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Old 10-18-2017, 04:46 AM   #41
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I am the hoarder, mostly, but I got rid of over half my bloated book collection after reading that Kondo tidying book.
Women “have to” own clothes in at least 3 sizes to have something to wear as our weight fluctuates, unless you are one of the lucky ones who maintains fighting weight throughout life. That’s a lot of clothes.
I once used DH’s collection of old Playboy magazines to wrap glassware for a move when we ran out of newspaper. It was an excellent stealth purge maneuver!
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Old 10-18-2017, 07:40 AM   #42
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When my DW passed I gave over 50 bags of clothes away, at least 50 pairs of old shoes and I was finally able to throw two garbage bags of miss matched socks.... Some were baby socks, my youngest was 24 years old.
I would never be a stealth purger. That's incredibly un thoughtful.
So this situation would be my definition of hoarding,used clothes can find a new home and user if they don't sit in your basement for 25 years...

In my book a hoarding spouse would be unthoughtful...if my spouse insisted on keeping bags of 25 year baby socks, I'd have no problem "stealth" purging them.
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Old 10-18-2017, 08:10 AM   #43
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DW and I are in the process of cleaning out the garage. We have a rec room in the basement that was our kids toy/play room. When the kids got older, I turned this room into a home office. In order to go through things, get organized and start a purge, I moved all of this stuff to the garage. Fast forward 10 years and I'm just now to the point where I have DW on task to go through this stuff.
I would have never gotten rid of anything without her involvement. DW had a couple of traumatic experiences in early childhood where her family moved in the middle of the night before being evicted for not paying rent. As a child, you are not aware of this, her memories are of being awaken and being rushed to the car, only having a few minutes to grab whatever her tiny hands could to take with her. As a husband, and loving my wife dearly, I'll never throw anything of hers out. We work through it together and I'm entirely understanding when she does want to hold on to something. She's made great strides and we are both, together, going through the garage and getting it cleaned.
The simple thought of throwing another persons belongings away behind their back bothers me. You have no idea what has sentimental value, or what needs to be kept. My wife has done an incredible job of letting go and only keeping a few things that have great memories attached to them. And we have a stronger relationship as a result of working together, understanding and making concessions. Sorry for the long post, but this really hit home with what's going on at home at this moment.
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Old 10-18-2017, 09:13 AM   #44
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So this situation would be my definition of hoarding,used clothes can find a new home and user if they don't sit in your basement for 25 years...



In my book a hoarding spouse would be unthoughtful...if my spouse insisted on keeping bags of 25 year baby socks, I'd have no problem "stealth" purging them.


Just the sock bags were that old.
The 50 bags of clothes were mostly newer. She changed sizes a lot in her last few years
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Old 10-18-2017, 09:34 AM   #45
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I would urge all to purge. DW and I just spent the better part of this year going through and getting rid of her parents hoarded things. Moved to the garage, adn then had to rent a dumpster to haul it all away.

I don't want my kids to have to do that...
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Old 10-18-2017, 09:47 AM   #46
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Just the sock bags were that old.
The 50 bags of clothes were mostly newer. She changed sizes a lot in her last few years
As a female I totally get the size thing, yet styles change and in reality our bodies are harder to change...the sooner I acknowledge I wont' be that size again the more someone can benefit from my no longer fitting clothes. Our church has an annual community free clothing event as one of our outreach programs and it's greatly improved my attitude about clothes hoarding.
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Starting our purge
Old 10-18-2017, 10:25 AM   #47
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Starting our purge

My husband asked about my plans for the weekend. I mentioned that I want to spend at least an hour a day straightening up our storeroom (which is the size of some condo bedrooms) as I couldn't access gift wrapping paper. A year ago it was as neat as a pin but he decided to tackle our collection of old slides and got lost reliving his year-long trip to Europe before we met. The place was a mess. For some reason his inventory of Boy Scout stuff came up and he resolved to separate his from our son's. He pulled out boxes and boxes of stuff Saturday. He went through it all, pitching his Scout leader notes and found his old Air Explorer uniform (a similar one just sold on EBay for $350+). I washed all the clothes, except the aforementioned, and he packed them and patches (some of which are over 65 years old) in sealed bags in our bedroom closet.

He loves EBay and has "documented" his offerings extensively in the past. Putting Scout stuff on EBay should keep him busy through Christmas.

He also has lots of electric train items from the mid 40s. all in their original boxes in great condition (yes he is anal retentive). Maybe I should encourage him to add some of those to his Christmas EBay offerings.

Then he had the audacity to mention that I had a box of my family genealogy paperwork in the storeroom. I told him that I would retrieve it when I could reach it.
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Old 10-18-2017, 10:41 AM   #48
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While my wife isn’t a hoarder, she does hold on to a lot of stuff for sentimental reasons (i.e., kids school projects/art work, old toys missing parts). She thinks they might want them later, even though they’ve said to toss it. I’ve taken the tact of saying we can get rid of it or let them get rid of it after we’re gone. I’ve also stated that if we move, we are not going to move stuff, just to throw it out later. I don’t think we’ll be moving.
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Old 10-18-2017, 10:42 AM   #49
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The simple thought of throwing another persons belongings away behind their back bothers me. You have no idea what has sentimental value, or what needs to be kept.
This, exactly.

