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The compromise vacation..when did u stop bringing the kids along?
Old 02-10-2018, 10:06 AM   #1
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The compromise vacation..when did u stop bringing the kids along?

I got it my head that I wanted to see New Orleans. I went on the neighborhood facebook page and found some dog sitters for my old gal. I picked an upcoming time period when the son will be in school. The daughters vacationed in Spain, studied abroad in Australia and did an internship in Virginia. The last two on my dime.

I had planned my SIL (wifeís Twin), my wife and I. My wife on the other hand wanted to bring the kids. I made it clear no kids as I figure Ive done enough. Yeah call me stingy but Iíd like some Me time.
Ive compromised and agree to go to Kentucky. For me it will be a scouting mission for a post retirement home.

Any thoughts on when you cut the cord?
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Old 02-10-2018, 10:18 AM   #2
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You did better than my parents did! They paid for college for 5 kids so I'm not complaining, but I've had to fund my travel addiction on my own.

I've funded a bit of my son's travel since he got out of college but it's been totally my choice, not something he asked for. That included a few trips to visit family at Christmas- since we don't exchange gifts that's the least I could do. I also forked over hotel points so he could attend his cousin's wedding (everyone else was at the Carlyle in NYC- crazy expensive) and paid for one airfare when he, DDIL and our granddaughter, who was then a year old, joined us in Myrtle Beach to visit my parents. A year later both my mother and my husband were dead. Priceless visit.

I assume your daughters are out of college and gainfully employed? Then I'd say you earned some vacations without them at destinations you choose.
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Old 02-10-2018, 10:36 AM   #3
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It doesn't have to be all or nothing. You don't have to take them on this trip, you can take them on others, from time to time.

Frankly, we didn't do much by way of traveling vacations when the kids were little.
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The compromise vacation..when did u stop bringing the kids along?
Old 02-10-2018, 11:57 AM   #4
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The compromise vacation..when did u stop bringing the kids along?

Quote:
Originally Posted by athena53 View Post
I assume your daughters are out of college and gainfully employed? Then I'd say you earned some vacations without them at destinations you choose.
Yep, and living at home saving like mad..

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Originally Posted by MarieIG View Post
It doesn't have to be all or nothing. You don't have to take them on this trip, you can take them on others, from time to time.

My plan is to rent a house on the shore for a week this year.. they will be invited.
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Old 02-10-2018, 12:56 PM   #5
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We're headed to Myrtle Beach next week for 2-4 weeks. Our DS is joining us for a four day weekend. Then, it's back to w*rk for him. He gets it - and we're glad to host him for a few days (but no longer).

Our wish is that he'll see what it takes to FIRE (and the awesome freedom therein) and want to pursue same. Time will tell...
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Old 02-10-2018, 02:48 PM   #6
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Ray: I have convinced my wife I am not willing to share her on our vacation with anyone. We have enough kids and grandkids hanging around every day.

If you are going to KY looking ahead for a potential retirement location, why don't you check into much cheaper Upper East Tenneessee and the Tennessee River Valley. Middle Tennessee is also tough to beat. No state income taxes and very stable societies are tempting.

I am in NW Alabama for the extremely low housing prices, very low property taxes and the incredible Tennessee River in my front hard. 2 Robert Trent Jones golf courses are down my street too.

What is nice is today you can investigate real estate online everywhere.
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Old 02-10-2018, 03:34 PM   #7
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Iíd say 16, absent the obligation vacations to see family on the opposite coast. It was part of letting out the rope, him being alone, breaking away and then a natural separation. He worked, went to college, traveled on his own & funded it himself. We had our life and he had his. Now heís married, owns a house and has kids. We like being on a vacation all together but thatís one time a year. We live close. Iíve gone on retreats with DIL and DH goes to NHL with DS often. Iím appreciative of the time (about 8 years) we did have alone and believe it was as good for all of us. Now weíre FIRE, and the trips are ours or with friends in common.
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Old 02-10-2018, 04:09 PM   #8
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We didn't do a whole lot of vacations, but I do remember my parents going off for a weekend alone when my brother was 18 and I was 13. I also remember once when I was 17.

Once the kids can take care of themselves I think it's usually good for the parents to get some alone time. And like MarieIG said, it doesn't have to be all or nothing. Some family vacations, some couple or adult vacations.
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Old 02-10-2018, 04:37 PM   #9
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We started just last fall going away without the kids. Sons are 21 and 19 and in college, they don't need us on a regular basis so we went away for three weeks touring New England at our own pace.

And just got back from a two week trip visiting old friends in a town we met, married, and lived in for many years. Without the boys. And very near where Bamaman lives. Very fond memories of living in north Alabama. And much warmer with no snow as we had today in NW PA.

We had a great time and they would not have enjoyed it for more than two days.

We do plan a family vacation in the May-June time frame, but very much enjoyed just being a couple again.

