Weird Stuff From The Workplace

[brewer12345]

When you were/are in the trenches at work, have you seen some weird ass ****? Especially if it was funny, tell us about it.

I can probably come up with a dozen examples, but I will throw out one from the last 6 months of my time in the salt mine. A coworker and I were on the client site by ourselves ding what had to get done so we could split and not come back after our scheduled time there was up. Late in the week my buddy goes to the men's room. He comes out of the stall, walks up to the sinks (there were two) and starts washing his hands. He looks over and realizes that the guy standing next to him is washing his feet in the other sink, one after the other. Nobody makes eye contact or says anything. As my buddy high-tailed it out of the bathroom he realized that the foot washer was one of the actuaries we were there to interview.

 

[Rustward]

When you were/are in the trenches at work, have you seen some weird ass ****? Especially if it was funny, tell us about it.

I can probably come up with a dozen examples, but I will throw out one from the last 6 months of my time in the salt mine. A coworker and I were on the client site by ourselves ding what had to get done so we could split and not come back after our scheduled time there was up. Late in the week my buddy goes to the men's room. He comes out of the stall, walks up to the sinks (there were two) and starts washing his hands. He looks over and realizes that the guy standing next to him is washing his feet in the other sink, one after the other. Nobody makes eye contact or says anything. As my buddy high-tailed it out of the bathroom he realized that the foot washer was one of the actuaries we were there to interview.

Following your men's room theme, I went into the place only two days per week (a tiny little place owned by a clinically diagnosed megalomaniac), and work from home the other five (no kidding). I went into the men's room on Monday and saw a 8 1/2 x 11 sheet of paper taped to the mirror informing us that we are no longer allowed to flush our feminine hygiene products down the drain.

A few minutes later, I encounter Jim, who introduces me to the new guy, Kevin. I welcome Kevin, exchange pleasantries, then turn to Jim, and say "I see we are now prohibited from flushing our feminine hygiene products down the drain. Uh?"

Later, I notice that out front, where the drain clean out ports are, (you know, the one closest to the street angles toward the building, and the other closest to the building angles toward the sewer) I see some "recovered" feminine hygiene product remnants sitting in the flower bed.

I have a good imagination, but I could not have made up this story.

 

[Meadbh]

Brewer, was the foot washer an observant Muslim? Washing feet, hands, etc is part of wudu, which is done before praying, 5 times a day. Sounds like high maintenance!

As for the feminine products, Rustward, I can only conclude that this is an active community for transgender folks.

 

[brewer12345]

Brewer, was the foot washer an observant Muslim? Washing feet, hands, etc is part of wudu, which is done before praying, 5 times a day. Sounds like high maintenance!

As for the feminine products, Rustward, I can only conclude that this is an active community for transgender folks.

Pasty faced white dude.

 

[tryan]

In the early days when megacorp was not "mega" there was a summer cookout in the parking lot. Complete with the Bud truck and live band ... lots of fun. Wellll two co-workers got a little frisky and went into the stair well of the building and started ""doing-it". What they didn't realize is that a security camera was broadcasting them for a dozen or so who gathered to watch.

Both resigned within a week.

 

[REWahoo]

I returned to the parking garage from lunch to find a police car parked nearby and a cop talking with our CFO. I learned later that afternoon the CFO's Mercedes had been stolen and called him to say I'd seen someone near his car when I left for lunch and could describe him to the police if they wanted to talk with me.

The police never contacted me and I learned why - it wasn't a thief, it was the repo man...

 

[travelover]

At MegaMotors, we had foot washers and also sink nose blowers. Evidently in some cultures, rather than use a Kleenex, you turn on the water in the sink and blow away. At the risk of being culturally insensitive, I found both practices .

 

[Ed_The_Gypsy]

Brewer, was the foot washer an observant Muslim? Washing feet, hands, etc is part of wudu, which is done before praying, 5 times a day. Sounds like high maintenance!

IIRC, you live in the Islamic Republic of Canadistan. Why are you surprised?

 

[Ed_The_Gypsy]

At MegaMotors, we had foot washers and also sink nose blowers. Evidently in some cultures, rather than use a Kleenex, you turn on the water in the sink and blow away. At the risk of being culturally insensitive, I found both practices .

Welcome to Baku.

