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Old 01-17-2009, 08:02 PM   #21
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As some may know. I was arrested for several drug related charges and became a felon 4 years ago.

Well, shortly after being convicted, I got pulled over in a town known for cops with hard-ons for everyone. I was pulled over for dark tint, but I informed Mr Officer that the Ohio law had recently changed and rear window tint could now be as dark as I wish. He scoffed, took my I.D., and went back to his car.

When he came back, he commented on my criminal record and that I was on probation. He said I was pretty bold for a kid in my position...seems like I didn't learn. I was confused. He asked if the dog (puppy) in the back was aggressive...i told him no. He put his hand on his gun and asked me if there's anything in the car he should know about. "Nope!" I said. He then asked if he could search the car. "Nope!" I said..." I know my rights." He then said "well, you know then that i have probable cause...get out" He had me put my hands on my head. He cuffed me "for his protection" while he searched my car.

First thing he grabbed was a baggie sticking out of the ashtray...held it in the air....DOG TREATS! LOL. I had them to keep my new puppy calm while I drove her to the vet. He didnt even keep searching, uncuffed me, and told me he was sorry.

What a shmuck

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Old 01-17-2009, 09:40 PM   #22
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Back when I was first married (age 24ish) we bought a 3rd floor garden condo. We had only moved in a couple days earlier. We came home one summer evening to find 5 Fairfax County cop cars outside our building, with the County's finest standing around with shotguns and doughnuts. We headed for the front door, but when I saw a bullet hole in the glass I decided to ask the cops what was going on. When I did, they got all agressive and started yelling "Get away from the doorway" and other such. One of them even dropped his doughnut. Turns out the guy downstairs from us had gotten in a fight with his girlfriend, taken her hostage, fired a few shots, and dumped all the furniture over the balcony.

We ended up spending the night with my brother. The guy came out later and they shot him in the leg and took him away. This was obviously before the police became a branch of the military. But I've never quite understood how they could be in this supposedly life-and-death situation and yet be so un-alert as to let us walk right into the middle of it without even noticing us. I mean, we parked right beside them, and we were carrying boxes. For all they knew it could have been more ammo for the loony. Not to mention allowing us to put ourselves in danger. I try to be properly respectful of the police since I know it's a dangerous and neccessary job, but things like this make it hard.

"Good judgment comes from experience. Experience comes from bad judgement." - Anonymous (not Will Rogers or Sam Clemens)
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Old 01-17-2009, 10:42 PM   #23
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When I first moved to town there was a report on TV about a bank robbery at a bank in a local grocery store. It said police needed the public's help looking for the guy. The suspect was "a man with a beard last seen wearing a ladies dress carrying a knife and a suitcase walking away from the grocery store." I figured if they couldn't catch that guy they weren't ever going to catch anyone. Turns out I was right.

A few months ago in the same town someone broke the padlock to the back yard gate of my neighbor's house and then kicked in the side door to the garage to break into her house. In kicking in the door they dented the door and completely tore the door frame from the building. Her house was empty (she had a stroke and moved away) but I called the police to come investigate in case a vagrant had moved in.

The cop told me that the door frame was just old and fell off on it's own. I'm like, uh, then how do you explain the fact that the OUTSIDE padlock was broken? How do you explain the fact that there is a giant dent in the garage door where someone's shoe kicked it? He couldn't but the story he stuck to and put in his report was that there was no crime. The door frame simply fell off on its own.
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Old 01-17-2009, 10:52 PM   #24
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My weirdest incident -- got back from vacation, back door was busted open but closed with a chair propped against the doornob. A police business card was on the seat and said on the back "sump pump was going off for 3 days, neighbor called it in, hose broke and basement flooded." I went downstairs and everything was soaked, the washing machine hose broke and flooded the basement. But my thanks to that cop for breaking in the back door and shutting it off, even though I had to replace the door! Could have been a lot worse.
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Old 01-18-2009, 12:36 AM   #25
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My 6 year old son and I were driving to the airport to pick up DW and our other kids when we were pulled over by a state trooper.
Big lights and siren going off, not sure who had the bigger pile of poop in his pants between the two of us. Out comes the biggest darkest ramrod straight officer with a wide brimmed hat and sunglasses, walks over and tells me that I was speeding and that my son had unbuckled his seat belt.
As he took checked my records back in his cruiser (squeaky clean, I'm a G-d fearing do gooder who has a slightly heavy foot), my son begs me "Daddy please don't let him take me to jail, I'll never undo my seat belt again. I'll be a good boy...I'll eat all my vegetables too. Just don't let him take me to to jail..."