Ray, go for it without the kids, time for them to start living their own lives. Doesn't preclude family time though.
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Old 02-10-2018, 05:57 PM   #10
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Go without the kids, and without the SIL. Cue it up as a romantic trip and your wife might get the hint.
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Old 02-10-2018, 06:10 PM   #11
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Some of my GKs lived with me so we went on a family trip until 2017. Last year GS1 (20) was in France helping his BF move back to SF, GS2 (16) was busy with a new band (several pd performances), GD1 (11) was in tournament basketball, GD2 (13) was volunteering in Costa Rico undoing the best of intentions by groups decades ago (but seriously it was a habitat misstep). I concur with USA that 16 seems to be the magic #. Onto next gen: but they're 4, 4, and 2 so not for a few years. Their parents will be there. And yes. It'll be cruising

I do MEOnly trips 2◊year. So important.
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Old 02-10-2018, 07:09 PM   #12
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Once the kids can take care of themselves I think it's usually good for the parents to get some alone time. And like MarieIG said, it doesn't have to be all or nothing. Some family vacations, some couple or adult vacations.
My parents took vacations without the 5 of us pretty early. Grandparents lived nearby so one Grandma or the other would move in; later they hired older women recommended by friends. I particularly remember an eccentric Austrian woman who drove some big, boxy ancient car and who made really good doughnuts. When I was a HS senior (I was the oldest and had a driver's license) they actually went away for a week and left us on our own; I suppose they'd get arrested for that now but we were responsible kids and nothing went wrong.

We never could figure out why Mom and Dad would want to go on vacation without us.
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Old 02-10-2018, 07:25 PM   #13
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I assume your daughters are out of college and gainfully employed? Then I'd say you earned some vacations without them at destinations you choose.
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Yep, and living at home saving like mad...
We took trips without our children even when they were in grade school. Of course we had adult supervision for them when we were away.
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Old 02-10-2018, 07:47 PM   #14
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Ray, does your wife appreciate the fact that the dynamic might be different with just you+her or you+her+SIL instead of all of you plus the kids? Like you might have a better time hitting French Quarter bars with just the "adults" and not including your adult children.

I know that's one of the things we look forward to when we travel without kids. Much easier to kick back and get a little tipsier if you know you don't have to be a responsible adult (though I imagine your kids are old enough where they should be expected to be responsible adults ).

Your kids are old enough to entertain themselves and you don't have to invite them along on every trip you take. They may not even want to spend their free time vacationing with you (other than Dad picking up the tab to go to cool places and feed them good free food ). And you've given them plenty of travel in the recent past, so it's not like you're neglecting their inner travel bug.

When my kids are a little older I expect we'll get to the point where we leave the kids at home (with Grandma overseeing them) more often. Or at least they might meet up with us for a part of a big vacation instead of spending weeks at a time with us.
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Old 02-10-2018, 09:29 PM   #15
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We take our adult offspring (neither in a committed relationship, so not tied down) on one trip per year. Those trips are usually 4-7 days long. The "rule" is that the destination is within one day's driving distance. So far, it has been: Biloxi, Kansas City, St. Louis, Nashville, Dallas, New Orleans, a Caribbean cruise. There have been a few exceptions to the distance rule: Las Vegas, Chicago, Santa Fe.

While DH and I enjoy those yearly trips so much and they are lots of fun, we take several other trips each year - just the two of us. Way cheaper and a different kind of fun.

I'm certain our kids would enjoy more trips on our dime. Growing up, from birth to age 18, my family took three vacations....meaning, I think our kids are getting a great deal.
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Old 02-11-2018, 10:13 AM   #16
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Yep, and living at home saving like mad..




My plan is to rent a house on the shore for a week this year.. they will be invited.

This sounds perfect, and something that DH and I have been considering (on a lake).
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Old 02-11-2018, 10:21 AM   #17
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We don't have a set schedule, both are around 40 with complete families of their own. The last time we did this included just the adults, no grandkids, in Las Vegas. First time w/o the grandkids and we had a great time. We have done quite a few trips with the whole crew and subsets. But everyone is getting old enough now that a lot of our trips are just the two of us, which is also very nice.
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Old 02-11-2018, 11:13 AM   #18
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Your daughters are out of college, living at home and your wife wants to take them on a vacation that you made clear you wanted some alone time away from said daughters?

I don't know man.... Maybe marriage counseling? Maybe daughters should demonstrate their appreciation for what you've done so far and cover the cost of the vacation? Anyways, I'd be feeling used about now if it were me.

How come "if mama ain't happy, ain't nobody happy" but "if daddy ain't happy ain't nobody cares"?
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Old 02-11-2018, 11:16 AM   #19
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Last time was a ski trip to Utah. Boys were 16 and 14. It was mutual. Travelling with mom and dad was becoming uncool. Had it not been Utah, they might have taken a pass even then.
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Old 02-11-2018, 12:01 PM   #20
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We do not take our adult kids on vacation. When they were young adults and poor we would pay for them to visit us for the holidays. Now they either come here on their own dime or we go visit them.
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