Weddings

[Scrapr]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Moemg My So 's son is getting married and the bride said she was going to have a wedding for $10,000 . Right now the rehersal dinner alone is at $7,000.

Yeah, but rehearsal dinner is on the grooms family! So that doesn't count (in the brides head) toward a total

Mrs scrapr & I were driving past the joint we had our rehearsal dinner yesterday. She remarked that we had not been back there since. It's a landmark in Portland. Italian joint known for it's pizza. aka Pizza Parlor. Mrs Scrapr says she thinks my Mom was mad about that.

My cousin had a big wedding. Downtown at a landmark hotel. Black tie. Absolutely no idea on cost but had to be over $100k. Saw her in the grocery store a couple years later. She was a bit ashamed and sort of tried to avoid us. Divorced

[Souschef]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Amethyst The only way to keep the costs down is to trim the guest lists. Why does everybody the couple have ever known have to be there, anyway?

The reason is that their "presents" are requested.
Which reminds me of my first wedding. My MIL invited some acquaintances of hers that were supposedly wealthy. She said,"They will give you a nice present". Well, they gave us a set of steak knives that came from a gas station. I never let her forget it

[Dawg52]

My niece had her wedding in Ireland 3 years ago. I thought it was a bit much asking family and friends to spend that much on attending a wedding. I admit, I wouldn't mind visiting Ireland but I declined. Plus I really don't get along with her mom and she would have been ramrodding the whole trip. I sent my niece a nice check for her wedding present and to get myself off the hook. Ha.

[FUEGO]

In our case, the huge guest list was my mother in law and my sister in law's idea. My wife and I didn't care a bit about the big wedding or most of the guests that showed up (other than the handful of immediate family and a few friends of course). We didn't even know most of the guests, and we snuck out early once the people we knew had left. As I recall we were in bed by 9-10 pm that night though the festivities continued well into the night. I don't recall our early departure being noticed or it being problematic

The huge guest list was in part to extract gifts from others that had received gifts from my parents in law in the past. My MIL had a ledger listing all the past gifts they had given to others, and they compared that to what we received from others as if it was a quid-pro-quo exchange between families. This is sadly the most organized bit of personal finance I've seen from my wife's side of the family ever and the mercantile nature of this ledger was ridiculous (but maybe it's a common thing??). Needless to say I did my part by shutting my mouth, smiling, and cutting the cake (and enjoying 14 years of a pretty great gal that popped out 3 kids of mine).

[REWahoo]

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Originally Posted by FUEGO As I recall we were in bed by 9-10 pm that night though the festivities continued well into the night.

[Sunset]

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Originally Posted by Legally_dead My wife's best friend sent out save the dates for a wedding in Mexico. She also connected all her friends and family with a travel agent for travel plans. Then she visited the resort for the first time and decided she didn't like it. She changed the location to the states. We lost a $300 deposit so we didn't buy her a wedding present.

Wow, I'm shocked at the bride being so thoughtless, that is something one would see on that crazy tv show Bridezilla.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Legally_dead My best friend had a bachelor party in Vegas. His anticipated budget was $2,000, which included bottle service at a night club. He described the main perk of the bottle service being "you look cool." I had a baby during that trip, so didn't have to go. We gave him Dave Ramsey's FPU as a wedding present. His wife now calls him "Dave."

It's just amazing to me how folks who work at a job, throw money away on useless vastly overpriced things like bottle service.

[kgtest]

Got married in 2014 for under 10k. Worked out great because between in-laws and my folks they offered a 20k gift and we still paid for some things ourselves. I paid for my best man to come to our destination wedding, and I helped him out with an outfit, and I bought my outfit. I also bought some small gifts for the wedding party.

If I showed you the pictures you wouldn't believe. Private ocean-front estate, two photographers and a wedding planner, priest, hairdressers and our 8 guests. Our reception back home was for 75 guests, they all had a great time and we did not have booze, just a pig roast at a very nice park we rented.

After saying I do as the sunset onto the pacific, we went to the Four Seasons private bamboo room for dinner and drinks.

Took that $10k we had leftover and invested it. Seemed like the sensible thing to do. DW and I always discussed before making any wedding commitments that we didn't want to go into our marriage in debt, and we didn't.

Reasons we were able to keep it under 10,000:
1. We limited the guest list to 75
2. We picked a Sunday for our reception and shopped venues for a good deal
3. We eloped for the actual wedding, which added costs for some of our guests but decreased our overall costs
4. We didn't go too absurd on our wedding attire, and it was wear the theme colors, none of that everyone where matching everything, so not a lot of wardrobe renal or costs
5. We rode to and from our wedding/receptions in our personal vehicles
6. We did not have a DJ, but I did setup some background Hawaiian music at the reception, again without booze and DJ people still said they had a fun time at my wedding, I personally think folks remember it because it was remarkably humble.