Got off with a warning. Never had any problems with my son with his seatbelt or his veggies since then.
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Old 01-18-2009, 03:25 AM   #26
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One night I was getting ready for bed, walking through the house in my underwear. As I passed the front door, the doorbell rang, and two sheriff's deputies were there with guns ready. I answered the door. They asked me for an ID. I didn't have one on me, and they came inside and waited until I found my drivers license and showed it to them. They said that our alarm had sent a silent distress signal to the sheriff's office and they were answering the call.
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Old 01-18-2009, 05:08 AM   #27
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Best buddy tells the following story on himself - and knowing him as I do, I believe it implicitly:

Buddy is out on winter Saturday afternoon, cruising in his car. He's 18 and about half drunk ("Why half?" I ask. "Ran out of money." He answers - Silly me.) So he bumps an older lady's car in the rear. When she gets out to look at the (minor) damage, he suggests they both pull around the corner to get out of the street. She agrees and pulls around the corner while buddy takes off.

Should have been the end of it, but buddy stays in the area, still cruising. Apparently the lady told the police and gave a description of the car. Sure enough, he gets pulled over. They take him to the police station. At this point, he remembers that his DL has been altered, so he decides to tear it up (this was the old days of paper licenses.) BUT, he had laminated his paper license for some reason and he couldn't destroy it. So, of course, he bolted from the police station with 3 cops in hot pursuit. He was gaining on them when 4 of his friends in a convertible with the top down (in freezing weather) drove by. They slowed and called out to him "Hey, good buddy, how ya doin?" The total absurdity of this situation (and possibly the alcohol) made my buddy crack up so much he couldn't run anymore. He was caught (and in doze dayz) he was basically given the choice of 6 months or join the army.

You should hear some of his army stories!
Ko'olau's Law -

Anything which can be used can be misused. Anything which can be misused will be.
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Old 01-18-2009, 06:16 AM   #28
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In 1981 my XDW and I decided to travel around Mexico for 6 weeks in our van which was converted into a little self contained motor home. Near Oaxaca we came to an intersection where a bunch of guys in scruffy clothes were milling around a pick up truck. As we neared, one of them pointed to the ground. I thought I was being warned not to run over something, so I steered wide of them and kept going.

About 30 seconds later I saw in the mirror that the pickup truck was gaining on me, and then passing. In the back were guys with machine guns pointing at ME! I stopped and their "boss" got into the van with his nickel plated .45 out and had us drive back to the checkpoint. We explained, in our limited Spanish, that we didn't realize it was a checkpoint. They searched the van and amazingly, let us off without even demanding a bribe. We had several thousand dollars in traveler's checks stashed in the leg of the table - glad they didn't find that!

I guess it was a matter of pride to show the locals that no gringos were going to run their checkpoint.
Yes, I have achieved work / life balance.
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Old 01-18-2009, 07:08 PM   #29
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I was checking out of my hotel-casino in Carson City NV at 3 am. There was a storm comming and I was worried about being snowed in and missing my flight. Cops pulled me aside as I walked thru the front door of the casino and put me in an impromptu lineup right there in front of the hotel. It seems some guy whose "description matched mine" had robbed a grocery store. The only other guy in the lineup did not look much like me, but I was seriously concerned these cops would beat first and ask questions later. I heard the hotel manager pleading with the cops ("He's our guest that just checked out!"). The grocery store owner cleared me and the other guy, so I headed off to the airport, but I was stopped two more times before I got out of more lineups thankfully.
...with no reasonable expectation for ER, I'm just here auditing the AP class.Retired 8/1/15.
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Old 01-18-2009, 07:18 PM   #30
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I am thoroughly enjoying these stories! I feel like we are all sitting around a fire drinking and sharing stories

DH just shared one with me that I never knew (don't you love it when you hear a new story from your spouse? thought i knew it all!).

Anyways, when he was 19 he was in Dallas and came home to his apartment complex to find tons of police surrounding the area. He was curious as to what was going on, so he climbed a side of a building to get a better vantage. He was thinking "whoa, this is cool!"

Next thing he knows, he's looking down at a cop who has his pistol aimed right at him. And he's like "Oh, man, I was just trying to get a better view!" DH promptly climbed down and was verbally b*tch smacked by the annoyed police man.
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less stuff, more time

(50, married; Mr. Simple Girl, 54. I am semi-retired as of 2015 (still have a part-time gig), Mr. Simple Girl hopes to fully retire 2019 (yep, we have the OMY inflation is the culprit...and he wants a boat...not happening)
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Old 01-19-2009, 12:48 PM   #31
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I live a good way from town and my office has a nice shower; so
after exercising one evening and before meeting some friends, I went
by the office to shower. Got to the door and the alarm is going off.
It's dark out, and I'm a little leery of walking in the place and catching
thieves. I call the cops who come and want to check the place out.
They tell me to remain in the mailroom where I'd disabled the alarm and
I soon find out why. Understandably they have drawn pistols as they're
checking the place for intruders. Not so understandably, my boss, who
frequently works late, has not noticed the blaring alarm. So next thing
he knows, he hears "police, turn around slowly" (or some such) and sees
a couple officers with drawn weapons behind him ! (They're pointed
upwards I believe, not AT him). He's a good sport and we all had a
good laugh.
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Old 01-19-2009, 01:31 PM   #32
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Up until recently the best story I would have had was of the cop who let my dad go speeding by quite obviously (in a town where they give you a ticket for doing 2 over) because he knew the car belonged to me (late night McD's drive through girl who fed the cops after hours).

