Top five regrets of the dying

[NW-Bound]

5. I wish that I had let myself be happier.
Still w*rking on this one...I find myself surrounded by chronic negativity in this community. I have learned to filter it out. Overall I am a happy person.

I'd bet you are a happy person.

But, but, but by "this community" you meant this forum?

 

[freebird5825]

I'd bet you are a happy person.

But, but, but by "this community" you meant this forum?

OMG NOOO...sorry for the faux pas.

I meant the local community where I live in East Nowhere.

I have gone through so much with my Mom's and husband's sudden passing, w*rk nonsense, the mistake of ex-dh2b and his kids' drama...I absolutely refuse to be glum.

Watch me shine

 

[Nords]

Merely reading this forum with all the threads on the downfall of SS, the growing costs of medical care, need for LTC, etc, is enough to set me off on a worry-fest. Sometimes it's hard to find the right balance.

We call that the "doom&gloom" approach.

You need to go for "hope&cheer" along with PollyAnna.

Either way the result is about the same, but one path is a lot happier than the other.

 

[Ed_The_Gypsy]

I grew up in a mid-sized town that I hated - if you weren't into winter sports or hunting, you got to sit and watch TV or go bowling. I just wanted out of there - that was pretty much the extent of my dreams.

I enrolled in a pre-med program at a very well known university, but it didn't take long before I figured out that I wasn't cut out to be a doctor. I didn't know what else to do, but I knew I wanted something. I went back home, met a guy and was well on the road to the whole marriage, family, clerical job thing but I was very unhappy. Nothing felt right.

Then I went to Club Med in Guadeloupe for 2 weeks. It felt like home. Better still - they offered me a job. When I got home, though, reality set in: I'd be giving up my fiance, my new car, my job (where I'd just been promoted) and, in short, my security. I was going to give up the return ticket when my boss told me that if I didn't take the job, she was going to fire me!!! She said that there was nothing worse that getting to the age of 40 and wondering "what if". And if I gave up the opportunity, then that made me stupid and she didn't want stupid people working for her!

So I quit the job, sold the car and told my fiance that I was going to Guadeloupe. Eventually I transferred to Mexico (where I got really sick). After that, I spent some time in Haiti and Tahiti. I travelled all over the Caribbean and loved every minute of it. Eventually, I gave up wandering and put roots down in Vancouver - life is exciting, I've done lots of weird and wonderful things, travel a lot, and now I've bought an RV and am planning the next phase of my gypsy lifestyle.

All thanks to a boss who wouldn't let me settle for "what if"... I hope the angels smile on her

Far out, Nuiloa! You rock!

 

[TromboneAl]

Such a great story, Nuiloa. Do you think you really would have not taken the job at Club Med if your boss hadn't given you that push?

 

[Wendy]

She said that there was nothing worse that getting to the age of 40 and wondering "what if".

What an inspiring story! It would make a great magazine article on "how to follow your dreams".

 

[Wendy]

You need to go for "hope&cheer" along with PollyAnna .

Excellent advice! It's tough but I'm working on it.

 

[Midpack]

Excellent advice! It's tough but I'm working on it.

No one can make you unhappy, only you can do that. It took me almost 50 years to really figure it out, but it makes a world of difference when you do.

 

[Koolau]

Have you tried Intelius dot com?

I had a friend since middle school, that I lost contact with about 15 years ago. Looked him up, and found several with his name. However, by narrowing down to his state of residence and his wife's name, I got him!

Whoah! I put in Koolau and found myself in both my recent states of residence. Got the spouse, age, everything. Someone knows a lot about us. YMMV

 

[rescueme]

Got the spouse, age, everything. Someone knows a lot about us. YMMV

It's all part of public records. Nothing strange about some data mining of each state's vital records.

 

[ziggy29]

Are people on their deathbeds saying they wish they had spent more time worrying about how the Social Security program is administered?

If they were on their deathbed at age 69, they might be there wishing they took it at 62 instead of waiting until 70...

 

[REWahoo]

If they were on their deathbed at age 69, they might be there wishing they took it at 62 instead of waiting until 70...

Following this same logic, [-]when[/-] if I'm still around at 70 I'll be very happy to wish I'd waited rather than taking it at 62.

 

[Nuiloa]

Such a great story, Nuiloa. Do you think you really would have not taken the job at Club Med if your boss hadn't given you that push?

To tell you the truth, I don't honestly know. I suspect that I would not have gone, because there was pressure from both my fiance and my family to stay put and "grow up". Not my whole family - my mom was very supportive. In fact, she spent the entire week sewing new outfits for me because I was kind of low on 'sexy' outfits like bikinis and beachwear.

My fiance (who was planning to go out of town for his last year of University) even tried to lay a guilt trip by saying "I thought you promised to wait for me". I replied that I said I'd wait, but I didn't say where. That was another push for me - I do not like to be controlled.

But it's funny how life turns on what ifs... while I was in Guadeloupe, I met a man and his wife who owned an old freighter. They were going to the Galapagos and asked me to give up the Club Med job and join them. I said no - and it's the only "what if" moment I have. If I'd gone, I would not have been transferred to Mexico, would not have caught typhoid fever and brucellosis, would not have returned to Canada as soon as I did, would not have moved to Vancouver, been offered this fabulous job or taken up Polynesian dance, without which I would not have travelled extensively to perform, done a movie, been on TV, or done other weird and wonderful things (like upstaging Donny Osmond for 4 hours on opening night of Dreamcoat).

