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Old 02-28-2012, 12:42 PM   #61
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Are people on their deathbeds saying they wish they had spent more time worrying about how the Social Security program is administered?
If they were on their deathbed at age 69, they might be there wishing they took it at 62 instead of waiting until 70...
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Old 02-28-2012, 12:58 PM   #62
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If they were on their deathbed at age 69, they might be there wishing they took it at 62 instead of waiting until 70...
Following this same logic, when if I'm still around at 70 I'll be very happy to wish I'd waited rather than taking it at 62.
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Old 02-28-2012, 12:59 PM   #63
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Such a great story, Nuiloa. Do you think you really would have not taken the job at Club Med if your boss hadn't given you that push?
To tell you the truth, I don't honestly know. I suspect that I would not have gone, because there was pressure from both my fiance and my family to stay put and "grow up". Not my whole family - my mom was very supportive. In fact, she spent the entire week sewing new outfits for me because I was kind of low on 'sexy' outfits like bikinis and beachwear.

My fiance (who was planning to go out of town for his last year of University) even tried to lay a guilt trip by saying "I thought you promised to wait for me". I replied that I said I'd wait, but I didn't say where. That was another push for me - I do not like to be controlled.

But it's funny how life turns on what ifs... while I was in Guadeloupe, I met a man and his wife who owned an old freighter. They were going to the Galapagos and asked me to give up the Club Med job and join them. I said no - and it's the only "what if" moment I have. If I'd gone, I would not have been transferred to Mexico, would not have caught typhoid fever and brucellosis, would not have returned to Canada as soon as I did, would not have moved to Vancouver, been offered this fabulous job or taken up Polynesian dance, without which I would not have travelled extensively to perform, done a movie, been on TV, or done other weird and wonderful things (like upstaging Donny Osmond for 4 hours on opening night of Dreamcoat).

All in all, I've had a great life and the future looks even better.
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Old 02-28-2012, 01:10 PM   #64
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If they were on their deathbed at age 69, they might be there wishing they took it at 62 instead of waiting until 70...
Or if they're on their deathbed at 84.5 years old will they be doing the fistpump and saying "yes!"?

I'm going to write in my living will that a pillow should be placed firmly over my face at that point.
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Old 02-28-2012, 01:44 PM   #65
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No one can make you unhappy, only you can do that. It took me almost 50 years to really figure it out, but it makes a world of difference when you do.
Once you figured it, what did you do differently? That is, how did put it into practice?
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Old 02-28-2012, 02:05 PM   #66
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Once you figured it, what did you do differently? That is, how did put it into practice?
There's no short answer, and it would sound trivial if I tried to condense it... and this isn't a topic for ER.org anyway. Sorry I went there...
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Old 02-28-2012, 05:38 PM   #67
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Whoah! I put in Koolau and found myself in both my recent states of residence. Got the spouse, age, everything. Someone knows a lot about us. YMMV
I wouldn't think Koolau is your real name, but entered it into Intelius anyway.

Out came a Mr. Koolau of 115 years old, and a Mrs. Koolau of 121 years old. Whoa! These are ancient people!

Nah, that can't be you, right?
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Old 02-28-2012, 05:49 PM   #68
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I wouldn't think Koolau is your real name, but entered it into Intelius anyway.

Out came a Mr. Koolau of 115 years old, and a Mrs. Koolau of 121 years old. Whoa! These are ancient people!

Nah, that can't be you, right?
Well, if it's how old we feel (including how many parts we've had changed out so far) it just might be us.
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Old 02-28-2012, 05:53 PM   #69
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But, but, but these new parts should make you feel like in your 20s, no?

Something is wrong. Might want to ask for your money back.
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Old 02-28-2012, 06:18 PM   #70
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But, but, but these new parts should make you feel like in your 20s, no?

Something is wrong. Might want to ask for your money back.
Oddly enough, the new parts don't come with a guarantee (guess the original parts didn't either). But, the new ones are wearing out a heck of a lot faster than the originals. Now, when they offer to swap out my brain, my joy will be complete. Of course, YMMV.
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Old 02-28-2012, 07:45 PM   #71
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Whoah! I put in Koolau and found myself in both my recent states of residence. Got the spouse, age, everything. Someone knows a lot about us. YMMV
Well, I just waited until I'd completed my five years of good behavior and then asked the courts to expunge any records that they might have on me...
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Old 02-28-2012, 08:34 PM   #72
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Good post.
My Dad told me when he knew he was dying he wished he would have spent more time with his family instead of working all the time. The day he died I felt cheated because I was so determined to be there with him, and he died when I ran out to answer a phone call "I wish I'd spent less time focused on making sure he wouldn't die alone, and more time on telling him what he meant to me." I could not believe I had to answer that stupid phone call. I know he did not want to die without me being there because he told me. That was 25 years ago. It still bothered me today. oldtrig
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Old 03-15-2012, 04:57 PM   #73
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1. I wish I'd had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me.

Ain't that the truth. Working on it. Amazing now how I really don't give a flying f* what so many of my "friends" on facebook might think about something I post.

2. I wish I hadn't worked so hard.


This was achieved for me, thankfully, years ago, due to changing to part-time work.

