The Technology of tracking your college freshman...

[rayinpenn]

When we moved him in we saw there were 4 suites in his building. 2 had women - thinking back to my own college days I thought thats convenient. Our first contacts with him revealed a reluctance to eat at the cafeteria. The meal plan cost a couple thousand. I tried to limit contact but I knew and worried not eating healthy isn't good.

Welcome technology. The Mrs went on line and could see that he had a $9 meal today around 2:00pm. We checked if there was credit card charges and if any grades had been posted. Big brother is watching!

First contact "we had some excitement here they had a party downstairs and police came and an ambulance"

A couple days later: "I went to a party last night, had a good time - I ended up talking to one of the girls from next door" there was an unusual enthusiasm in his voice. Sweet Moses.

I've done all I can but does that mean I shouldn't worry.

 

[REWahoo]

Worrying is what all parents do.

Using technology to track your college kid's activities is what helicopter parents do.

 

[Blue Collar Guy]

First contact "we had some excitement here they had a party downstairs and police came and an ambulance"

A couple days later: "I went to a party last night, had a good time - I ended up talking to one of the girls from next door" there was an unusual enthusiasm in his voice. Sweet Moses.

OMG, you saved me another counselling co-pay. I was roaring with laughter,. Thanks Ray I owe you.

 

[MikeWillRetire]

Oy vey

 

[FlaGator]

The parent part of me really feels for you Ray.

The forever 20 year old part of me recalls having a great time in college. Drank too much, enjoyed my time with young women, made lifetime friends, graduated with honors and was married to my last college girlfriend for 30 years. The degree opened doors, but the life experience was invaluable.

I hope I can keep the life experience part at the forefront when my oldest heads off in 2 years. I'm sure it won't be easy.

I think your son will find his way through, even if you're not monitoring him. He has a good example at home, and I think most kids end up following that, though it may take some experience for him to get there.

ETA - some lessons can't be taught, they must be learned. The learning is cheaper when you're young.

 

[Scrapr]

A $9 pizza sandwiched around 2 parties.

Sounds about right

little story about tracking. In Middle School the teachers were to post homework & test scores every day. I started getting on Lil Scrapr about missed assignments, etc. Mrs Scrapr then hauled me down to the Asst Principal. Who told me to back off. The teachers are not always diligent about posting things up timely. I quit relying on them (to do their job)

 

[JoeWras]

Girls next door. How convenient. "Sweet Moses."

Thanks Ray. I can't stop laughing. Hang in there, and good luck to you and your son.

 

[RobbieB]

My girlfriend's son at MIT lived in a co-ed fraternity.

How times have changed -

 

[haha]

If the worst thing that ever happens too him is that he has too many women, be glad, very glad. Women are a big help in life. And they generally smell very good.

Ha

 

[Meadbh]

Not having grown up in the US, I have never understood the whole college partying/sex/alcohol/drugs thing. College, for me, was lived at home, and was deadly serious.

Rayinpenn, you remind me of my mother!

 

[RobbieB]

I did all the drugs I could get my hands on, had sex as much as possible, got puking drunk and lived in a social fraternity with a bunch of guys that did the same.

Graduated in 1977, BSEE, retired at 59, multi-millionaire. Steak & Lobster. Wagyu. Caviar & Champagne. Still smoking dope legal, still having sex, still drinking.

Life is good -

 

[target2019]

Tech was a bit limited in 2005 when he went upstate NY. I did not think he would get through 4-5 years. Yeah, there were a few police incidents, but he made the grade. FT offer before graduating, and has gone on to see the world. Back here for Burning Man, he's living each day for sure.

By starting to cut strings that first day, it set him on the "right" road. Founds jobs, starting paying his own freight, and made me proud. Paid off his loans, gave sister a car, and gifted us a bunch of stock, too.

At some point, he told us to drop the meal plan. He had joined the staff at school cafeteria, made a little money, and ate all he wanted.

 

[rayinpenn]

.
Using technology to track your college kid's activities is what helicopter parents do.

My son is the king of the one word answer. Perhaps it is all that texting the kids prefer these days over a conversation. So it is difficult to get a sense of how he's doing. I loved college, home was full of stress and college was simple. A few weeks ago he was living the life of Reilly, on his computer gaming staying up until 2am and getting up at midday. Mom took too good care of all his needs. I expect he like many of his freshmen colleagues are discovering a new life, one with 9AM classes and homework. I just want to get a sense that he's making the transition.

As to being a helicopter parent.. hardly. The daughter was regularly on the phone with the Mrs so we had a sense of how she was doing. Him it's like pulling teeth. How are your classes? "Ok, I don't like English"..