All in all, I've had a great life and the future looks even better.

 

[Bestwifeever]

If they were on their deathbed at age 69, they might be there wishing they took it at 62 instead of waiting until 70...

Or if they're on their deathbed at 84.5 years old will they be doing the fistpump and saying "yes!"?

I'm going to write in my living will that a pillow should be placed firmly over my face at that point.

 

[TromboneAl]

No one can make you unhappy, only you can do that. It took me almost 50 years to really figure it out, but it makes a world of difference when you do.

Once you figured it, what did you do differently? That is, how did put it into practice?

 

[Midpack]

Once you figured it, what did you do differently? That is, how did put it into practice?

There's no short answer, and it would sound trivial if I tried to condense it... and this isn't a topic for ER.org anyway. Sorry I went there...

 

[NW-Bound]

Whoah! I put in Koolau and found myself in both my recent states of residence. Got the spouse, age, everything. Someone knows a lot about us. YMMV

I wouldn't think Koolau is your real name, but entered it into Intelius anyway.

Out came a Mr. Koolau of 115 years old, and a Mrs. Koolau of 121 years old. Whoa! These are ancient people!

Nah, that can't be you, right?

 

[Koolau]

I wouldn't think Koolau is your real name, but entered it into Intelius anyway.

Out came a Mr. Koolau of 115 years old, and a Mrs. Koolau of 121 years old. Whoa! These are ancient people!

Nah, that can't be you, right?

Well, if it's how old we feel (including how many parts we've had changed out so far) it just might be us.

 

[NW-Bound]

But, but, but these new parts should make you feel like in your 20s, no?

Something is wrong. Might want to ask for your money back.

 

[Koolau]

But, but, but these new parts should make you feel like in your 20s, no?

Something is wrong. Might want to ask for your money back.

Oddly enough, the new parts don't come with a guarantee (guess the original parts didn't either). But, the new ones are wearing out a heck of a lot faster than the originals. Now, when they offer to swap out my brain, my joy will be complete. Of course, YMMV.

 

[Nords]

Whoah! I put in Koolau and found myself in both my recent states of residence. Got the spouse, age, everything. Someone knows a lot about us. YMMV

Well, I just waited until I'd completed my five years of good behavior and then asked the courts to expunge any records that they might have on me...

 

[oldtrig]

Good post.
My Dad told me when he knew he was dying he wished he would have spent more time with his family instead of working all the time. The day he died I felt cheated because I was so determined to be there with him, and he died when I ran out to answer a phone call "I wish I'd spent less time focused on making sure he wouldn't die alone, and more time on telling him what he meant to me." I could not believe I had to answer that stupid phone call. I know he did not want to die without me being there because he told me. That was 25 years ago. It still bothered me today. oldtrig

 

[simple girl]

1. I wish I'd had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me.

Ain't that the truth. Working on it. Amazing now how I really don't give a flying f* what so many of my "friends" on facebook might think about something I post.

2. I wish I hadn't worked so hard.

This was achieved for me, thankfully, years ago, due to changing to part-time work.

3. I wish I'd had the courage to express my feelings.

I'm pretty good at this, getting even better lately.

4. I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends.

We've always been good at this, thankfully. However, it is even higher on my new bucket list of priorities. The most important thing to me is to spend as much time as possible with family and friends. I used to think it was traveling to see this or that, and while that would be nice and enjoyable, it really isn't important compared to time with others.

5. I wish that I had let myself be happier.

Fortunately I accomplished this many years ago as well. Do I worry? Heck yeah. It's a daily battle. I am getting pretty good at catching the worry, though, and realizing that I'm not going to let my worries steal my today's. Worrying won't change the outcome. Nothing is guaranteed in life; we all have an expiration date.

Looking forward to reading the entire link that was posted. Thanks.

 

[NW-Bound]

Simplegirl, considering what you have been through recently, it is not surprising that you would want to live each day to the fullest.

My sister was a hard worker until she was diagnosed with thyroid cancer. I have read that it is the most curable cancer, and if you've got to have cancer and can make a choice, this is the one. Still, it was shocking to all of us.

After surgery and some radiation treatment, she has been declared "clean". Her outlook on life changed though. She and her husband have been doing a lot of international traveling, a month or two at a time. Her job allows a lot of time off, and her husband already ER'ed.

They were recently talking about taking a world-cruise. Wow, that's expensive, but with children all grown and independent, they are going to spend more, while they can.

 

[simple girl]

Simplegirl, considering what you have been through recently, it is not surprising that you would want to live each day to the fullest.

My sister was a hard worker until she was diagnosed with thyroid cancer. I have read that it is the most curable cancer, and if you've got to have cancer and can make a choice, this is the one. Still, it was shocking to all of us.

After surgery and some radiation treatment, she has been declared "clean". Her outlook on life changed though. She and her husband have been doing a lot of international traveling, a month or two at a time. Her job allows a lot of time off, and her husband already ER'ed.

They were recently talking about taking a world-cruise. Wow, that's expensive, but with children all grown and independent, they are going to spend more, while they can.

Exactly. It makes ya think, that's for sure! Sometimes too much! LOL I loved this thread idea, though. I decided it was my mission to make others in my life "think", so I posted the basics of the article on my facebook page. I'm getting some interesting discussion and responses thus far. People need their lives and priorities shaken up and shifted every so often.