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The Sustainable Relationship
Old 01-03-2011, 07:35 AM   #1
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The Sustainable Relationship

The Sustainable Marriage - NYTimes.com

The Sustainable Marriage Quiz

By TARA PARKER-POPE
What does it take to sustain a marriage...

And to learn more about your own relationship, take the quiz below to measure how much your own relationship expands your knowledge and makes you feel good about yourself. The quiz was developed by Gary W. Lewandowski, Jr., associate psychology professor at Monmouth University in New Jersey.

A 7 question quiz emphasizing how much or how little your mate fosters your self development...for example


How much does being with your partner result in your having new experiences? 1 2 3 4 5 6 7

Ha
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Old 01-03-2011, 08:09 AM   #2
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My score was 63.
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60 and above — Highly Expansive. You are gaining a lot of new experiences and reaching new goals as a result of your relationship. Chances are you have a happier, more sustainable relationship as a result.
We still have no intention of marrying.... Thanks, interesting test.
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Old 01-03-2011, 08:49 AM   #3
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Scored 66. Still have no interest in being Single.
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Old 01-03-2011, 10:19 AM   #4
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I got a 56. We've been together since 1972. A lot of growth since age 17.
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Old 01-03-2011, 10:47 AM   #5
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Since the topic of this quiz was self-expansion....

Gain a spouse and you'll likely gain some pounds, too - USATODAY.com
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Old 01-03-2011, 10:50 AM   #6
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What does it take to sustain a marriage...

Ha
You sure have been talking about marriage a lot lately.
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Old 01-03-2011, 11:09 AM   #7
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My score was 63.

We still have no intention of marrying.... Thanks, interesting test.
Mine was 55... we are very different, with complementary skills and yet happy... and have no intention of marrying, either.

I think because we met in our 40s, our personalities were a lot more developed (in his case - set in his ways!).... I wonder how my SO would rate us. But not quite enough to ask him to take this kind of test.

Best to stay content and not ask too many questions .
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Old 01-03-2011, 12:31 PM   #8
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You sure have been talking about marriage a lot lately.
True, I think I am pondering if this GF/SO thing is a step in the right or wrong direction. IMO it has its +s & -s.

My last friend told me I have a mind with long hallways and a lot of rooms. Same was true of her; unfortunately some of the rooms were downright spooky.

Ha
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Old 01-03-2011, 12:51 PM   #9
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It is my opinion my dear Ha that you have a heart full of romance. I think it's more than fine to share....
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Old 01-03-2011, 02:38 PM   #10
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Even though I aced that test no way do I think it measures the sustainability of marriages . The real test to relationships are day to day . Do you nurture each other during rough spots ? Can you live with them through the flu and still be in the mood to make them chicken soup ? Can you fight and then forgive and make up ? Can you look the other way when they have on that torn College jersey with the stain and two days beard growth and have been glued to Espn for hours ? If you answer yes to these questions your relationship has a great chance of sucess .
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Old 01-03-2011, 03:26 PM   #11
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Even though I aced that test no way do I think it measures the sustainability of marriages . The real test to relationships are day to day . Do you nurture each other during rough spots ? Can you live with them through the flu and still be in the mood to make them chicken soup ? Can you fight and then forgive and make up ? Can you look the other way when they have on that torn College jersey with the stain and two days beard growth and have been glued to Espn for hours ? If you answer yes to these questions your relationship has a great chance of sucess .
...can you look the other way when he has a pocket protector full of pens, pencils, flashlights...? And the shirt is 25 years old and still not torn because of the polyester content. So NO way to throw it out. I found out I could overlook this... most of the time... as long as he didn't wear it when we went out. 18 years+ with S.O. We manage, somehow.
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Old 01-03-2011, 03:32 PM   #12
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My score was 63.

We still have no intention of marrying.... Thanks, interesting test.
You scored higher than me and I've been married to the same guy for 36 years

PS My score was 61.
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Old 01-03-2011, 03:57 PM   #13
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The only real way to get a meaningful score would be for both spouses to take the test and then argue average the result.
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Old 01-03-2011, 04:06 PM   #14
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The only real way to get a meaningful score would be for both spouses to take the test and then argue average the result.

or check back in ten years and see if they are still together ?
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Old 01-03-2011, 04:08 PM   #15
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True, I think I am pondering if this GF/SO thing is a step in the right or wrong direction. IMO it has its +s & -s.

.

Ha

It's always good to have someone to count on especially as we age . Who else will take you for your colonscopy and ignore the farting on the way home ?
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Old 01-03-2011, 05:01 PM   #16
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I decided ~25 years ago I would never try again.
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Old 01-03-2011, 05:35 PM   #17
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Even though I aced that test no way do I think it measures the sustainability of marriages . The real test to relationships are day to day . Do you nurture each other during rough spots ? Can you live with them through the flu and still be in the mood to make them chicken soup ? Can you fight and then forgive and make up ? Can you look the other way when they have on that torn College jersey with the stain and two days beard growth and have been glued to Espn for hours ? If you answer yes to these questions your relationship has a great chance of sucess .
I think you are right about this. Although I do know a 70 year old who when she was about 40 left her husband and father of her children and hooked up with a Communist labor organizer. He recently died at age 85 and they were still together. I didn't know them well,(and am happy for that) but my dance partner knows her pretty well and she says that her reason was "Husband was boring." IMO better boring than an arrogant A-hole, which was how #2 appeared to be.

Interesting aside- within 8 months she had married again, to another older man, and 4 months into the marriage he croaked while doing her.(Again secondary source from my DP )

So it appears that she can generate a bit of excitement herself.

Ha
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Old 01-03-2011, 05:57 PM   #18
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I think you are right about this. Although I do know a 70 year old who when she was about 40 left her husband and father of her children and hooked up with a Communist labor organizer. He recently died at age 85 and they were still together. I didn't know them well,(and am happy for that) but my dance partner knows her pretty well and she says that her reason was "Husband was boring." IMO better boring than an arrogant A-hole, which was how #2 appeared to be.

Interesting aside- within 8 months she had married again, to another older man, and 4 months into the marriage he croaked while doing her.(Again secondary source from my DP )

So it appears that she can generate a bit of excitement herself.

Ha
Watch yourself, ha...
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Old 01-03-2011, 11:40 PM   #19
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My best take on the basis for a sustainable marriage:

I didn't marry you because you were perfect.
I didn't even marry you because I loved you.
I married you because you gave me a promise.
That promise made up for your faults.
And the promise I gave you made up for mine.
Two imperfect people got married and it was the promise that made the marrigae.
And when our children were growing up, it wasn't a house that protected them; and it wasn't our love that protected them - it was that promise.
Thornton Wilder
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Old 01-04-2011, 12:47 AM   #20
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Watch yourself, ha...
+1
+1

I can't imagine you as communist labor organizer, except to score with the aging hippy chicks.
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