 

[Sesq]

It was about six month before I arrived, but a married partner accidentally sent a lusty voicemail intended for a young associate to the entire office. He was gone right quick. The gal stayed on for several more years.

 

[MRG]

I was traveling to a client site with a goof ball. We went to this Megacorp every month, so we were familiar with the office layout. He comes back from the men's room in a panic. Tells me he went in, noticed there are no urinals. As he's in the stall he noticed a place to dispose his feminine hygiene products. He figured he's in the wrong restroom, is panicking over what to do. He managed to get out without being noticed.

We go back to the scene of the crime, this Megacorp had switched the designation of Mens vs. Womans restroom since the last time we were there. That crisis was averted.
MRG

 

[Midpack]

Unfortunately the OP made me remember something similar from 20 yrs ago - thanks.

I worked in a factory setting with large employee locker rooms. At one location, along with the usual fixtures, there was a community hand wash in the center instead of individual sinks - not unlike thousands across the country I'm sure.

One afternoon the hourly guys walk in, and a visiting Corporate sales/marketing "suit" in his navy blue pinstripes is pissing in the hand wash. Guess he thought it was a community urinal. The hourly guys laughed their asses off at him.

Obviously he didn't visit often, and his next visit was probably outside the normal frequency.

Thanks again...

 

[Midpack]

I could go on forever with workplace stories, but something a little less off color to end with.

As a young Process Engineer at the time, I visited a customer with a sales rep one day, he was driving. As we pulled up, he was telling me how proud the customer was of his brand new location/office building. Beautiful stonework punctuated by floor to ceiling windows outside. He pulled into a parking spot, and I guess the sales guy didn't notice the motorcycle on the narrow sidewalk between the parking spot and the building, or he just didn't have very good depth perception behind the wheel. As you've figured out by now, he tapped the motorcycle just enough to knock it over - right through one of the new floor to ceiling windows. Didn't just crack the window, blew it out completely leaving the motorcycle lying in their new conference room. Rut-row...

How's that for making an entrance and starting a visit on the right foot? I am sure MegaCorp paid dearly for that mistake.

 

[H2ODude]

I could relate a number of crazy things employees were caught doing on my watch I had to deal with. Sex with customers when the husband came home, sex in the workplace, stealing and denying it when confronted with video, sexual harassment, goes on and on. Don't really want to go into some of the funnier details in case anyone might have figured out who I am from previous posts. So glad I don't have to deal with misbehaviors anymore, unless they're my own!

I can relate one design incident. When in consulting had to design a conversion of a Nike missile base in South Florida for processing immigrants, right after the Mariel incident. No food prep, no laundry, only water for drinking and sanitation so assumed 50 gallons per cap per day. After built got a call that insufficient water. Turns out Haitian immigrants were hunkering down in the urinals, flushing them repeatedly, to keep cool. Hey, if it works why not?

 

[Mulligan]

I could relate a number of crazy things employees were caught doing on my watch I had to deal with. Sex with customers when the husband came home, sex in the workplace, stealing and denying it when confronted with video, sexual harassment, goes on and on. Don't really want to go into some of the funnier details in case anyone might have figured out who I am from previous posts. So glad I don't have to deal with misbehaviors anymore, unless they're my own! I can relate one design incident. When in consulting had to design a conversion of a Nike missile base in South Florida for processing immigrants, right after the Mariel incident. No food prep, no laundry, only water for drinking and sanitation so assumed 50 gallons per cap per day. After built got a call that insufficient water. Turns out Haitian immigrants were hunkering down in the urinals, flushing them repeatedly, to keep cool. Hey, if it works why not?

Ah, sex with the co-workers.... The good old days...

 

[GalaxyBoy]

Just the other week I was on a site visit to a building (we are architects and engineers). The lead architect was carrying a chocolate bar with him and nibbling on it now and again, which was not unusual since the site was in a rural area and there were no opportunities for food during the day. Anyway, at one point I noticed he had dropped it and it shattered into many pieces. Well, he proceeded to eat it off the floor, which was a solid painted surface that saw quite a bit of foot traffic all day. When he finished off the bigger pieces, he began to lick his fingers and dab up all the crumbs, one by one. All the while oblivious to the fact that several of us were staring at him and turning green.

You can't make this stuff up.

