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Old 12-18-2010, 02:56 PM   #241
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Or that one about a couple, both well into their 80s, that decide to get married, and when finally the time comes for them to sign up on the marriage document, the man hesitates and says he is not to be rushed since marriage is forever...
It only seems like forever...
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Old 12-20-2010, 02:55 AM   #242
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I have never been married and intend to stay that way. No complications.
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Old 12-20-2010, 06:26 AM   #243
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I have never been married and intend to stay that way. No complications.
It seems logical that an obgyn would want to avoid complications.

+1 for consistency!
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Old 12-20-2010, 09:43 AM   #244
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The Higher Risks of Cohabitation - Room for Debate - NYTimes.com
"Remarriage may be less beneficial among those nearing retirement age. Some recent studies have found that later-life cohabitations are more stable than those entered into by younger adults, though they are still less durable than remarriages. There may be other reasons to avoid remarriages among those who are retirement-aged; concerns with children’s inheritance, reliance on a former spouse’s pension, or a desire sometimes expressed by widows to enjoy the chance to do what they want without concerning themselves with another’s wishes."
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Old 12-20-2010, 09:50 AM   #245
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How to Make It Work This Time
How to Make a Second Marriage Work - Room for Debate - NYTimes.com

"Over the years, I have taken oral histories of many couples whose second marriage had lasted longer than their first marriage and was still going strong. In almost every case, two things stood out. One was the willingness of these individuals to admit what they had done wrong the first time around, instead of putting all the blame on their former spouse. The second was that both spouses felt they had discarded older gender-stereotyped attitudes and behavior that had created problems in their first marriage."
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Old 12-20-2010, 11:08 AM   #246
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The Higher Risks of Cohabitation - Room for Debate - NYTimes.com
"Remarriage may be less beneficial among those nearing retirement age. Some recent studies have found that later-life cohabitations are more stable than those entered into by younger adults, though they are still less durable than remarriages. There may be other reasons to avoid remarriages among those who are retirement-aged; concerns with children’s inheritance, reliance on a former spouse’s pension, or a desire sometimes expressed by widows to enjoy the chance to do what they want without concerning themselves with another’s wishes."
Odd that men in this situation don't mention this same thing. After all, we are not in Saudi Arabia. In America married women control their husbands at least as much as the reverse.

Ha
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Old 12-20-2010, 11:35 AM   #247
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Odd that men in this situation don't mention this same thing. After all, we are not in Saudi Arabia. In America married women control their husbands at least as much as the reverse.

Ha
As you know Ha, Spain is no different, never mind all that "macho" stuff
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Old 12-20-2010, 12:02 PM   #248
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How to Make It Work This Time
How to Make a Second Marriage Work - Room for Debate - NYTimes.com

"Over the years, I have taken oral histories of many couples whose second marriage had lasted longer than their first marriage and was still going strong. In almost every case, two things stood out. One was the willingness of these individuals to admit what they had done wrong the first time around, instead of putting all the blame on their former spouse. The second was that both spouses felt they had discarded older gender-stereotyped attitudes and behavior that had created problems in their first marriage."
I would say this is definitely true in my case, although it is my husband's first. In his case he was almost 36 when we married, and I think that also helps, even though it's not ideal for having children unless the wife is several years younger.

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Old 12-21-2010, 07:09 PM   #249
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I have never been married and intend to stay that way. No complications.
Like me, you know too much!
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Old 12-21-2010, 08:18 PM   #250
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From what I observe of The Florida older singles the sins are

Lusting after the early bird special
Wearing your pants to high
Wearing awful colored pants
Staying in the left lane when you have no intention of passing anyone
Keeping your blinker on whether you are turning or not
Having two for one Martini's and driving in my neighborhood
Going as couples to the grocery store and taking up the whole aisle
and last but not least referring to your wife as the little woman when she is clearly not little
ROTFLMAO! Thanks, I needed this!
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Old 12-21-2010, 08:30 PM   #251
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Speaking of second marriages, this may be my very favorite New York Times wedding story. The narcissism leaps from the page.

http://www.nytimes.com/2010/12/19/fa...+xK8vblOmPLDVA
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Old 12-21-2010, 09:44 PM   #252
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The narcissism leaps from the page.
I wonder how long this one will last... will the newspaper get to do an annual followup?
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Old 12-21-2010, 09:51 PM   #253
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So Ms. Riddell was surprised to find herself eagerly looking for Mr. Partilla at school events — and missing him when he wasn’t there. “I didn’t admit to anyone how I felt,” she said. “To even think about it was disruptive and disloyal.

Isn't this what used to be called a crush? Does every crush merit a new set of wedding vows and a couple broken families?

Ha
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Old 12-21-2010, 11:21 PM   #254
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I have the "for Women" version and one of the important things I took away from it is that "Old Fred" is still better than "No Fred" for the most part.