3. I wish I'd had the courage to express my feelings.

I'm pretty good at this, getting even better lately.

4. I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends.

We've always been good at this, thankfully. However, it is even higher on my new bucket list of priorities. The most important thing to me is to spend as much time as possible with family and friends. I used to think it was traveling to see this or that, and while that would be nice and enjoyable, it really isn't important compared to time with others.

5. I wish that I had let myself be happier.

Fortunately I accomplished this many years ago as well. Do I worry? Heck yeah. It's a daily battle. I am getting pretty good at catching the worry, though, and realizing that I'm not going to let my worries steal my today's. Worrying won't change the outcome. Nothing is guaranteed in life; we all have an expiration date.

Looking forward to reading the entire link that was posted. Thanks.
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Old 03-15-2012, 08:32 PM   #74
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Simplegirl, considering what you have been through recently, it is not surprising that you would want to live each day to the fullest.

My sister was a hard worker until she was diagnosed with thyroid cancer. I have read that it is the most curable cancer, and if you've got to have cancer and can make a choice, this is the one. Still, it was shocking to all of us.

After surgery and some radiation treatment, she has been declared "clean". Her outlook on life changed though. She and her husband have been doing a lot of international traveling, a month or two at a time. Her job allows a lot of time off, and her husband already ER'ed.

They were recently talking about taking a world-cruise. Wow, that's expensive, but with children all grown and independent, they are going to spend more, while they can.
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Old 03-15-2012, 09:07 PM   #75
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Simplegirl, considering what you have been through recently, it is not surprising that you would want to live each day to the fullest.

My sister was a hard worker until she was diagnosed with thyroid cancer. I have read that it is the most curable cancer, and if you've got to have cancer and can make a choice, this is the one. Still, it was shocking to all of us.

After surgery and some radiation treatment, she has been declared "clean". Her outlook on life changed though. She and her husband have been doing a lot of international traveling, a month or two at a time. Her job allows a lot of time off, and her husband already ER'ed.

They were recently talking about taking a world-cruise. Wow, that's expensive, but with children all grown and independent, they are going to spend more, while they can.
Exactly. It makes ya think, that's for sure! Sometimes too much! LOL I loved this thread idea, though. I decided it was my mission to make others in my life "think", so I posted the basics of the article on my facebook page. I'm getting some interesting discussion and responses thus far. People need their lives and priorities shaken up and shifted every so often.
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Old 04-23-2012, 03:28 PM   #76
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1. I wish I'd had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me.
2. I wish I hadn't worked so hard.
3. I wish I'd had the courage to express my feelings.
4. I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends.
5. I wish that I had let myself be happier.
Paul Graham (Y Combinator) had an interesting response to this article. Here's the entire text:
The Top of My Todo List
Quote:


April 2012

A palliative care nurse called Bronnie Ware made a list of the biggest regrets of the dying. Her list seems plausible. I could see myself—can see myself—making at least 4 of these 5 mistakes.

If you had to compress them into a single piece of advice, it might be: don't be a cog. The 5 regrets paint a portrait of post-industrial man, who shrinks himself into a shape that fits his circumstances, then turns dutifully till he stops.

The alarming thing is, the mistakes that produce these regrets are all errors of omission. You forget your dreams, ignore your family, suppress your feelings, neglect your friends, and forget to be happy. Errors of omission are a particularly dangerous type of mistake, because you make them by default.

I would like to avoid making these mistakes. But how do you avoid mistakes you make by default? Ideally you transform your life so it has other defaults. But it may not be possible to do that completely. As long as these mistakes happen by default, you probably have to be reminded not to make them. So I inverted the 5 regrets, yielding a list of 5 commands:

Don't ignore your dreams; don't work too much; say what you think; cultivate friendships; be happy.

which I then put at the top of the file I use as a todo list.
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Old 04-23-2012, 06:22 PM   #77
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Don't ignore your dreams; don't work too much; say what you think; cultivate friendships; be happy.
Worthwhile objectives!

Kind of what I've been drifting towards since ER.
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Old 04-24-2012, 05:51 AM   #78
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Great list, thanks for sharing Michael. I am not in palliative care but I have been with many patients with terminal cancer. I can confirm that in many cases, patients expressed regrets about not following their dreams - lots of "what ifs"...

Enjoy life while it lasts.
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An interesting newspaper article about people in their final days and what they say they regret most about their lives.

Many of these are frequently discussed here. Article m.guardian.co.uk
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Old 04-24-2012, 01:37 PM   #79
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Nothing like near-death experience to remind us that life is about LIVING!!!
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Old 04-24-2012, 10:38 PM   #80
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My DB is in 'long term care'. I don't know, but suspect, it's really 'palliative care'. Oh, BTW, he's 55.

He has MS. Five years ago, he limped. Today, he can't sit upright in a wheelchair or even answer a one word required question. All motor skills are f'd up. He can, however, laugh at the right time and even issue an appropraite one word response occasionally.

I doubt that he wishes he'd done anything different in his life. He took his family on a couple of Mexican vacations. He also took them camping. Sorry, no reservations on Virgin Galactica.

What more can a guy do but his best?
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