The old couple next door..

[rayinpenn]

My father-in-law told me they were both in their 80s. He was an engineer that still worked part time. Their little brick home of perhaps 50 years, next to my in-laws, seemed to suit them as she and he were barely 5 feet tall. It was hard to fathom the insane prices those little houses commanded in that 'prestigious' Long Island school district. My Father-in-law, Ron, a Florida guy himself said the engineer desperately wanted to move to Florida to be near the kids. She wouldn't budge. I helped them one time remove a wire tree support in front of their house. They seemed very nice.

Then one day I learned they moved to Florida but apparently didn't sell. In no time at all they were back. Ron said she wasn't happy there and demanded they return. Shortly thereafter she was alone. I would see her walking to the market - this tiny old woman with a shopping cart. I'll always wonder what it was about Florida that she didn't like? And if he was sad to come back, albeit briefly. I always thought it seemed a bit of a tragedy. A cocky me thought I won't be chained to a neighborhood.

I am ready to start a new adventure but my son will be a freshman in college and I don't want to be too far. My daughter will be here starting her first job and graduate school. An old me says I think I'll make the most of wherever I am.. she won't budge for a year or so but we will see.

I have to smile when I think of the things we were so sure of...

 

[Ready]

Adjusting to a new location is a lot of work, and it can be stressful. Someone in their 80's may not want to deal with the stress. She has her doctors, her hairdresser, her favorite restaurants and shopping places already established. I can understand why someone in their 80's would not want to establish those things all over again in a new location. My parents moved to Florida and hated it because of all of these reasons. But they sold their house, so it wasn't practical for them to move back. They lived with it, but it made them miserable.

 

[Jerry1]

My wife and I always thought we'd retire "down south" - whatever and wherever that meant, who knows. We just thought Michigan is too cold.

Both children are adults and in Michigan. One daughter has children - our grand children. On top of that, DW's mom needs us to care for her.

Guess what, we have no plans on moving anywhere. I'd like to have some time in a warm climate to take the edge off winter, but moving away from our closest family members isn't going to happen and me and my DW are in full agreement.

Yes, interesting how plans that seemed so certain change.

 

[Meadbh]

Did he leave her, or did he die?

 

[JoeWras]

I lived in FL for a few years. Multiple neighbors moved down from NY, only to turn around and move back within the year. These were not rentals either, purchases!

The reasons are many. It is a well known phenomenon. Mostly, it is the mistaken belief that the feeling you have on vacation is permanent when you move there. Nope. Suddenly, you have to deal with stuff like insurance, grocery shopping, traffic, authorities, whatever. Normal life stuff. The idealistic feel you had on vacation evaporates.

Florida is a fine place. If you want to move there, try it for real first (long term rental) instead of vacation. It may or may not be for you.

You know what? This applies to ANY move from one place to another. I guess that is ray's point. As usual, he makes it in his own poetic way...

 

[RobbieB]

My buddy upon hearing I'm retiring "where you gonna move to"

Me "nowhere, I like it here and the house is paid for"

 

[Mulligan]

Ray that sounds like my next door neighbors except to a different location. They were in mid 80s when they decided to move to an apartment that transitioned to nursing home. They said they wanted to go on their terms and not be forced to go later by someone else.
They moved out and For Sale sign went up. Less than a month later sign went down. I saw them driving out of driveway assuming they were just checking on property. I stopped them to see who they sold house too. They said they already had moved back.
She said the seniors were all crazy down there and no one had their minds. She said she was never going back and they will have to drag them out of the house. 3 years later they are still hanging on at the homestead doing pretty good.

 

[rodi]

I have a family member in upstate New York. She and her husband moved to Florida thinking they'd enjoy living somewhere without harsh winters. Her mother also moved since her only child and grandchildren were moving away and she didn't want to be alone.

They all lasted less than 6 months.

Some people don't like Florida... especially in the summer. Sometimes the reality is quite different than the mental image.

My family member is still in upstate NY, and getting ready to retire. She's made it clear that she and her hubby (kids are launched) will not be moving to Florida... but they may visit for a week or two each winter.

