The later years

[haha]

OK, too late to edit, so I'll add: This is one of my smaller pet peeves. Patronizing, I believe it's called. And it happens a lot, to me, with that age group.

I call it "big brother" behavior because my brother does it, and he's 75. His guy friends do it, too - talk to me like I'm a little girl. I run into it at the gym with the older men, too. Unsolicited, dopey advice about the machinery. Some 70-year-old guy commented the other day, after working in with me, "Wow, that's a lot of weight for you." It was the same weight he was using!

Before I got together with my soul mate I was a younger than the group you reference, but I watched so many single men sink their ships with women in the group with what I think is similar behavior to what you are talking about.

Many men feel cut adrift today. I think they may think that if they can be useful they might be acceptable. Also, commonly older men are not well attuned to how the wind blows. I believe many think that giving information and "guidance" will help them and be helpful to the woman. In fact, as you say, this behavior is likely a big turnoff to many but not all women.

When I was single I tried to keep my mouth shut, except to use "keep talking" and affirmation conversational techniques with various women at the table. Affirm, affirm, affirm, no matter how bizarre you may think what she is saying is! I am almost always much more interested in how people say things, than in what they are saying. Very often they are basically lying, but so what, one can still learn a lot by listening.

Anyway this is perhaps a good time to be female, so enjoy. Like the Byrds sang,

A time to be born, a time to die
A time to plant, a time to reap
A time to kill, a time to heal
A time to laugh, a time to weep


Ha

 

[gcgang]

I just attended a class, "TaiChi for Longevity, Health and Happiness." The instructor, Taoist Master Alfred Huang, 97 years old, says, Longevity without Health is suffering.

 

[trumpeting_angel]

Apologies in advance for long post — thread hijack

I hear you, Amethyst. Last winter I got a whole lot of unsolicited advice on one ski lift ride from a guy wearing such a bizarre collection of gear that I could barely respond. (Somehow men never stop me to give advice when I’m skiing with DH.). This guy had never seen me ski, except in the lift line (where I comported myself well), but gave me extensive advice about what skis and boots to get, how to manage moguls, and improving my skiing (including “do drills in the morning and ski with the guys in the afternoon. That’s what I do!”). Also bragged how he had spent less per ski day on his pass than I had (of course he flew in from Michigan to ski, while I drove 20 minutes from home). When he found out my occupation he demanded to know if I had read the one book he knew of, that was distantly related to my profession, and insisted that I must recall it. Something by Eckhard Tolle.

“You’re a psychologist? Do you, like, listen to people? You have a nice voice for it.”

“Mostly I work in the criminal court and prisons.”

That seemed to shut him up.

Gotta love the mansplaining. I do put up with it with better humor from the elders (I’m 65). They seem to be living in a different era, where nobody ever heard the word “mansplaining.”

My friend is an instructor who has been skiing for 50 years. She likes to ski without poles, and often gets men of any age trying to stop her from starting down challenging trails, insisting they will be too hard for her. She is less patient than I, and after a moment of arguing, she likes to rip down the trail leaving a cloud of snow behind her.