Decades ago my ex threw out a jacket with patches on it from when I was a volunteer in a rescue squad. Not being a current member by then, I never wore the jacket. I was furious about it and about bit her head off, and I still remember her shocked expression at my reaction. To her it was simply an old jacket that I never wore.

The reason that jacket was so important to me is that I was wearing it the first time I was on a team that had saved a guy's life.

That kinda changes the whole picture, doesn't it?
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Old 10-18-2017, 11:06 AM   #50
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This, exactly.

Decades ago my ex threw out a jacket with patches on it from when I was a volunteer in a rescue squad. Not being a current member by then, I never wore the jacket. I was furious about it and about bit her head off, and I still remember her shocked expression at my reaction. To her it was simply an old jacket that I never wore.

The reason that jacket was so important to me is that I was wearing it the first time I was on a team that had saved a guy's life.

That kinda changes the whole picture, doesn't it?

Which is exactly why someone should ask!!!

I had kept my shirt from when I first got paid from somebody... it was an Exxon shirt... WAY too small for me... I had it in the back of the closet... at least with this DW did ask... I kept it for maybe another year but then decided who really cared!!!

Now, I did keep my Rocket's championship Tshirts... but the leak from the bathtub into the closet and the wicking up those two shirts ruined them... so now they are rags
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Old 10-18-2017, 11:17 AM   #51
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I also think there is a difference between throwing away someone's old clothes and throwing away rusty metal shelves that sit in the garage or shed not being used. Also if unchecked it will grow and destroy a home. Some people can't bring themselves to throw stuff away. My DH has clothes from when I met him 20 years ago and as long as they fit in his side of the closet I am fine with that. His office is a disaster but again that is his space to keep how he sees fit. But I also refuse to clean in there.
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Old 10-18-2017, 02:05 PM   #52
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Yeah, and what about the millions, maybe billions of dollars worth of old comic books, etc. that parents junked when the kids went to college? No wonder kids have to move back home, their early investments got tossed out.
My Bro the packrat kept old Popular Science, Popular Mechanics and Mechanics Illustrated magazines. Stored in the basement where they were musty. At his estate sale, I got 50 cents each. Buyer said she could get $1...better than the dump! They were heavy!
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Old 10-18-2017, 02:16 PM   #53
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I am the hoarder, mostly, but I got rid of over half my bloated book collection after reading that Kondo tidying book.
....
I once used DH’s collection of old Playboy magazines to wrap glassware for a move when we ran out of newspaper. It was an excellent stealth purge maneuver!
So funny...
It must have been easy to get help unpacking at the new house
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Old 10-18-2017, 02:17 PM   #54
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I once used DH’s collection of old Playboy magazines to wrap glassware for a move when we ran out of newspaper. It was an excellent stealth purge maneuver!
Wow. You could have bought new glassware from the proceeds of the magazine sale!
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Old 10-18-2017, 05:22 PM   #55
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Wow. You could have bought new glassware from the proceeds of the magazine sale!


Well they weren’t exactly vintage, ahem, and there were a couple of “lesser” mags among them.
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Old 10-18-2017, 05:23 PM   #56
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So funny...
It must have been easy to get help unpacking at the new house


Well he was most upset about the Mariel Hemingway “feature article” which he rescued from between my dinner plates!
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Old 10-18-2017, 05:37 PM   #57
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...

He also has lots of electric train items from the mid 40s. all in their original boxes in great condition (yes he is anal retentive). Maybe I should encourage him to add some of those to his Christmas EBay offerings.
....
DH's good friend's wife picked a weekend when DH and his friend were going out of town on a guys' trip and held a garage sale unbeknownst to DH's friend. She got $5 for his childhood toys, including the Lionel trains his long deceased father gave him. I am amazed the couple is still married. Stealth purging is terrible, although OP is probably not serious about it.
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Old 10-18-2017, 05:49 PM   #58
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OP is probably not serious about it.

I said I was too honest to do it...
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Old 10-18-2017, 08:46 PM   #59
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The trick is to recognize things where there is an emotional attachment and just stuff. I have a suitcase with Pendleton slacks and skirts from the 80s that I could NEVER fit again. I want to sell them, Goodwill just doesn't cut it, but need to take them to a consignment shop. If DH purged it wouldn't be a huge issue, however.
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Old 10-18-2017, 09:26 PM   #60
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I sold a shirt of my SO's on ebay . The title was ugliest shirt ever save me and bid on this shirt . It sold someone had pity on me . It was a plaid western shirt with snap pearl buttons . So ugly ! The SO did know I was doing it and thought it was funny .
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