 

[Rambler]

We are working on a move. Bought a home. Try to go there every couple of weeks or so, since its only a couple hundred miles away. But it is really hard. We designed and had our dream home built, put a lot of blood, sweat, and tears into beautifying the property, and now we have other needs to attend to. We have a daughter 100 miles away. That would become 250 miles if we move. But, they are likely to move in the next year to who knows where (hubby is looking for a new job). Son is 750 miles away, but moving an additional 1250 miles away on Thursday this week. So, does staying there matter? Should we follow one of the kids? Can't follow them both...they'll never be close. Oh, and my parents are still living and close to our current home, i.e., 200 miles away from the home we expect to occupy in the future.

What to do, what to do...not easy, these decisions.

 

[NW-Bound]

I saw a statistics somewhere showing a majority of retirees staying where they were, or moved only in-town. OK, I found it.

"Only 5.7 percent of Americans age 65 and older moved to a new residence between 2009 and 2013, and the people who do move most often relocate to the same state and even the same county, the Census Bureau found. Only 1 percent of retirees moved to a new state, and just 0.3 percent went overseas."

In my case, I used to entertain the idea of moving. But not even our children wanted to move after graduation. They did not even look for jobs outside of the area. My son reluctantly applied for a job 100 miles away, but happily found a much better job in town.

So, if even my children do not want to go, who are we to abandon them to go elsewhere? We both have siblings, and we are also close to my nieces. And now, there's the grandniece that all of us adore.

 

[brucethebroker]

We are working on a move. Bought a home. Try to go there every couple of weeks or so, since its only a couple hundred miles away. But it is really hard. We designed and had our dream home built, put a lot of blood, sweat, and tears into beautifying the property, and now we have other needs to attend to. We have a daughter 100 miles away. That would become 250 miles if we move. But, they are likely to move in the next year to who knows where (hubby is looking for a new job). Son is 750 miles away, but moving an additional 1250 miles away on Thursday this week. So, does staying there matter? Should we follow one of the kids? Can't follow them both...they'll never be close. Oh, and my parents are still living and close to our current home, i.e., 200 miles away from the home we expect to occupy in the future.

What to do, what to do...not easy, these decisions.

Have heard numerous stories, some very sad, about parents moving to be near kids, then the kids take a job relocation. Parents are left in an area without lifelong friends, familiar doctors, etc. Most younger people (a lot of us years ago, also) move to where the next promotion or better job is without considering the parents. You may be better off living near a major airport.....

 

[rayinpenn]

Ive come to really dislike the cold and the dreary days of winter. Seems like the only time I feel I'm not just 'existing' is when the sun is shining and it is warm out. Call me a softie but sitting my favorite chair in the sunshine with a good book is my definition of paradise. I'm convinced my artificial knee doesn't like it either. I just walked the dog wearing just a light jacket and going outside without feeling like I stepped into a damp cold meat locker is wonderful.

We moved from the congestion and insane prices of Long Island and it worked. We found an incredible school district and the kids have flourished. So we are not adverse in moving from that place you call home. Our siblings are already in Florida we vacationed there countless times. The sunshine is calling.

Home is where my Mickey coffee cup is and my iPad charges..

What a pity summer flies by here in the north.

 

[rayinpenn]

Did he leave her, or did he die?

He passed...

 

[HadEnuff]

I lived in FL for a few years. Multiple neighbors moved down from NY, only to turn around and move back within the year. These were not rentals either, purchases!

The reasons are many. It is a well known phenomenon. Mostly, it is the mistaken belief that the feeling you have on vacation is permanent when you move there. Nope. Suddenly, you have to deal with stuff like insurance, grocery shopping, traffic, authorities, whatever. Normal life stuff. The idealistic feel you had on vacation evaporates.

Florida is a fine place. If you want to move there, try it for real first (long term rental) instead of vacation. It may or may not be for you.

You know what? This applies to ANY move from one place to another. I guess that is ray's point. As usual, he makes it in his own poetic way...