Before I got married I sort of reached out to some good buds. I recall one stating "Dude the only thing people are going to remember about your wedding, is if you had booze and where it was...and some won't even remember where it was." SO I decided not to have booze in the hopes folks would remember where we actually had the wedding reception.

[atmsmshr]

Quote:

Originally Posted by truenorth418 i agree weddings have become a venue for couples (but mostly women) to have a Disney experience and call attention to themselves. There is a lot of oneupsmanship as every wedding seems to be bigger than the last. Having had to fly or drive great distances to some of these, I will say I have had enough. And yes many of the marriages end in divorce within a couple of years. I propose a new tradition: if the marriage lasts less than 10 years the couple must return all gifts and travel costs incurred by the wedding guests. And also send out letters apologizing to the guests for needlessly inconveniencing them. And if it was a church wedding, go back to the church and ask for forgiveness for breaking their vows to God. I have a few other ideas but as you can see this is a sore spot for me so I’ll just leave it there. LOL.

A friend of DS recently married with a blend of two ceremonies: western and Thai. Part of the Thai ceremony was the groom's father presenting a basket of gold and cash to the bride's father. This amount was negotiated, and was about the price of a new car. This offering (the 'Sin') was to be held for something like 5 years or until the birth of the first child when it would be given to the couple. If they divorced, the bride's family kept the amount.

Very civilized - I plan on this for when DD gets married.

[Amethyst]

That definitely would not have worked for either of my weddings. The first marriage, we were grateful to get coffee mugs, Pyrex bakeware and bedsheets The second time, we already had what we needed and the guests were hardly loaded. I recall we got a coffee-table book, an obviously regifted vase, a couple of handmade items. Everything was clearly from sale tables and one item was labeled Amway!

Edit: It now occurs to me that the guests probably figured we would soon get divorced, due to our age difference. Sadly, that was a long time ago and most of them are now dead, so they will never know for sure!

Quote:

Originally Posted by Souschef The reason is that their "presents" are requested. :

[Gumby]

When the young wife and I got married in 1984, her dad gave her a $3k budget and she came in under budget. She designed and made her own dress (that was her profession at the time), as well as all the bridesmaid dresses and her mother's dress. We got married in the morning and the reception was lunch, so it was less expensive and not so much booze was poured. There were about 100 people in attendance, about 90% of whom I did not know.

That was back in the day when people gave you physical things, so we got our share of toasters and dishes and such, along with enough cash to buy a queen bed.

There was no rehearsal dinner, as I was at sea for six months before the wedding. I made it ashore and to her hometown late the night before the wedding and got married the next morning without knowing a single thing about what was in store.

[FUEGO]

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Originally Posted by atmsmshr A friend of DS recently married with a blend of two ceremonies: western and Thai. Part of the Thai ceremony was the groom's father presenting a basket of gold and cash to the bride's father. This amount was negotiated, and was about the price of a new car. This offering (the 'Sin') was to be held for something like 5 years or until the birth of the first child when it would be given to the couple. If they divorced, the bride's family kept the amount. Very civilized - I plan on this for when DD gets married.

I had to do this. I think it was $2000 or so. My parents had to go negotiate the price and none of us knew what we were supposed to do. It was quite a comedy. I think I got the money back shortly after the ceremony.

We had sacrificed chickens on an alter at our Asian wedding. Right next to twinkies and Sunkist soda. Strange times...

[Amethyst]

I'll bet those dresses were gorgeous. Certainly she would not have seen them on anyone else!

Quote:

Originally Posted by Gumby When the young wife and I got married in 1984, her dad gave her a $3k budget and she came in under budget. She designed and made her own dress (that was her profession at the time), as well as all the bridesmaid dresses and her mother's dress. We got married in the morning and the reception was lunch, so it was less expensive and not so much booze was poured. There were about 100 people in attendance, about 90% of whom I did not know. That was back in the day when people gave you physical things, so we got our share of toasters and dishes and such, along with enough cash to buy a queen bed. There was no rehearsal dinner, as I was at sea for six months before the wedding. I made it ashore and to her hometown late the night before the wedding and got married the next morning without knowing a single thing about what was in store.

[brett]

Several years ago a colleague of mine told me how he and his wife handled the weddings of two of the daughters and that they intended to do the same with daughter number three.

The offer was a $50K wedding budget OR a cash gift of $50K for a down payment on a home/condo whatever plus a very nice post ceremony dinner at an upscale restaurant for the small wedding party.

Daughter #1 wanted the big wedding and that is what she got. Everyone was happy.

Daughter #2 and her fiance decided to take the money. Everyone was happy.

They both had those wedding showers and whatever else they do but they were on their own for those.