Unfortunately about 3 weeks ago, I got a new story. We were walking through the park by our old apartment that we were cleaning out (just moved) and we notice cops in one direction but beyond a moment's curiousity keep walking. Get 9/10 ths of the way through the park and a cop stops us and asks us how we got in the park. We tell him we came through the main entrance by the apartment buildings. Come to find out, they were looking for an armed suspect and had thought they had closed off the park. We weren't impressed but were grateful hubby wasn't wearing his usual black hoody...
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Old 01-19-2009, 03:25 PM   #33
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Back in 1991 I used to work out in the exercise room in the next building, then shower. As a programmer, I did not have much of a dress code. One day a secretary in the other building saw me and sent the attached memo to the other companies in the complex. It caused quite a stir until the security officer at my company recognized me by description.
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File Type: jpg 1991 homeless man.jpg (106.7 KB, 6 views)
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Old 01-19-2009, 05:14 PM   #34
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My first apartment (when I was 21), was an LBYM special and not in the best of neighborhoods, to put it mildly. I was so proud of it, and in 1969 my $75/month was really a stretch for me but for the first time I didn't have a roommate.

Anyway, one morning 21+ police cars came screeching up, blocking off the street and parking all over the place, and cops came pouring out... a bunch of them ran around to the back stairs to prevent anyone from escaping that way, while the rest charged up the front stairs on the outside of the building.

I sat in my apartment on the first floor, watching through my window under the stairs and wondering how I could ever get to class on time since I didn't want to get in the middle of anything.

Anyway, as fast as they came, they left with their tails between their legs. I found out from the druggies living upstairs, that when they asked the police for a warrant, nobody could produce one! So, they just had to go home. All 21+ cars full of them. Don't ask me why they sent so many, but they did.

I was late for class but had no idea how to explain it to the instructor. This was less believable than "the dog ate my homework".
5/17/2018: Retired a second time, this time from my volunteer Admin duties. After 10 years of being on the team, and 40,000+ posts, the time just seemed right. It has been such fun to work with all of our Mods and Admins and I plan to stick around as a regular member.
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Old 01-19-2009, 05:22 PM   #35
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Originally Posted by CyclingInvestor View Post
Back in 1991 I used to work out in the exercise room in the next building, then shower. As a programmer, I did not have much of a dress code. One day a secretary in the other building saw me and sent the attached memo to the other companies in the complex. It caused quite a stir until the security officer at my company recognized me by description.
That is hysterical. I love that you saved the memo -- must have known right then that this was gonna make a great story for the rest of your life.

Still sporting cutoffs, a beard, and sandals?
San Francisco Area
ESR'd March 2010. FIRE'd January 2011.

As if you didn't know..If the above message contains medical content, it's NOT intended as advice, and may not be accurate, applicable or sufficient. Don't rely on it for any purpose. Consult your own doctor for all medical advice.
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Old 01-20-2009, 07:22 AM   #36
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Well, there's the call we got for the "screaming naked lady" on a December evening, loudly proclaiming her wish for, um, "male companionship". Cute girl, wearing only a sock on one foot. Turned out she was having a bad acid trip.

Or the guy who was "not quite right in the head" who threw a big rock through the front door of a convenience store and then called 911 on himself. Said he felt guilty about it.

Or the guy who after being stopped for DWI and surrounded by four officers said "If you guys don't leave me alone I'm calling the police". Okay, go ahead.

Or the woman who embezzles money from her employer by taking company checks, writing them payable to herself and deposits them in her own bank account. Did she think no one would notice?

The list goes on....

Never underestimate how creative people can be at screwing up their lives.
I heard the call to do nothing. So I answered it.
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Old 01-20-2009, 08:17 AM   #37
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Originally Posted by Walt34 View Post
Well, there's the call we got for the "screaming naked lady" on a December evening, loudly proclaiming her wish for, um, "male companionship". Cute girl, wearing only a sock on one foot. Turned out she was having a bad acid trip.
Or a good acid trip.

No more lawyer stuff, no more political stuff, so no more CYA

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Old 01-20-2009, 07:41 PM   #38
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Mine involved eight dead bodies in one day (not all connected and all in one NY Bronx precinct), deadly poisonous snakes and insects housed in a guy’s house (one of the dead), human body parts lying around the house (the guy collected them – he worked in the city’s Medical Examiner’s office) and a crocodile named barrels that lived in the bedroom closet.

Happened around thirty five years ago. Remember it like yesterday. Way too complex a situation to go into detail on this forum.

BTW, 40 years in the business; first twenty in the NYPD, currently in twentieth year as a small town chief of police on Cape Cod.

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