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Time magazine "Who Needs Marriage? A Changing Institution"
Old 11-30-2010, 12:26 PM   #181
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Time magazine "Who Needs Marriage? A Changing Institution"

"What we found is that marriage, whatever its social, spiritual or symbolic appeal, is in purely practical terms just not as necessary as it used to be."

----


"Even more surprising: overwhelmingly, Americans still venerate marriage enough to want to try it. About 70% of us have been married at least once, according to the 2010 Census. The Pew poll found that although 44% of Americans under 30 believe marriage is heading for extinction, only 5% of those in that age group do not want to get married. Sociologists note that Americans have a rate of marriage — and of remarriage — among the highest in the Western world."

-----

"Well-off women don't need to stay in a marriage that doesn't make them happy; two-thirds of all divorces, it's estimated, are initiated by wives."

Read more: http://www.time.com/time/nation/article/0,8599,2031962-2,00.html#ixzz16n7QqovI


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Old 11-30-2010, 01:15 PM   #182
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Reading about all the risks and problems of marriage, I can't help wondering if gay marriage is actually a conspiracy meant to make sure that segment of the population gets its share of misery.

(joooking. I hope I haven't offended anyone)
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Old 11-30-2010, 01:30 PM   #183
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Originally Posted by omni550 View Post
"What we found is that marriage, whatever its social, spiritual or symbolic appeal, is in purely practical terms just not as necessary as it used to be."

----


"Even more surprising: overwhelmingly, Americans still venerate marriage enough to want to try it. About 70% of us have been married at least once, according to the 2010 Census. The Pew poll found that although 44% of Americans under 30 believe marriage is heading for extinction, only 5% of those in that age group do not want to get married. Sociologists note that Americans have a rate of marriage — and of remarriage — among the highest in the Western world."

-----

"Well-off women don't need to stay in a marriage that doesn't make them happy; two-thirds of all divorces, it's estimated, are initiated by wives."

Read more: http://www.time.com/time/nation/article/0,8599,2031962-2,00.html#ixzz16n7QqovI


omni
I grabbed this from your interesting article-Could living together become respected and widespread enough that it challenged the favored-nation state of marriage? The American Law Institute has recommended extending some of the rights spouses have to cohabiting partners.

Now, whyever might that be

So whatever you may think you are walking into today-remember that people who check into a roach motel do not usually understand the arduous checkout procedures.

Also, I would like to remind some of you that eschewing marriage and/or cohabitation does not mean eschewing love, or warmth, or happiness, or caring. And, human beings got along very well for a very long time with no notion of romantic love. The jury is still out on all of this, I believe.

Ha
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Old 11-30-2010, 01:58 PM   #184
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Wow. I just came back to this thread and skimmed through. It seems like the vast majority are down on marriage.
I don't think so Don.
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I would not rush into another marriage if DW died. And, if I fell in love with someone I would not consider it without a carefully thought out pre-nup.
That's what I hear most people saying.

We're talking about mid-life remarriages. Yes, a few folks with strong feelings about marriage are just commenting in general, but I think the trend is to recognize the author's point that there are financial/business issues to recognize and deal with prior to a remarriage, especially following a long marriage with children, substantial assets, etc. My own thoughts are very much in line with yours.
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Old 11-30-2010, 02:02 PM   #185
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Reading about all the risks and problems of marriage, I can't help wondering if gay marriage is actually a conspiracy meant to make sure that segment of the population gets its share of misery.

(joooking. I hope I haven't offended anyone)
Someday we'll be reading about the first hostile, contested gay divorce. (If/when gay marriages are legalized, it will follow that some will end in divorce.) Especially one where they've adopted children and therefore the process has all the pain and anguish of a hetero divorce.

Be careful what you ask for!
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Old 11-30-2010, 02:34 PM   #186
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Someday we'll be reading about the first hostile, contested gay divorce. (If/when gay marriages are legalized, it will follow that some will end in divorce.) Especially one where they've adopted children and therefore the process has all the pain and anguish of a hetero divorce.

Be careful what you ask for!

First Gay Marriage, Now Gay Divorce - U.S. & World - FOXNews.com
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Old 11-30-2010, 02:51 PM   #187
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Geez This thread gets better and better. Good recent posts from Nords, Mouse and Ha. Nords- The whole health and fitness thing is , in my opinion one of the greatest benefits of ER. More time should mean more time devoted to fitness. DW and I work out strenuously virtually every day. Probably in the best shape of our lives. A real shame that some let things go. As far as gay marriage is concerned ,I never figured out why some would want to do that. Gay divorce? How messy! Mouse- Agree that if you don't at least leave open the possibility of remarriage one might become hard, isolated and lonely as time goes on. Powerful thoughts being expressed here. Thanks.
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Old 11-30-2010, 02:58 PM   #188
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The most difficult part of the settlement appeared to be custody of their three cats, who will live exclusively with the professor.