Exactly.. having lived and worked in Upstate NY for almost 40 years, many were the times I swore that once I retired I'd spend all winter in Florida, or someplace warm. Now that I'm retired, I DO want to spend some of the cold months where it isn't so cold, but not necessarily all of them, because, well....because it isn't home.

As far as moving to Florida, or even buying a 2nd home there, I was just there for a visit earlier this month and decided that Florida is like the crazy but beautiful girl you might want to have some fun with for a while, but wouldn't want to marry.

 

[45th Birthday]

My in-laws are early 90's in upstate NY. Have lived there their entire lives except for college. Wanted to stay because of friends, and one son who lives nearby. Now, friends are mostly dead, the son has turned into an alcoholic abuser, and their health is failing. They are in a comfortable condo, but struggle to schedule help and drivers. They wish they had made the transition to Florida (where we now spend the winters) years ago. They beg to visit us often and for long periods, but it just isn't possible because they need constant care and can't be far from their retinue of doctors.

We made the move to Florida several years ago in our early/mid-50's. It has always been apparent that our kids would be scattered (and mobile). Our closest friends are all over the place. We didn't want to wait and let life dictate our choices. We love it here, and spend five months of the year up north in a place we also love. We are on the young side for Florida, but have met some fabulous people, and we have a steady stream of family and friends who visit as well. We also travel a fair bit. Sometimes hard to carve downtime with just us.

Some day we will be the old people next door, and will have to face difficult decisions. But, while we can we are living the life that best suits us.

 

[JoeWras]

As far as moving to Florida, or even buying a 2nd home there, I was just there for a visit earlier this month and decided that Florida is like the crazy but beautiful girl you might want to have some fun with for a while, but wouldn't want to marry.

Best description ever!

 

[Cobra9777]

We're planning to downsize at some point, so DW and I have talked about possibly moving to a new area at that time, mainly just for a change of scenery. We've been in the same Texas suburb since 1979. We've talked about the Texas Hill Country and the central mountains of Costa Rica, both of which we love visiting. We've talked about other areas as well, but those two are the leading candidates. Florida is not part of the equation.

Currently we look after the in-laws who are in their mid 80s with a wide assortment of health issues and other needs. Both kids and grand-kids are within a 45 minute drive but that could change at any time. We also have social networks here and really sort-of like the quirkiness of this place. So when the in-laws are no longer with us, and the kids scatter off, as they tend to do, we'll reevaluate the pros/cons and make a decision. But I wouldn't be shocked if inertia keeps us here.

 

[athena53]

Best description ever!

An old college friend had once told me that he aspired to spend his retirement on the beach at Boca Raton. I asked him years later if that was still his plan and he was waffling- his son said "Dad, that's where [people of their religious denomination] go to die".

I'm probably stuck here- DS and DDIL and the grandchildren are 3 hours away. They're very attached to their church and the job market in DS' field is pretty good there so I can't see them moving. My 4 siblings and my Dad are in various places in the Carolinas so if DS and DDIL moved somewhere I'd have to go by plane I might join the rest of the family in the Carolinas.

 

[Fedup]

I don't expect to stay near my kids because my husband and I moved miles away from our parents. We never relied on any of their help. No babysitting, nothing. So naturally, I expect my kids to go where they can find more job opportunities. Luckily one kid's line of work is an hour away and the other kid will in Silicon Valley which we don't mind visiting regularly. From all of the people we know in California, all of their kids are working in Silicon Valley because that's where the jobs are.
But I feel like moving to Hawaii in the winter, particularly this year when it was so cold and rainy. So I absolutely understand the need for warm weather, more so in old age.

 

[Ronstar]

I wouldn't have a problem moving to Arizona full time as long as I have a workshop. But I don't - yet. Also, 88 yo MIL still lives 10 miles from us in Illinois. It hasn't been a problem leaving her and our friends for 3 or 4 months a year. We'll probably have a decision to make at some point as to where to settle down. But it looks like I can live anywhere with nice weather as long as I have all of my hobbies at my disposal.