Three day weekend and he's an hour and a half away. I guess we will know if he's coming home when the door opens...

 

[Bamaman]

If my parents had an ATM card to track me with, they would be worried. It would have said Walgreens, Walgreens, Walgreens over and over as is I was sick. Back then, Walgreens was the biggest seller of beer in town.

 

[ChiliPepr]

wait until your realizes he can turn off all these notifications to you... unless you say "let me see or I don't pay" there will not be much you can do.

 

[euro]

Worrying is what all parents do.

Using technology to track your college kid's activities is what helicopter parents do.

Agreed! Don't do it! Just like you back then, he has to make his own experiences. Good and bad. Hard to stand by and not interfere, I know, I went through it twice with my kids. But you need to trust that you equipped them with the survival skills they need during the previous 18 years. You won't be there forever to watch them

 

[steveark]

Never had sex, not a single drop of alcohol until I was 21 and had a great time making friends, hiking, whitewater canoeing and getting my chemical engineering degree. Also met my girlfriend and now wife of 39 years. You do realize that you can't even legally get access to your son's grades without his permission?

 

[LOL!]

Wait until the letter from the judge* comes to your home address instead of his college address. After all, his driver license still has your address on it, right?

*Return address on official envelope.

 

[euro]

My son is the king of the oneword answer. The daughter was regularly on the phone with the Mrs so we had a sense of how she was doing. Him it's like pulling teeth. How are your classes? "Ok, I don't like English"..

Three day weekend and he's an hour and a half away. I guess we will know if he's coming home when the door opens...

There is nothing at all unusual about this observation. I bet it represents 9 out of 10 experiences here on the board with the one being split equally between "even worse", "a little better", and "don't remember"

 

[ncbill]

Shoved the oldest out the door after high school, plan to do the same with the youngest next fall.

Talk all the time with the oldest, but they belong to Uncle Sam now & for several years after graduation.

But they can live at home after graduation, if they pay me their housing allowance while they're at med school.

 

[athena53]

The parent part of me really feels for you Ray.

The forever 20 year old part of me recalls having a great time in college. Drank too much, enjoyed my time with young women, made lifetime friends, graduated with honors and was married to my last college girlfriend for 30 years. The degree opened doors, but the life experience was invaluable.

<snip> ETA - some lessons can't be taught, they must be learned. The learning is cheaper when you're young.

I went to college in the 70s and my experience was similar although I only dabbled in alcohol and drugs. I was too busy enjoying the heady experience of being the only female in many of my classes. Kid in a candy store. It was simpler then, of course- any disease you got could be cured with a course of penicillin (although I never got any). It's a lot scarier now. Apparently even the content of funny cigarettes can be laced with substances more deadly.

My son took a long time to get his act together academically but straightened out once he joined a conservative evangelical church and got a good counselor to help him manage his ADD. I haven't "helicoptered" too much- other than his poor grades early on he gave me no reason to worry- but a couple of years after he quit the counseling and had started a PT job I was browsing through the health insurance Web site (I had him on COBRA) and noticed he wasn't filling his Adderall prescription anymore. I asked him about it and he said he had run out and realized he felt better without it. That was about 12 years ago and he's doing fine so apparently he was right. I wonder if he ever would have bothered to tell me.

 

[MichaelB]

Ray, you missed the boat on this one by not having a microchip implanted before he left for school. Three Square Market becomes first US company to offer implanted microchips to all employees - TechRepublic

Checking meal bills and hoping for useful updates via phone calls won't work. At best, you'll have just enough info to worry, but not enough to really understand what's happening. You might give him a new cell phone for Christmas, and install some tracking SW before he gets it. Likewise a new laptop. You can even enable the cameras and get a peek for yourself.

Are you sure you really want to do this? Maybe it's time to give him some room and see how he handles it.

 

[athena53]

You can even enable the cameras and get a peek for yourself.

Dayum, I'm glad my parents didn't have that option.

 

[rayinpenn]

Just a point of order - the Mrs and I are sitting here discussing whether we should expect him home this weekend. I'm guessing no. We haven't spoken to him in several days.. we are giving him space. Yes the food thing worried me.

Spy on him? Naah I'd rather not know.
I missed the boat on that whole chip thing. Maybe next time.

 

[jollystomper]

Funny thing with our kids - the one that gave us the most worries in high school and were sure would get into trouble in college had a great time, behaved himself, and had a smooth 4 years. The one who gave us the last angst through high school, displayed great leadership qualities, and we thought would breeze thru college on scholarship ended up getting kicked out of 2 schools and wandered in the "desert" of seedy life, including jail time, before straightening his life out and getting his degree at 29.