The straw that broke the camels back...

[redduck]

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Originally Posted by rayinpenn ... I get out and immediately notice the car is running - I think what? I then see my son sitting in the front seat with the seat back, air conditioning blasting with a towel over his face... I sense I am going to lose it in public... I tell him give me my access card and don't ever let me catch you... (You get the drift) and drive off. My blood pressure no doubt is spiking and I am angry... I call the wife on the speaker phone and tell her what our son was doing (A major vent session).. Later he shows no evidence of being contrite and managed to anger her further. She tossed him out of the house for a couple of hours. I come home and he's full of excuses; I wasn't having any of it --I suggest he retire to his bedroom.

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Originally Posted by rayinpenn 1. Running the old car that doesn't need additional time on the engine 2. Wasting gas 3. If you not doing carts ...you are bagging or helping out..

Talk about lame excuses for you to get so angry and then have a major vent session with your wife. The first two excuses of yours truly suck (IMHO). Why would your son be contrite? He was dealing with two out-of-control adults. (Once again, IMHO).

[tmm99]

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Originally Posted by sengsational Dang, the kid has a job. Count your blessings! The crack pipe comment was along my line of thinking.

Really?? Count his blessings because his son isn't a crack head? Sure he has a job, but he doesn't deserve to keep the job, does he. I wouldn't want anybody sleeping while on the clock if I had business. 17 year old, or not.

I would be very disappointed if my son (I don't have a son, but if I did) had done this. Sleeping in a car while being paid for it?? I might take his car away (if it's my car). He can take the bus to work. I might even wish his boss found out and fired him for this. I would like to nip this in the bud.

[target2019]

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Originally Posted by Big_Hitter you must be relatively small. otoh, one of my jobs as a teen was to climb inside a trash dumpster to compact the trash (jump up and down on it) so my boss could save on a dump truck call; yes, i was the biggest person in the warehouse

Thinking it was the summer between 8th and 9th grade. Just got working papers, so 14 years old. I was definitely one of the youngins. I remember there being adults also.

[rayinpenn]

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Originally Posted by redduck Talk about lame excuses for you to get so angry and then have a major vent session with your wife. The first two excuses of yours truly suck (IMHO). Why would your son be contrite? He was dealing with two out-of-control adults. (Once again, IMHO).

I make no excuse because none is needed...
Like it or not when you get paid you work... Otherwise you are stealing.
No insult intended ...we all have different feelings about work...pocket money Job or not.


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[Mulligan]

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Originally Posted by rayinpenn I make no excuse because none is needed... Like it or not when you get paid you work... Otherwise you are stealing. No insult intended ...we all have different feelings about work...pocket money Job or not. Sent from my iPad using Early Retirement Forumh

Old school....I like it...


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[redduck]

Quote:

Originally Posted by rayinpenn 1. Running the old car that doesn't need additional time on the engine 2. Wasting gas 3. If you not doing carts ...you are bagging or helping out.. Sent from my iPad using Early Retirement Forumh

Quote:

Originally Posted by redduck Talk about lame excuses for you to get so angry and then have a major vent session with your wife. The first two excuses of yours truly suck (IMHO). Why would your son be contrite? He was dealing with two out-of-control adults. (Once again, IMHO).

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Originally Posted by rayinpenn I make no excuse because none is needed... Like it or not when you get paid you work... Otherwise you are stealing. No insult intended ...we all have different feelings about work...pocket money Job or not. Sent from my iPad using Early Retirement Forumh

No problem: didn't feel that there was an insult.
However, my post had to do with your behavior, not your son's behavior.
My post referenced your first two reasons/excuses for becoming so angry. You seemed to have side-stepped that in your reply. I mean, just how important was it to you that your son was running the engine and using up how much gas?

[ERD50]

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Originally Posted by sengsational Dang, the kid has a job. Count your blessings! The crack pipe comment was along my line of thinking. I'd be more annoyed at myself for not having a defined plan for the access card.

Rather ironic, no?

Some of us are willing to cut the kid some slack - he's a teenage boy, inexperienced in the workforce. Yes, it sounds like what he did was wrong, but he likely just needs some coaching. IMO, this should be turned into a calm teaching moment, not a gasket-blowing rant. One will be much more constructive than the other.

OTOH, a grown adult isn't keeping track of his access card? Maybe the son should blow a gasket towards his Dad's irresponsible behavior!