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Old 12-21-2010, 11:44 PM   #255
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but there's a reason the majority of divorces post-60 are initiated by women.
I think I am too obtuse to figure out from your post what that reason is. Would you mind going into greater detail?

Ha
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Old 12-22-2010, 05:13 AM   #256
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About angry women and tired men:
Philip Greenspun's Weblog » All couples with children should get divorced?
(sorry ladies, I know that you're not all like this, and that men are no saints)

Some comments are worth reading.
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Old 12-22-2010, 09:22 AM   #257
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About angry women and tired men:
Philip Greenspun's Weblog » All couples with children should get divorced?
(sorry ladies, I know that you're not all like this, and that men are no saints)

Some comments are worth reading.
Phil himself is not delusional enough to get married.

I like to people watch. Last night I was in a downtown Office Depot, waiting for a print job and observing the young couple next to me. They were white, like really white, and dressed conservatively. I couldn't hear them talk. The man could easily have passed for American except for some subtle differences in the way he stood. The woman was way too tuned in to the man for an American woman other than a hooker, but she wasn't dressed well enough or pretty enough to be a call girl. I have seen very blanco Spanish speaking whites in USA, but this couple didn't have that flash and glitz of upscale Colombians or Venezuelans, and the woman was wearing flats. They might have been Russian, but I am pretty good at identifying Russians and the guy was not aggro enough. Finally they turned more toward me and I heard them speaking Spanish, very clean easily understood Spanish, but without the Iberian lisp, and also without the Argentine salting with Italian mannerisms and words. Possibly I have seen my first Uruguayans?

Anyway, in a nutshell she was playing to him, in an easygoing way that appeared ingrained rather than amped up to do some persuading job on him. She did not seem to be preoccupied with the American woman's number one preoccupation- "Let no one assume that I am not identical or superior to a man in every important way, except that I am a morally higher being; and let no man try to put anything over on me.”

Many of us men can see the justice in this. And in a perhaps unrelated development, ladies may find us to be "commitment phobic". Sometimes it is nobody’s fault, institutions just get outdated.

Ha
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Old 12-22-2010, 11:24 AM   #258
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I think I am too obtuse to figure out from your post what that reason is. Would you mind going into greater detail?

Ha
It's not my reason, it's the comment on p. 20 by the male authors of Younger Next Year for Women (which is a prime example of how an index makes a book much more useful, as this book does not have one and it is really hard to find where the authors said things):

Quote:
One of the interesting things we learned in the course of doing this book is that there are a tremendous number of divorces after age sixty and that women initiate two-thirds of them. It makes a certain amount of sense, when you think about it. A lot of women, as they come into their own in their fifties and sixties, are feeling that they've had enough of caregiving for a while. They're ready to focus on...their own interests and goals.

...He's leaking testosterone, big time.... he's bored stupid and scared to death but he's still throwing his weight around and telling you what to do.... He's going to do two things: he's going to try to depend on you for everything, and he's still going to try to give you some much needed advice on how to run your life....
After they rip into the offensive stereotype of the retired male (to such an extent that one wonders why the wife is waiting til he's retired to file for divorce), they tell us (the women readers this book is aimed at) to teach him new tricks and keep him around.
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Old 12-22-2010, 11:32 AM   #259
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It's not my reason, it's the comment on p. 20 by the male authors of Younger Next Year for Women (which is a prime example of how an index makes a book much more useful, as this book does not have one and it is really hard to find where the authors said things):



After they rip into the offensive stereotype of the retired male (to such an extent that one wonders why the wife is waiting til he's retired to file for divorce), they tell us (the women readers this book is aimed at) to teach him new tricks and keep him around.
OK, I see. Thanks for making the effort to find it and explain. I think that unfortunately this is often more or less correct. Young women sometimes seem to seek this sort of dominance behavior from men, but I don't see too much of this feminine attitude lasting into middle age, while as men we often go right ahead dispensing unwelcome "help".

Ha
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Old 12-22-2010, 01:24 PM   #260
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It's not my reason, it's the comment on p. 20 by the male authors of Younger Next Year for Women...:

Quote:
One of the interesting things we learned in the course of doing this book is that there are a tremendous number of divorces after age sixty and that women initiate two-thirds of them. It makes a certain amount of sense, when you think about it.....
I have no idea what the real statistics are but from 16 years in Family Law as a paralegal my observation is that the one who has the initial papers drawn up is not always the person who initiates the proceedings. In my state there is a petitioner and a respondent. You might think the petitioner is the original person who wants the divorce but that may not always be the case. Often the two parties have attorneys already negotiating before the initial papers are drawn up; in many cases I saw, the petitioner was the party whose attorney had someone available in the office to draw up the papers. Who becomes petitioner apparently is negotiable, IMO.

I am not an attorney.
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