The Recession & our Adult children

[Texas Proud]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Orchidflower It seems to me that if you vote "Nothing they're adults" then the same should pertain to you. So, if you get Alzheimers or Cancer and need assistance, I guess your children should feel justified in shipping you off to a nursing home? After all, you're an adult. I don't get this thinking I guess. No wonder there are so many old and forgotten people in these homes.

NOOO... not the same.... the question was if they lost their job, what would you do... not if they had a medical problem... if my child had cancer or such, I would help them out all that I could...

Let's change it around.... if you are still working and you lose YOUR job, do you think that it is OK to move in with your children? After all, you are family.....

[Orchidflower]

Heck, yes, I would expect my child to assist me or allow me to move into his home if I needed the help. I would hope he would care for my welfare so much as I care for his.
Isn't one of the purposes of having a family and close friends is to have that soft cushion to fall back on when times are tough? Otherwise, what's the purpose of family or close friends? To have someone to brag to about your latest "triumph" in the business world? Big whoops.

[Bestwifeever]

I would have them move back home and provide food and shelter for them, without a doubt, should they lose their jobs and ask for help. They would do the same for us. I wouldn't give them money unless it went toward helping them find another job (airfare to an interview, or a class that would lead to certification, for example).

[Moemg]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Texas Proud Let's change it around.... if you are still working and you lose YOUR job, do you think that it is OK to move in with your children? After all, you are family.....

Absolutely and I am sure if you asked my daughter she would agree .

[Bestwifeever]

Heck, my daughter would love for me to move in right now and take care of her house

[WhoDaresWins]

I have never discussed this with my son, but I am certain he would help me if I fell on hard times for some reason. And vice versa. And I feel this way about certain close friends and my aunt, too.

[Khan]

I would kill myself before I would move in with relatives.

[Moemg]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Khan I would kill myself before I would move in with relatives.

You could move into my upstairs as long as you took care of the unwanted critters .

[Texas Proud]

I guess one of the omitted facts was 'when'....


If 'we' lost our jobs... we could probably last a pretty long time before we 'needed help'... our children less time...


Of course if my child lost their job... and looked for work... and could not find anything... after 6 months or so.. (remember, we taught them to have a 6 month pot of money).... then yes, I would probably let them come back while they 'got back on their feet'.... but then again, I would expect them to be looking much harder than they probably are... like the guy who was an energy trader who is working at a restaurant... they should go out and find some kind of job... there are jobs out there... just not great jobs...

[Orchidflower]

Listen, I probably understand the "tough it out, cause you're on your own" thing better than most having been a stepchild (in the worst sense of the word). You reap what you sow, and guess who didn't care at all when stepfather was sick and then died? What can I say? You reap what you sow.
So, when all the "tough love" types get old and need sonny or daughter's help, just remember your "tough love" philosophy.

...and we wonder why nursing homes are filled with old folks that are forgotten?

[dm]

I'm currently helping my son who is employed, but just isn't making much money in this economy. He is in sales and sales are down. I currently am paying his car insurance, liability only, phone, so he can call his mother, and I have paid for some maintenance on his car so he can make it to work and hopefully be safe. He is married and has a 2 year old at home. I have also made a few of his car payments, its a 96 Camry thats just about wore out.

So as long as I feel that he is trying his best, he works 6 days a week, and is not just blowing his money, I will be there to help them.

[WhoDaresWins]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Khan I would kill myself before I would move in with relatives.

Oh, I agree with this sentiment entirely! In the vague land of "what if's" of worst case scenario, about to have to be homeless and have live in my car, etc., I know my aunt would be devasted if I didn't come to her for help. She would sincerely want me to live with her and be happy about the prospect even as she would sympathize with my misfortune. My son would help me, but his first preference would be to send me a check rather than reside with him. And he would do this without complaint. He would let me live with him if it HAD to be, but it would be with a long face, I can tell you that! I have grown to like living alone and I value my little domain, but I would gladly offer a spare room and my dining table to a handful of those nearest and dearest to me if they needed it. I would consider it a privilege to do so. I would be devasted if my son felt he couldn't ask me for help as I would wonder what kind of relationship we had. He never has, is very independent, but I am his mother after all and I would put my head on a chopping block for him!

[Orchidflower]

Ditto to statements by both of you.

[ziggy29]

Reading through this thread again, I'm starting to wonder how the species survived before the "nuclear family" became the default household arrangement. Seems we would have all killed ourselves and/or each other in an extended family arrangement which, for most of history, was either the norm or at least a very common arrangement.

[Orchidflower]

Some cultures still do the extended family arrangement AND arranged marriages. I know, because this has gone on in my own paternal (I'm a first generation) side being Greek...and, I hate to report this as I would never have done it, those darn marriages LAST forever thru thick, thin, cheating husbands and all. The women are just so naive they don't pick up on alot of their husband's...er...wandering. All's happy then...although I know more than one wife who gripes about the gambling those husband's do.

[freebird5825]

No kids...but I am getting an education reading this thread. Great responses!
Someone very close to me has kids, 2 grown, 1 still in HS.
The 2 grown ones, are, shall we gracefully say, "employment challenged" by choice? It is a lifestyle that truly confuses me...
I have read several retirement planning articles that state that children living with relatives (without actively seeking a j*b) is not an unusual situation with a lot of "today's kids".

[Khan]

Quote:

Originally Posted by ziggy29 Reading through this thread again, I'm starting to wonder how the species survived before the "nuclear family" became the default household arrangement. Seems we would have all killed ourselves and/or each other in an extended family arrangement which, for most of history, was either the norm or at least a very common arrangement.

How we survived? With much misery and 'putting up with'.

As a female I am very glad to live in a time and place where I could have an education and job and support myself, and live alone.

Khan: crazy old cat lady.

[ziggy29]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Khan How we survived? With much misery and 'putting up with'.

I agree with that. But I also think that like it or not, economic times are going to return a fair percentage of us back to those times. I guess it's harder to cope with losing a perk of economic prosperity you once had than it is to live without something you've never had to begin with.

[Khan]

Quote:

Originally Posted by ziggy29 I agree with that. But I also think that like it or not, economic times are going to return a fair percentage of us back to those times. I guess it's harder to cope with losing a perk of economic prosperity you once had than it is to live without something you've never had to begin with.

True.

We shall tell the young ones boring tales of how people lived alone in 'the old days'.

[freebird5825]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Khan True. We shall tell the young ones boring tales of how people lived alone in 'the old days'.

"Counting the silverware" may take on a whole new meaning.