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Vulture-proofing visit over. Postus Mortimus
Old 09-24-2005, 09:34 AM   #1
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Vulture-proofing visit over. Postus Mortimus

I visited mom and attempted a "vulture-proofing" plan.* Misery arrived at my door within 3 days.* Hate followed and retreat was required.

Attempted.
1. Buy new car (last car she will have).* *------------------- Success
2. Pay off mortgage on home.---------------------------------Disaster*
3. Renovate home-----------------------------------------------Disaster

I arrived to much love (?) and many salutations but with each attempt at solving issues, there were always suspicions.* Each sibling had some issue where they were in protective mode.

Learned:
1. My mother lies to the strong and defends the weak.
2. My mother concots elaborate reasons why the vultures are her darlings.
3. None of the leeches bothered her at all.* She has them under her control.

Prognosis is that she will be filing bankruptcy in less than 2-3 years and it will be the fault of those who would not support her desire to shift wealth from the working siblings to the non-working siblings.*

I found bank statements that showed $50,000 spent in one month.* Checks for cars, home payments, credit cards, etc.* All to leeches.

I despise this situation.* Are there no legal means to change this ongoing looting?"
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Re: Vulture-proofing visit over. Postus Mortimus
Old 09-24-2005, 10:12 AM   #2
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Re: Vulture-proofing visit over. Postus Mortimus

If she is competent, I doubt it.

Let it go.
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Re: Vulture-proofing visit over. Postus Mortimus
Old 09-24-2005, 12:15 PM   #3
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Re: Vulture-proofing visit over. Postus Mortimus

What a shame. It has to be so very frustrating for you. I agree with Martha, that the best thing to do is to try to let it go. Not an easy thing to do though.

Dreamer
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Re: Vulture-proofing visit over. Postus Mortimus
Old 09-24-2005, 12:21 PM   #4
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Re: Vulture-proofing visit over. Postus Mortimus

I wouldnt let it eat at you. From what I have read, you are financially independent. I think life is too short to worry about everyone's problems.
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Re: Vulture-proofing visit over. Postus Mortimus
Old 09-24-2005, 12:21 PM   #5
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Re: Vulture-proofing visit over. Postus Mortimus

Quote:
Originally Posted by Momtwo

BTW, I returned from Chicago on Wednesday. I think the city is one of the cleanest I have ever seen and it is beautiful!* Especially the waterfront!* I spent 2 entire days at Navy Pier.

Momtwo
Proving once again that there really is no accounting for taste *

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Re: Vulture-proofing visit over. Postus Mortimus
Old 09-24-2005, 12:26 PM   #6
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Re: Vulture-proofing visit over. Postus Mortimus

A sad, but common story. *Same thing with my Mom. *The church, people that fix imaginary things, *every charity on the face of the earth and cousins I never knew I had.
I finally sat down with her and worked out a budget that included a certain amount to the leeches ( so she could feel good) then had the bank direct all the rest to the FIDO account which I managed for her. *I would give her frequent briefings about the Fido status which also provided *an occasion to talk about her serious financial goals.

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Re: Vulture-proofing visit over. Postus Mortimus
Old 09-24-2005, 12:33 PM   #7
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Re: Vulture-proofing visit over. Postus Mortimus

Quote:
Originally Posted by OldAgePensioner
I visited mom and attempted a "vulture-proofing" plan.* Misery arrived at my door within 3 days.* Hate followed and retreat was required.

Attempted.
1. Buy new car (last car she will have).* *------------------- Success
2. Pay off mortgage on home.---------------------------------Disaster*
3. Renovate home-----------------------------------------------Disaster

I arrived to much love (?) and many salutations but with each attempt at solving issues, there were always suspicions.* Each sibling had some issue where they were in protective mode.

Learned:
1. My mother lies to the strong and defends the weak.
2. My mother concots elaborate reasons why the vultures are her darlings.
3. None of the leeches bothered her at all.* She has them under her control.

Prognosis is that she will be filing bankruptcy in less than 2-3 years and it will be the fault of those who would not support her desire to shift wealth from the working siblings to the non-working siblings.*

I found bank statements that showed $50,000 spent in one month.* Checks for cars, home payments, credit cards, etc.* All to leeches.

I despise this situation.* Are there no legal means to change this ongoing looting?"
Hello OAP. My DW's mothers's coffin was barely covered before
her STEP in-laws looted her house. It happens a lot, unfortunately.
My parents are living but slipping and welcome my help. It's just me
and my brother and he mostly stays out of it. I feel very lucky so far
although I am sure hardships lie ahead. No "leeches" involved
as far as I can see.

JG
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Re: Vulture-proofing visit over. Postus Mortimus
Old 09-24-2005, 01:00 PM   #8
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Re: Vulture-proofing visit over. Postus Mortimus

Martha,
On most topics she is sharp as a tack. Her memory is flawless. But the minute the subject of siblings comes up, she's a babbling, excuse-making, liar. It really was comical.

We sat face to face across a table and I would catch her and ask if it was the truth and she would go into a woe-is-me tirade and offer to go to an old folks home.

But she could not explain why she did it.

