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Old 12-04-2013, 01:07 PM   #1
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Weddings

I there any protocol on inviting someone to a wedding and paying them to attend?
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Old 12-04-2013, 01:14 PM   #2
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Other than a suggestion of a mental exam for whoever is paying, no.
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Old 12-04-2013, 01:24 PM   #3
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Um, it is usually the other way, if you are invited to a wedding, you get the couple a gift. The hosts are already "paying", in the form of providing entertainment, food, possibly booze, and the like.
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Old 12-04-2013, 01:36 PM   #4
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Khan, are you expecting them to travel, and are they short of funds? I think in that particular case, it is kind to offer to pay their way.

The way you phrased your query, though, makes it sound like they wouldn't go near your wedding unless there was something in it for them. If that is what you meant, then the answer is Nooooooooooooooo!

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Old 12-04-2013, 01:37 PM   #5
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I there any protocol on inviting someone to a wedding and paying them to attend?
It's customary to pay the preacher, or a musician, etc. who you've chosen to participate...

Wedding Planning: How Much Do I Tip? - Wedding Essentials | Perfect Wedding Guide

Officiant Cost | Officiant Fee | Cost Of Wedding Officiant | Wedding Officiant Fee |
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Old 12-04-2013, 01:44 PM   #6
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Khan, are you expecting them to travel, and are they short of funds? I think in that particular case, it is kind to offer to pay their way.

The way you phrased your query, though, makes it sound like they wouldn't go near your wedding unless there was something in it for them. If that is what you meant, then the answer is Nooooooooooooooo!

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Most of my friends are too poor to fly/drive to Florida for event. Should I pay beyond several days lodging? I do not want any presents; have more stuff than I need. Should I pay witnesses at pre-nup signing?
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Old 12-04-2013, 01:50 PM   #7
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Most of my friends are too poor to fly/drive to Florida for event. Should I pay beyond several days lodging?
There is a vast difference in paying for a ticket and hotel room for someone to attend vs. "I'll give you $100 if you show up at my wedding".

Guess it's all in the phrasing.
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Old 12-04-2013, 01:54 PM   #8
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There is a vast difference in paying for a ticket and hotel room for someone to attend vs. "I'll give you $100 if you show up at my wedding".

Guess it's all in the phrasing.
I'd pay people to NOT show up, including myself...

But, yes, if the expense of getting there is more than a nominal amount, I would think offering to pay for flight/lodging would be the thing to do.

For my younger brother's wedding, we paid for the flight, and they provided rooms, and a couple of meals (rehearsal dinner and reception dinner). We got off cheap!
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Old 12-04-2013, 01:54 PM   #9
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If you want to invite some friends to your wedding at your expense, that is not "paying them". That is a gift. Family members do this for each other all the time. If you ask a friend to witness a legal document for you, and they agree, it should be a personal favor. It's not as if this causes any liability for them. IMHO no money should change hands. If you have to fly your friends to Florida and pay them for their time, I question whether they are really your friends, or just using your generosity.
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Old 12-04-2013, 02:17 PM   #10
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I am definitely paying the officiator (and covering all his expenses). Paying for rings and clothing for both of us and paying for lodging for all and paying for boat. Am looking into paying for musician and all expenses involved.
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Old 12-04-2013, 02:20 PM   #11
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/offtopic=on
I'll pay people to shoot me if I decide to ever get married again

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Old 12-04-2013, 02:23 PM   #12
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Marriage is for SS and medicare and assisted living and health/car insurance.
A business arrangement with pre-nup and mission statements
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Old 12-04-2013, 02:34 PM   #13
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Marriage is for SS and medicare and assisted living and health/car insurance.
A business arrangement with pre-nup and mission statements
And sex?
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Old 12-04-2013, 02:44 PM   #14
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As I mentioned in your thread on Marriage & health Benefits . Retired federal employees can not add anyone to their health plans that was not on their health plan prior to retirement. So he will be ineligible to be added to your health plan . You can still add him to your car insurance even without marriage.
Good Luck on whatever you decide to do ! I hope you live happily for a long time !
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Old 12-04-2013, 02:44 PM   #15
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There has been no mention of love.

Is that old-fashioned, or perhaps we are all too old and seasoned for that?

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Marriage is for SS and medicare and assisted living and health/car insurance.
A business arrangement with pre-nup and mission statements
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And sex?
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Old 12-04-2013, 02:46 PM   #16
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There has been no mention of love.

Is that old-fashioned, or perhaps we are all too old and seasoned for that?
I was thinking the same thing ! If not love a very very strong friendship !
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Old 12-04-2013, 02:47 PM   #17
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There has been no mention of love.

Is that old-fashioned, or perhaps we are all too old and seasoned for that?
It's too early to tell, but "marrying for love" may be in the process of becoming one of those economic privileges of the post-WW2 era that is slowly eroding, much like so many other aspects of our economy and society.
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Old 12-04-2013, 02:50 PM   #18
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I was thinking the same thing ! If not love a very very strong friendship !
At our age, "love" does not mean the same thing as when we were 18. It may be more about companionship than romance, but it still helps.
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Old 12-04-2013, 03:51 PM   #19
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Khan, I know very little about protocol in social situations and can't help there.

I do wish you and your significant other (who will be getting a promotion in the future) all the best.
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Old 12-04-2013, 03:57 PM   #20
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It is OK to invite people, and for them to say they are sorry but they cannot attend.

Flying several people to FL and putting them up for several days at winter hotel rates would be a big gift. I would need to care greatly for people if I did that for them. Why would they need to stay for more than 3 days (day before, of, and after the wedding)?

If you just want more guests, invite neighbors. There might be some lonely folks in the area who never get invited to parties!

As any etiquette book will tell you, no one is obliged to give gifts to a bride and groom, and the couple are not permitted to specify what they would like or even imply that gifts are expected. Anyone who cares remotely about the bride or groom will send a pretty card, if that is all they can afford.

Best wishes for your future happiness, Khan!

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