Reminds me of a cube-mate I once had. He could do some pretty decent engineering work, but in many ways was extremely clueless. One morning, after he forgot his access card yet again, he actually turned to me, and very seriously said "ERD50, how do you remember to bring your access card to work?". It was tough to think of something to say that wasn't condescending ("Act like an adult?"), I think I just said I drop it off with my keys in the same place every day, and I can't leave w/o my keys, so it works for me.

Yes, habitually forgetting is different from a one time misplacing, but I still think it is a little funny.

Another comment on somewhat clueless teens. I recall my Dad yelling at me for this or that, and at the time I just thought it was his somewhat-hard-ass attitude - just griping at me. It wasn't until long afterwards that I realized he was trying to teach me something. There was a lesson in his griping. But I didn't hear it at the time. And he wasn't good enough at communicating or relating to a teen to say something like "You really need to do this or don't do that, because other people will interpret that behavior in a certain way, and your life will be easier and you'll get further, faster if you can leave a positive impression on them".

If only I had a mentor like that early on in life. I truly believe my Dad tried, he just didn't know how. And I kinda regret that I wasn't able to see it at the time. I only heard griping and put-downs.

-ERD50

[sengsational]

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Originally Posted by tmm99 Really?? Count his blessings because his son isn't a crack head? Sure he has a job, but he doesn't deserve to keep the job, does he. I wouldn't want anybody sleeping while on the clock if I had business. 17 year old, or not. I would be very disappointed if my son (I don't have a son, but if I did) had done this. Sleeping in a car while being paid for it?? I might take his car away (if it's my car). He can take the bus to work. I might even wish his boss found out and fired him for this. I would like to nip this in the bud.

Yes, absolutely. As someone who has worried about serious (permanent life changing/ending) decisions of my kids, catching a few z's is a small thing. Not only that, it's something between him and his employer; outside intervention is not required. His actions will catch-up with him, and it will be a lesson that will be an order of magnitude more effective than hours of parental jaw flapping.

[RobbieB]

Oh yeah.

I was working summer replacement at Ford when I was 21. Got a late start one day and traffic was thick. Punched in late. As I was walking to my machine the General Foreman (suit & tie) saw me and asked if I liked my job. Yes I said. His reply "then show up on time"

Devastating. Never late again.

[38Chevy454]

I'm with Ray, his son should not be goofing off and sitting in the car with A/C running when son is supposed to be working. All this teenage brain does not think right is an excuse. His son needs to be held responsible, no excuses. This is called learning from your mistakes and being responsible for your actions.

None of us are perfect, but I doubt there is one of use that, in the shoes of the grocery store employer, would find the son's actions acceptable.

If it was so hot the son needed a break, then he should have asked mgr to alternate with another one or two bag boys to get the carts and help bag inside to cool down. Although I doubt it was that bad at 9:45 am.

[Walt34]

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Originally Posted by RE2Boys I pointed out that he would be out of sequence in math and if needed to catch up, it'd be a thousand dollar summer course. .....But I was fit to be tied that he wasn't willing to invest the 10 hours.

Maybe because it wasn't his thousand dollars?

Like others, I did some things in my teen years (and younger) that make me wonder now how I'm still alive.

[Mulligan]

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Originally Posted by 38Chevy454 I'm with Ray, his son should not be goofing off and sitting in the car with A/C running when son is supposed to be working. All this teenage brain does not think right is an excuse. His son needs to be held responsible, no excuses. This is called learning from your mistakes and being responsible for your actions. None of us are perfect, but I doubt there is one of use that, in the shoes of the grocery store employer, would find the son's actions acceptable. If it was so hot the son needed a break, then he should have asked mgr to alternate with another one or two bag boys to get the carts and help bag inside to cool down. Although I doubt it was that bad at 9:45 am.

What, a second old schooler crawling out of the woodwork? That is why those Neanderthal school administrators paddled back in the day. It wasn't so much for the offense, is was for the other 10 kids watching to see if they could get away with it too without repercussions. And based on the personal experience of this knuckle dragger, it worked!


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[Bestwifeever]

We were mean parents and I was the first to yell at our kids and any other kids who were involved in interesting escapades. One memorable incident involving junior high boys and the lesson learned from it: an unattended gas can doesn't mean they should pour some out and light it on fire. Just to see what happens. Next to a bank. With a camera on them. Police will be involved.

One of the important results of working is that young people have to meet other adults' expectations of them. OP's son needs to suffer the wrath of his boss at the grocery store.

