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things you must believe to be a republican
Old 08-17-2007, 07:17 AM   #1
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things you must believe to be a republican

I ran across this and thought it was funny. A bit more truth in it than you would think for a joke.

Things you have to believe to be a Republican today. 1. Being a drug addict is a moral failing and a crime, unless you're a conservative radio host. Then it's an illness and you need our prayers for your recovery 2. The United States should get out of the United Nations, and our highest national priority is enforcing U.N. resolutions against Iraq. 3. Government should relax regulation of Big Business and Big Money but crack down on individuals who use marijuana to relieve the pain of illness. 4. "Standing Tall for America'" means firing your workers and moving their jobs to India. 5. A woman can't be trusted with decisions about her own body, but multi-national corporations can make decisions affecting all mankind without regulation.6. Jesus loves you, and shares your hatred of homosexuals and Hillary Clinton. 7. The best way to improve military morale is to praise the troops in speeches while slashing veterans' benefits and combat pay. 8. Group sex and drug use are degenerate sins unless you someday run for governor of California as a Republican.9. If condoms are kept out of schools, adolescents won't have sex.10. A good way to fight terrorism is to belittle our long-time allies, then demand their cooperation and money. 11. HMOs and insurance companies have the interest of the public at heart. 12. Providing health care to all Iraqis is sound policy. Providing health care to all Americans is socialism.13. Global warming and tobacco's link to cancer are junk science, but creationism should be taught in schools. 14. Saddam was a good guy when Reagan armed him, a bad guy when Bush's daddy made war on him, a good guy when Cheney did business with him and a bad guy when Bush needed a "we can't find Bin Laden" diversion.15. A president lying about an extramarital affair is an impeachable offense. A president lying to enlist support for a war in which thousands die is solid defense policy. 16. Government should limit itself to the powers named in the Constitution, which include banning gay marriages and censoring the Internet.17. The public has a right to know about Hillary's cattle trades, but George Bush's driving record is none of our business.18. You support states' rights, which means Attorney General John Ashcroft can tell states what local voter initiatives they have a right to adopt. 19. What Bill Clinton did in the 1960s is of vital national interest, but what Bush did in the '80s is irrelevant.20. Trade with Cuba is wrong because the country is communist, but trade with China and Vietnam is vital to a spirit of international harmony. Feel free to pass these on.
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Old 08-17-2007, 07:32 AM   #2
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I always thought that Rebulicans believed in freedom of the individual and less government....UNTIL it goes against their moral beliefs....which many people disagree with. It's hard to have your cake and eat it too.
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Old 08-17-2007, 09:18 AM   #3
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I used to vote republican, until I saw how under bush they only cared about corporate America and the rich.
National health care is a prime example.
I listen to Limbaugh just to see how unraveled they have become.
He just stated that why should he pay for your health care?
This is the attitude of the upper 10% of the population .
They blunt their conscience by saying that if they can keep more they spend more and more people have jobs.
So by going out to dinner a waitress single mom now can afford health care and child care. What a load of crap.
He also said that life is made of choices, and if you want health care than you have to sacrifice something else to buy it.
So you buy milk for the kids or health care, nice people are they not?
I don't have kids but I pay for schools, I have never used the fire dept. but I pay for those that have.
Socialism is not an evil thing that the republicans would have you think.
They are so scared of loosing a nickel of their money they will try to scare the less intelligent of the population into thinking national health care = national social arbeit party. We already have a social health care system that takes care of appx 50% of the population.
The extreme poor, Medicaid, the old Medicare, and the vets through the VA
I don't hear people saying that it is the end of the world for these programs.
Health should not be a choice but a right, What kind of selfish country are we, we are the only country in the industrialized world that does not have a national health care system.
People like Limbaugh are so self centered it is sick.
The greed of this country coupled with the religious fervor is keeping us from doing what is right.
I you see some one hurt in the street it would be the same thing as asking what insurance they had or what their bank account was before you would call for help.
Profit is not king.
There is nothing wrong with profit, but it does not trump moral responsibility.
After the 29 stock market crash we had to put in place laws to keep people from manipulating the market, Unregulated markets was a big part of the problem that hurt many people at that time.
Look at Limbaugh defending Enron ken, and skelling.
These people are criminals, but bush has already shown how he feels about his buddies getting into trouble.
I.E. scooter.I bet a 100$ bill after the 08 election and before he is out of office, he pardons scooter.
This way the people will forget his cronyism before the next midterm elections.
Bush is nothing more than a frat boy with power.

