM   #20
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Similar story but I can't afford a BMW or an Audi


About two years ago we went to the scoob dealer in my lowered 04 turbo foz blasting the exhaust with hoodie/sweats - sales guy asked me if I was "looking" for someone - "not you I guess" ended up writing a check for a new 2013 FXT for DW with a different salesman.
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