[Gumby]

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Originally Posted by 38Chevy454 His son needs to be held responsible, no excuses. This is called learning from your mistakes and being responsible for your actions.

No doubt, but I think getting fired by the boss will convey that message far more effectively than any number of fatherly lectures ever could.

[Walt34]

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Originally Posted by Bestwifeever ...an unattended gas can doesn't mean they should pour some out and light it on fire. Just to see what happens. Next to a bank. With a camera on them. Police will be involved.

You mean all teenage boys don't do stuff like that? They're slow. I did it when I was about eight.

And yeah, my parents didn't have any sense of adventure and experimentation either.

[rayinpenn]

Thanks for all the thoughtful responses
1 yep I'm old school
2 he knows better
3 it isn't the end of the world

I'll never forget it ...in the parking lot coping Zs in the car with the air conditioning running...
I'm disappointed but I'm still laughing.


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[Bestwifeever]

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Originally Posted by Walt34 You mean all teenage boys don't do stuff like that? They're slow. I did it when I was about eight. And yeah, my parents didn't have any sense of adventure and experimentation either.

Don't even get me started on the teenage years. I still don't know which boy really was responsible for the gutter being torn from the house when they climbed out DS's bedroom window in the middle of one night--almost 20 years later and they still won't 'fess up, that's how scared they are of me.

[ERD50]

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Originally Posted by 38Chevy454 I'm with Ray, his son should not be goofing off and sitting in the car with A/C running when son is supposed to be working. ...

I don't think anyone in this thread said or thinks it was OK for the kid to be sitting in the car when he should have been working.

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All this teenage brain does not think right is an excuse. His son needs to be held responsible, no excuses.

It's not an excuse - it's an explanation.

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This is called learning from your mistakes and being responsible for your actions.

That's the point I'm trying to make, the son needs to learn from this. Yelling at him, telling him not to get caught might not accomplish that.

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None of us are perfect, but I doubt there is one of use that, in the shoes of the grocery store employer, would find the son's actions acceptable.

Again, I don't think anyone disagrees.

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If it was so hot the son needed a break, then he should have asked mgr to alternate with another one or two bag boys to get the carts and help bag inside to cool down. Although I doubt it was that bad at 9:45 am.

This needs to be explained to the son. It's obvious to you and me, it may not be to the teenager.

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Originally Posted by Bestwifeever ...One memorable incident involving junior high boys and the lesson learned from it: an unattended gas can doesn't mean they should pour some out and light it on fire. Just to see what happens. Next to a bank. With a camera on them. Police will be involved. ...

I hope it's OK for me to laugh at this point (assuming you can laugh now too)

I will remember to thank my kids, for being relatively uneventful so far. That sounds much closer to something I would have done did.

Mine personal escapade was was reading about how a charging lead-acid battery produces hydrogen gas, and that hydrogen gas is explosive! Cool! So I held a match to a garden tractor battery as it charged.

Blew the cap off. Scared me enough to think about the fact that there is sulfuric acid in there. And the Hindenburg. I got lucky, exploding batteries can be extremely dangerous. Good thing my kids never did anything that stupid (that I know of). But then again, I have lectured them on safety stuff.

-ERD50

[Major Tom]

I had a pretty good work ethic even as a teenager. For some reason, I didn't go through that "lazy teenager, underdeveloped prefrontal cortex" phase. However, I did do a few silly (yet fun) things in other areas of my life. At the time, I thought that my parents didn't know. Looking back, I think they were aware, but had the grace and good judgement to pull back and let me make my own decisions and mistakes, and deal with the consequences.

I'm glad they did. When a kid gets to his/her teenage years, the majority of the parent's work is done, and the outside world can take over in delivering consequences for actions. Certainly, parents can (and should) still set boundaries if for no other reason than to maintain their own sanity but at this point, the big bad world can do it so much better

[travelover]

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Originally Posted by ERD50 ...........Mine personal escapade was was reading about how a charging lead-acid battery produces hydrogen gas, and that hydrogen gas is explosive! Cool! So I held a match to a garden tractor battery as it charged. ................

As kids we used to mix lye, water and aluminum foil in a soda bottle, then put a balloon over the top. The hydrogen and hot air would fill the balloon, which we'd then tie off and release......with a fuse attached. When it got way up there - FLASH BLAM!

Thankfully, no one died and several of us became engineers, another a pharmacist.