Happy?
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Old 08-17-2007, 09:26 AM   #4
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As a Republican I strongly believe in the use of the enter button and the spell check.
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Old 08-17-2007, 09:46 AM   #5
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Quote:
Originally Posted by saluki9 View Post
As a Republican I strongly believe in the use of the enter button and the spell check.
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Old 08-17-2007, 10:09 AM   #6
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That is a lot of stuff to read. Can you summarize it in 10 words or less for us Republicans? You know we have a hard time with readin and all.

Let me take a stab at it. "It's all Bush's fault".
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Old 08-17-2007, 10:18 AM   #7
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I'm not really sure what the answer is on health care, but I do think it needs to be changed to make access to all people more fair. In the past I've had to purchase an individual health care policy by myself (within the last few years) and was denied coverage from most insurance companies because I had one 2-3 day hospital stay for a bleeding ulcer 12 years ago. I had no related illness prior to that or after that one time occurrance. But the insurance companies now put me in a high risk category and refuse to cover me. It's not a Republican or Democratic issue but a governmental issue...in my opinion, our government allows insurance companies to cherry pick only the best people to give insurance coverage to. They need to change things so access is more fair for individuals buying their own coverage just like it is for people who work for a company (they get covered regardless of pre-existing conditions). I think a few states have actually enacted policy that makes it more fair....why can't our national government do something similar?
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Old 08-17-2007, 11:16 AM   #8
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I guess when you can not argue with the content you can always attack the spelling.
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Old 08-17-2007, 11:22 AM   #9
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things you must believe to be a democrat

You have to believe that the AIDS virus is spread by a lack of federal funding.

You have to believe that the same teacher who can't teach 4th graders how to read is somehow qualified to teach those same kids about sex.

You have to believe that guns in the hands of law-abiding Americans are more of a threat than U.S. nuclear weapons technology in the hands of Chinese Communists.

You have to believe that there was no art before federal funding.

You have to believe that gender roles are artificial, but being homosexual is natural.

You have to be against capital punishment, but in favor of abortion-on-demand.

You have to believe that businesses create oppression and governments create prosperity.

You have to believe that hunters don't care about nature, but loony activists who've never been outside of Seattle do.

You have to believe that self-esteem is more important that actually doing something to earn it.

You have to believe that the military, not corrupt politicians, start wars.

You have to believe the NRA is bad because it supports certain parts of the Constitution, while the ACLU is good because it supports certain parts of the Constitution.

You have to believe that taxes are too low, but ATM fees are too high.

You have to believe that Margaret Sanger and Gloria Steinem are more important to American history than Thomas Jefferson, General Robert E. Lee, or Thomas Edison.

You have to believe that standardized tests are racist, but racial quotas and set-asides aren't.

You have to believe that Hillary Clinton is really a lady.

You have to believe that the only reason socialism hasn't worked anywhere it's been tried is because the right people haven't been in charge.

You have to believe conservatives telling the truth belong in jail, but a liar and sex-offender belong in the White House.

You have to believe that illegal Democratic funding by the Chinese Communists is somehow in the best interest of the United States.

You have to believe that government is the root of all evil, yet demand that it regulate absolutely everything.

You have to believe that Washington DC's low crime is due to gun control, and that Switzerlands rediculously high crime rate is due to lack of gun control.


Hitler's National SOCIALIST (i.e. Nazi) agenda to slaughter the Jews is a "right wing" ideology, but Yassar Arafat's attempts to slaughter the Jews and destroy Israel is a "fight for freedom."


+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

I see the Democratic and Republican parties as being very much the same.
What is that quote - "Two parties without a dime's worth of difference between them"?

It doesn't add much to the discourse. But it is fun to distort what people say and make fun of them.

Does anyone have anymore?
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Old 08-17-2007, 11:26 AM   #10
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My personal philosophy?

The only thing worse than a Republican is a Democrat.
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Old 08-17-2007, 11:32 AM   #11
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This thread is not likely to end well.

Some of both lists made me laugh, but most were humorless vitriol distortions. I firmly believe most people believe what they believe sincerely, I can't imagine either side being filled with people rubbing their hands together saying they can't wait do evil...
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Old 08-17-2007, 11:33 AM   #12
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Quote:
Originally Posted by dex View Post
things you must believe to be a democrat

You have to believe that the AIDS virus is spread by a lack of federal funding.

You have to believe that the same teacher who can't teach 4th graders how to read is somehow qualified to teach those same kids about sex.

You have to believe that guns in the hands of law-abiding Americans are more of a threat than U.S. nuclear weapons technology in the hands of Chinese Communists.

You have to believe that there was no art before federal funding.

You have to believe that gender roles are artificial, but being homosexual is natural.

You have to be against capital punishment, but in favor of abortion-on-demand.

You have to believe that businesses create oppression and governments create prosperity.

You have to believe that hunters don't care about nature, but loony activists who've never been outside of Seattle do.