 

[powerplay]

Years ago I had a co-worker who would sit at his desk and clip his toenails! We all thought that was gross. He would also complain bitterly about the women in his life which included his wife, ex-wife, and girlfriend.

One time he told me I wore too much clothing to work and he would like to see more of me.

So glad such days are in the past.

 

[Meadbh]

IIRC, you live in the Islamic Republic of Canadistan. Why are you surprised?

Really?

http://www.cbc.ca/news/politics/stephen-harper-s-speech-to-the-israeli-knesset-1.2503902

I like to think I respect all cultures.

 

[Major Tom]

In the very late 1990's/early 2000's when digital photography was only just beginning to get popular, I had a digital compact - and was one of the few people at work who had one of these cool new-fangled gadgets. I spent quite a bit of time running around taking pictures of my co-workers. We were all enjoying the novelty of this little camera.

One day, I was sitting in the little boys' room, "taking care of business". To while away the time, I pulled out my digital camera and started reviewing the photos I'd been taking on the little screen on the back. For some reason, I had forgotten to lock the door, and one of my co-workers barged in as I was peering at the photos on my camera.

We've all been there and either accidentally walked in on someone in the restroom, or been walked in on. This was a bit more embarrassing though, as it suddenly occurred to me that to him, it must have looked as if I was sitting there taking pictures of my John Thomas. He said something apologetic, left quickly, and I jumped up to lock the door. I did briefly consider going up to him later and saying something along the lines of, "That wasn't what it looked like, I was just reviewing the pictures I had already taken" but then the immediate reply would have been, "Yeah, riiiiiiight............".

Aaah well, what can you do

 

[travelover]

......... it suddenly occurred to me that to him, it must have looked as if I was sitting there taking pictures of my John Thomas. ..........

Look at it this way, you were ahead of your time, just waiting for the iPhone to be invented for sexting

 

[Keim]

My wife worked for a university as a sexual harassment and diversity investigator. She has hours of stories. At one point she was called in to investigate a group of custodians. During lunch they would all go into a dark room and grope one another. One of them finally complained, when she realized she wasn't getting groped as much as the others.

Her many stories really put my story about the time my boss requested I send him a report on when I would finish my reports to shame.

 

[Chuckanut]

I was working for an air express delivery company supporting staff at airports where we had delivery facilities. It was early days and we had recently phased in an online system using dumb terminals and CICS transaction processing. We get a call one day from one of the station managers complaining that the package tracking system had simply stopped working. After going through the diagnostics to figure out why the terminal was not displaying the information, it occurred to me that it might something as simple as a loose plug (remember I was new), so I asked the guy to look behind the desks and see if the terminal was securely plugged into the wall socket. He was back on the phone telling me he could not verify it was plugged in because it was too dark. The power had failed.

 

[Nodak]

At my first job I was washing my hands in the restroom when I heard someone flush one of the toilets; the next thing I knew there was a loud bang and chunks of toilet started sliding across the floor. I have no idea what caused it but the toilet bowl exploded when flushed. Fortunately the guy in the stall got away with only a couple of cuts on his ankles.

 

[Amethyst]

I've been on the scene twice in my life when a man accidentally walked into a ladies' rest room. Both times, the women emitted loud chicken squawks, that went on after the errant fellow departed Then I, myself, walked into a public bathroom, noticed the "funny sinks" along the wall (but no sink users, fortunately) and got out quickly. What I've always wondered is, what kinds of noises would the men have emitted if they'd noticed me?

Amethyst

I was traveling to a client site with a goof ball. We went to this Megacorp every month, so we were familiar with the office layout. He comes back from the men's room in a panic. Tells me he went in, noticed there are no urinals. As he's in the stall he noticed a place to dispose his feminine hygiene products. He figured he's in the wrong restroom, is panicking over what to do. He managed to get out without being noticed.

We go back to the scene of the crime, this Megacorp had switched the designation of Mens vs. Womans restroom since the last time we were there. That crisis was averted.
MRG

 

[aja8888]

I've been on the scene twice in my life when a man accidentally walked into a ladies' rest room. Both times, the women emitted loud chicken squawks, that went on after the errant fellow departed Then I, myself, walked into a public bathroom, noticed the "funny sinks" along the wall (but no sink users, fortunately) and got out quickly. What I've always wondered is, what kinds of noises would the men have emitted if they'd noticed me?

Amethyst

Men would be perfectly silent.....