[txtig]

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Originally Posted by Scuba It’s really crazy if you’re an attendant in a wedding. Everyone seems to have out of town bachelor/bachelorette party weekends, bridal showers, plus the wedding. Our neighbor’s DIL grew up here and has many close friends. A few years ago, she was in 8 weddings! When my best friend got married 2 years ago, DH & I spent several thousand on the various festivities, attire, plus a nice gift. Luckily all of our other friends are married so it was a once in a lifetime experience for us!

My youngest son is the Best Man in one of his friend’s wedding coming up in March. He’s pretty tight with his money and he’s having fits at all of the expenses he’s incurring, including an out-of-state bachelor party in the French Quarter. My bachelor party was just hitting a few bars with about a half dozen friends in town the night before the wedding. That won’t do today. The guys are all flying to N.O., staying in a nice hotel and planning on spending big bucks doing it up right on Bourbon Street. We keep telling him that there are a lot cheaper ways to do the bachelor party. I think he would rather dial it back a bit, but feels that the big out-of-town party is expected.

[Sue J]

Quote:

Originally Posted by FUEGO In our case, the huge guest list was my mother in law and my sister in law's idea. My wife and I didn't care a bit about the big wedding or most of the guests that showed up (other than the handful of immediate family and a few friends of course). We didn't even know most of the guests, and we snuck out early once the people we knew had left. As I recall we were in bed by 9-10 pm that night though the festivities continued well into the night. I don't recall our early departure being noticed or it being problematic The huge guest list was in part to extract gifts from others that had received gifts from my parents in law in the past. My MIL had a ledger listing all the past gifts they had given to others, and they compared that to what we received from others as if it was a quid-pro-quo exchange between families. This is sadly the most organized bit of personal finance I've seen from my wife's side of the family ever and the mercantile nature of this ledger was ridiculous (but maybe it's a common thing??). Needless to say I did my part by shutting my mouth, smiling, and cutting the cake (and enjoying 14 years of a pretty great gal that popped out 3 kids of mine).

Our wedding in 1976 (we were 21) felt like it was my parents party and we were just the main act. I would have been fine with our immediate families and a few close friends but it became my parents opportunity to reciprocate for all the weddings they had been invited to over the years. And if you invite the Smiths then we have to include the Joneses and the Millers. Or in our case the Silvermans, the Goldsteins and the Mandels.

I knew less than half the people there. At the time it was easier to just let them do their thing and I did my part of being the dutiful daughter. They got their "event" and I got married.

Although it's not what DH and I wanted, we made our families happy and we are still married so we must have done something right!

[FUEGO]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Sue J Our wedding in 1976 (we were 21) felt like it was my parents party and we were just the main act. I would have been fine with our immediate families and a few close friends but it became my parents opportunity to reciprocate for all the weddings they had been invited to over the years. And if you invite the Smiths then we have to include the Joneses and the Millers. Or in our case the Silvermans, the Goldsteins and the Mandels. I knew less than half the people there. At the time it was easier to just let them do their thing and I did my part of being the dutiful daughter. They got their "event" and I got married. Although it's not what DH and I wanted, we made our families happy and we are still married so we must have done something right!

Yes. It worked out in the end. And I hope to give my own kids quite a bit more autonomy for their own wedding plans.

[Gumby]

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Originally Posted by Amethyst I'll bet those dresses were gorgeous. Certainly she would not have seen them on anyone else!

They were, and she got exactly what she wanted. I still recall the moment the big doors swung open and she walked in the church. I hadn't seen her in six months and I had never seen the dress. I thought to myself, "Damn, that's one fine looking woman!"

[Sasset]

What I don't understand is from what I hear is that things like venue, flowers, photos, etc go up in price as soon as they find out it is for a wedding!

I have been to simple weddings where the family does everything and expensive ones. The family done weddings seem better to me

[Legally_dead]

Because weddings are out of hand, I follow this rule of thumb: I don't attend the wedding if I have never met the bride or groom or if I have not talked to either in over 12 months.

[Walt34]

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Originally Posted by Gumby There was no rehearsal dinner, as I was at sea for six months before the wedding. I made it ashore and to her hometown late the night before the wedding and got married the next morning without knowing a single thing about what was in store.

I remember some bride-to-be complaining about how easy weddings are for men: "All you have to do is remember to show up on time!"

Our wedding was pretty simple since we weren't exactly loaded and we were paying for it. Second for me, first for her, 1988. She found a wedding dress at J.C. Penny's for ~$200, 25 people at a chapel, reception at the Italian restaurant where she had taken me out for my birthday several years prior. She didn't make much money so I recognized that to her that was a significant expense. Honeymoon at Deep Creek Lake in MD, I think all in all we spent ~$1,500.

Next July will be 30 years so I think it's gonna stick.