You have to believe that self-esteem is more important that actually doing something to earn it.

You have to believe that the military, not corrupt politicians, start wars.

You have to believe the NRA is bad because it supports certain parts of the Constitution, while the ACLU is good because it supports certain parts of the Constitution.

You have to believe that taxes are too low, but ATM fees are too high.

You have to believe that Margaret Sanger and Gloria Steinem are more important to American history than Thomas Jefferson, General Robert E. Lee, or Thomas Edison.

You have to believe that standardized tests are racist, but racial quotas and set-asides aren't.

You have to believe that Hillary Clinton is really a lady.

You have to believe that the only reason socialism hasn't worked anywhere it's been tried is because the right people haven't been in charge.

You have to believe conservatives telling the truth belong in jail, but a liar and sex-offender belong in the White House.

You have to believe that illegal Democratic funding by the Chinese Communists is somehow in the best interest of the United States.

You have to believe that government is the root of all evil, yet demand that it regulate absolutely everything.

You have to believe that Washington DC's low crime is due to gun control, and that Switzerlands rediculously high crime rate is due to lack of gun control.


Hitler's National SOCIALIST (i.e. Nazi) agenda to slaughter the Jews is a "right wing" ideology, but Yassar Arafat's attempts to slaughter the Jews and destroy Israel is a "fight for freedom."


+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

I see the Democratic and Republican parties as being very much the same.
What is that quote - "Two parties without a dime's worth of difference between them"?

It doesn't add much to the discourse. But it is fun to distort what people say and make fun of them.

Does anyone have anymore?
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Old 08-17-2007, 11:34 AM   #13
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I found more - the Republicans must WIN!!!!!!!!

things you must believe to be a democrat

* You don't give minorites enough credit to make it on their own."

* You think sexual harassment is rampant, date rape pervasive, domestic violence common and Paula Jones is lying.

* You hate Hillary Jokes!!

* You think trees have feelings, animals can conceptualize and the fetus is just a blob of protoplasm.

* You are convinced that Frank Capra films and Norman Rockwell paintings are lies and distortions but Platoon, Dances with Wolves and Thelma and Louise are realistic.

* You think a moment of silent prayer at the beginning of the school day constitutes government indoctrination and an intrusion on parental authority, while sex-education, condom distribution, and ebonics are values-neutral.

* You agonize over threats to the environment such as acid rain and toxic waste but are oblivious to the threats to society such as pornography, promiscuity, and family dissolution.

* You think cops are pigs and criminals are products of their environment.

* Jesse Jackson makes sense to you.

* Barbra Streisand makes even more sense.

* You think deficits are caused by tax loopholes.

* You think marriage is obsolete, except for homosexuals.

* You consider the Catholic Bishops noble and idealistic when they oppose capital punishment and welfare cuts but you think they are dangerous fanatics trying to legislate theology when they defend the right to life.

* You think that the Black Middle Class is a myth created by Newt Gingrich.

* You marched against American involvement in Vietnam, thought the Gulf War was unnecessary but believe 25,000 troops in Bosnia are vital to our National Interests.

* You see no correlation between welfare and the rise of illegitimacy, judicial leniency and surging crime rates, or addiction and the entertainment industry that glorifies drug use, but you believe that Richard Nixon and Ronald Reagan are responsible for everything horrible that has happened in the past quarter-century.
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Old 08-17-2007, 11:40 AM   #14
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I can't imagine either side being filled with people rubbing their hands together saying they can't wait do evil...
I can see both VP Cheney and Sen Clinton in this 'Mr Burns' role.
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Old 08-17-2007, 12:29 PM   #15
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I think the heads side of the quarter is right!

No No it is clear the Tails side of the quarter is the best!

But the heads side is evil!

O no, the tails side is evil!

-------------------------------------------
I think the problem is both sides think the quarter is the answer, when in reality it is a illusion of choice.
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Old 08-17-2007, 02:45 PM   #16
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This reminds me of a famous Star Trek episode Let That be Your Last Battlefield where one of the aliens is half white and half black and the other one is the converse.
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Old 08-17-2007, 03:00 PM   #17
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Dex, how about telling us what you really think.
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Old 08-17-2007, 03:04 PM   #18
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This isn't one of those evil political threads, is it?
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Old 08-17-2007, 03:21 PM   #19
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hypocrisy is the glue of this reality. remove it and our world unravels like the skin of an orange or threads of rope.
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Old 08-17-2007, 04:05 PM   #20
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There is nothing wrong with a little light hearted poking at both sides of the aisle but please try to keep this thread civil.

The two topics that can be discussed forever without ever change the mind of the other parties in the discussion are politics and religion.

'nough said.
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