 

[Music Lover]

I live in a place with cold winters but have no intention of moving somewhere warmer now that I'm retired. I have decades old friendships and have built a network of fellow musicians and those can't be replaced by warm weather. If I need a break from the cold, I simply take a trip somewhere warm.

 

[imoldernu]

If we all liked the same things, Life would be dull. I guess we're the old couple next door.

For us, with limited assets, part of the decision was in buying a regular home, to insure the survivor of keeping the home if extensive nursing home expenses depleted other assets (Medicaid law). Up to that time, our MFG home and campground home wouldn't have provided that small security.

The decision of Illinois or Florida was a toss up, and we wavered until our friends showed us Peru, and our CCRC which was old 5 years old at the time. We were't too enthused with the summer months in FL, even though most of the time is spent in A/C buildings. The beach wasn't as much of an attraction as in the early days. A smaller point was the healthcare overload in doctors and hospitals in Florida in season... up to twelve hours wait in emergency rooms, and ambulance bypasses to other hospitals 75 miles away in the busy times. It was tough leaving close friends from our mfg home park in FL, but we were determined to buy a regular full size home. Fortunately, we've never had trouble making friends.

While winter can become a little long, we love the four seasons. At our age, we don't spend a lot of time outdoors anyway, so the lure of surfing and boating isn't as strong any longer. Keeping our campground place on the lake satisfies my biking and boating urge, and DW likes the break when I drive the 25 miles to spend a few days communing with nature.

We've integrated with the CCRC community. As some have mentioned, there are those elderly residents who are either not alert or not social, it was just a matter of a few weeks to integrate with the fun group... many of whom are widows or widowers who have moved in for convenience. The pace of life fits in pretty well with what enjoy. After a few hours of socializing with the group, we're content to come home an watch TV. With our kids coming on many weekends, life is as full as we like it.

Growing older happens at all ages. What was anathema at age 75, now, not so much. For the 85 German widow, with whom I practice my language skills, the process is different. She travels all over the US, and back to Europe as easily as any world traveler... My aviator friend at age 97 still bemoans the sad day when his 70 year old son refused to let him renew his pilot's licence at age 92. He's still building another "Flying Flea", and drives about 10,00 miles/yr.

Being happy is the gold standard.

 

[CaptTom]

Waiting for a flight out of FL right now, after spending a few of weeks along the Panhandle, Gulf Coast, across the Okeechobee, and around the Palm Beach area.

I've done a lot of pondering on where and if to move South. I'm leaning toward more of a snowbird lifestyle, North in summer and South in winter. No way will you find me down here in summer again (done that too many times as a child and for w*ork.)

I've described this as "God's waiting room" a few times, and it's really somewhat sad. Probably no more so than aging anywhere, but here it's more visible.

Anyway, I suspect that for many who move here, it doesn't turn out to be the dream life they expected. For some, it is. For example, the guy who drove me to the airport, who lives on his boat and used to live in NH. But the ones who are actually enjoying life seem to bug out in the spring and not return untill fall.

Just one guy's observation, YMMV.

 

[gerntz]

"Only 5.7 percent of Americans age 65 and older moved to a new residence between 2009 and 2013, and the people who do move most often relocate to the same state and even the same county, the Census Bureau found. Only 1 percent of retirees moved to a new state, and just 0.3 percent went overseas."

I wonder how many of those are forced moves due to impaired health - in with relatives, assisted care, nursing home?

 

[ERD50]

... the engineer desperately wanted to move to Florida to be near the kids. She wouldn't budge. ...

Then one day I learned they moved to Florida but apparently didn't sell. In no time at all they were back. Ron said she wasn't happy there and demanded they return. ...

Makes sense to me. While others obviously love it, I absolutely hate the heat and humidity of Florida. I would not want to live there. It's nice to visit in February, as a break from our winter weather and it's not so hot there at that time.

Why should any be be surprised than an individual would not like it? Four seasons aren't for some people either.

-ERD50