I'm letting it go. And I haven't slept well for 3 days.
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Re: Vulture-proofing visit over. Postus Mortimus
Old 09-24-2005, 01:18 PM   #9
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Re: Vulture-proofing visit over. Postus Mortimus

My Dad doesn't have enough money for any leeches to go after. Besides, who do you think taught me to be cheap frugal.
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Re: Vulture-proofing visit over. Postus Mortimus
Old 09-24-2005, 01:20 PM   #10
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Re: Vulture-proofing visit over. Postus Mortimus

Momtwo, same situation, all bills belong to my mom for anything the siblings want. *Glad you liked Chicago, it's beautiful (don't listen to JG, he's funnin us)

Dreamer, thanks and I am letting it go but having a lot of emotional times doing it.

Maddy, being financially independent is part of my problem. *I feel like helping but my brain says "Danger". *I'll see where things are in the future and try to help.

JPatrick, yeah, I heard lots of stories about home repairs and such. *She claimed to have been ripped off but could produce no evidence. *Just a bunch a flotsam to cover the real story.

JG, wish I could report an ending like yours but the vultures were thick.

I was lucky because my brother and I went to a lawyer and he prepared us a bit. *What he cautioned us on, turned out to be spot-on.
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Re: Vulture-proofing visit over. Postus Mortimus
Old 09-24-2005, 01:30 PM   #11
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Re: Vulture-proofing visit over. Postus Mortimus

Quote:
Originally Posted by OldAgePensioner
Maddy, being financially independent is part of my problem. I feel like helping but my brain says "Danger". I'll see where things are in the future and try to help.
Unfortunately, helping your Mom is like giving a line of credit to the leeches attached to her.

MJ
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Re: Vulture-proofing visit over. Postus Mortimus
Old 09-24-2005, 01:45 PM   #12
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Re: Vulture-proofing visit over. Postus Mortimus

OAP - sorry to hear about the vultures and leeches. Had a similar situation with my uncle when Grandma died. He had been milking her for years, then grabbed "his share" refused to pay his share of taxes and estate expense, ran off to Florida, spent it all, declared bankrupcy, asked us for help (yeah right!) had a heart attack and died all within 3 years. Seems like poetic justice somehow.

"Funny" story - since Uncle was unemployed (no job good enough for him) he mowed Grandma's lawn. This was in the 1980's. At some point it came out that he was "charging" her $20 every time he filled up the 5 gallon gas can. His own mother! She never knew what the price of gas was.

I hope you can "let it go" but I know it's hard. Good luck, OAP.
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Re: Vulture-proofing visit over. Postus Mortimus
Old 09-24-2005, 02:13 PM   #13
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Re: Vulture-proofing visit over. Postus Mortimus

MJ, exactly right. Every penny I could give her would be taken.


Sheryl, "no job was good enough for him" is a brilliant description of my own situation. I have a 45 y.o. divorced sister who has never lifted a finger towards working, I have a bankrupt 58 y.o. sister who still has a maid. My mid brother has worked about 3 years total in 1-2 month increments.

They are all in suburban brick homes in decent neighborhoods and all have cars. A BMW for the divorced sister. All get their bills paid for them by my mom.

Every post I make here helps me let it go but I'm a bit more grizzled and wiser today than I was a week ago.

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Re: Vulture-proofing visit over. Postus Mortimus
Old 09-24-2005, 05:17 PM   #14
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Re: Vulture-proofing visit over. Postus Mortimus

OAP My cousin and I went through something similiar with my Aunt (his mother) and the only way we could have done something was if we could have her declared incompetent. We obtained legal, medical and advice from specialists in aging and still had to eventually give up with the knowledge that we had done all we could.

Bruce
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Re: Vulture-proofing visit over. Postus Mortimus
Old 09-24-2005, 05:34 PM   #15
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Re: Vulture-proofing visit over. Postus Mortimus

bruce1, I wish it could be that path.

This is a situation where my mother seems to love causing this.

The more I hear the more I wonder.
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Re: Vulture-proofing visit over. Postus Mortimus
Old 09-24-2005, 05:36 PM   #16
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Re: Vulture-proofing visit over. Postus Mortimus

OAP, how did you avoid the trap of being supported by mom?
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Re: Vulture-proofing visit over. Postus Mortimus
Old 09-24-2005, 06:18 PM   #17
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Re: Vulture-proofing visit over. Postus Mortimus

Quote:
Originally Posted by Lazarus
OAP, how did you avoid the trap of being supported by mom?
OAP, I know this may sound ridiculous and it is a long shot. Can you convince your Mom that your circumstances have changed and that you are in dire need of her support. Get as much as you can but without her knowing it, use the money to help her.
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Re: Vulture-proofing visit over. Postus Mortimus
Old 09-24-2005, 06:21 PM   #18
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Re: Vulture-proofing visit over. Postus Mortimus

Laz, I worked from 15-55 and earned a wage, had the others done so, they would be independent and enjoying life.

Thanks to that ( getting up every day and working) , I earned my way.

I appreciate the question!
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Re: Vulture-proofing visit over. Postus Mortimus
Old 09-24-2005, 06:26 PM   #19
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Re: Vulture-proofing visit over. Postus Mortimus

MJ, damn dude, you are tooo close to my thinking. Are you CIA?
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Re: Vulture-proofing visit over. Postus Mortimus
Old 09-24-2005, 06:50 PM   #20
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Re: Vulture-proofing visit over. Postus Mortimus

My family situation was really OK. I have a sister who needed and got some help but IMO deserved it. My 2 brothers are stand up guys who are honest to a fault. Also they are tough. When out of family or distant family vultures showed up, they kicked their asses.

They aren't too good at helping when people are sick and need support. My sister and I did that.

All in all, old age stuff is never fun, but my experience was probably at least top decile.

Ha
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