But "in recognition of the emotional hardship of such relinquishment," the settlement reads, the professor agreed to provide his ex "with periodic updates, photographs, and any health-related information pertaining" to the cats.
Thank goodness they were able to work out a settlement for the cats!
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Old 11-30-2010, 03:10 PM   #189
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Thank goodness they were able to work out a settlement for the cats!
Careful Dude, them might be fighting words around these parts...

And in related business, I would like to nominate you as this week's most reliably sarcastic poster who never fails to maintain the humorous tone.

I imagine that this honor, like the America's Cup, might move from poster to poster not infrequently.

Ha
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Old 11-30-2010, 03:22 PM   #190
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See what happens when cats and dogs start sleeping together? Oh, no, wait, that was another thread. Never mind.
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Old 11-30-2010, 03:23 PM   #191
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...The "Younger Next Year" book refers to this accelerated aging as the "Old Fred"* phenomenon. And although the divorce may be precipitated by the other person's filing, it could be argued that the marriage began ending when the first person stopped taking care of themselves. I'm all about the care & cherish part of the wedding vows, but I'm more motivated to uphold my part of that bargain if spouse upholds her own part for herself as well. Luckily what I've noticed in my classmates has scared her even worse than it's scared me.

*If you're a guy, no matter what physical condition you happen to be in right now, then I'd strongly recommend reading "Younger Next Year For Women" to see what they're planning to do to them about this issue. You've been warned.
Funny you bring up "Old Fred" from the Younger Next Year books . I made DH read the original book.

I have the "for Women" version and one of the important things I took away from it is that "Old Fred" is still better than "No Fred" for the most part. but there's a reason the majority of divorces post-60 are initiated by women. (The MD part of the writing team also points out without citation, on p. 313 that marriage brings a major increase in longevity to men and a minor one to women--and yes, I'm throwing that big fat softball slow and easy right over home plate.)

To each his own--whatever floats your boat.
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Old 11-30-2010, 04:23 PM   #192
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Could some of this be due to peer pressure--old ladies keeping their Freds around, so they can enjoy the envy of Fred-less old ladies?

Amethyst

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one of the important things I took away from it is that "Old Fred" is still better than "No Fred" for the most part.
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Old 11-30-2010, 04:47 PM   #193
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Could some of this be due to peer pressure--old ladies keeping their Freds around, so they can enjoy the envy of Fred-less old ladies?

Amethyst
My Heavens Amethyst, such an uncharitable view of the older female psyche.
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Old 11-30-2010, 04:54 PM   #194
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Could some of this be due to peer pressure--old ladies keeping their Freds around, so they can enjoy the envy of Fred-less old ladies?

Amethyst
This was an idea the authors of the book put forth, so I don't think so.
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Old 11-30-2010, 05:11 PM   #195
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Something just occurred to me.... I get in a twist thinkin' about if I'd remarry or not... Hmmm, could be when/if I become single again, no one would even look in my direction. Problem solved!

I ain't got nuthin' to worry about!
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Old 11-30-2010, 06:29 PM   #196
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Hmmm, could be when/if I become single again, no one would even look in my direction. Problem solved!
Somehow I have trouble imagining that.
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Old 11-30-2010, 06:48 PM   #197
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Ouch, just received a motion in the mail tonight. They are seeking spousal support. So, we shall see if the legal system thinks college educated women with working potential are entitled to spousal support.

Anyone got an extra 2K a month?
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Old 11-30-2010, 06:52 PM   #198
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I'm so sorry Bim.
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Old 11-30-2010, 06:53 PM   #199
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I remember reading in the past about your little girl and your marital problem. It's too bad that it progresses to this point. A silver lining I can offer is that you are not a resident of Massachusetts. Just reading in a WSJ article about alimony awarded there gave me goosebumps.
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Old 11-30-2010, 06:59 PM   #200
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That's crazy, Bimmer. So sorry things turned out this way.

I hope your DD is doing well under your guidance and that guidance will be able to continue regardless of the "custody" issue (or is she skipping the custody/child support issue and going straight for the spousal support?).
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